Traveler - The Price (Book 3)

Chapter 29

Deby:

“Time, love, people, these are all a luxury. Peace is a luxury. It’s too quiet here. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten you. You’re not a forgettable person. I came here without the others, earlier, because I wanted a moment alone. It passed almost four years, but I felt it was an eternity. Yes, I’m still here, breathing, but every second seems like forever. Do you remember how you used to hide the pictures in boxes and put them in the closet because you said they were not important? You used to say they didn’t matter because all that mattered was that we were together. Now, when they are all I have left of you, I can’t agree with you anymore. Have I told you that we all made tattoos like you two did? We wear them proudly on our backs. About your business… what can I say… it’s working fine. James and Ivy are doing their best.

Sometimes I think you can hear me. This is why I come here and talk to you. I want to know that you are there, somewhere, and you laugh at what stupid things I’m saying or doing. I want you to see us, to be here with your soul, to love us. I also want you to be able to touch me, but I think I’m asking for too much. I waited for a sign from you guys, you know, but I didn’t receive anything. Or maybe I haven’t noticed it. Maybe that bird is the sign, the one who is coming back to my balcony from four years, and doesn’t leave until I get out to it. Or maybe I’m so desperate for a sign that I’m going crazy. But I’m fine at the end of the day. I’m happy, and I got what I have always wanted in life. But there’s still a hole in my soul, and that is caused by missing you.

How are you? Where are you? I’m going crazy again… Again, I’m talking to the sky, the birds, the earth. Maybe I will be called “the crazy woman from Vals,” but that’s fine too. I won’t stop coming here and telling you everything. If you can hear me, I know that you’re happy and you’re amused, and if you don’t hear me, well, at least I can take off a stone of my heart. Now I’m leaving. I brought you flowers. I will leave them here, then I will take some steps back, three to be specific, I will sigh, and I will head back home. My loved ones are waiting for me.

James will be upset if he finds out I came here without him. I told him I’m going to the grocery store. He will get over it because I needed this moment like air. He will be fine because he loves me, and he can’t stay angry with me more than five minutes.

Now I’m leaving. Little Josephine is waiting for me. She’s playing on the grass, just a few steps away from me. I don’t even know what she’s thinking when she sees her mother talking to herself. But she never said anything. She must be thinking it’s something normal. Oh. Or she thinks I’m nuts. She always plays in that spot. She never came closer than that. She’s too young to understand. Ok, now I’m leaving. But don’t worry, I will be back in a few hours with everyone else. I miss you like hell.”

I took little Josephine’s hand, and we got into the car. All the way back home, she just looked at the window. She didn’t say a word. I was wondering what was happening in her little and brown head. When we arrived in the front of the house, I noticed that Ivy was already there. James and Andy were making a barbecue, in the pavilion near our house.

“Deby! How are you?” Ivy asks me.

“Hey!” I said getting down from the car.

“Did you go there without us?”

“Yeah. I needed a moment. We will go together again, in a few hours.”

“Fine” she says and touches my shoulder.

She bends down, and she pulls Jo’s cheeks.

“Aaron’s waiting for you!” Ivy tells her. “Go and play with him.”

She pushes her hands from her cheeks and rushes to Aaron, who was waiting for her in the swing.

“They’re so beautiful” says Ivy after a moment of silence.

“They’re innocent. I hope they keep this innocence as long as possible.”

“Almost four years… And it feels like forever.”

“No? That’s what I felt too.”

“I hope they will never be a part of what we’ve been through” says Ivy.

“I hope they will have just one thing from all the madness we’ve been through.”

“What’s that?”

“I hope they find a love that beautiful, just like Aaron and Jo had. I hope they will find in the future people who love them just like we love them, just like they loved each other, just like a person should be loved. And I hope that they will never know what means loss or had times.”

“Maybe we will tell them the whole story one day” she smiles.

Suddenly, Josephine and Aaron come running to us.

“Mommy!” shouts Jo at me.

“What is it?”

“Jo wants to ask you something” says Aaron to me.

“I want to know who we visit so often at the cemetery. Who are the people who have the same names as us?”

Her question confused me somehow. I expected for her to ask questions, but not so soon. Ivy saw that I was about to lose it, so she took the initiative.

“They were… are a part of the family” she says.

“Our family?” asks Aaron while he was breaking a toy-car apart.

“Yes” Ivy responds.

The kids ran to the swing again, but after a few steps, Jo turned around.

“So, who’s Josephine?” she asks again.

I saw on Ivy’s face a warm smile.

“My sister, I respond. She’s my sister…”

Jo looks at me with her innocent eyes, and she rushes back to the swing.

“That’s beautiful” says Ivy. “If he ever asks, am I supposed to tell my son that Aaron was my brother?”

“I don’t know” I laugh. “That’s what came out of my mouth. Anyway, it’s the same thing… I spent my childhood with her, since we were four, so I can say that she was my sister.”

Ivy puts her arms around my neck. We had in front of our eyes a priceless image: our children running and laughing, and James with Andy making the barbecue. It was perfect. Well, almost perfect. A few people were missing, but I was grateful and happy with what I had.

“Suddenly, I can’t wait for the day when we can tell them everything” I said.

“Yes, but let’s enjoy the present. We can’t know what the future has planned for us until that day comes.”

I nodded my head in approval. I remembered amazed the days when I was praying for what I had now. It seems like life brings you what you want, but it also takes from you what you love. There has to be a balance. Nothing remains unpaid, and everything finds its balance. The nights I couldn’t sleep and I fell into deep thoughts made me question a lot about life. There wasn’t any logical explanation, but I had a few theories. Nights in a row, I was wondering what the price Jo had to pay was. What can be worse than death? Was it the fact that she was thrown here with the curse of remembering everything? Or was it the death? Anyway, nothing made sense anymore. If it was the death, why did they both die? The price had to be paid only by Jo so that I couldn’t understand. Some questions were meant to remain without answers, at least until we would meet again. Maybe this thing was about to happen in a few days or after many years. Anyway, I lived with the hope that we will meet again someday.

“There’s good in every person.” This what Jo used to say, and it was the best advice I could ever give to my daughter. In fact, all her life would have been a good example for my daughter. The goodness, the courage, the love and the stubbornness that Jo showed us, were qualities that appeared in every stage of her life. She had left behind a beautiful story, that was going to be told further. She had left a life lesson, but also teary eyes.