XOXO (An XOXO Novel)

I’m already exhausted and the day’s not even half over. I spend most of study hall in the library, alternating mulling over how I could have handled the situation with Sori better and my first class of dance. I’d been meaning to talk to my counselor about switching out of it, since it’s not exactly an elective I’d have chosen for myself, but haven’t yet had the opportunity.

Still, it’s too late to back out of the first day so I head over to the performing arts building, which I’ve never been in, though I know this is where Angela and Gi Taek have most of their classes. Though I’m early, I’m not the first there.

Sori stands by the floor-to-ceiling windows that line the back of the room, on the opposite side of which are mirrors. She’s wearing stylish activewear, a cropped tank and biker shorts, which I didn’t know was an option, otherwise I’d have dressed in something besides my PE clothes.

Sori doesn’t acknowledge me, so I drop my school bag in the corner and sit on the floor to stretch.

A few minutes of silence pass, then the door opens again. I expect the teacher or another student, but Nathaniel steps into the room.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he says in English, then his eyes trail over my shoulder and he seems to freeze in place.

Through the mirror I can see that Sori has turned from the window at his entrance. I have this weird out-of-body experience where I can see him in front of me by the door, and her behind me through the mirror, and the expressions on both of their faces is full of an inexplicable emotion, one that is way too intimate for me to witness. Then it’s like they both close off at the same time.

Nathaniel grins, like he hasn’t a care in the world.

“Min Sori. How have you been?”

She turns abruptly back to the window. “Don’t speak to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t even breathe near me.”

He shuts his mouth. Throwing his bag against the wall, he plops down next to me.

Like Sori, he’s dressed in stylish workout clothes.

“I thought you had rehearsal,” I say.

He raises a single eyebrow.

“Gi Taek told me,” I explain.

“Ah, yes, Gi Taek.” He stretches his legs out in front of him, arching his back as he looks up at the ceiling. “I did have rehearsal, but then we decided to head back to campus instead of waiting around in the van for an hour.”

“We?” I say.

The door slides open again.

“Jaewoo!” Sori rushes from the window to grab onto Jaewoo’s arm. This seems a little dramatic for her, seeing as how I’ve never heard her use a tone of voice that would include an exclamation point at the end.

Jaewoo looks down at Sori with a quizzical expression, then at Nathaniel, who shrugs. Then his eyes land on me.

As with every time he looks at me, my heart does a somersault in my chest.

“Jaewoo,” Nathaniel says, “you remember Jenny, right? From LA? Plays the cello.”

Jaewoo glances at Nathaniel, then at me. “Why are you taking dance if you’re a cellist?” He starts to take off his large puffer jacket. Like Nathaniel, he’s dressed in stylish sportswear, men’s joggers and a hoodie.

I realize in this moment that I have a thing for guys and sportswear. Jaewoo’s black sweatshirt clings loosely to his shoulders and chest, his sweatpants riding low at his hips.

“Why wouldn’t Jenny take dance?” Nathaniel says, answering for me, and also reminding me of what was asked. “Not everything has to be done for a reason. Sometimes you just do things for the fun of it.”

Jaewoo and Nathaniel exchange a look and I wonder if this is an old argument.

The door slides open for the third time and the rest of the students enter the room, followed by the teacher. She claps her hands. “Everyone move to the sides of the room,” she says without preamble.

The students hesitate, and it’s obvious they’re waiting to see which side of the room Jaewoo and Nathaniel head toward. When they move in opposite directions, there’s this moment where the students realize they’ll have to choose, which is sort of like choosing your favorite member in XOXO.

The students each start heading toward one or the other side of the room, and it seems like an even split, until only Sori and I are left standing. She looks at me, tosses her hair, and moves toward Jaewoo’s side of the room.

And now I’m just standing here alone, like the last person picked for a dodgeball team.

Except I’m the one doing the choosing. I glance over at Jaewoo, who’s watching me with an unreadable expression on his face.

Then I glance at Nathaniel, who beckons me over.

I guess the choice is clear. I should go where I’m wanted. I walk over to Nathaniel who shifts to the side to make room for me.

“For those of you who don’t know me,” the teacher begins, “my name is Ms. Dan. This is an elective class for Year Three. If you are a dance major, you will not receive credit toward your major, understood?”

“Yes,” all the students reply in unison.

“Perfect! Does anyone want to read the class expectations from the syllabus?”

A boy from Jaewoo’s team—I mean, side of the room—volunteers. I listen carefully as he reads aloud from off Ms. Dan’s tablet. For the most part, I’m fine with the lessons, which are broken down into genres of dance, like ballet and jazz. I’m not looking forward to the group project though, where groups of four or five of us will have to a pick a song and choreograph a dance to it.

Luckily, Ms. Dan informs us that choreography won’t start until next week so we spend the rest of class stretching.

“Why are you hanging out with me?” I ask Nathaniel, who’s pretty much only talked to me since the class started. On the other side of the room, Jaewoo is practically holding court like the prince he is, doling out his attention like favors.

Is Nathaniel using me to make Sori jealous? That seems mean-spirited, especially with how much I believe he still cares for her. The way he looked at her when he first entered the room said it all. There must be another reason.

“We’re countrymen,” he says, and I roll my eyes. “I like to practice my English?”

“I don’t buy it.”

“Damn, Jenny. Maybe I like to hang out with you ’cause you don’t take my bullshit.”

I laugh, but I wish he’d just tell me. It can’t be just that I’m American. There are other kids from the US here. I’d like to think it’s because he just likes me—as a friend—but I don’t know, something about his attention seems pointed.

Yet if it’s not to make Sori jealous then why does he keep singling me out?

“Jaewoo-yah! What are you staring at?”

I look over to see Jaewoo’s head turn toward a girl who’s approaching him. Though I listen carefully, I can’t make out his response from across the room.

After class, everyone packs up and leaves quickly, presumably to get in the lunch line. When I look over, Jaewoo’s moving as fast as the rest of them, though for a different reason. According to Gi Taek’s recounting of XOXO’s schedule, he has a recording session to get to.

“See you later, Jenny,” Nathaniel calls as he rushes out.

I pack my things at a much slower pace. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed.

After separating to opposite sides of the room, Jaewoo and I spent the entire class apart. I know I said I’d “think” about being his friend, but seeing as he ignored me all class today, and I pretended to, what would that even mean?

It sucks watching him talk to other people when he won’t talk to me. I know it can’t be the same as it was in LA, but I miss how it felt that night, to have all his attention on me.

I resolve to talk to my counselor about switching out of dance class sooner rather than later.

Outside the studio, the hall is empty, all of the students having gone to lunch. As I make my way toward the elevator, a door to my left shifts slightly open.

“Psst,” a voice calls out.

I approach the door slowly. “Jaewoo?” I ask in surprise. It’s definitely him, though his hood is up and his face is in shadows. “What are you doing?”

“Is there anyone in the hall?” he asks.

I glance around. “No.”

“Good.” He grabs my hand and pulls me in.