WORLD 4: AWAKENING

I hesitated at the door. It was mid-morning and my father had asked me to come to his office. He said he wanted me there with him as we came up to the planet. Maybe because he thought it would fix all my anxiety if I witnessed the success of it firsthand, or maybe just to be there to comfort me in person when it failed.

I’d come there to humor him, but I couldn’t shake the negative feeling in me. Getting a glimpse of a possible home again and then finding out in person that it was useless might just drive me officially crazy.

I pressed my fingers to the door pad. The painted “Command Level” on the wall was bright and clean. Of course it was. White shirts would never leave anything of theirs chipped and faded like the other Levels.

The doors slid open to reveal Trace, a Protection Officer that I knew well, staring me down with a gruff scowl. He’d been there on A-Day with me, escorting us through the rioting crowd that had gathered outside of Colony Four. Although the secrets had been well controlled for five years, enough was leaked out by the end that the public had shown up, angry and ready to take over the ship. We’d barely made it out.

“What are you here for?” Trace asked a little rudely. He’d always had a bit of an attitude.

“I’m here to see my father.”

“Were you invited here?” he asked and looked me up and down. I wore my uniform pants and an old, dark blue t-shirt, so he could tell I wasn’t on any kind of duty. It only seemed to make him increasingly wary. His forehead wrinkled into his dark and silvering hair as he squinted his eyes at me even further. “Only authorized officers are allowed in Command Level. Especially today.”

I exasperated loudly. “Trace, you know who I am! I’ve been inside Command a million times before.”

He stuck his face out at me a little. “Today is different.”

“It’s alright, Trace,” Wes’ voice came from across the room, “let her in.”

I pushed past him into the room before he could move out of my way. Floors in Command Lev were soft and gray, with a midnight blue wall along the back. A massive, continuous window spread across the entire front wall and halfway across the side ones as well.

Baylen’s father, Wes, sat in his soft white chair in the center of the room. He looked just like Baylen: deep brown eyes, a strong jaw, a similar smile. Hair was the only major difference between them — while Baylen’s sandy hair was constantly out of place, Wes’ salt-and-pepper hair was always neat and tidy. He stood and waved me in while Trace continued to frown.

“Hey, Second Commander!” I greeted him with a smile.

He chuckled and pulled me in for a hug. “Don’t you dare call me that.”

“I’m just kidding. My dad wanted to see me, is he here?”

“He’s in his office, go ahead in there. Oh and by the way, sorry about Trace.” He sighed and shook his head. “He’s been more rude than usual lately.”

“It’s okay. Thanks, Wes. Oh, and Baylen told me he got promoted, that’s so great!”

His eyes beamed proudly. “I know, he’s quite good at what he does, isn’t he?”

I could tell that Wes wanted to be enthusiastic about his son’s accomplishments, but that wasn’t the kind of person he was. He was one of the most private, serious people I knew. Back home he’d been high up in the military, like my father, which had earned him his position on board. But on the side he’d also been an accomplished survivalist, constantly out camping, teaching young Baylen outdoor survival skills, how to live off of the land, field medicine, and anything else related to it. Wes was always ready for the apocalypse. It was terrible irony that the end-of-days he’d prepared for had actually landed him indoors for eight years, where all of his precious survival knowledge went to waste.

“Tell Baylen I said hello if you see him today,” I called out as I walked to the corner. He gave a sharp nod and sat back down in his plush Commander’s chair.

The office in the corner was ten times the size of my bedroom. I’d spent a good amount of time in there during the first few years but had shown up less and less as I became more bitter about our life on board. For some reason I felt uncomfortable there. It may have been the windows — two walls were made up entirely of windows and nothing else. It was a spectacular view, but all it did was remind me that we were in space, alone, and homeless.

I pressed my fingers to the pad and the door slid open right away. My bio-identity had been programmed into it long before to allow me constant access. I stopped dead in my tracks.

My father’s arms were wrapped around Ebie. They were in the middle of a long, romantic kiss, so preoccupied they didn’t even notice the doors hissing open. I averted my widened eyes and turned quickly to leave.

“May!” my father exclaimed in a much higher pitch than normal. He and Ebie flung their arms away from each other and stood awkwardly apart. “I — uh, wh — what are you doing here?”

I couldn’t look directly at him. “You asked me to come here, Dad.”

He exhaled heavily. “I’m sorry, I guess I just forgot,” he said, his voice dripping with embarrassment.

My father had always looked the part of a Commander. He was tall and broad-shouldered with a strong, square face that simply oozed authority. His dark, shiny hair never out of place, his white uniform shirt consistently clean and pressed. He was always put-together and professional. But in that moment in front of me, all I saw was sheepish humiliation.

“I better go, Archauus,” said Ebie, her cheeks flushing with similar embarrassment. She looked from him to me and flashed a very short, unnatural smile. As she passed by, she stopped at my side. “Mayla, I…actually, never mind.”

My father stared at the floor, rubbing his forehead as the doors closed behind her. I reluctantly made my way over to him, my fingers running through my low side ponytail for no reason.

“Mayla,” he started with another sigh. “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

“It’s okay.”

He winced. “Are you mad about this?”

“No! Of course I’m not mad.”

“You didn’t look too happy when you caught us.”

I frowned. “Well yeah, it’s not like I enjoy watching you kiss someone, Dad. It’s actually pretty gross.”

He blurted out a nervous, short laugh and put a hand on my shoulder. “Fair enough. But…what do you think about it?”

“I mean, it’s okay if you’re happy. Are you happy or is this just like a thing you guys do on the side?”

He filled the room with deep laughter at my question. “Oh, May. No, it’s not something we do on the side. And yes, I’m happy. Both of us are.”

“How long has it been going on?”

He lost focus while he tried to remember. “Almost a year now.”

“A year!!!” I shouted. “Dad, why in the world didn’t you tell me about this?”

“Hold on.” He raised a hand to calm my astonishment. “It started out slowly. Science Level has had a lot to figure out as we’ve come closer to the planet, so Ebie and I were meeting more often. It just kind of happened from there.”

“But still, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how you’d react, I’m sorry.” He squeezed his eyes in guilt. “Are you mad?”

My countenance softened. I paused. “No, Dad. Ebie is awesome, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy about it.”

I meant it. Even though it was incredibly surprising — and a little revolting — to walk in on my father making out with someone, once the initial shock wore off it was actually great. He’d been alone for so many years. Undoubtedly lonely. Knowing that he was finally happy and content in love was amazing news.

He brought me in for a hug and spoke against the top of my head. “Thank you, May. Oh,” He pulled back, his expression slightly desperate, “don’t tell people just yet, if that’s okay. I wanted to wait until we’re on the planet. You know, just so people aren’t distracted when they see Ebie and I together.”

“Don’t worry, Dad, I get it.” I rolled my eyes. “But you can’t talk about the planet like it’s a sure thing.”

“You’re really that nervous about this?” He stared down at me but I didn’t answer him. I looked away and he sighed. “Come sit, Mayla.”

Taking my hand, he led us over to one of the ornate blue couches by the window.

Blue, gray, and white seemed to be a theme on board. I was told it was on purpose. Blue represented the color of water, of life; white was the symbol of purity and starting our lives anew; gray was to remind us of the ashes of our lost world, left to burn.

I sank down into the plush carpeting of the couch. Its fibers had been engineered to be unbelievably soft and durable. It felt amazing. A wave of relaxation enveloped me as soon as the fabric conformed to my body. But I also couldn’t help but feel a touch of annoyance. Although furniture throughout the rest of Colony Four was used and worn after eight years, everything in Command Lev always looked new and polished. It wasn’t really fair, but just another example of how much better white shirts thought they were than others. Wes and my father were the only ones from there that I didn’t despise.

Thousands of stars dotted the black sky outside the two large windows, moving quickly by as we sped through the emptiness of space. I avoided looking at them as my father began our conversation.

“I know you’re afraid of what we’ll find today,” he started.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“But what if we find out something good?”

I hesitated. He didn’t like to hear me complain. “And what if we don’t? It’s not like we’ve had the best luck with this stuff, have we?”

“This world is different, it is,” he said as convincingly as possible.

“Planet. It’s a planet, Dad.”

He grinned, knowing how weird I was about using that word. “Well, this planet has looked the most promising out of any we’ve seen so far.”

“That’s what you guys said about planets one and three!”

“I know,” he stressed and put a hand on my knee, “but this time our information is much better. Our sensor systems are incredibly more sophisticated than they were before.”

I looked down again and fiddled with the bottom of my shirt. “But what if it doesn’t turn out and we have to just float around aimlessly for another year? I don’t think I can take that again, I’m not even kidding.”

“It was only a year, Mayla, and look what it did for us! Everything became more advanced and it’s led us here to this planet.” He nodded with conviction, almost like he was trying to encourage himself. “This is it — I know it is.”

My father seemed very convinced, but I wasn’t as sure. After planet three was found to have a toxic atmosphere, the Colony Commanders got together and decided to put a stop to everything and re-group. For an entire year, we didn’t move. Just sat out in space not doing anything while Command “figured it out.” Everyone on board referred to it as The Quiet Year. Science and Tech devoted every ounce of their energy during that time to improving the sensor systems. My father was right — it had helped, making them a hundred times more sensitive than before and leading them to find this next planet. But still, just thinking about drifting around for that long again made me want to scream.

“I don’t think I could spend another four years traveling to a different planet, either,” I said.

“It took a long time to get here, but Mayla, if it means we’ll get a home, then it’s worth it. You’re not the only one who’s had a difficult time with this, you know.” He shot me a scolding look.

I was well aware that he hated when I acted so immature about everything. “I know, sorry,” I said.

“I realize it’s been terrible having everyone’s hopes up so high three different times only to find out that we’d have to start over again. But I felt it, too. Imagine how hard that was for me, to have to break the news each time we failed. I hated disappointing everyone like that. Those are the worst days I’ve had since A-Day.”

I remembered very clearly how hard that first day was for him. I’d seen his face, standing next to Baylen and I at the window. It was only the second time in my life I’d witnessed tears come out of him; the single other occasion being when my mother died. He finally had to turn away from watching the destruction and could barely speak out the order to take off and leave the world behind.

I hadn’t been able to turn away, though. I watched our home get smaller and smaller until it was only a tiny blue point in the distance. Even when it melted away into the black sky, I stayed, pressing my forehead against the glass and hoping with every ounce of my soul that it was just a bad dream.

“So what kinds of things have you found out about it so far?” I asked.

He smiled immediately. “Ebie just told me about it, actually. We always knew there was water, but now we can see there’s a lot of it. Oceans and a good amount of fresh water, too. And the atmosphere seems to be excellent, from what our sensors can tell. That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s good.”

He watched me for a moment, then changed the subject. “So what’s new in Medical Level?”

“Oh, just kind of the same old stuff. Kai let me do the portable scan on Taegan by myself which was really cool.”

“Oh yes, I heard that she had to get surgery.”

I gave a tiny sigh, realizing that he most likely found out about Taegan while alone with Ebie. Probably after more kissing. I fought a small rise of nausea. “Did Ebie tell you that?”

“Yes.” His voice became a little embarrassed again as he remembered me walking in on them. “She told me.”

“Yeah, Taegan had surgery, but she’ll be fine, it wasn’t too complicated.”

“Did Dr. Kai do it?”

“No, he said he’s getting too old for that,” I said and chuckled. “Ty did it.”

“Tylenian!” he exclaimed. My father had always loved Ty. Partly because of his name; my father had a long, old-fashioned name and so did Ty. “How is he? We need to all have dinner together.”

“He’s good!” I couldn’t stop a loving grin of adoration as I thought about him. “Still doing great things in Med Lev, saving people and everything. I’m sure he’d love for us all to go out.”

“So you two are getting pretty serious?”

I stumbled over what to say. “Uh, well, I don’t know, I mean —”

“Sorry, May.” He held up his hands in a surrender. “I didn’t mean to be nosy.”

“No, it’s okay. I mean, I guess we are. Or at least, that’s what he’s saying, apparently.” My father nodded a little; it seemed like he knew exactly what I was talking about. I cocked my head to the side. “Wait, have you heard that going around?”

He took on a little bit of a guilty look. “I may have heard the rumor that he’s planning a bright future with you.”

I hung my head down to my knees, clenching my fingers against my face. “Ugh, I don’t know why he’s doing that, he hasn’t actually told me about any of it! And I definitely wouldn’t agree to anything.” I sprung upright again. “Honestly, even the thought of it freaks me out!”

“Commander Archauus?” Wes’ voice came through the desktop communicator. My father quickly got up and hurried to his desk, then pressed the button on top.

“Yes?”

“We’re in range.”

“Thanks, Wes, I’ll be right out.” He turned to me and smiled. “It’s time.”

My stomach lurched. I was finally going to have to face what I’d been dreading. Any relationship issues were immediately forgotten; I nodded briefly, then trailed behind him out of his office.

My pulse quickened as we stepped into Command Lev. All Senior Officers of Colony Four were present, lined up behind the two Commanders’ chairs. Each one’s uniform shirt had a white stripe down the arms, signifying their Senior position. Except for Kai, of course, who wore an old green sweater. All in the room were standing tall in respect for their leader.

“Commander Archauus, how are you?” said Ebie, standing in line with the others.

“Good. Thank you, Senior Officer,” he replied with a sly grin.

She smiled, then looked at me. Her voice was a little uncomfortable. “Mayla…glad to see you here.”

“Thanks,” I said quietly. I gave her a very quick, warm smile, just to show that I wasn’t upset with their relationship. Disgusted, maybe, but not angry. I couldn’t tell if she understood or not. The rest of the people in Command I didn’t speak to; I kind of just wanted to melt away into the background and not have anyone notice me.

“May, come with me.” My father led me by the hand to his white Commander’s chair and pointed. “You can sit here.”

I stared at the plush seat with apprehension. “Oh, but I thought you’re the only one allowed to sit —”

“I think I can decide who gets to sit here,” he said and pushed me down gently into it. It was even softer than my room’s armchair and felt amazing. I heard Trace scoff in the corner; he hated that a worthless officer who wasn’t afraid to give him attitude was sitting in such an important place. My cheeks inadvertently tensed with a smug grin.

My father squeezed my shoulder, then took his place standing beside me, brave and solid and commanding. Wes sat down in his chair next to mine and nodded my way.

The feeling of hope was almost tangible, it hung so thick. My first instinct was to push it away. More hope meant more disappointment when everything didn’t work out.

“Please sit, everyone,” my father said. All regular officers took their stations immediately. He turned to one side of the room. “How long?”

An officer called out the answer. “Two minutes, sir.”

He didn’t respond. For several days, all eight Colonies had been slowing down gradually. A strict plan had been created: all ships would make the final approach together, calculating the exact moment that we would arrive at the planet. The next, immediate move would be to position each Colony evenly around it and run initial scans as quickly as possible, checking for signs of life. Living beings could potentially mean hostile beings, which could then mean our death.

The minutes went by in complete silence until the same officer spoke again. “Final deceleration in five, four, three, two, one.”

A series of beeping indicated that the Colony was entering cruising speed.

“Are we on target?” Wes asked loudly.

“Yes, sir,” came the reply, “right on target.”

Wes nodded again. Suddenly, I saw it: a speck in the distance, becoming larger by the second. My heart was pounding in my ears as I watched it grow into a planet right in front of my eyes. I looked to my father; he already had his gaze on me. He stroked his large hand down the back of my head. As I moved my face forward again I sat up quickly in surprise; out the windows beside us, the other Colonies came into view.

“Which ones are those?” I asked in a wondrous voice. I hadn’t seen any other Colony ships since The Quiet Year. Painted a dark blue, the ships were rectangular, very wide and fairly short. Each side stuck out a little more than the rest of the ship and angled backward a bit, almost like it was a rectangular bird with extremely short, blunt wings.

“To the left is Colony Seven, and to the right is Three. We’re being grouped with Three for on-planet exploration.”

“They’ll be with us?”

“About an eight-hour transport ride away, but close enough if we need them for help. Commander Kyrone and the rest of Three are very excited to be paired with us.”

I shot him a very brief look of confusion. Everything I’d heard about Kyrone did not coincide with him being happy about anything. Quite the opposite, actually — I’d only ever heard bad things.

My eyes fell back to the front window again. Planet Four had grown larger; we were almost all the way up to it. A chill came over me as I studied it more closely. It was eerily similar to our world back home. Blue oceans spread out around the planet, swirling up and around various masses of dry land. White clouds drifted very slowly across the atmosphere. Though a little smaller, it even had one white moon, just like ours.

“It looks so much like home,” I whispered. I felt the reassuring squeeze on my shoulder again.

A voice called out. “Target range in three, two, one —”

“Full stop!” my father ordered with wide, curious eyes. He let go of me and took a few steps forward.

Wes jumped out of his chair. “Begin scanning for life,” he called out. Picking up a portable communication screen, he stood next to my father and they huddled together, looking over the information coming in.

“Nothing so far,” shouted an officer.

“Colonies One, Seven, and Eight all reporting the same,” said Wes. “Continue the scan.”

The two men shared a hopeful look with one another as they went back to checking over the fleet reports, bodies stiff with anticipation, hoping for some good news. A few minutes later, they both let out a huge sigh. Their bodies relaxed.

My father stood up taller to give the announcement. “Official findings are that no technology from intelligent life is detected.” The room began to buzz with excitement. “Hold on! That doesn’t mean there isn’t life of any kind down there! There might still be living beings that we just can’t detect. Now let’s find out if we can even go down and look.”

“Begin phase two!” Wes shouted in a deep voice. He gripped his hands behind his back, clenching them together tightly.

The buzzing began again, this time with officers busily speaking to each other about their specific duties. Information was shouted out as it came in.

“Planetary orbit is elliptical in shape and is in the habitable zone relative to its star, just as expected,” said one.

“The majority of the planet contains oceans, with several continents spread throughout. Ocean acidity is one percent greater than expected,” shouted another.

“And the atmosphere?” my father asked urgently. His crisp, white uniform top was gathering sweat on the small of his back, his shoulders tense again.

A female officer answered. “Atmospheric composition is as follows: oxygen levels within parameters at two percent greater than Colony levels. Nitrogen and carbon dioxide also within parameters. Temperatures vary throughout the planetary climate, but within target range.”

My stomach dropped again, but not out of fear or dread — I knew what was happening and it was just too hard to believe. While my father and Wes went over the Colony Fleet’s findings in detail, I kept my eyes on the planet’s blue oceans, completely zoned out. I wouldn’t let myself feel any kind of happiness until I heard the words.

The two Commanders looked at each other. My father grinned and nodded toward Wes.

There was no hiding the excitement on Wes’ face. “Move to phase three: on-planet exploration!”

The room erupted into cheers. Officers everywhere hugged each other; I even saw a few of them start to cry. But for some reason, the relief I’d expected didn’t come.

I leaned back against the soft chair in disbelief, a numb expression clinging to me like a persistent illness. It just didn’t seem real; I had no idea even how to react. Happiness would have been the normal response, but I’d built too enormous of a barrier around my emotions; hope was something I hadn’t allowed myself to feel for so long. Now that the moment had arrived when I could legitimately plan for a world again, I didn’t even know how to handle it.

Wes and my father exchanged a long, manly embrace and looked to me. I’d slunk down into the soft chair like I was trying to melt into its fibers.

“Mayla, come here,” my father said, pulling me up by the hand. Wes walked on to share his excitement with the Senior Officers. I was brought into my father’s embrace. He held me tightly and kissed my head, stroking my long hair, understanding how hard the years had been on me. It was the most affection I’d received from him in a long time. After a couple of minutes, he finally pulled back. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” I said quietly, looking to the soft gray floor. “I guess it’s just hard to believe it’s real. My mind won’t even let me feel the happiness of it yet.”

He smoothed some hair behind my ear. “That’s okay.”

“Commander Archauus!” Wes shouted from across the room. “We’re going out for a drink, you coming?”

My father put his arm around me from the side and squeezed me close. “Go without me, I have to prepare the Colony-wide announcement.”

Wes gave his usual nod, then took off with the Senior Officers. Ebie winked our way as she stepped out of sight. I darted my eyes away from her, still somewhat unnerved by the unexpected kiss I’d caught her in with my father.

I was led over by the window. Planet Four dazzled silently in front of us, looming and elegant both at the same time.

“I want you to look down there, Mayla. Tell me what you see.”

“Huh?” I asked.

My father squeezed me to him again, pointing out the window. “Tell me what you see!”

“Uh, I see oceans…and land. That’s pretty much all we can see from here, Dad.”

“Wrong,” he said. He moved behind me and pointed at the planet again, his voice soft and deep. “In that ocean is life. There are fish down there, Mayla. Soft, grainy sand is piled up on the beaches. The waves are making a whooshing sound up onto the shore. The land you see has trees of all kinds. Rivers and lakes, too.” He sighed and paused. “All you see is ocean and land, but I see what those things hold. Down there is a place to build a home, May. A home for us. Trees to climb, fresh air to breathe…can you see it now?”

I pressed my fingers to the glass and focused on the planet below, trying to examine it as intensely as he had. My eyes shut. I slowed my breathing into a deep, calming rhythm as I pictured everything. The fish, the grainy sand, the trees…I imagined it all. Colors appeared, smells, the way the leaves sounded in the wind. It took a minute or so, but eventually, I turned and looked up at him. He put a hand on my cheek and I finally smiled.

“Yes, I can.”