Things I Wanted To Say (Lancaster Prep Book 1)

I THINK HE’S BAFFLED.

He certainly looks baffled. And still turned on, despite the orgasm we both just experienced. God, it had felt so good to take the reins and have my way with him. That he even allowed it is a huge moment for us. He doesn’t seem comfortable in ever letting me have even an ounce of control when we’re together like this. He’s in charge.

Always.

The cuddling hadn’t been a ruse either. I’d really wanted to just lie there with him and snuggle for a few minutes. Silly, I know, but who do I ever get to snuggle with? No one. No one has held me like Whit just did in so long. It felt good. Being in Whit’s arms, wrapped all around him, felt…

Like I belonged.

With him.

He’s currently frowning, his mind blown I’m sure, and I kiss him again, my lips clinging to his as I breathe in his breaths, inhaling him. Like I want to keep him forever.

“You confuse me,” he murmurs against my mouth, his hands wandering, lighting me up despite what just happened between us.

“You confuse me too,” I say, kissing him, parting my lips for his tongue’s entry.

His hand clutches the back of my head, his fingers tightening in my hair in that familiar way of his. He’s back. In command. In charge. His kiss is ferocious, his mouth demanding, his tongue thrusting much like his cock does inside of me.

He commandeers my body, taking over and flipping me until I’m lying on my back, his body pressed on top of mine. “Did you like it?” I ask him breathlessly.

“You drive me out of my mind.” He thrusts against me, his mouth attacking my neck. My chest. My breasts. He sucks my nipple into his mouth, his hands wandering along my sides, and a wave of euphoria fills me at his touch, his damp lips and wet tongue. He lifts his head, his intense gaze meeting mine. “Watching you fuck me like that…”

I smile. It’s true. I fucked him, and he’s always the one who fucks me. The shift in power was deliberate. “You liked it.”

“I fucking loved it.” He grabs my hands and pulls them above my head, holding me captive as he stares into my eyes. “I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.”

I frown, my eyes fluttering closed when he thrusts his cock against me. He’s already so hard again. A shift of our hips and he’d be inside me. “You said I should.”

“I take it back.” He kisses me, his mouth on mine as he says, “I want you to stay.”

He enters me at the same time I open my eyes. A moan leaves me when he strokes, deep and slow, pulling almost all the way out before he slides back in. He keeps his pace lazy, doing to me what I just did to him and oh my God, it feels so good.

Whit keeps my arms pinned above my head with one hand, working his hips as he grips my side with his free hand. I wrap my legs around his waist, anchoring myself to him, sending him deeper. He changes positions, angling his body so he can hit a particular spot that has me seeing stars and his languid strokes are forgotten. He fucks me in quick, deep jabs, pounding me into the bed. The box spring squeaks rhythmically, the sound of our skin slapping together filling the room just before he goes completely still and spills inside of me with a deep, shuddery groan.

I don’t come. I wasn’t even close, but it doesn’t matter. All I can think about is what he told me.

I don’t want you to leave tomorrow.

I want you to stay.

And how good those words made me feel.

“Wake up sleepyhead!”

Something soft smacks me in the head, jolting me awake and I automatically jerk the duvet up, making sure I’m covered. A figure is standing by my side of the bed and I blink it into focus.

Sylvie. Bright-eyed and with a mischievous curl to her lips as she studies me.

I glance to my right, panic flaring inside of me at the thought of her finding me naked in bed with her brother but he’s gone. I reach out, pressing my hand against the cold sheets.

He’s been gone for a while.

“Reaching for your secret lover?” she asks, her tone knowing.

I ignore her question, flopping back onto the pillows, pushing my hair out of my face. “What time is it?”

“Almost ten. You must’ve been exhausted to sleep this long. Especially since you went to bed so early.”

I don’t bite at her baited statements. “I guess so.”

“I thought you were sleeping with me last night.” She offers up a mock pout.

“I was. But I left because you were snoring.”

Her mouth drops open. “I don’t snore.”

I laugh. “Yes, you do.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “How unladylike of me.”

I decide to give her a taste of her own medicine. “Hasn’t Spence told you that before?”

Sylvie sniffs, her nose in the air. “I’ve not spent any amount of time with Spence that would offer him a glimpse into my sleeping habits.”

“Such a pretentious way of saying you haven’t slept with him yet,” I tease. She bops me on the shoulder with the pillow I didn’t realize she was still holding. “Come on, fess up. What have you and Spencer done, exactly?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem. I want to do something, but he always resists,” she says drolly. “I think he’s terrified of my brother coming for him.”

Whit is definitely terrifying. Though he wasn’t last night, in my bed. He was almost…

Sweet.

“I see you getting all dreamy-eyed. Stop thinking about him.” Another bop of the pillow, this time on top of my head. “You missed the family breakfast.”

My stomach growls as if on cue. “I’m starving.”

“We can grab something before we go shopping.” She hesitates for only a moment. “While we were eating, Mother suggested Whit invite Leticia for Thanksgiving dinner.”

My appetite leaves me. “What did Whit say?”

“He said no. He doesn’t want her here.” Sylvie plops onto the edge of my bed, making it bounce. “Then Mother suggested I send you home. Claims you make her, and I quote, ‘uncomfortable.’”

My stomach twists into a painful knot. God, that woman is awful. Though I suppose I shouldn’t blame her for not wanting the daughter of her former husband’s mistress at her home for a fun-filled family holiday.

Talk about convoluted.

“Whit told her no. You’re staying. They got into an argument.” A little smile dances across her face. “Over you.”

I remain quiet, taking her words in. I’m sure yesterday he would’ve fought for me to leave and Leticia to stay. What changed? One night of cuddling? Is that really all it took?

I find that hard to believe.

“Whit and I—”

“Are together,” Sylvie finishes for me. “He also mentioned that to Mother.”

“What?” I gasp, my eyes going wide. “He did not.”

“He kind of did.” Sylvie shrugs. “He said you were his guest too, and he refuses to send you back to school so you can spend the holiday alone. You’re staying. He shut her down every time she tried to argue her point. It was rather amusing.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed the moment,” I say, my thoughts riotous. “Where is he now?”

“With our father. Whit just went to his office. He said they had some business to discuss.” Sylvie’s gaze is shrewd. “I’m thinking it has to do with you.”

“Doubtful.” I roll my eyes, refusing to get excited about any of this. Sylvie could be exaggerating. Whit might treat me terribly when we see each other next. That’s his normal M.O. Passionate one minute, awful the next.

Why would he change?

“Do you want to go shopping with me?” Sylvie asks. “Or are you going to hang around outside Daddy’s study and hope Whit comes out soon?”

She sounds vaguely jealous, which is a side of Sylvie I’ve never seen before. “I’m your guest,” I stress. “And I’d love to go shopping.”

Her smile is genuine. “Yay. Well, get ready, sleepyhead.”

I realize she’s fully dressed, while I am most decidedly not. “Um…”

“What?”

“I need a few minutes. I’m uh.” I wave a hand at myself. “Not decent.”

Sylvie laughs. “Why, are you naked under those covers, Summer?”

My cheeks grow warm. “Maybe.”

“So he did sneak into your room last night.” Sylvie rises to her feet, making her way to the door. “I asked him if he did, but he denied it.”

“He did?” I ask, my voice small.

“Yes, but he turned just as red as you are now, so I knew he was full of shit.” She glances over her shoulder. “I won’t tell on you two. Your secret is safe with me.”

I certainly hope so, I think after Sylvie leaves.

It scares me though, that she knows so much. She could tell his parents. Everyone at school. She knows what Whit and I are up to.

She could ruin my life with a snap of her fingers. Of course, Whit could ruin my life too, after reading my stupid journal that he refuses to give back.

I take the quickest shower ever and throw on some clothes, leaving my hair down and in its natural state, which is haphazard waves that I don’t particularly like, but for some reason, today they look good. Though I know my mother has never liked my hair like this, I think as I apply a coat of mascara onto my lashes. She always wanted my hair perfectly straight, or perfectly curled.

But I’m not perfect. I’ve done things, said things that I’m not proud of, and that’s okay. We make mistakes and we’re allowed, because we’re only human, right?

I blink at myself in the mirror, thinking of one mistake I made in particular. The fire that night.

It was all my fault. I’m the reason Yates and Jonas are dead. And while I don’t necessarily mourn the loss of my stepbrother—and this makes me feel even worse than I already do—I do miss Jonas. He was a good man.

Good to me. And my mother, despite everything she did to him.

Standing up straight, I drop my mascara into my cosmetics bag and zip it closed, telling myself I need to stop thinking about…everything. There’s nothing I can do to change what happened in the past. I have to live with it.

No matter how difficult that is.

Grabbing my coat, I barge out of my room and pull the door shut, stopping short when I see Sylvia Lancaster standing in the hall, almost as if she was waiting for me. Our gazes meet, her dark blue eyes narrowing as I draw closer to her.

“Good morning,” I say in greeting, forcing myself to be friendly.

“Slept in late, I see,” she says coolly.

I stop right in front of her, taking her in. She’s draped in pale pink silk, and I wonder if she’s going somewhere. I stand up a little taller. No way can I let her intimidate me. “I was tired.”

“I’m sure. Considering you were with my son throughout the night.” I open my mouth to deny it, but she cuts me off with a short shake of her head. “My son does what he wants, and he also does who he wants. It’s no surprise to me that the two of you are—involved.”

Her voice drips with disgust.

I don’t know how to reply. She’s rendered me completely silent, and from the pleased expression on her eternally pinched face, I can tell she’s extremely happy about it too.

“You aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last, you know. Somehow though, you’ve convinced both of my children that they should spend time with you, when we know the truth,” she says.

I’m taken aback at her vaguely referring to me as a bad person. “And what’s that?”

“That you’re a whore, just like you’re mother.” She raises one thin brow, waiting for me to deny it.

But I don’t. What’s the point? She’s going to think what she wants.

“Normally, this sort of thing wouldn’t bother me. My daughter bringing home her latest pet, who just so happens to be fucking my son. Everyone all twisted up in each other’s lives, though I suppose it’s perfectly normal. You’re all in school together. You’re an attractive girl. Why wouldn’t my son be interested? And Sylvie’s starved for attention. Everyone else has grown weary of her little mind games, and you’re fresh and new. Easily manipulated. It’s written all over you, you know. They can see it.” Sylvia’s gaze rakes over me, and it’s as if everything inside of me shrivels.

“That’s not how it is,” I say quietly, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat. “You don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly,” Sylvia says, her voice tight. “Your mother was a naïve cow too. Dazzled by my husband’s looks and charm and wealth. My children are the same way. Charming. Beautiful. Just as my husband seduced her, Whit—and even Sylvie—seduced you as well. You’re just too blind to see it.”

“See what?”

“The Lancaster family use people for their personal gain. Their personal pleasure. Entertainment. You’re just a little toy they’ll soon grow bored with. They will chew you up and spit you out once they’re finished with you, and they’re getting close. Whit will eventually have to straighten up and do his duty with Leticia. She’s going to marry him someday, you do realize this, don’t you?”

I lift my chin. “Yes. Whit already told me.”

Her eyes flicker with surprise, but otherwise there’s no reaction. “Then you understand your place with him.”

“My place?”

“Yes. You’re temporary, my darling. A fun little affair to indulge in. The dirty little girl who lets him do whatever he wants to her whenever he wants, because heaven forbid he could ever ask the future mother of his children to do…whatever it is you two do behind closed doors.” Her tone is snide. Knowing.

The blood drains from my face, my knees growing weak. My head spins and I brace myself, praying I don’t faint. How does she know what Whit and I do? There’s no way he’d tell her just how depraved our interactions are. But she is his mother.

Maybe she just knows.

“So have fun being his filthy mistress. Once he tosses you aside, Sylvie will do the same. She’s loyal to her brother to a fault.” Her smile is cruel as she starts walking, shoulder checking me as she passes by. “Have a lovely day shopping with my daughter.”

I turn and watch her go; my lungs clogged with air. I feel like I can’t breathe.

My phone buzzes in the back pocket of my jeans and I scramble for it, hoping it’s Whit.

But it’s Sylvie.

Where are you? Meet me downstairs, the car is waiting!

With shaking fingers, I tap out a response.

I’ll be down in a minute.

She can wait. I have some searching to do first.