Those Three Little Words

“Pizza is here,” Winnie calls out as she barges through my door. “And some side salads of course because fiber is something we all need.”

“You can just bring it over here and set it on the coffee table,” I say. The game is on. They haven’t started yet, but the announcers are talking about Pacey and how he’s been holding down the team lately despite the lack of defense from Eli.

They’ve compared his play from earlier in the season to recently, and it’s obvious that he’s having trouble, and it’s probably because of me.

“They talking about Hornsby again?” Winnie asks while taking a seat next to me and flipping open the pizza box.

“Yeah, basically about how he’s sucking. They think he should go down to the second line.”

“Ooof, really? That would be an absolute blow. Not to just him but the team morale.” She stares at the TV and smiles as they show Pacey warming up his legs. “He’s so bendy. Look at him go.”

I chuckle. “He is quite bendy. He’s been doing special stretches for as long as I can remember.”

“What was it like growing up with him? Was he a total douche?”

That makes me laugh out loud. “He had his douchey moments for sure. But he was actually a good big brother. He always included me, and when we weren’t playing hockey together, he’d ask me what I wanted to do, which was usually to see a movie in the theater. Those were some of my favorite memories because he made a day of it. We’d purchase two giant buckets of popcorn, Raisinets, and drinks, and then we’d spend the day movie-hopping.”

“What’s that?” Winnie asks while handing me a salad.

“It’s when you go see a different movie without paying. You just slip into another movie theater after the one you paid for is over. There was one day when we saw three movies in a row. And of course, we had unlimited popcorn and drinks. It’s one of my favorite memories with him.”

“That’s so sweet and illegal.”

I laugh and move my fork around the salad. “Yeah, probably not the best choice, but it was fun then. I’d probably never do that now because the feeling of being fearless, like we’d never get caught, doesn’t sit well with me.”

“For some reason, when I was ten, I didn’t think gravity existed, so I’d test it and fall off rocks to see if I was pulled down or not. After a dozen tries to float, I realized maybe gravity was real.”

“I really wish I knew you when you were little.”

“Trust me, you don’t.” She bites into her salad and asks, “So are things better with Hornsby?”

“Define better?”

“Have you spoken since the fight?”

“Barely,” I say.

“Barely? It’s been two weeks. What have you two been doing for two weeks?”

“Avoiding one another.” I twirl my fork around, never biting into my salad, just pushing the lettuce around. “I feel like we’re right back at where we started. But this time, it feels worse. He’s sleeping on the couch—”

“This couch?” she asks, surprised. “How on earth does he fit on it?”

“Not very well. His legs hang off, his neck is all scrunched, and I’ve heard him drop off the side a few times. He can’t possibly be comfortable. I told him he could sleep on the bed, but he refuses. So yeah, it’s been fun, to say the least.”

“Have you talked about the fight at all, or is it just the elephant in the room?”

“We talked about it that night, but ever since then, it’s been like he’s shut down. He only ever asks how I’m doing and if the baby has been bothering me. The other night, I was leaving to get a milkshake, and he stopped me before leaving and went and got it for me instead. But when he got home, he handed me the milkshake and went back to not talking. That is pretty much the extent of our interactions.”

“God, I’d be an absolute wreck. I don’t do well with confrontation. You must be happy that they’re away right now.”

“More than you know.” I finally take a bite of my salad just as the puck is dropped and the game begins.

“Are you going to throw him a bone and talk to him?”

“I’m not even sure what to talk to him about.”

“Well, what were you guys doing before the fight?”

I think back to two weeks ago and shake my head in disbelief. “I threw up in his shoe that morning. He was telling me it was okay. It was one of the first times I saw his compassion. He was sweet and kind and didn’t make me feel like a fool. Nor was he angry. I wish we were there again.”

“Then reach out to him. I’m sure he’s not saying anything to you because he’s the one who screwed up. He’s probably looking for forgiveness in some weird way. Maybe texting him might make him feel better and open up more. I’m pretty sure the last thing you want is to be fighting with the man who’s the father of your child. You want to keep things peaceful, so reach out to him.”

“You really think that will help?”

“Guaranteed. I’m sure you two will be back to normal in no time.”

“I’d really like that. I mean, I was really mad about the whole fight thing, but I don’t want it to drive us apart. I just wanted it to be a lesson.”

“Then you need to reach out. Trust me, this will work.”

I sigh and glance at the TV just in time to see Eli check somebody into the boards and shoot the puck over to Posey, who passes it to Holmes. Winnie is right. I need to close the gap between us, and if that means sucking up my pride to say something, then I will.

PENNY: Good game tonight. You guys looked great out there.

I stare at the text message as my stomach churns with nerves. Reaching out to him like this feels awkward. I’m not sure he’s even going to respond. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. Two weeks is a long time to share a living space and not talk. But they’re on a long road trip this go-around, so it might be good to try to patch things up now when we aren’t necessarily face to face.

Yes, that’s the immature way of thinking, but listen, I’ve been thrown for a loop here. I’m juggling this pregnancy with trying to keep things calm with the father of my child. If I want to hide behind text messages to make things better, then so be it.

No judgment!

Lying in bed, I open the team’s TikTok app to scroll through fan messages and comments when at the top of my screen, a text comes through from Eli.

Bracing myself, I click on it and read.

Eli: Thanks. It was a needed win. How are you feeling?

His go-to question. It’s what he asks almost every single day but doesn’t extend the conversation after my typical answer of “okay.” I’m worried he might do the same thing here.

Penny: Okay. Didn’t have much to eat even though Winnie came over and brought salad and pizza.

After I press send, I quickly exit the text thread because I’m too worried I won’t see him responding. That I won’t see those three dots pop up, telling me that he is engaging. I talked about pizza. That’s opening up the conversation, right? Let’s see if he takes it.

But when he doesn’t answer right away, panic sets in.

God, why is he taking so long to respond?

Is he going to respond?

I’m tempted to go back to the thread to see if it shows him typing, but instead, I decide to distract myself and open TikTok again just as my phone buzzes and a text comes through.

“Thank God,” I whisper.

I click over to the thread.

Eli: Were you not hungry or was the pizza shit?

I chuckle and text him back.

Penny: Been uneasy lately, so my stomach has been in knots. Haven’t been super hungry.

This time, I can see him typing back right away. I settle into my mattress and curl up to my pillow as I wait for his response.

Eli: What have you been uneasy about?

He took the bait, and now I need to just be honest like we said we would be. On a deep breath, I text him back.

Penny: Us. We were in such a good place before the fight with Remi. And I don’t know how to fix it.

I toss my phone to the side and cover my eyes as I take a few deep breaths. God, why is this so hard? Why do I feel like a teenager all over again trying to communicate with a boy? It shouldn’t be like this. It should be easy. I should be calm and relaxed.

My phone buzzes, and I pop up and grab it.

Eli: Me neither. But I want to.

Relief floods me. This is exactly what I wanted. Open communication. His willingness to patch things up along with mine. I need to tell Winnie how smart she is.

Penny: How about this? I’m sorry about what happened. I was upset about how you acted, and I should have spoken to you rather than yelled at you.

Eli: I’m sorry, too. Not for what I did, defending you, but for how I did it. I understand what you mean about getting into fights. I wouldn’t want our kid to do the same.

Penny: Thank you for apologizing. I really appreciate it.

Eli: Are things cool with us?

Penny: You tell me.

Eli: I’ve been giving you space because I know how upset you were. I didn’t want to push my luck.

Penny: I was giving you space.

Eli: Lol, how about next time, we just talk to each other when we’re not as heated.

Penny: Hopefully, there won’t be a next time.

Eli: Wishful thinking. There will be a next time. 100 percent certain. We’re moving to uncharted territories for the both of us, so there are bound to be some bumps along the way. But we’re not going to go through two weeks of not really talking to each other. Got it?

Penny: Got it. *sighs* Thank you for texting back. I was nervous you weren’t going to.

Eli: Seriously? I was just sitting here, hovering my thumb over your name, trying to think of something, anything to say to you to open the conversation.

Penny: You could have told me something like . . . oh, I don’t know, something like you ate an apple.

Eli: Yes, because the first time was a real conversation starter.

Penny: LOL. It would have made me laugh, and that would have started the conversation.

Eli: Noted, so whenever you are mad at me, I’ll be sure to throw it back to the apple day, and let you know that, in fact, I ate one.

Penny: It’s a brilliant tactic. I might use it if needed.

Eli: I can guarantee you, if you texted me tonight, “I ate an apple” I would have 100 percent thought everything was good between us.

Penny: Well, I’m glad we have established that.

Eli: Very glad . . . so where do we go from here?

Penny: I sort of have an idea, but if it’s stupid, you need to tell me, and we can think of something else.

Eli: Let me hear it.

Penny: Let’s simply ask questions as if we’re new friends.

Eli: So we tell each other something the other person might not know?

Penny: Sure. You start.

Eli: Okay, I have to have five gummy bears before every game, home or away. Posey makes sure I’m always fully stocked up.

Penny: Is that why you had that bag with you when you came to my office?

Eli: Yeah, Posey brought it to me.

Penny: When did you start doing it?

Eli: When I was young before my mom died. The last game she saw me play, she gave me gummy bears before the game, and I had one of the best games of my childhood.

Penny: Why the number five?

Eli: Five was her favorite number.

Penny: That’s really sweet, Eli.

Eli: Yeah, I keep it pretty close to me. Please don’t use it as something to promote the team.

Penny: Anything you say to me outside of the stadium is personal. Please know that. I’d never take your personal life and spread it to the fans without your permission.

Eli: You don’t seem like that kind of person, but I figured I’d say it anyway. So what’s your thing?

Penny: When I helped Pacey with his practices, I used to purposely shoot the puck at his crotch because I thought it was funny when he’d miss, and it would hit him. I enjoyed watching him crumple despite having protection.

Eli: LOLOL WHAT? You’d try to hit him in the dick on purpose? Seems like a recurring theme with you.

Penny: Of course. Isn’t that what little sisters are supposed to do?

Eli: Is that why they were created? To wreak havoc on their brothers’ junk?

Penny: Yup. Aren’t you glad you don’t have a little sister?

Eli: For the sake of my balls . . . yes. Were you always a terror?

Penny: I want to say no. I want to tell you that I was the picture-perfect little sister, but that would be lying. I wasn’t even close. I made Pacey’s life hell. Sure, I helped him with hockey, but when we put the sticks down, I made it my mission to make him miserable.

Eli: If my relationship with him wasn’t so rocky, I’d ask you for tips on how to drive him crazy.

Penny: Things still bad with him?

Eli: I wouldn’t say bad, just not the same. I’ll say this, defending you on the ice won me some points. He at least talks to me now. Thinking about taking him out for a beer tomorrow night. What do you think? Should I ask him out?

Penny: Not sure you’re his type.

Eli: Maybe if I find a long blonde wig, something that looks like Winnie’s hair, he might give me a chance.

Penny: Now there’s an idea. If it helps, he barely talks to me too.

Eli: That doesn’t help. I don’t want him mad at you.

Penny: It wouldn’t be the first time. We always work through it.

Eli: Not the first time you’ve slept with one of his teammates?

Penny: No, I’ve never done that. You are the first and only. I meant the first time we’ve been in a fight. When it came to Pacey and his teammates, I’ve always been off limits. He never wanted to mix the two. Plus, he always said hockey players are horny assholes and I deserved better.

Eli: We are horny, and we can be assholes. He might be onto something. The horny, though, that comes from adrenaline. After a game, it’s hard to shake that high off, you know?

Penny: Unless I’m completely naïve, what have you been doing to shake it off now? (assuming you’re not having sex with anyone)

Eli: You’re assuming correctly. I’m not doing much to shake the adrenaline. And the last person I had sex with was you, and if I were being completely frank, it’s because you rocked my world that night, and it was hard to forget.

Penny: You were drunk.

Eli: I wasn’t.

My teeth roll over my bottom lip as I stare at his text. His confirmation.

I rocked his world?

Me?

Penny Lawes.

The girl who was told she was bad at sex?

I haven’t had much experience in the bedroom. I mean, I’ve had moments, but I add “rocks people’s worlds” to my sexual résumé. I’d say average with an occasional moment that borders spectacular.

But to rock Eli Hornsby’s world? That just doesn’t seem possible.

Eli: Did I say too much?

Penny: No, sorry. I was just . . . well, I guess I’m not good at taking compliments, and I wasn’t expecting you to say that. But I guess . . . thank you. Seems weird to say thank you, but I don’t know what else to say.

Eli: How about we say good night? I’m sure you’re tired, and, uh, I need to shake this adrenaline off somehow, and when I say that, I mean staying in my hotel room and finding something to do. Like I said before, you don’t have to worry about me sleeping around.

Penny: If you need to, it’s fine.

Eli: I don’t want to, Penny. Okay. It’s just not in me anymore.

Penny: Okay . . . well, good to know. This might be the little sister in me coming out with a dumb question, but were you alluding to the fact that you’re going to go, you know, pleasure yourself now?

Eli: Yes, it was. LOL. I’m becoming reacquainted with my friend the right hand.

Penny: Is it weird we’re talking about masturbation?

Eli: You tell me.

Penny: Sort of, but I guess I enjoy the honesty. So . . . have fun whacking off.

Eli: I never should have told you.

Penny: You probably shouldn’t have. This will live in my mind forever.

Eli: Fantastic.

PENNY: How was your night? Romantic?

Eli: I really shouldn’t have told you.

Penny: It’s all I could think about last night and not in a creepy I’m picturing you and your orgasm face kind of way, but more fascinated in the process.

Eli: I don’t have an orgasm face.

Penny: Ha . . . okay.

Eli: I’m not even going to ask.

Penny: It’s best you don’t.

Eli: And what do you mean by the process?

Penny: Well, you know. Did you light a candle? Use lotion? Set up the tissues? Play some romantic music? Strike up a conversation with your hand before you brought it down south . . .

Eli: Are you always like this? Is this the real Penny and you’ve been hiding her all along?

Penny: I’m afraid to answer that.

Eli: If the answer is yes, I don’t mind her. I just need to mentally prepare myself for what to expect moving forward.

Penny: Then yes, this is me in all of my glory. Awkward, weird, asks uncomfortable questions, and doesn’t tend to have a filter when rambling.

Eli: I accept this. And if you have to know, it was in the shower. Easier that way.

Penny: Fascinating. Okay, I can go on with my day now.

Eli: Glad I could assist.

ELI: Have you ever gotten stitches?

Penny: Are we just asking questions now without any lead-in? Nothing like how’s your day going? Just straight to the point?

Eli: Penny, how is your day going? Have you ever gotten stitches?

Penny: It’s okay. I dry-heaved into my waste basket while in the middle of a meeting with an intern and told him I had bad shrimp the night before. He turned a hideous shade of gray, and I’m pretty sure he’ll pray to the Lord up above to never have to work with me again. Other than that, great. Feeling good. And yes, I’ve gotten stitches before.

Eli: I thought the morning sickness was easing.

Penny: It is. I think it was because this kid’s cologne was next level. Nearly gagged me. But I wasn’t about to tell him that.

Eli: Okay. But you’re doing okay?

Penny: Yessssssss, Eli. I’m fine.

Eli: Don’t appreciate the sass, but we’ll move on. Where were the stitches? And why did you have to get them?

Penny: My palm. I was cutting a bagel and ended up slicing right through my hand. The bagel was later used to help sop up my blood.

Eli: Were you allowed to cut bagels after that?

Penny: Funnily enough, the next day, there was a bagel-cutting device in the kitchen. Pacey will deny it to this day, but he passed out in the car when I showed him my flapping skin. He said he was tired, but we all know the cut was too gruesome for him.

Eli: Logging that away for future teasing when we’re back to normal.

Penny: Did you do the thing I told you to do?

Eli: Pin him against the wall and give him a noogie?

Penny: Yeah.

Eli: No, because that was terrible advice.

Penny: How do you know? You didn’t try.

Eli: I ran it by Posey. He said if I was looking to get an uppercut into the ribs, then go for it.

Penny: Hmm. I thought guys liked to play around with each other like that.

Eli: That’s like me assuming you and Winnie had a pillow fight the other night when she was over.

Penny: How do you know we didn’t?

Eli: Did you?

Penny: No.

Eli: Exactly. Trust me, it was not good advice.

Penny: Do you want me to run the scenario by him and ask him what he would do if you did that?

Eli: Jesus, no.

Penny: Are you sure? I don’t mind texting him.

Eli: For the love of God, don’t text him.

Penny: I just did. Waiting on a response.

Eli: You what? Penny! Come on, seriously?

Penny: No, but hearing your whining was fun. And before you get mad, please note, I’m pregnant and don’t get to do a lot of fun things at the moment due to nausea. So give me this little thing.

Eli: You know I’m never going to be able to trust you with the number of times you’ve tricked me.

Penny: I think that’s fair.

PENNY: Are you excited to only have two more games on this away trip? It’s been a long one.

Eli: I’m excited to be reacquainted with my good friend, the couch.

Penny: You realize you can sleep in my bed, right? I told you that before you left.

Eli: Yeah, but you said it with a snarl to your lip, so I wasn’t sure I should attempt to lay a foot in your bed. Is the snarl gone?

Penny: There was no snarl.

Eli: There was a snarl. It twitched and pulsed, and frankly, it would scare the sugar off a lollipop.

Penny: Umm . . . the sugar off a lollipop? Dare I ask where that horrible comparison comes from?

Eli: Scarily enough, it was the first thing that came to mind.

Penny: I fear there’s a hint of a sociopath in the depths of your being, and that’s unsettling. Maybe you won’t be allowed back in the bed.

Eli: Don’t play with my heart . . . or back muscles.

Penny: Are you a sociopath?

Eli: Can’t say that I’ve ever been called one before. I can offer some references.

Penny: References work.

Eli: Please refer to Levi Posey and Halsey Holmes.

Penny: They aren’t reliable.

Eli: Not even Holmes?

Penny: Partially. I’d need him alone and not under the influence of your stare.

Eli: I can arrange such an event.

Penny: Good. Now, I have to ask, what did you eat for dinner? You look different on the TV from what I’m used to, and I’m wondering if it’s something you ate.

Eli: Different good or different bad?

Penny: Don’t let this get to your head, but different good.

Eli: Is that so?

Penny: Ughhhhhhh, never mind.

Eli: Tell me how good.

Penny: Good night, Hornsby.

Eli: It’s Eli.

Penny: Not when you act like that, it’s not.