Undercover at the MC (book 2) - Navy and West

POV: Navy

The music thunders through the room and the lights blind me every time they shine on me. It smells like sweaty bodies and booze and I can't wait to get out of here. West is standing next to me but he seems to be enjoying it a bit more, the grin on his face is big as he looks around the club. The average age is about 20 years, so the chance that we will meet Chef here is small... Unless he is with his sister, but I think she is more our age. Apparently Chef can be found here regularly for a game of pool or to play darts, but at the moment it seems like a school party is going on.

I take a few long sips of my beer and look around, I catch some eyes of willing ladies who blink a little too much. I give them a polite nod but show no interest... Because I don't have it.

"Maybe we better get going" West says in my ear over the music and I roll my eyes and nod my head.

"This is a school party or some shit" I mumble and I see West grinning.

"There are a lot of willing ladies, I can tell you" he says with a shoulder bump and I can't suppress a smirk.

"They can't take their eyes off you man... You're rocking that whole military look too" West says as he runs his eyes over me and I frown.

"Military look?" I ask in surprise and West laughs.

''Yes man! Short hair, tight t-shirt that shows off your muscles even more... And you're wearing a Navy cap'' he says with a grin and I laugh as I take the cap off my head and inspect it. To be honest, I didn't pay attention to which cap I picked up, this was the first and best one I saw. I put it on my head and shrug sheepishly, I look over and see West is still staring at me.

"What?" I ask as I inspect myself for anything strange.

"Nothing" West mutters as he quickly averts his eyes and takes a few long sips of his whiskey. West has been acting a bit strange since he got out of the hospital two weeks ago but every time I ask what's wrong he waves it off. I put a hand on his shoulder and turn him a little more so that he has to look at me.

''Dude... You've been acting strange lately'' I mumble and he does everything he can to avoid eye contact.

This wasn't the place where I wanted to confront him about his strange behavior but I think the alcohol gives me a bigger pair of balls. West sighs and closes his eyes for a moment, I give his shoulder an encouraging squeeze and I am surprised by his hand taking mine on his shoulder.

"Are you..." he starts but he seems to change his mind and shakes his head.

“Am I what?” I ask with an unpleasant feeling in my stomach, because somehow my intuition tells me that this is about our conversation at the diner that we never talked about again.

''Were you serious? In the diner?'' he asks as he suddenly looks straight at me and his eyes seem to pull my soul out of me, they are so intense.

"About what?" I ask with a frown and I feel like an idiot for pretending not to understand him. But I want to hear him say it... And it gives me more time to muster up the courage to answer what I owe him.

"Fuck... I didn't want to do this here" I hear him mumble as he drinks his glass of whiskey in one go and puts it down on the bar next to us.

"Yes" blurts out of my mouth before I think about it properly and I mentally kick myself.

I look to the side and it feels like there is a stone in my stomach, I finish my bottle of beer and put it down next to me. This is the first time I've admitted my sexual orientation out loud and I've never felt so vulnerable. It's not that I mind that I'm attracted to men... But I'm somehow afraid of how my friends will react when they hear it, and West is one of them. And maybe even more so because I have had strong feelings for this man from the beginning, which he will probably never be able to reciprocate.

"Yes?" I hear him ask and I nod while still looking at my beer bottle...

Who would have thought that beer bottles could be so interesting.

"Ash..." West says my name so softly, but despite the music I hear it very well.

''Why didn't you ever tell me this? I thought we were friends?'' he asks and his question sends a stab into my heart...

Because... of course he's right.

He's one of my really good friends, and that's exactly the reason I never told him... I don't want to lose our friendship.

Fuck... How do I go about this? Do I just tell him he's the reason I never told? Or do I lie and say that I had doubts about my orientation for a long time? Or should I come up with another excuse? Everything I think of sounds wrong and my heart keeps beating faster, it's been a long time since I've had a panic attack but right now I feel one coming on.

"I didn't want to ruin our friendship" I mutter a bit stupidly as I try to hide my shaking hands by shoving them in my pockets. In all this time I haven't looked him in the eye and I feel like anything but the big man I normally am.

"I would never-" West starts talking but I know exactly what he's going to say, and that's because he still doesn't know everything. I have to stop this hellish conversation, but I also want to make it clear to him what the point is... And I give him that point.

I put a hand behind his neck and pull him towards me, our mouths meet and I feel him stiffen. I give him a long kiss on his mouth but don't take another step because I don't feel any reaction from him. I slowly remove my hand from his neck and take a step back. I look at West and he looks at me with a look that I can't make out. It's not disgust, but he doesn't look happy either...

''That's why I couldn't say anything'' I say as I glance back at my shoes and wait for his rejection or angry tirade. I hate that I feel so insecure, but I've also never felt so exposed in front of someone.

"Fuck it" West says and I am surprised by two hands on either side of my head and West's mouth on mine.

This time it's not the polite kiss I gave him before, no... West kisses me a few times before his tongue finds mine, and at that moment my body starts to work and my hands come out of my pockets. I grab his hips and pull him against me, West moans and deepens the kiss. This is everything I expected from a kiss with West... Uninhibited... Sensual... Hot and exciting... Everything West is.

"Well well... I think this is a bit too much for the young souls in this club, don't you think?" I hear someone say over the music and I come out of my sexual haze. West lets go of me and takes a step back, he looks at me intensely but then turns his gaze to the man who interrupted us.

It's a man our age, brown short curly hair and a bit shorter than West and me... But that goes quickly.

''So... Can I join you? he asks brazenly as he undresses us with his eyes. His eyes rest on my crotch a little longer than I would like, but that's probably because of the erection visible in my pants.

"No" I growl as I feel an unknown jealousy and possessive feeling arise. The unknown man notices that nothing can happen to me and has the balls to turn towards West and extend his hand.

"Jimmy, nice to meet you" he says with a smirk and I growl softly when I see West shake Jimmy's hand and smile.

"West" he says and I'm a little taken aback by the big grin he has on his face... And I don't know why... But I think it's because he apparently didn't mind us being interrupted.

Jimmy looks at me and he looks at me challengingly, I cross my arms over my chest and look straight at him. Jimmy raises his hands as if innocent and steps back.

"Okay, sorry, I realize I'm not wanted" he says laughing and he reaches into his pocket and takes out a note. His gaze goes to West and he puts the note in West's front pocket, he leaves his hand there a little too long but West doesn't seem to care.

"For when you're bored" he says with a wink at West before turning and walking away. West watches him go and shakes his head laughing, then he looks at me and his smile disappears.

"You were very... Short... To him" he says and I shrug my shoulders, I don't know what he wants me to say... I'm not going to apologize.

An awkward silence comes between us and I hate it... I hate that I was right and that my revelation to West created this situation.

"Ash..." I hear somewhere in the background and I look into West's eyes.

Eyes that look confused...

Eyes that are calculating...

Eyes that look like they're sorry.

''I'm going home... I need to... Think'' he says, averting his eyes and staring into the distance.

"Okay" I rasp and he nods and looks at me again.

"I'll see you soon" he says, placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently. The action gives me some peace, but my head remains a storm that refuses to calm down.

"A double whisky, please" I mutter to the bartender and he immediately gets to work. My interaction with West has put my whole body on high tension and I need some alcohol to numb myself.

What made him decide to take the step of kissing me? And why did he suddenly want to go home so quickly? I know he felt something too when we kissed because I felt his excitement when I pulled him against me.

Maybe this was the step we both needed...

Or maybe this was the step that drove us apart.

Time will tell.