XOXO (An XOXO Novel)

I’ve never actually been on a date. I realize this the following Saturday when I’m supposed to meet Jaewoo and everything in my closet looks overworn and not special enough for the occasion.

“This is my moment to shine,” Sori says.

“Yeah!” Angela agrees from where she sits cross-legged on Sori’s bed with Gi Taek. As for Gi Taek, he’s reading one of the smut manhwa from the hidden stash in the bottom drawer of Sori’s side table.

“Sori.” I grimace, when she pulls out a tight bodycon dress. “We’re not going clubbing.”

“You don’t know that,” she says, returning the dress to the rack.

“I doubt he’d take me to a place where he’d probably be recognized within minutes of stepping inside.”

“You wouldn’t get in anyway,” Gi Taek says, not looking up from his book. “You’re both underage.”

“Didn’t Bae Jaewoo tell you anything about where he’s taking you?” Sori asks, exasperated.

“Not the location,” I say, “but he did tell me the activity. We’re going to watch a movie.”

“Boring,” Gi Taek and Sori announce.

“I love movies!” Angela beams, my only true friend.

“Well, what do you want to wear, Jenny?” Sori says. “You’re partly dressing up for Jaewoo—I mean, it’s your first date and you want him to lose his mind—but this is mostly for you. What sort of outfit are you imagining for yourself? What will you feel confident in?”

These are good questions and I think seriously before answering. “I want to wear something I wouldn’t normally wear but is still me.”

“Hmm,” she looks at me contemplatively. “What about this?” Moving away from her rack, which holds most of her show-stopping outfits, she reaches into her closet and pulls out a little black dress. Except that it’s not black, but a very rich dark brown. “Try it?”

I strip down to my undies and Angela squeals, though she’s seen me naked. Gi Taek covers his face with his comic book. I step into the dress and pull the little cap sleeves over my shoulders. It has an attached choker, which I hook closed, and a sweetheart neckline. Finished, I move toward Sori’s floor-length mirror, but she stops me.

“Put these on first so you can have the full effect.” She pulls out a pair of knee-high boots.

I put them on in the entranceway so that I don’t damage the floor of the room. Gi Taek and Angela get off the bed to join Sori in crowding around me as I look at myself in the mirror for the first time.

“Wow,” I say, and really that’s all there is to say. The dress fits snugly over my shoulders and chest, flaring slightly out at the waist. The boots accentuate my long legs. “Are you sure I don’t look overdressed?”

“You look hot, Jenny. And you should be overdressed. You’re on a date. You’re with a cute boy. Everyone should know it.”

“Not really,” Gi Taek says. “One clear picture sent to Bulletin of the two of you out together, looking all couple-y, and it’s game over.”

“I’m the one with experience in secretly dating a boy from XOXO,” Sori says, “and I can say that you’ll be safe with Jaewoo. He’s the responsible one. I’m sure he’s taking you somewhere he’s already scoped out.”

I feel a shiver of excitement go down my spine at the thought of spending so much time with Jaewoo. I’m nervous, not just about the date, but also about whether we can even have a real date without the fear of discovery, but I push those thoughts to the back of my head because I want to go on this date, and I want to wear this dress.

“You look great, Jenny,” Angela says, and I smile at her through the mirror.

Gi Taek sighs. “What time is your date anyway?”

“Jaewoo says he’s going to pick me up outside the dorms at two.”

I’m taken aback by the look of shock on all their faces.

“What? Is that weird?”

Sori yells, “We only have a half hour to do your hair and makeup!”

I’m outside at the curb at two o’clock sharp.

At 2:05, Jaewoo hasn’t appeared, so I walk down to the corner of the street to see if he’s coming from that direction. I know he doesn’t have Nathaniel’s phone on him because he said he wouldn’t, so I can’t even text him.

Then a minute later, a sleek, blue car pulls up next to me, with Jaewoo in the driver’s seat. Before he can get out, I open the door and slip inside.

I feel a warm glow as I see how he’s drinking in the sight of me. “You look great.”

“Thanks! I have questions though.”

“Yeah, sorry I was late. There was traffic—”

“First of all, you can drive? And second, you have a car?”

He laughs. “Yes and yes. I got my license early this year. I usually keep my car parked in the garage of our dorms, but I have to drive it now and then to keep the engine fresh.”

He eases away from the curb. He’s not as dressed up as I am, wearing a hoodie and black jeans, but he’s definitely put in some effort. There’s gel in his hair and he’s wearing a pair of stud earrings that are a deep red that sort of match my dress, which is completely coincidental but pleases me nonetheless.

“You want to play some music?” he asks. “You can sync up your phone to the car.”

“Sure.” I reach for my phone and open up Bluetooth. “I can play anything?”

“Knock yourself out.”

I scroll through my song choices. Something about this conversation gives me a sense of déjà vu.

“That night at the karaoke bar, when I was looking for a song for you to sing. An XOXO song was listed in the book, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. It was one of the songs we released before our first full-length album.”

“Imagine if I’d had you sing that song.”

“I would have rocked it, obviously.”

I don’t have that exact song on my phone, so I instead play XOXO’s “Don’t Look Back,” which is my favorite of theirs anyway.

Jaewoo shakes his head and I start laughing.

“I’m glad this amuses you.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t listen to your own songs and sing along to your parts.”

“To be honest, I don’t . . .” He pauses. “I like to rap Sun and Youngmin’s parts.”

“Oh my God, you have to do it now.”

“Only if you sing the vocal parts.”

“You’re on!”

I restart “Don’t Look Back” from the beginning and this time sing the first verse. Then when it’s Youngmin’s rap break, I cheer Jaewoo along.

It takes us about an hour from the academy to reach our destination, a small city outside the Seoul capital area, all of which is spent singing and talking. On roads where there’s less traffic, Jaewoo rests his right arm on the console between us so I can play with his fingers.

It’s wild that we have to drive so far to watch a movie—when there’s a mall with a theater one subway stop from our school—but it makes sense too. Out here, it’s unlikely we’ll encounter paparazzi.

“I already purchased the tickets for the movie,” Jaewoo says, “so we have a half hour to kill.”

“Okay,” I say. “What do you want to do?”

“It’s up to you,” he says. “We could go over to the theater and see what’s around there.”

“That sounds perfect,” I say as he links his fingers through mine.

Luckily, for a Saturday, the mall where the theater is located is not crowded, and most of the people are either older or with their families. No one pays us any attention. We naturally gravitate toward the small arcade outside the theater without either of us saying anything.

We spend some time playing this zombie shooting game, reaching the fourth level only to be killed in a splatter of gore. Then, before leaving, Jaewoo tries his hand at winning a plushie for me from one of the claw machines. He spends about ₩10000 on ten attempts with no success.

“It’s rigged!” he yells, after the plush doll drops right next to the chute.

“It’s okay,” I say soothingly, holding back my laughter at how exasperated, and cute, he looks.

As we step away from the machine, a little girl hops up and slips in ₩1000, maneuvering the sticks lightly and pressing the Go button. The claw descends, picks up the plushie, and deposits it into the chute. Reaching in, she grabs the stuffed animal, blinks up at us, and then runs away.

“To be fair,” I say after a long pause, “I’m sure an eight year old would appreciate that plushie more than I would.”

“Maybe I can buy it off her.”

“Jaewoo!”

He hooks an arm around me, and we walk side by side to the concessions stand.

“Since you got the tickets and paid for the arcade games, I’ll get the food,” I announce.

“It’s fine. I’ll get them.”

“I insist.”

“Jenny, I just signed an endorsement deal with Samsung.” He grins. “Let me spoil you with popcorn.”

“Wow,” I say, “that’s—that’s amazing. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. It wasn’t just me. All the members signed the deal—it’s our biggest so far.”

He approaches the counter for the concession stand, scrolling through the manual ordering system.

I stand behind him, feeling suddenly overwhelmed.

He’s likely a millionaire at seventeen. He owns an expensive-looking car.

I remind myself it’s not like we’re in this Cinderella relationship. I’m not destitute. Though my mom’s a single parent, she’s a lawyer, and I’ve never not been able to buy what I wanted, especially after getting my part-time job at Uncle Jay’s. But it’s hard to shake the feeling that our lives are dramatically different.

“Should we get a combo?” Jaewoo asks. “Then we can try all the different flavors of popcorn.”

“Okay,” I say, though I’m not really paying attention.

The strange feeling doesn’t dissipate until we’ve taken our seats and the movie starts to play. At first, it’s weird seeing Korean subtitles at the bottom of a movie in English, but then I get absorbed in what’s happening on screen and I completely forget about the subtitles.

By the time the movie’s over, I’m feeling my normal self again. So what if he’s rich and successful? I’m not comparing myself to him; it’s not like I think I’m unworthy of him.

A glance at my phone shows it’s a little past six. The plan was to make it back to the dorms by ten, which means we only have a few more hours.

“Want to grab dinner?” Jaewoo asks. “There are restaurants on the top floor.”

“Okay,” I say, taking his hand.

“Oppa,” a voice says, from close behind us. “I thought that was you. What are you doing here? And who is she?”