Torn (All Torn Up Book 1)

Kenzi ~ age ten

Toren ~ age twenty-five (in jail for assault)

Dear Uncle Tor,

I miss you and hope you come home soon. Daddy said I can write to you every week. I’m using the special pen and ink you gave me.

I am cleaning the bunny cage every Saturday just like I promised.

I threw a penny in a puddle and wished you to be back, but it didn’t work. I think it only works with deeper waters.

Don’t forget me while you are gone.

I love you the most,

Kenzi

——

Dear Kenzi,

I’ll be home soon, I promise. Your writing is beautiful, and the parchment paper was very nice. A letter from you every week would make me happy. I’m sorry I’m not there to help you with Snuggles. I’ll be back in a few months. Save some pennies for when I get there and we’ll make wishes together. I don’t think puddles will work, but thanks for trying.

I could never forget you, Angel.

Be good for Mommy and Daddy.

I love you forever and longer,

Uncle Tor

Kenzi

I always thought the last day of school would be exciting and I’d walk out the school doors for the last time with a huge smile, hugging Chloe, and we’d race off to get frappuccinos to discuss our plans for an amazing summer together.

But instead, I’m standing under a tree on the front lawn of the school with my hoodie over my head, alone, in the rain. Chloe took off with Brendan to celebrate, and now I don’t have a ride home. Six miles is going to feel like twelve in this weather, if I walk.

I call my father on his cell, but it goes straight to voicemail. I frown, vaguely remembering him telling me he was going to the city today for a grief counseling meet up.

Rayne is working, so she won’t be able to come get me. I quickly flip through my contacts on my cell phone. I have Sailor’s number saved, but I don’t know him well enough to beg for a ride and I don’t want him to see me looking like a gutter rat. Aunt Sydni isn’t good at last minute plans and probably isn’t even awake yet. I don’t want to bother any of my dad’s brothers, as they’re all usually pretty busy.

I hit Tor’s number, and he picks up on the second ring.

‘Hey, you. Happy last day.’

‘Thanks. I seem to be without a ride home. What a great way for me to launch into adulting.’

‘You’re in luck; I’m in the truck on my way to pick up a stray. I’ll grab you first if you don’t mind coming with me?’

‘Not at all. Now you can pick up two strays. I’m out front.’

Ten minutes later he pulls in front of the school, and I climb into his truck wearing a big grateful smile.

‘You’re a life saver,’ I lean across the front seat to kiss his cheek. ‘I’m talking to Dad tonight about getting a car. This is stupid.’

‘Truth. Ask for something cool, like a Mustang. Or a Corvette.’

‘I’ll take anything with four wheels and a roof at this point.’

‘Be careful or he’ll get you a golf cart.’

Laughing, I run my fingers through my damp hair that’s starting to frizz. ‘So, where are we going?’

‘I just got a call about a dog on the highway; they said he almost got hit a few times.’

‘On the highway? Where? How are you even going to find him?’

He makes a left turn and turns the radio off. ‘They gave me a mile marker. They said he’s not moving, just huddled up against the cement divider.’

This doesn’t sound like it’s going to go well. ‘Oh, no. Tor, he’s probably hurt.’

Nodding, he pulls the truck onto the on ramp of the highway. ‘Can you climb in back and find one of my leashes? And there’s some treats back there; I’ll need those.’

I lean over the seat into the back and find everything he mentioned and then spread an old blanket over the back seat. The dog’s paws and coat will be wet from the rain and I don’t want Tor’s truck to get all muddy. I grab an old towel so we can dry the dog off.

‘Shit, there he is.’

I turn back into my seat as he pulls the truck over onto the bumpy shoulder of the highway and throws it in park. He grabs the leash and the treats, shoving a handful into his pocket, and we both stare across the two lane busy road at the large off-white dog who’s got himself smashed up against the divider, his uncontrollable shaking visible from here.

Tor turns his attention to me. ‘Kenzi, listen to me. I want you to stay right here. No matter what, do not try to follow me onto that highway, okay?’

I look at him, to the dog on other side of all that traffic and then back at him. ‘Tor, you’re scaring me. This is dangerous. It’s pouring rain.’

‘I can’t leave him there; he’ll get killed.’

‘So could you.’ I point out. It’s raining and foggy, and the cars are flying past us non-stop. He’s crazy if he thinks he’s going to get to that dog.

‘I’ll be fine. If one of these assholes hit me, call 911 and stay in this truck.’

My heart seizes at his words. How can he say he’ll be fine and then talk about calling 911 all in the same breath?

‘What? Tor, maybe you should let animal control come. Let’s just wait here for them.’

‘And do what? Watch that poor dog scared out of it’s mind in the middle of a four lane highway? It’ll take AC too long to get here. I’m here now.’

‘I know, but-‘

He interrupts me, not hearing any of it. ‘Don’t worry. Stay here and wait for me.’

Before I can say anything else, he’s jumped out of the truck and is standing on the edge of the road, waiting for a gap in the traffic. I gasp when he runs across the first lane and then he’s forced to stop right in the middle of the two lanes, to wait for another break in the traffic. Cars continue to fly by him, blaring their horns. I hold my breath as he makes another mad dash across the next lane, and ends up about ten feet behind the dog. My hand clutches my cell phone, ready to dial 911 immediately if anything happens to him.

The shivering dog peers behind him warily and starts to belly-crawl further away, obviously petrified of not only the cars and trucks whizzing by but now a very large stranger creeping up behind him. Tor crouches to his knees and holds out his hand, offering treats, his lips moving. I know he’s talking softly to the dog, attempting to gain the tiniest amount of trust. Animals can always sense he’s a good person and they warm up to him quickly, but between the downpour and the traffic, the dog looks like it’s on the verge of mania.

Tor inches closer, and the dog’s ears perk up with a slight amount of interest. The leash is grasped in Tor’s other hand at his side, the end in a noose-style loop so he can throw it quickly over the dog’s head.

‘Please stay, please stay,’ I whisper in desperation as Toren moves slowly closer to the dog, just inches from being able to pet him, when an eighteen wheeler flies by, spooking the dog.

My body goes cold with fear as I watch as the dog stands and attempts to move further away from Tor, dragging one of it’s back legs, it’s eyes wild and darting from the stranger creeping up on him, to the busy road. The feeling of entrapment is bringing on a fight or flight reaction. Obviously, the dog got where he is by running through cars, and he’s thinking about doing it again.

Tor moves closer, and the dog suddenly lurches into the traffic, attempting to run away. Cars honk and swerve and the dog freezes – right in the middle of the fast lane. My heart jumps into my throat as Tor dives at the dog, landing on top of him, then scoops him up into his arms and somehow manages to get both of them out of oncoming traffic.

‘Oh my God,’ tears stream down my cheeks as I watch, completely stricken with panic as Tor stands between the lanes, the huge dog in his arms, trying to cross back to the shoulder where I’m waiting.

I can’t take this anymore. I leave the truck and run out to the edge of the highway and wave my arms at the oncoming traffic, trying to get the cars to slow down, or stop. Why does no one care or stop to help? Can’t they see a person is standing in the middle of the highway with an injured dog?

No one stops.

My tears mix with the rain as I stand there helplessly, begging cars to slow down.

Finally, there’s about two car lengths of space in the traffic and Tor runs towards me, kneeling down to the ground with the dog as soon as he’s to the safety of the side of the road next to his truck. I fall to my knees with him and grab the leash from his hand, looping it over the dog’s huge furry neck.

‘You’re insane,’ I scold with relief and frustration, wiping at the tears on my face.

‘Hey, my insanity just saved this dog.’

‘Is your leg okay?’ His jeans are ripped at the knee from skidding across the wet pavement and blood has started to seep into the edge of the fabric. ‘I was so scared something was going to happen to you,’ I say shakily, but he’s ignoring his own injury, checking the dog instead, gently running his hands over the dogs trembling body and down it’s legs.

‘I’m fine, Angel.’

As he checks over the dog, I notice blood on his hand and grab it, turning it over in my own. The flesh of his palm is all tore up with road rash from when he jumped for the dog.

‘You’re bleeding,’ my voice cracks as I choke back new tears and dab at his hand with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

His hand closes over mine, on top of the big furry dog’s back, and his gaze drifts from our joined hands, up to my face. For the first time I don’t recognize the deep, dark eyes staring back into mine, but I fall right into them willingly as our lips meet. My eyes flutter closed as I tumble further into him, but he quickly jerks away, and we simultaneously suck in a startled breath, staring at each other with wide-eyed shock.

Dropping my hand, he grabs the back of my neck, yanking my mouth back to his hungrily, and I clutch his arm to keep from falling backward onto my ass. His lips are warm and demanding, his tongue pushing past my teeth, coaxing my mouth open. My heartbeats turn into soaring butterflies. Nothing has ever felt like this. He steals my breath, making me dizzy as his mouth claims mine, his fingers tightening at the back of my neck. I tilt my head slightly to deepen the kiss, and a low, guttural growl sounds in his throat, turning my sweet butterflies into fireflies and sparking heat from my tummy to my thighs. He pulls away slightly, stares into my eyes with a lusty gaze, then comes back for more, his kiss much softer now, his hand moving from my neck to gently touch my damp cheek. My body and heart reel from his sudden shift from fierce demand in one moment, to soft and loving the next.

The scared dog moves between us, breaking the spell. Tor lets go, pulling away from me, his eyes darker, wilder, and avoiding mine.

Oh shit.

Oh shit.

He clears his throat and grabs the dog’s leash again before he stands.

‘Let’s get him in the back of the truck and to the emergency vet. I’m pretty sure his leg is broken.’ Fake normalcy courses through his words, trying to erase the last ten seconds, but the shaking of his hand as he holds the leash totally betrays his efforts.

Dazed, I quietly help him maneuver the large dog into the back seat, who’s calmer now, tail wagging slightly as we talk softly to him and wipe him down with the old towel. He looks like a polar bear with his thick white fur and jet black eyes and nose.

We’re both soaking wet as we climb into the front seat, and I’m still trembling from head to toe from the anxiety of watching Tor try to cross that busy highway coupled with what just happened between us.

Did that really happen?

That couldn’t have happened. I must have blacked out or had a psychotic episode.

Nervously, I peek over at him, but his eyes are glued to the road as he pulls out onto the busy highway. I gulp some air and shove my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie.

‘Tor…?’ I whisper.

He shakes his head back and forth, fast, as if he’s trying to deny hearing my voice, then takes a few deep breaths, like he’s about to be sick or pass out.

‘Check the dog,’ he says softly. ‘Please.’

I climb over the front seat and settle myself in the back next to the dog, who immediately lays his head on my lap and whimpers when he tries to move his body closer to me. If not so wet and dirty, he would be a beautiful animal and I hope he’s not hurt too badly inside. Even though he’s scared and in pain, he’s friendly, soaking up the attention I’m lavishing on him. He’s most likely someone’s lost family dog; he’s way too pretty and sweet to be a stray. I pet him softly and tell him how brave he is and how he’s going to be okay, and his tail thumps a few times while he licks my hand. When I look up, I catch Tor watching me in the rearview mirror. My heart immediately starts to beat faster in response, my lips tingling at the memory of his on mine. I’m disappointed when he quickly averts his eyes from mine and back to the road.

He kissed me.

Tor kissed me.

I keep chanting it over and over in my head, weighing the reality of it, as half of me believes it was a hallucination and the other half believes it was indeed, very real.

After we take the dog to the animal hospital and wait for him to be admitted, Tor drives me home. Wordlessly. It’s clear he’s uncomfortable, and I’m confused, unsure what to do or say. Shouldn’t we talk about what happened?

What did happen?

‘Tor…should we…talk, maybe?’ I ask tentatively.

His body goes rigid, his jaw clenches, and several incredibly long moments drag on before he finally speaks.

‘I’m sorry.’

Sorry? Those words could mean anything, and everything – but I haven’t a clue what he wants them to mean.

I start to speak, but he puts his hand up, stopping me. ‘Please, Kenzi. I can’t.’

The torturous tone of his voice shreds my insides, rendering me utterly speechless and even more confused. I’ve never seen him like this before. All I want to do is reach out to him, make him talk to me like we always do, but he’s making it very clear that he can’t. Or won’t. He’s put a wall up, and I don’t know if I’m supposed to knock it down or let it stay there. Some walls need to be taken down, to get to a resolution. But other walls…those walls have to stay up to protect us.

I jump out of his truck without so much as a goodbye when he drops me off at home, I go straight up to my room, grateful that my father isn’t home yet because I don’t want to see or talk to anyone right now. I need to be alone with my feelings and try to calm my racing thoughts and shaking insides.

Everything’s suddenly been turned upside down.

He kissed me.

A real kiss, with passion and desire.

He growled at me.

A feral, lusty sound that I can still hear. And I want more.

A lot more.