Unforgivable

Sage wanted to check on Mara but was stopped by Orion who blocked his path. Both him and his wolf needed to and Orion’s behavior was really annoying. As if he needed that today.

“Move Orion! I have very limited control over my wolf so don’t play with fire!” Sage warned.

For only answer he received his fist in the face.

“What the fuck, man!” Sage shouted.

“Guess what, you’re not the only one who can’t control your wolf! Don’t you dare play her mate after parading around with a barbie in your arms! She deserves so much more than that! Don’t go near her until you get your shit together and are sure what you want! And If you can’t accept her as she is, let her go and move on, asshole!” Orion snarled before leaving the room to join Mara.

“Thanks for the help!” Sage grumbled, rubbing her sore cheek.

“You deserved it, bro.” Aaron replied.

“Orion is right, young Alpha. Due to her traumatic past and the abuse she has suffered over the years Mara will never be like the others. Showing emotion is not something she likes to do and you should be flattered that she is not lying to you. She cares enough about you that she doesn’t feel compelled to act hypocritically. That means already a lot.” The vampire explained.

“Who the hell are you?!” Sage asked him.

“I’m Dr. Jansen. Mara was a patient of mine. I’m bound by professional secrecy so I can’t tell you more than Mara is an exceptional young girl who will never be like the others. She deserves to be loved like everyone else. Now if you can’t get past that difference you have to let her go. So think carefully about what you really want and then act on it..”

“What about her wolf?” Aaron asked.

“I thought you had found and read Dr. Adicost’s notebooks?” Doctor Jansen asked in return.

“We still have them and I’ve read them all.” Sage replied.

“So you know how he poisoned Mara to cut off all connections to her wolf. He also systematically stopped all of Mara’s shifts in such a painful way until she simply couldn’t do it anymore. It was through the drugs he used daily that he also blocked your connection, making sure you didn’t feel her pain. My theory is that she could shift if she could get past that blockage. Orion thinks you could help her by using the mate bond. Regarding her connection with her wolf, I’m afraid it will never be a normal one. Mara has accepted herself as she is and you should do the same if you want to have a chance with her.”

“What does it mean that she doesn’t have a normal connection to her wolf?” Alpha Sloan questioned.

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. This is a question you need to ask Mara directly. All I can tell you is that it has its benefits and its drawbacks.” Dr. Jansen replied.

Sage had not imagined how the fact that Niels could receive visitors had changed things. Gamma Liam and his mate, Charlotte, were the first to visit him, followed a few days later by Violet and Mallory. Seeing the damage he had done to his family and sister deeply disturbed Niels who asked to meet Dr Jansen. The only joy was that with his different approach, the sessions with Dr. Jansen seemed difficult and painful, which Sage felt was well deserved.

Sage’s head was full of questions and doubts. Dr. Jansen had offered to help him several times, but Sage had no desire to expose his internal turmoil to him, or anyone else. He was well aware that Mara would not be the mate he had expected, but that had never been the problem... The problem was the violence and aggression that burned inside him, powerful and out of control. Mara would never be able to cope with it and even if she could, she didn’t deserve to have to do this. He had to be better for her. Contrary to what Mara was saying, the problem was with him, not her. That’s why the umpteenth time Dr. Jansen offered his services, he decided to give it a try. The session did not go well. He wasn’t ready or it wasn’t what he needed to get better, Dr. Jansen explained. He had to follow his heart and his wolf instinct, he advised him.

Nevertheless, Dr. Jansen’s patient list had grown significantly in the space of a few days. In addition to Niels, Charlotte, Violet and Luna, Vanessa met him every week. In just two weeks, the difference was noticeable. Not to mention Gamma’s family, Luna Vanessa’s getting her act together also influenced Alpha Sloan and therefore all the members. Hope was being reborn within the pack.

Sage was not the only one to notice the change in the pack. Beta Steeve had noticed it too and he couldn’t help but feel that the hidden purpose of opening a psychiatric ward was to help the pack heal its wounds, especially the high ranking wolves. It was very clever of her. Beta Steeve could only admire the intelligence she had shown. At the same time, he found it disturbing. The more time he spent with her, the more he felt that everyone underestimated her because of her incapacity to morph into a wolf.

One afternoon after Mara had played for over two hours with the children in the kindergarten, and while she was resting on a bench, Beta Steeve came and sat down beside her, he had so many questions.

“I’m listening, what do you want to ask Beta?” She enquired well aware of his interrogative gaze upon her.

“You knew... They needed to see Niels. To forgive themselves, his parents and sisters needed to confront him. That’s why you brought him out of his isolation, didn’t you?”

“They all have too many unanswered questions that keep them from moving on. Sometimes the best way to heal is the face your demons. We don’t talk much about incest because it’s still a taboo and what’s complicated for the victims are the ambivalent feelings. We would like to see only monsters in them but we also know the other face of our aggressors, the loving one. It’s difficult to accept that fact. As for Niels, he had to realise the consequences of his actions.”

“Do you wish you could have confronted your father?” Beta Steeve questioned her.

“No. He was just a monster to me. He never showed me any kind of love.”

“And Niels?”

“He doesn’t matter to me, not anymore. For a long time I considered him responsible for my failed relationship with Sage but I was paralysed by fear. Looking back, I know that Sage would have protected me. But it was easy to blame Niels at first, not so much now... I wish I could say that facing him two weeks ago and showing him that he means nothing to me was satisfying, but it wasn’t. I’m not a monster like them, I against any violence when there is another choice. Violence should be the last resort and without any pleasure.”

Beta Steeve doubted that she had ever used violence once in her life.

“How did you get over everything that happened to you? You look so serene... So in peace with what happened.”

“I’m better at hiding it than most, but I’ll carry the consequences for the rest of my life. I have just learned to live with it and move on.”

“It sounds so easy when you say it.” He commented.

“You should have seen her the first few months. A real bitch!” Orion stated joining them.

This made Mara smile for a few seconds before she returned to her cold, distant demeanor.

“He’s right. I was unbearable for months. And I still am on a regular basis.” Mara confirmed.

“And your wolf? Do you really never hear or sense her?” Beta Steeve couldn’t help but wonder. He found it sad and he couldn’t imagine losing his wolf.

“She’s there but the line between the two of us is blurred. I don’t know where she starts and where she ends. But I haven’t lost her.” Mara explained.

“And isn’t it hard having to juggle two faces all the time, one warm and welcoming and the other cold and distant?”

“You’ve almost got me figured out Beta, well done. My father trained me like a pet to please those I served and that meant making them think I felt what they wanted whether it was joy, happiness, terror or pain. So I do not like to show my feelings and I do not do it when I have no obligation to do so. Nevertheless I know perfectly well what emotions I have to display to appear normal and I do it when it is necessary like with the pack who need hope and kindness.”

“You are not abnormal Mara. I even think you are quite normal, given what happened to you.” Beta Steeve commented.

“Don’t be so sure. Just because I’m hiding my demons doesn’t mean they aren’t there.” Mara disagreed.