Un2talented (Book 3 of the Un2 Series)

“A fustilugs’ unmentionables?” Reese echoed. “How medieval of you! Although, I doubt the skanks of yore sported thongs.”

“I didn’t call you a fustilugs. It was a term of exasperation. I don’t even know you,” Charlie replied.

“Yet you were uncannily accurate!” DeLeon added. “You couldn’t find a more horrid creature if you tried!”

“I’ve missed you, too!” Reese blew DeLeon a kiss.

“And Joseph!” DeLeon continued. “Being dragged through time by that thing! Why would you make such a choice?”

“Reese treats me like family and an equal. It was an easy choice.”

“You’ll feel differently about her when it leads to you propped up in front of a fish tank holding your head in your lap!” DeLeon laughed.

“I’ll deal with the lifestream I’m currently living in, thank you very much. I can’t do much about the others.”

“Excuse me,” Charlie interjected. “Should we be expecting anyone else to emerge from that tunnel? A few more challengers vying for the armor, perhaps? Will we be needing one of those take-a-number things that they use at the deli counter?”

“There will be no other contenders. Once I regain the armor we’ll be on our way.”

“First off,” DeLeon started.” Somewhat overly confident about the armor. And, secondly, where in the hell did Charlie learn about delis?”

“There’s one in the commissary at the office. They do tacos on Tuesday!” Charlie added enthusiastically. “Taco Tuesdays!”

He waited for a response, but only received puzzled looks in return.

“What? Taco Tuesdays,” Charlie repeated slowly.

“Everyone does Taco Tuesdays,” Dorian explained.

“How am I supposed to know that? I’m stuck down here on this godforsaken river!”

“Wait until he hears about having breakfast for dinner,” Cadence nudged Dorian.

“Can we please get on with this?” Charlie pleaded. “Someone start stabbing someone!”

Reese stepped forward. “I propose a truel.”

“Those never work!” DeLeon objected.

“Before I agree or disagree, what’s a truel?” Griffin asked.

“It’s the same as a duel, but it involves three people,” DeLeon griped.

“A threesome? I never imagined that my first threesome would involve swords and another dude!” Griffin joked. “Why won’t that work?”

“It doesn’t work because two of the combatants always gang up on the third. It’s inevitable.”

“Are you concerned that you couldn’t hold your own against the two of us?” Reese poked.

“Your attempts to goad me into a truel are weak at best.”

“I’m up for it!” Griffin piped. “I’ll take it a step further. The two of you can double-team me. I’ve taken on worse, or better. Ugh, you know what I mean!”

“I can agree to that,” DeLeon answered. He turned to Reese. “Can I trust you to comply?”

“Can I trust you?” she countered.

“Do you need to ask?”

“I just did.”

“I am a man of my word!” DeLeon rebutted.

“Then say it. Say that you will not turn on me during the truel. I want to hear you say it.”

“I will not turn on you during the truel. I said it. Are you satisfied?”

“I can’t imagine you satisfying any woman, but I’ll accept your word!” Reese replied with a smirk.

“Damn!” Cadence sniggered.

“Then you all agree? Can we get this thing started?” Charlie asked eagerly.

The truelists nodded. Griffin turned to his companions.

“I want you to make a run for it as soon as you get the opportunity.”

“We won’t leave you behind!” Dorian objected.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. My life changed the day I became a cromangi. I can still get you back to yours. At some point, Charlie will become absorbed in the fight. That’s when you make a run for the portal.”

Griffin stepped forward to face his opponents. He pulled a pair of blades from their sheaths that crossed behind the breastplate and aligned their pommels. He transformed them into a double-bladed bow staff with a single twist. He twirled it from side to side in a figure-eight and then brought it to his side.

“Are you okay with that?” DeLeon remarked, pointing a sword at Griffin’s weapon.

“No issues here. It was two swords, now it’s one bow staff.” Reese shrugged.

“And you’re fine with that?”

“It’s up to him if he wants to bring a staff to a swordfight. You’re holding two blades. Should I be concerned with that?”

“Maybe we all should have two blades,” Griffin suggested. “It certainly would make this more challenging.”

“I don’t have a second blade, but I’m fine with the one,” Reese replied.

“I have one you can use!”

Dorian reached for the hilt between his shoulders. As his multi-hand wrapped around the grip he felt a surge of euphoria bordering on frenzy crackle through his chest. The crackling sensation spiraled up his spine and pulsed through his extremities. He inhaled deeply, sounding like a howling winter wind forcing its way through the crevices in an old house.

“Dory, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Cadence reached for him, but he pulled away. She felt a frosty cold gust as Dorian exhaled. He hunched over and roared, growing larger with every breath. Ice-cold static oozed from his every pore, forming coarse translucent white hair across his chest and down the backs of his arms. He roared again as he stood upright. Scraps of metal and patches of grey fur fell around him as he burst through his armor and vest. A mixture of horror and curiosity washed across the grotto as everyone watched the transformation wondering what was about to happen to Dorian’s pants. Fortunately for the group, whatever creature he was becoming maintained a tight waistline.

The transformation worked its way up from Dorian’s torso. His pupils frosted over leaving his eyes milky white. The white hair from his torso traveled up his neck to outline his jawline and then continued upward to mesh with his existing hair. He turned his head toward the ceiling of the cavern and bellowed as his transformation ended. He stood quietly and sniffed at the air.

“Great! Another dog-boy!” Charlie threw up his arms.

“I don’t think that’s a dog. I think that’s . . . a yeti,” DeLeon suggested.

“I might add that I’m only one-third dog, “ Griffin corrected. “And actually, appear more birdlike than doglike. Maybe you should consider using the term dog hybrid. That would be more accurate.”

“He looks more bear-centric to me. Polar, to be exact,” Cadence offered.

“I see that,” Griffin nodded.

Dorian continued to sniff at his surroundings, turning toward each of the grotto’s occupants. His demeanor remained calm until he faced Charlie.

“Óðinn á yðr alla,” Dorian growled as he tightened his grip on his sword and readied his blade.