The Words We Keep

Wednesday, 6:45 pm

LogoLily: Micah. I’m so sorry.

I wait for a ding for hours.

It never comes.

Alice sits on the edge of my bed, tells me she’s sorry. I say it’s not her fault. (Even though, maybe it is—a little. For telling us to go inside. For sucking Dad’s bank account dry. For leaving no room in this family for me to ever fall short.) She tells me Micah will be fine.

“He’s tough,” she says.

I nod like the world makes sense. On the dresser, the lily Micah gave me has wilted and browned around the edges, which is just so pathetically sad that I can’t look at it, but I can’t bear to throw it away, either. Before I pop a sleeping pill, I put on Micah’s good vibes only hoodie and check my messages one more time. Nothing. But I do get an email, a two-paragraph nuclear bomb.

Dear Lily,

I am so sorry, but Principal Porter has informed me that due to the suspension and the incident in the hallway this afternoon, you and Micah will no longer be eligible for the creative arts contest. He feels allowing you to continue at this point would send a bad message.

Lily, dear, you know I’ve always been a big fan. Please don’t let this change your passion for the written word. You have a gift! Also, please know that I am working to see if there is something else we could do to get you noticed by the English admissions team at UC Berkeley. Will keep you updated.

Mrs. Gifford

I toss my phone away like it’s poison. It lands on my notebook. Full of words. My words. That I thought meant something. Words I thought could get me out of here—out of me.

Idiot

idiot

idiot.

Page by page, I tear up the words. My fingers ripping them out of existence.

How did you think this would end?

That a boy and some chalk could make things better?

Make you better?

And then, my fingers turn on me. Find the pink patches on my stomach.

And I rip those out, too.

He would have been better off without you.

Maybe everyone would.

I pick and pick until the blood coats my fingertips, warm and wonderful.

And I wonder why I ever stopped.

LogoLily’s Word of the Day

puriderm (v) Cleaning oneself from the outside in, knowing that if you can just reach deep enough, you can pluck out all the bad and leave only the good.

From English purify + –derma (skin)

Ridgeline Underground

600 likes

GUERRILLA POETS REVEALED! Lily Larkin and Micah Mendez are the team behind the random acts of poetry. Update: Micah has been expelled! Anyone heard from Lily?

300 comments

The truth always comes out. Thanks, Underground!

Told you that guy was trouble

Sad he took Lily down with him

She probably didn’t mind going down

Ew.

What? The mental ones are always the best in bed.

I always knew no one could be that perfect! Lily Larkin, what a hypocrite!

She may be nuts, but her poetry was awesome

Probably plagiarized