Twisted Cravings (The Camorra Chronicles Book 6)

When I’d been with Adamo, time had often flown by and I’d often wished to slow it down, had wanted to savor our moments together. Now that I’d never see him again, I wished I’d really enjoyed every second of our togetherness without hesitation or reservation.

Alone in my room, every second seemed to drag and I just wanted to speed it up, but to what avail? What was there to look forward to? I’d returned to my life, but I wasn’t the same Dinara who’d joined the race camp at the beginning of the year. After experiencing love and joy and passion with Adamo, my emotionally detached existence in Chicago was unbearable. In the past, I would have opted to create fake euphoria with drugs but now I knew they wouldn’t come close to what I’d felt with Adamo.

I traced the shelves with Fabergé eggs with my eyes. They always gave me a strange sense of peace. I could spend hours looking at their intricate designs. For this very reason, I’d set up a cozy armchair in front of the glass cabinet and this was where I’d spent the last hour. Peace didn’t come, though. Even art couldn’t stop my thoughts from whirring.

My phone beeped. Glancing down at the screen, I saw that it was a message from Dima.

Adamo is here. In your father’s office.

I sat up fully and stared at my screen in horror.

This isn’t funny!

He didn’t write back. What if this wasn’t a joke? Dima wasn’t really someone who made jokes about something like that, or at all. I rushed out of my room and stormed down the staircase. Adamo couldn’t be here. Even he wouldn’t be this reckless, would he?

But deep down, I knew that he would. Adamo was fearless.

He was the guy who’d joined me on my vendetta without a second thought, who loved the thrill of racing cars at their limit, who wanted to date his enemy’s daughter no matter the cost.

Damn it.

I didn’t bother knocking and just burst into Dad’s office, where I hoped to find Adamo. As long as Dad hadn’t let the guards take Adamo down into our basement, there was still hope, no matter how small. Then I froze because Adamo stood in the middle of the room. Dima and two of my father’s guards lined his sides. Adamo’s head swiveled around and he gave me a smile. What the hell was he smiling about? Did he want to die?

“Have you lost your mind?” I asked, horrified. Dad’s expression made it clear that he’d hoped I wouldn’t find out about Adamo’s arrival. Disposing of him would be more difficult with me here.

Adamo shrugged. “I lost my heart,” he said wryly.

I could have killed him, but more than that, I wanted to kiss him and press myself against him, and never let him go. These last couple of days without him, thinking that I might never see him again had been hell. I’d hardly slept because I’d lain awake wondering if I should just leave Chicago for good and return to Adamo. But fear of my father’s reaction had held me back. I hadn’t wanted to risk Adamo’s life. Yet, now he was here signing his death warrant for me.

“Dad,” I said, turning to my father. “Just let him leave. He’s probably high or drunk. He won’t even remember anything tomorrow. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“I’m perfectly sober and haven’t been high in many years, Mr. Mikhailov. And I’m absolutely sure of what I’m doing. I’m here to ask you to allow your daughter to be with me, to be free to live the life she wants,” Adamo said in broken Russian, but Dad’s face flashed with surprise, which he quickly masked with anger. I stepped into the room and closed the door, keeping a close eye on both my father and Adamo.

“You can’t keep me away from your daughter, unless you stop my heart from beating.”

Dad looked as if that was exactly what he’d do. He’d killed so many people in his life, some for hardly any reason at all, and Adamo gave him so many reasons. “Showing up here takes a lot of bravery, or maybe it’s just insanity. That’s something the name Falcone has stood for in a long time.”

“Dad,” I tried again, and finally he met my gaze. His expression showed regret, as if he’d already made up his mind and knew what it would do to me.

I staggered forward but one of his men held me back. “Dad,” I whispered desperately. “If you do this, I can’t forgive you.”

“You should leave, Katinka. This is between me and Adamo.”

“No,” I growled. “It’s not. This is about my life, about my heart. You can’t dismiss me as if I’m a little child.”

Dad motioned at one of his soldiers who made a move as if to grab my arm and lead me away. I slapped his hand away. “Don’t you dare!”

I reached inside my pocket, my fingers closing around my phone. Maybe I should leave and call Remo. But what purpose would that serve? He wouldn’t be quick enough to send help.

Adamo took a step closer to my father. I didn’t detect a hint of fear in his expression, there was only determination. “I waded through blood for your daughter, and I’ll do it again, even if it’s my own, because Dinara is worth shedding every last drop of my blood for. I won’t give her up, no matter what you do or what you say. And if it takes torture and death to prove my feelings for your daughter, then that’s what I’m willing to do. I love her and no force on this earth can shake that, so if you don’t want me to be with your daughter, if you want me to give her up, then you’ll have to end my life today.”

I sucked in a shaky breath, unable to process the words Adamo had said. Dima had lived to protect me. He, too, would have died for me, but his loyalty had been for my father, and one reason, maybe even the main reason for his willingness to die for me, had stemmed from his duty toward his Pakhan, but Adamo risked everything only because of me. He opposed my father in his own territory for me. He accepted death to prove his love. I’d tried to marginalize my feelings for the man before me, had tried to tell myself they’d wane with time, but now that Adamo showed the courage to proclaim his feelings in such a risky manner, it would have been absolutely cowardly of me to pretend I didn’t love him. I didn’t want to be without him, not another day. The last few days had been hell, filled with a new kind of nightmare of losing Adamo every single night. I’d woken bathed in sweat, with my heart beating in my throat.

I felt shaky under the force of my emotions, under the display of emotion on Adamo’s face. He loved me fiercely. Recklessly. Definitely foolishly.

I slanted a look at my father, terrified of his reaction to such a forceful appearance. Dad expected respect as Pakhan and was used to people showing it to him. Of course, Adamo wasn’t one of his subjects but I wasn’t sure how much that mattered to him.

Instead of the dreaded fury, respect flickered in his eyes. Respect for Adamo’s words. Even Dima looked less hostile toward Adamo. Surprise and relief washed through me. Maybe we could get out of this in one piece. If Dad hurt or killed Adamo, I doubted I’d heal again.

“You speak Russian,” Dad said matter-of-factly. I could have laughed at his conversational tone as if this wasn’t a hearing determining Adamo’s fate. “I suppose your brother Nino taught you to handle Bratva soldiers that crossed your path during your races.”

“I learned it for Dinara. To show my respect for her heritage, and yours.”

Dad kept his expression cold and hard, but I knew him better than almost anyone else. He liked Adamo, as much as a Pakhan could like a Falcone, and a protective father could like his daughter’s lover.

“Dad,” I said firmly as I headed toward Adamo. One of Dad’s men tried to stop me, but I sent him a glare and walked past him. I took Adamo’s hand and faced my father with him as a unit. “I love Adamo, and I, too, am willing to wade through blood for him. I won’t let you kill him. If you want to protect me, if you want me to find happiness and be in the light, then you’ll allow Adamo and me to be together. I can’t live without him. I won’t.” The last was a threat Dad understood too well. The day I’d almost died of an overdose haunted him to this day and even if I hadn’t tried to kill myself, Dad never really believed that. I hated blackmailing him with something like that. I wanted to live and wouldn’t try anything like that, but he didn’t know. He always worried about me.

Dad scowled at his soldiers. “Out. Now.”

Dima raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure? One of us could stay…”

“I’m perfectly capable of protecting myself against one enemy, Dima. Now follow my order.”

Dima sent me a searching look, as if he considered me another enemy for my father, but then he left.

I wasn’t Dad’s enemy, would never be, but I’d stop him from killing Adamo. Once it was only the three of us, Dad walked around his desk and sat down in his chair. That he had turned his back toward Adamo could be a sign that he didn’t consider him a threat, a game of power and testosterone, but it could also be a signal of peace. I begged for the latter. I didn’t want either of the most important men in my life to get hurt, especially not by each other’s hand.

“You’re an idiot,” I whispered, looking into Adamo’s eyes.

Adamo smiled wryly. “I know.”

Dad tapped his fingers on the desk, his eyes lingering on my hand in Adamo’s. “There won’t be peace with the Camorra. That ship has sailed after the last few attacks.” Dad spoke in English, and my pulse slowed a bit more. Dad was trying to make Adamo feel more comfortable by talking in his mother tongue.

“I’m not asking for peace. I’m asking for the chance to be with your daughter.”

“How are you going to be with my daughter if you’re on different sides in a war? That could become a problem. Unless you hope to take her from me and make her a part of your Falcone clan and the Camorra.”

Behind Dad’s cold mask, I recognized his worry about losing me. Family meant everything to him and even though he had Galina and his sons, he needed me to be part of it as well.

Adamo raised his eyebrows. “Dinara isn’t really part of the Bratva, is she?”

Anger flashed in Dad’s eyes but Adamo continued unfazed. “But I have absolutely no intention to take Dinara from you, not that she would let me. She’d kick my ass, because she loves you and wants you in her life.”

Dad’s gaze met mine and for an instant, uncertainty flared up. The hint of doubt festered inside of him. I held his gaze, hoping he could see that I couldn’t imagine a life without him in it, but neither could I imagine being without Adamo. I didn’t have many people in my life I really cared about and I wanted those few as close to me as possible.

“Dinara’s happiness is and has always been my main concern,” Dad said firmly. “I won’t forget that you helped her bring justice to the monsters of her past.”

“I’d do anything for her.” I squeezed Adamo’s hand. Words like those had always seemed a meaningless promise to me but now I knew he meant them absolutely.

“Leave the Camorra?” Dad asked with a cocked eyebrow. I sent him an incredulous look. He knew Adamo would never betray his brothers, not even for me, and if I asked that of him, I wouldn’t deserve his love anyway. We both needed our families in our lives even if we could never become one big family.

Adamo gave my father a knowing smile. “Are you suggesting I could join the Bratva?”

Dad didn’t say anything, only scrutinized Adamo with an unreadable expression.

The Bratva would never accept a former Camorra soldier in their rows. No matter how well Adamo would learn to speak Russian, he’d always be an alien—the enemy.

Before I could voice my thoughts, Adamo said, “I think we both know that I’d never find a home in Chicago and I have absolutely no intention to leave my family or the Camorra. Both are part of my identity, of my very being. Leaving the Camorra would be like leaving myself behind and changing who I am. Your daughter loves the man I am today, not an alternate version of me.”

Adamo’s dark eyes slanted to me and I gave him a nod. I didn’t want him to change. I wanted the man I’d met.

“Then what do you suggest? It seems we’re at an impasse, stuck on different sides of a war. Dinara would be torn between us.”

“I won’t be torn. It’s not like there is an open war between the Bratva in your territory and the Camorra. The Las Vegas Bratva doesn’t have strong ties to your organization.”

“We don’t need a truce. We need an agreement of mutual ignorance. A simple non-aggression pact,” Adamo said.

“The line between a truce that could bring me the wrath of the Outfit and a non-aggression pact seems fleeting.”

Adamo shook his head. “A truce often entails cooperation. We agree on co-existence. We don’t help you against the Outfit. You don’t help us against the Outfit.”

“You can’t come to Chicago as you please in that case. Outside of my home, you won’t be protected from attacks. My men won’t help you if the Outfit tries to kidnap you again.”

Adamo smirked. “The Outfit won’t capture me again. I was a naïve boy when they did. And if they’d ever catch me, the Camorra would come to my help. I wouldn’t need the Bratva for that.”

Dad leaned back in his chair. What Adamo suggested was a shaky arrangement. If something happened to Adamo, I’d move heaven and earth to convince my father to send his men to save him, and Adamo would undoubtedly use his Camorra soldiers to save me if something happened. Lines would get blurry. Even this co-existence pact might compel the Outfit to act if they considered our arrangement a threat to their business.

I didn’t really care about the Bratva beyond the fact that Dad’s life depended on their success.

“Where would you live? How would you be together?” Dad asked, turning his attention back to me. “Live in Las Vegas, with the Camorra clan? That would be hard to explain to my men. Co-existence only goes so far.” Dad’s men admired him. They trusted his judgment, but he had a point. If I got too cozy with the Camorra, that wouldn’t sit well with them. Dad’s only option then would be to officially declare his disapproval and cast me out.

The point was moot anyway. I shook my head forcefully. I didn’t want to live in Las Vegas. The city held too many horrors for me. Little Katinka lingered in too many dark corners, ready to spring her memories on me. I met Adamo’s gaze, wondering if he expected me to move to Vegas with him eventually. His family was very close. His brothers all shared a mansion, and they probably expected Adamo to join their co-living at some point.

Of course, Dad picked up on my uncertainty. He pushed to his feet and smoothed his dark suit. “I’ll give you two a moment to talk. I want answers when I return so I can make a decision.”

Dad walked past us and left the room.

I whirled on Adamo and slapped his chest hard, glaring. “What the hell has gotten into you? Have you lost your mind waltzing into my father’s home? He could have killed you on sight!”

“He didn’t,” Adamo said with a slow smile as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. Didn’t he realize in how much trouble he was?

“He might still do it.”

“No, he won’t.”

“So now you can look into the future?”

Adamo leaned down, his lips pressing against mine. I softened and kissed him back. I’d missed him these last few days. Now that I could touch him again, I wondered how I could have ever considered living without his touch, his smile. Adamo drew back. “Your father wouldn’t have listened to everything I had to say and given us alone time if he had made up his mind to kill me. He trusts me with you, and that’s a big deal considering you are obviously very precious to him.”

“Maybe he wants to give us time to say goodbye,” I said. Yet, I had to agree. Dad didn’t dislike Adamo. It was more than I’d ever dared to hope for.

“So what do you say? Do we want to be together?”

I gave him a condescending look. “Of course. But Dad wants a solution that won’t cause him trouble.”

“He wants your happiness. That’s his top priority even if it shouldn’t be.” I pursed my lips. Adamo laughed. “It’s true. The head of a crime organization should never prioritize his family over business. But Remo’s the same way. Maybe that’s why they grudgingly tolerate each other despite the eternal conflict between Italians and Russians.”

“He won’t accept me going to Las Vegas with you.”

“You don’t want to live in Las Vegas anyway,” Adamo said gently.

I sighed. “You’re right. I won’t ever like that place. Not after what happened. Even if we killed the monsters from my past, that doesn’t eradicate what happened. It’s still in my head.”

“I know. I didn’t experience your horrors but even I still occasionally have nightmares about my kidnapping and the torture.”

“But won’t your family expect you to live with them in the mansion?”

“I think they know that I never really wanted that. Even before I met you, I lived the majority of the year in camp. I prefer the nomad life. Organizing the races is a part of the business I enjoy dealing with.”

“But that was before you discovered your love of torture. I’m sure your brothers can use your newfound talents in better ways.”

Adamo chuckled mirthlessly. “Trust me, my brothers have enough expertise torturing people. They don’t need my help. And it’s not that I discovered my talent for torture through our vengeance trip. It’s been something I’ve been battling with for a long time. It’s a dark craving I’ve been feeling for a long time, and it was why I really consumed drugs. They mellowed out this urge. They turned me into the person I wanted to be but the effect never lasted long.”

“If that’s the case, are you sure you can live without the thrill of blood without resorting to drugs to mellow your urge?”

Adamo thought about it. “Yeah. I feel like the urge has lessened since I allowed myself to live it for a little while. Suppressing it, only increased the craving. I guess I just need to allow my dark craving out to play on occasion to keep it in check. What about your dark craving?”

“It’s there. It’ll always be, I guess, but I won’t give in. Not after I saw how it dictated my mother’s life.”

“Good,” Adamo murmured.

“But we still didn’t make a decision about our future.”

“It’s easy. We live in camp. The races take place nine months of the year, so we’ll have to follow the circuit anyway. I want to keep racing. What about you?”

“Oh yes,” I said with a grin. I missed the thrill of racing. I even missed the chaotic atmosphere in camp.

“We could buy a motorhome to have more room. That would allow us to create a home for us without settling down in a place. We could visit Las Vegas on occasion and if your father ever doesn’t want to kill me, we could visit Chicago as well. Otherwise we’ll just have to split up for our family visits.”

“You think your brothers will agree to that?”

“Once Gemma and Savio start popping out babies, my brothers can use the additional space. And Remo’s twins probably won’t ever move out, so they need rooms as well. If I only require one room for visits, that gives my brothers the chance to create living space for their kids. It’s a win-win situation if you ask me.”

It sounded like the perfect solution. I still wasn’t convinced his brothers would agree, but maybe we could convince Dad as a first step and get Adamo out of Chicago in one piece.

“Can you imagine living in a motorhome with me, or is such a living arrangement not fit for a Bratva princess?” Adamo asked in a low voice, pulling me even closer and cupping my ass.

I cocked an eyebrow. “I prefer freedom and being with you to a palace. What about you, Camorra prince?”

Adamo grinned. “I’ve been living the nomad life in a tent and car for a couple of years now. I don’t need much.”

He lowered his mouth to mine once more, his tongue teasing my lips apart. His hand on my ass moved even lower until his fingers stroked over my crotch. I moaned into his mouth and stood on my tiptoes to give him better access. Of course, Dad chose that moment to return.

I quickly stepped back from Adamo, my cheeks heating. Being caught by my Dad was something that made even me blush. Adamo smiled as if he hadn’t just fingered me through my jean shorts.

I was glad for Dad’s poker face because he didn’t give any indication that he’d noticed us getting it on.

“And?” he asked neutrally.

Adamo explained our planned living arrangements to my father, making everything sound perfectly reasonable. When he was done, Dad nodded. “That could work. But who guarantees Dinara’s safety?”

“Nothing will ever happen to Dinara. When we killed her abusers, I was her protector. Neither Dima nor you were there but Dinara was always safe.”

I gritted my teeth, hating how they discussed me as if I weren’t present. “I don’t need constant protection. I’m capable of staying away from danger and if necessary, to defend myself. I can kill someone.”

Both Adamo and Dad ignored my protest. “If I entrust you with my daughter’s safety, you better make sure you don’t disappoint me, because if something happens to her, I’ll find you and torture you to death with my own hands, and believe me they are very capable.”

“Dad,” I muttered.

“If something happens to Dinara, which it won’t, I deserve everything you have planned for me and gladly accept my fate,” Adamo said.

I shook my head. “You two are impossible.”

Dad gave Adamo a curt nod, which was the extent of approval he was probably capable of. “I won’t kill you today. Right now, I’m willing to give your relationship with my daughter the green light. Don’t make me change my mind.”

“I won’t,” Adamo promised.

“Does that mean Adamo and I can return to camp tomorrow?”

Dad nodded, but I could tell he still had trouble letting me go. I released Adamo’s hand and went over to Dad to hug him tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered. His decision was a risk. If anyone but me would have started something with an Italian, or worse a Camorrista, he would have killed them on the spot, but for me, he was willing to accept even that.

“Everything for you, Katinka,” he said in a low voice before he kissed my temple.

“I suppose we’ll have to live in sin forever,” I said with a relieved laugh as we headed out of my father’s office. Considering how conservative great parts of the Italian mob were, being together without being married would cause a scandal, but our relationship was scandalous on so many levels anyway.

“So you’re saying you’d say no if I ever asked you to marry me?”

I sent Adamo a warning look as I led him through the lobby. “Don’t you dare pop that question. We haven’t even dated for a year, and even then would be way too soon. I’m not even sure I want to marry at all, definitely not before I’m thirty. There’s really no reason to tie the knot.”

I wasn’t in a hurry to marry and had never really thought about my future in detail. I loved Adamo, but that didn’t mean I wanted to marry.

Adamo and I were allowed to spend the night together in my room, which obviously surprised Adamo judging by his expression when I didn’t give him a guest bedroom.

“Dad knows we’re having sex, so keeping us apart for a night seems pointless.”

The moment I closed my door, Adamo pressed me against it, kissing me. I pulled away. “I shouldn’t reward you for almost getting killed.”

“I’m very alive,” Adamo said.

I slipped past him toward the cabinet with my Fabergé eggs. Adamo followed me.

“You handled my father very well. Few men know what to say.”

“I don’t know your father, but I know men like him. I’ve grown up among my brothers, and trust me when I say no one’s more homicidal than Remo.”

“But Remo is your brother. He wouldn’t kill you. Nothing’s holding my father back.”

“You are,” Adamo said as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. “Those eggs are beautiful, but we can’t take them with us to camp.”

I huffed. “They stay here. They are too precious and beautiful to ride around in a motor home.”

“You are as precious and beautiful.”

I nudged him with my elbow. “Compliments won’t get you sex. I’m still pissed that you risked so much. I would have never forgiven myself if my father had killed you. Nor would I have forgiven him.”

Adamo slipped his hand under my shirt, playing with my belly piercing, as he nodded toward the Fabergé egg in the center, the most expensive piece in the cabinet and the first egg Dad had gifted to me. “That’s your belly piercing.”

“It is. It’s my favorite and I love to have it close no matter where I am.”

Adamo nodded then his hand slipped lower. He popped open my button before he glided into my panties. His fingers found my clit and began rubbing small teasing circles.

I bit my lip, leaning back against him.

“I don’t need compliments to get sex,” Adamo said in a low voice before he nibbled on my throat. His fingers stroked open my folds, scissoring my sensitive skin.

“My father might consider it disrespectful that you can’t restrain yourself even for one night,” I panted.

Adamo chuckled. “I won’t tell him. Will you?” He pushed two fingers into me.

“No,” I gasped.

That night I lie awake in Adamo’s arms for a long time, not haunted by worries or fears. I imagined our future together and I was excited about it. Nothing was really holding us back now.