Unmasked

Thando is trying so hard to make conversation on our way home but I am just quiet. I feel like my head is about to explode because how in God’s name am I pregnant? I have been taking my pills religiously, not once being late or missing a day but here I am.

‘We are going to be parents.’ He says smiling widely.

I admire his attitude right now. Children are a blessing and should be treated as such but in my case, it’s totally different.

‘Yes we are.’ I say breathing out deeply.

‘Babe I know we have talked about how we should wait before we can have kids, we have had this conversation more times than we can count but I think the universe is communicating something. We are going to be parents, God has ordained us to be earthly gods for this beautiful human.’ He says placing his hand on my tummy.

I look at where his hand has landed and then back at this face. I wish I could share in his joy, I wish I could be as excited as he is but then this wasn’t part of the deal and Zac will never forgive me when he finds out.

‘You know what I am thinking?’

‘What babe?’ I ask with a smile.

‘How about we tell him during that dinner that he invited us to.’

I shake my head.

‘What? He is your brother, don’t you think he has the right to know?’

‘Thando can we try to digest this before starting to tell the world?’

‘I like it when you call me by my first name.’

I roll my eyes and that makes him laugh. Thando and I have been married for the past sixteen months now. When Zac sat me down and told me that I needed to get married to him, I thought it was absurd but then after giving it much thought, I agreed. I didn’t expect him to be a good man though, I didn’t think that he would fall head over heels in love with me and I hate to admit it but I do feel something for him except I would never tell my brother that and I try as much as possible to keep myself in check but it’s hard not to like him when he is a genuinely good person.

‘Mr. Mwape you are such a baby.’ I say with a smile.

‘So when the baby comes I can no longer be a baby?’

‘Babe are you hearing yourself?’

‘I am just asking. Do I need to prepare myself because I will be in a competition with a child in diapers?’

‘Do you want me to get you diapers too?’

‘Zara Mwape you are rude.’

‘And I am yours till death do us part.’ I say that and laugh making him laugh too.

‘Home sweet home.’ He announces parking next to my car.

He gets out of the vehicle and comes to my side to open the door for me. Thando has been doing this from the time we started dating. At first I was so sure that he would stop but he keeps doing it.

‘You didn’t tell me that your mother was coming.’ I say noticing her in my vegetable garden.

‘I didn’t know she was coming.’

‘Thando and what is she doing in my garden?’

‘I will talk to her.’

‘Babe she does this all the time, does she think I am incapable of taking care of my own vegetables? Will she think that I wont be able to take care of her grandchild?’

‘Babe they are just vegetables.’

‘They are not just vegetables! They are my vegetables!’

I angrily walk away and go into the house without greeting my mother in law. I feel bad for walking out like that when she is also a good person but right now I am not in the right space and I am finding whatever reasons I can to be in bad books with Thando.

‘Good afternoon ma’am.’ My house help greets.

‘Good afternoon.’ I say going to the sink to wash my hands.

‘Lunch is ready, should I serve now?’

‘I have a terrible headache coming up. I am going to bath then take some painkillers, do not disturb me.’

‘Your mother in law is in the garden though.’

‘I do not want to be disturbed.’ I repeat.

I go to the bedroom and straight away go into the shower. I stand naked as the water pours on me. I don’t feel pregnant yet. Had it not been for the constant cramps, I would have never gone to the hospital. I feel tears build up in my eyes and I allow them to fall. Thando is an amazing man and he will make an amazing father, I just don’t think I will ever connect to the child. Also the number of abortions I had as a child made me think I would never get pregnant.

‘God you sure have a mean sense of humor huh?’ I say with a chuckle through the tears.

…

Kwenje’s Girl

Winnie

🙇🏾‍♀️