Their Bonds of Love

Feeling abandoned in some strange world where she couldn’t tell what was real and what was a dream, Eleri felt lost. She had experience with the feeling throughout her life. She thought she would never find her way after her mother died. When she struggled with her feelings for Conri and Caerwyn, she was afraid she would forget who she was. As she lived under Lord Fellen’s spell in the palace, only the constant whispered reminders to herself gave her any sort of direction.

Now, as she existed in her half-sleep, she wondered if she could actually find her way back. She felt like she had a choice. She could give up and disappear as her wolf had. She could follow the animal into the unknown and slowly drift away, or she could fight to stay with those she loved. She could accept that she would be changed, but there was still much about her that was the same.

She was still the daughter of Lord Ewan Cadwin and Elen Moss. She was a powerful user of magic as she could tell it had filled every part of her since the loss of her wolf. She was a woman who was bound to her king. Her love for Conri had not disappeared with her wolf. She loved him just as before, maybe even more. It was that which scared her.

He was a wolf king, and therefore a wolf queen would be demanded. Would he even still want her when she woke up? Would he still feel their bond through their marks now that she was not a shifter? She worried that even if he still loved her, he would be made to give her up. She wasn’t sure she could bear being parted from him, having to watch him love another.

There were times she thought she might have been awake. She could feel his lips upon her hand and her forehead as she stared at him. He told her he loved her and that she needed to wake up so he could finally take her as his wife. She tried to tell herself these times were real, but she was afraid they were not. She was scared she was only comforting herself with good thoughts and sweet dreams.

Perhaps, she thought, she could stay in this perpetual state of being between a dream and real-life forever. She could be blissfully unaware of what was happening and just spend time dreaming of Conri. It was not who she was, and she knew it.

She had never shied away from hard things, and she would not do it now. She was strong, and she would somehow go on even if she had to face losing Conri. She would not leave her father alone to worry over her. She would not let Caerwyn fret and possibly blame himself that it was her who had to save the king and not him.

Deciding she had to join the living, Eleri took a deep breath and opened her eyes. She blinked several times, looking up at a ceiling she recognized as belonging to the palace. She had a quick moment of panic that she had been in a long series of dreams and nightmares. She thought maybe she had never been rescued and still lived under Lord Fellen’s rule. She relaxed when she looked around and realized that the bedroom was nothing like the one she had resided in before.

“Eleri,” said a familiar voice urgently as someone took her hand. “Eleri, are you awake?”

She blinked a few more times and focused her eyes to see Caerwyn looking over her with concern. She tried to smile at him but only managed a grin. It was enough to make him give a breath of relief and smile in return.

“Emilia, go find someone to fetch the king, quickly,” said Caerwyn.

“I will go myself, now,” answered Emilia.

“He is speaking with Lord Cecil and his daughter in the entry hall. He will want to come immediately,” said Caerwyn.

She heard the door open and shut as Caerwyn looked down at her.

“Water? Can I have some water?” she rasped, her throat feeling raw and angry.

Caerwyn let go of her hand. He left for a second, and when he came back, he handed her a half cup of water. He helped her to sit up a bit so she could drink. As the cup hit her lips, she grimaced slightly. Her face felt stiff and achy. She used one of her hands to pull up a bandage wrapped around her head close to her face.

Once she emptied her cup, Caerwyn took it back. “Would you like more? Maybe some food? I can have some brought here.”

Eleri shook her head. “Not yet. That was enough.” She settled back into her pillows. “How long?” she asked.

“You’ve been in this bed for almost five days, Eleri. There were times you woke up and even drank or ate some broth, but you would never speak to us. The king is half out of his mind with worry and no sleep.”

She looked away for a moment. “So he still loves me, or does he just pity me now?”

“Eleri,” said Caerwyn as he took her hand again. “You know the king loves you. What could have changed in five days?”

“I am not who I once was,” she whispered. “I have lost something.”

Caerwyn bent down and kissed her hand. “You lost it to protect the king and save the land. If that spell had hit Conri, he would have lost his wolf. It might have killed him. Even if he lived, you know what chaos it would have caused for a Gildan to lose his wolf.”

She nodded. “I could not let that happen to him.”

“You saved him, Eleri. It should have been me. I should have made that sacrifice, not you.”

“He needs you, Caerwyn. Elathia does as well. You are the Bright One. Without your wolf, you could not serve. I think it might kill you if you lost it,” said Eleri as she felt tears come to her eyes.

“It probably would have because I am not as strong as you.” He smiled a little at her. “You are being celebrated through the city, you know. Selven has had a good time going from tavern to tavern and some questionable places to tell your tale. I think you might be a legend before long.”

“The poor woman who lost her wolf,” she said sadly. “Next, I will be Eleri, the almost queen, I suppose.”

“You know it isn’t true. The king will not give you up. He has been very adamant about it,” said Caerwyn.

“I suppose he feels bound by his word and the service I performed for him,” said Eleri.

Caerwyn shook his head. “That is your exhaustion and injury talking.”

“Perhaps it is better this way. He can let me go, and I can escape from Elathia. How can I even be the First Advisor without my wolf? I can find some new land to live in, and you and Conri will never be at odds again. The awkwardness will be gone.”

Before Caerwyn could speak, the door opened loudly. Eleri looked over to see Conri standing at the foot of her bed, looking perfect and whole. He was dressed as the king in all black and gold. He was breathtaking, and she was a broken creature in a sickbed.

“Eleri,” he gasped as Caerwyn let her hand go. Conri moved to take his place, picking up her hand and kissing it several times. “My love, please tell me that you are really awake.”

She stared at him as tears fell down her face. To think that she couldn’t be with him forever was too much.

“What is it?” he asked. “Are you in much pain? I can send for a healer or even Efa to help you.”

She shook her head. “It is just too much, Conri. I thought I would be strong enough to give you up, but I don’t think I can do it.”

“Give me up? Surely, you have not fallen out of love with me while you slept?” he said with a small smile.

“Of course not. I know I will love you until I take my last breath, probably even after, but you cannot choose me. I know it.”

“Eleri, I have already chosen you, and it cannot be undone. You are tired and still in pain. Do not worry about it now. Just know that my feelings for you have changed only in that I love you more every day.”

He wiped one of her tears away on her good cheek with his fingers.

“I don’t know, Conri. What if others won’t accept it,” she said.

“Let me worry about that, Eleri. I just need you to recover. We have so much work to do to heal Elathia, and I cannot do it without you.”

She stared up at him, scared to hope what he was saying was true. “I love you,” she said quietly. “No matter what happens, I will not stop loving you, so do what you need to do for Elathia.”

“All I need is you. I would give up my crown in a second for you.”

“I would never let you,” said Eleri.

“Then rule with me as my queen, and all will be well,” he said with a smile. “Now that all that is settled, what would you like? Some food?”

“I want to get up for a moment, and I would like a bath,” answered Eleri.

“Are you sure you can manage it?”

She nodded. “If you call a few servants to help me, I can do it.”

“I will call for some water, but I can help you, Eleri. I don’t think I can let you out of my sight for at least the whole day now that you are awake.”

She started to protest, but Conri wouldn’t let her. She spent the rest of the day with him after her bath, dozing off and on as others came to see her. She wept when her father came, though he said how proud of her he was. Efa and Grace fussed over her, and Efa told her quietly not to doubt Conri or give him a hard time. Aron teased her a little, but she could sense the sadness behind his words. He did not stay long, saying he could not leave his duty.

Emilia may have been the most useful to her. She did not admonish Eleri’s thoughts. She listened and did not offer advice. She did tell her it would all work out before she left, but she did not press Eleri to believe it.

Conri slept with her that night and many nights after. He held her gently, never doing more than kissing her cheek or forehead. In time, Eleri started to heal to where she could get out of bed. She walked the halls with Conri, her father, Caerwyn, or Emilia. Her appetite returned, and eventually, Efa took her bandages off.

She gazed in the mirror at herself, looking at the red lines that went across half her face. She traced them gently with her hand.

“They will fade in time, Eleri,” said Efa. “Even with them, you are still beautiful.”

“I think they only add to your beauty, Eleri,” said Conri as he looked at her. “You will be my fierce, beautiful warrior queen.”

She tried to smile at him as tears gathered in her eyes. “They are the least of my worries.”

Efa hugged her as Conri watched. “I know it is hard, Eleri, but you are still so wonderful. I can feel how powerful you are now, even in your weakened state. You are not less because of what you lost.”

“Efa is right, my love. You can mourn as long as you need, but do not think this changes how I or anyone else who loves you sees you.”

Eleri nodded at their reassurances while wiping away her tears. Still, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t help but wonder how everything would work out.

As the days went by, she would be left alone to rest as the others had to see to their different duties. One of the head palace attendants was charged to watch over her, ensuring she had all she needed. The woman prattled on as she served Eleri, speaking of how impressive Conri was as the king and how shocking and sad it was that Eleri had lost her wolf.

“It would be strange having a non-shifter queen, I think,” said the woman one day after she poured Eleri some tea. “No offense to you, my lady. I know it is not your fault you lost your wolf, but the Gildan kings have always had shifter queens. What if one of your children is born without a wolf? What if it is the firstborn son?”

Eleri looked at the woman as she drank her tea. “My mother was a non-shifter, and I was born with the ability. I may have lost my wolf, but I still have shifter blood. I am sure it will not be a problem.”

“I hope not, my lady,” said the woman.

They had many conversations like this, where the woman would fret over the state of Elathia. Eleri grew tired of it and once harshly told her to keep her mouth shut on the subject. She felt guilty about it and apologized later. She did not mention any of it to Conri, not wanting him to think she was worrying over it. Still, late at night after he had drifted to sleep, she stayed up with his arms around her, wondering if perhaps when she was well if she should just leave him.

Conri was always very kind and gentle with her. He spoke other of his day as she listened. He would kiss her cheek and sleep with her each night, but he never tried to do more. He certainly didn’t attempt to love her. He left her alone more and more each day. He did not ask her how she was feeling at night. She wondered if he was trying to pull away from her. He spoke to her of love, but for some reason, she still heard a voice in her head told her he would never see their marriage through.

Once she was able to leave her room regularly, Eleri thought she should get to work as First Advisor. She woke up one day later than normal to find Conri already gone. Calling for a servant, she got out of bed and looked into the mirror. The gashes on her face had turned into three thin red lines that extended from the side of her face to her mouth. Efa reminded her they would continue to fade, but Eleri knew they would always mar her face in some way.

She would not cry over them. She had never worried much about her beauty before. She was aware she was beautiful, but having a few marks on her face was the least of her worries. She stayed up late every night worrying over her future. She had bad dreams where Conri would leave her, or she would be forced to give him up.

She felt like she lived in dread. Even though he continued to be attentive and spoke to her of love, he continued to barely touch her. He continued not to kiss her lips, let alone tried to do other things. She hoped he would want her again as she healed, but it didn’t look like it would be.

She was afraid he was preparing to let her go no matter what he said. Perhaps he just didn’t want to upset her during her recovering. He was often in meetings with Lord Cecil and Lord Rees. She even heard that Lord Cecil’s daughter had joined the meetings, and she wondered why some young woman would be in such important meetings.

The head servant who usually served Eleri came in one morning and helped Eelri dress in her black dress with the Gildan crest.

“Should I call for your cloak, my lady?” asked the woman.

“What for? I didn’t plan on going outside,” said Eleri.

“Did you not get your message from the king? He wishes you to go to Argenta House and set up the place. Your father has stayed there, but there is no caretaker, and many of Bren Farrow’s things are still there. The king says you will spend much of your time in the house, and you should make it to your liking.”

“The king said I would spend much of my time there?”

“You are the First Advisor, my lady, and Argenta House is the First Advisor’s residence.”

Eleri felt the dread that hung over her spread to all parts of her body, making her feel cold and heavy. “Where is the king right now?”

“He has been in a meeting since breakfast with Lord Rees, Lord Cecil, and Lord Cecil’s daughter. He spends much of his time with Lord Cecil and his daughter these days.”

“The younger one?”

“I do not know them well, my lady, but this woman is very beautiful with long blonde hair and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. In my opinion, the king seems to enjoy her company,” said the woman.

“Bring me my cloak, please. I will spend the whole day at Argenta House and see what I can do to fix it. I will even take my meals there today,” said Eleri.

Once dressed, Eleri walked out downstairs to the entry hall. She almost made it to the door when she heard Caerwyn call her name.

“Are you going for a walk, Eleri?” asked Caerwyn. “I know you probably are desperate to be outside. Let me go with you. I will just tell the king.”

“No,” said Eleri. “There is no need to tell him where I am going. He already knows. Apparently, he wishes me to visit Argenta House and set it up for myself. I hear he is in an important meeting, and I do not want him disturbed.”

“But he will want to know if you leave the palace. Who told you he wishes you to go to Argenta House?” asked Caerwyn.

“One of the head servants. She said the king sent a message to have me start setting up the household as I like. I don’t mind,” said Eleri, holding back her tears. “It is my job as First Advisor, and I better get used to my position.”

“Eleri,” started Caerwyn.

“I am fine, Caerwyn. I will be gone most of the day, and maybe into the evening. I would say if anyone needs me, they know where to find me, but everything seems to be going just fine without me.”

Before he could answer, she walked out the door into the cold late winter morning. Once she got to Argenta House, she steadied herself and got to work. She asked servants to get rid of Bren’s personal belongings except for any writings he may have done or books he owned. She went through them all as they were brought to her.

She read of his plans to falsify the prophecy, even seeing drafts as he altered it. She read angry letters from Ciara about him bothering Lord Fellen and her. He had much correspondence from lords. Some were willing to help Lord Fellen take the throne, and others wished to help Bren take over Elathia. She made a list of them all so they could be questioned and possibly charged with treason.

By afternoon, her eyes were tired, and her head hurt. She ate a simple late lunch in front of the fire in the parlor. After finishing a cup of wine, she laid her head back against the plush sofa and started to drift off. Loud voices and doors opening caused her to sit up. She looked to the doorway of the parlor to see a harried looking servant showing Conri into the room.

Conri huffed as he looked at her before turning to the servant. “Leave us, and make sure we are not disturbed at any point.” The servant nodded and hurried away. “What in the name of the goddess are you doing here, Eleri? If you wished to come to Argenta House, you should have asked me to come with you.”

She looked at him in confusion. “I was told you wanted me to come here and start setting up the house. You said I would spend most of my time here.”

“Who told you this?” he asked as she walked closer to her.

“Does it matter? Is it true you said you wish me to set up Argenta House?”

“I mentioned it in a meeting a few days ago when the discussion came up on what to do with it. I said you were the First Advisor, and you should do with the house as you please. I thought you would still want to have some meetings here even with you staying at the palace. It seems your father likes staying here when he is in town, and I thought you would want to make it comfortable for him.”

“Perhaps it is more than that,” said Eleri as she sat up further. “You might see this as my home.”

“You want to live in Argenta House?” he asked as he stood in front of the fire. He looked at her for a moment before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Eleri, I know how hard it is to be in the palace after what was done to you there. If you find you cannot stand the place, then we will make other arrangements. If you want to live here, I will have our things brought over today. I just had them moved to the king and queen’s rooms, but it wasn’t very many things. I am sure it wouldn’t be a huge bother.”

“You would live here with me?” asked Eleri.

“I will be wherever you are. As your husband, I expect to share a bed with you every night. I hope that is what you want as well.”

“You still want to marry me?”

He walked over and sat down next to her on the sofa. “Have I told you any different? Eleri, everyone in the palace knows where I spend each night. How could I be in your bed if I did not plan on marrying you, and soon?”

“But you barely touch me? You won’t even kiss me.”

He moved closer to her. “You have been injured, and I know you are mourning the loss of your wolf. I didn’t want to rush you into anything. I wanted to give you time to recover.”

“And the servant said you were spending most of your meetings with Lord Cecil and Lady Riona,” said Eleri.

“Lady Riona?” asked Conri, confused. “I see the woman here and there out by the palace or roaming the halls, but I have barely spoken to her. I have been meeting with Lady Cecil’s older daughter Lady Kerry. She delivered her son safely and came to the city to join my court when she was able. She is a part of my meetings with Lord Rees and Caerwyn. Your father and Lord Cecil join us at times as well. They wish me to pick the rest of my court, but I told them it would wait until you were well enough to help me.”

Eleri put her head in her hand and shook it slightly. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have just been so scared of losing you. I know I am not who you fell in love with anymore.”

He grabbed her hand and held it. “You are exactly who I fell in love with, Eleri. You have been through so much, and I have been so busy. I have not meant to neglect you or make you feel unwanted. I am just so scared of hurting you. I can’t stand the thought that you have to go through all of this because of me.”

“I would do it a dozen times more if that is what it took to see you safe and in your place as the king.” She looked up at him, and his free hand went to her injured cheek.

He traced the red lines with his thumb. “Does it still hurt?” She shook her head, and he leaned forward to kiss each of her red scars. “I know you have lost so much, but I can not stand the thought of losing you. If you find you can’t do any of this. If you do not wish to be queen and live in the palace, then we will run away together. We will get on a boat and cross the sea to a new land.”

“I don’t want to leave Elathia. You were meant to be king,” she said quietly as he kissed her cheek again.

“And you were meant to be my queen, Eleri. He let go of her hand and brought it up to gently stroke her mark, making her eyes close as she took a shaky breath. “You are still affected by it. I can still feel mine and know I belong to you. I am sorry you lost your wolf, but you are still my Eleri. If you leave me now, you will cause me nothing but pain.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” she said as his lips hovered close to her.

“Then say you will stay marry me.” He kissed her gently. “Say you will be my wife and queen and that there will be no more misunderstandings between us.”

“What if others won’t accept it? What if they want you to choose another?”

“No one will dare say a word against you. You saved Elathia and me.” He kissed her again before grinning. “If I don’t marry you, there are some powerful magic users who could dispose of me quickly, including your aunt. I have seen your father in action now as well, and I do wish to be on Lord Cadwin’s bad side.”

She laughed a little as her hands came up to his face. She kissed him as his arms went around her. He leaned her back against the sofa as their kisses deepened, and his hand wandered over her body.

“Conri,” she said between kisses. “My father is due back any minute. Efa is stopping at Cadwin Manor after attending Ciara’s trial. She will bring him directly here. He said he would be back this afternoon.”

Conri growled slightly before releasing her and standing up. He held out his hand to her, and she took it. As soon as she stood, he picked her up.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Taking you to bed, of course,” he said as he walked towards the exit of the parlor.

“You can’t possibly think you will carry me all the way to the palace,” said Eleri.

“I could if I had to, but it has been many weeks since I loved you. I don’t think I can wait that long to have you. Where is the closest bedroom?”

She kissed him quickly before answering. “Up the stairs and the first door on the left, but I can walk.”

He laughed as they reached the stairs. “I like having you in my arms, Eleri, and I want you to have plenty of strength for what I have planned.”

He hurried up them, passing a servant who stared at them for a moment. He got to the door that Eleri indicated and fumbled for the handle while not releasing her. He finally managed to get it open. He kicked the door shut before walking over to the bed and laying her down. He wasted no time in joining her, taking her into his arms to kiss her over and over.

She found it hard not to smile at first, feeling his arms around her as she pressed herself against him. Tears fell from her eyes, but they were of joy and not sorrow. His hands went to the back of her dress, finding her ties and pulling at them. She did not wish to break apart from him, desperate for his touch, but she leaned and sat up slightly, quickly taking off her gown with Conri’s help. He threw it on the floor behind them before Eleri helped him undress as well.

He hovered over her, his hands under her shift, pulling it up. The room was cool as no fire burned. The only light was the fading afternoon sun coming through the one window, but Eleri was not cold. The warmth of Conri over her and the heat of passion running through her body made it so that she cared not about the chill.

He entered her as he sucked on her mark. His name was on her lips continually as he loved her. When he leaned up to move deeper within her, she moved her lips to his mark, making him cry out her name. They had and would have other times where their lovemaking lasted longer with sweet caresses and other pleasures, but that day was so dear to Eleri that she knew she would remember every moment of it her whole life. After so much dread, pain, and loss, to be loved by him made her feel like she would heal fully in time.

As she reached her peak, she pulled him down to her. She moaned his name before he captured her lips. He finished deep within her; his cry lost in their kisses. She lay in his arms after, resting her head against his chest, wondering how she ever doubted that this was where she belonged. Though she knew it was impossible, she swore she felt her wolf sigh contentedly within her. Perhaps it was her magic settling after flooding both him and her.

“When shall we marry, Eleri,” he asked before kissing her forehead. “Give me a date, and let it be soon.”

“We should probably give the city some time to heal and the palace staff an opportunity to get things ready, maybe two moon cycles?”

He groaned. “No, that is too long. The city is already doing better, and we have numerous servants at our disposal. I will pay them double, make it half a moon cycle.”

“Conri, you know that is impossible. What about one moon cycle?”

He sighed and kissed her. “It still seems impossibly long, but I will take it.”

She laughed. “But what does it matter? I will not avoid your bed until then. What will truly change?”

“I will get to declare to all of Elathia, and beyond that, you are mine, Eleri. I’m ready to be bound with you so tightly that you never question us again.”

“I am sorry, Conri. I know you must be tired of my doubts and crying. I want you to know that I never once doubted my love for you or even your love for me. I just worried I wouldn’t be enough.”

“You are more than enough. I love you, Eleri, and nothing would keep me from you. We will marry, and then we can have an excuse to hide away for a few days before we arrange our trip out in the land later this year.”

“And then we will rule Elathia, side by side,” she said with a small smile.

“Yes, my love,” he whispered before kissing her again.