The Woman in the Windowsill

~~~

The wait time is rather short in the therapist’s office. I’ve been sitting in the bright white waiting room on a cheap plastic chair for around ten minutes before the assistant calls my name in.

I enter Dr. Hall’s office and introduce myself. He is a heavy set black man around fifty years old. He wears a burgundy sweater vest and his white smile matches it well.

“Brett Reckard”, I tell him.

“I’ve heard all about you Mr. Reckard. I’m Dr. Deandre Hall”

“Have you?”

“Yeah. I get employees from your company here every now and again. I’m told you’re a gifted salesman, just a little distracted.” Behind him I see a family photo of him, his wife, and his three children.

“Distracted huh? That’s what Ross calls it.”

“Well you are, aren’t you Mr. Reckard? That’s why you’re here after all.” His voice is calming, and I decide to take a seat. “How’s your paid leave going?”

“They tell you everything don’t they?”, I infer. My skepticism of his utility is definitely showing.

“Only what I need to know”, he claims. “What’s going on Brett? May I call you Brett?”

“You can call me whatever you’d like. Listen I’m not sure there’s much you can help me with here, but I figured, why the hell not give it a try, it’s on Ross’s books.”

“Try me”, Dr. Hall challenges.

“So I’m just getting over everything, right-”, I begin.

“About your wife”, he concludes. I see my file under his large right arm.

“Yeah. Camila”, I tell him.

“That’s a nice name”

“It is? Isn’t it”, I can’t help but smile. “Well anyway, things have finally seemed like they were going on track. It was real bad for a while. A lot of drinking, I was really distant. You know, the usual.” Dr. Hall raises his eyebrows. “But these last few weeks have been great. I’ve started seeing someone new, and my relationship with my best friend is better than ever. I feel like I’ve been making great strides, you know?”

“That’s good progress Brett”. His responses almost feel scripted.

“It was great progress. But last night some things went weird.”

“Go on”

“I dreamt about her, about Camila. I haven’t dreamt about her ever. Not since she passed.”

“It is common to dream of deceased loved one”, he explains. As if I wasn’t expecting this explanation. “Especially when you come to peace, sometimes the mind has a way of flushing out stale subconscious thoughts. Perfectly normal. The same thing happened to me after I came to terms with my father’s death.”

“Sure”, I move on. I show him my palm. “See this?”

He nods.

“In my dream I burned myself okay? Camila and I were roughhousing in the kitchen, and I touched the hot pan.” Dr. Hall breaks eye contact and stares at his desk as he continues to listen. “This happened in my dream. I woke up with it. That’s not all. I eat a lot, okay? I ate in my dream. I woke up feeling full. Lastly, I wake up yesterday morning after getting a long night’s rest. I’m still fatigued, as if I’ve been up for two days.”

“Our minds have ways of playing tricks on us Brett”. I decide to hear him out. My story does sound ridiculous from someone else’s point of view, I’m sure. “You’re in a confused state. That’s all.”

“This dream, it felt so real Doctor.”

“Tell me more about the dream”

“I wake up in this house. Nice house. I feel at home here. But I’ve never seen this house before in my life. Or the town that it’s in. I head downstairs and my dead wife is looking out the window”. Dr. Hall grimaces. “She not like a zombie, okay? She’s fine. She’s the same. But she’s older now. She says she’s been trapped there. Time goes by faster in her world or something. She’s nine years older now. How could I picture her face so vividly if I’ve never imagined her that age before?” Dr. hall motions for me to continue. “She shows me around, and we have a great time together. There’s the fact that she’s been alone for ten years though. I can tell it’s really damaged her.”

“It’s an interesting dream”, he tells me. “But a dream nonetheless. You need to think of logic behind it all Brett. She can’t survive that long on her own with no food. When we have these bizarre dreams we just need to dismiss it based on bad logic.”

“She doesn’t need to eat.”

“All the more reason the dream is ludacris, don’t you see Brett?”

“She can eat. If she wants to. She doesn’t need to though”.

The doctor smiles. “Nobody can make it that long like that. Anybody would go mad. It’s just a small dream, there’s nothing to overthink here.”

“She can manifest the reality of the world, you see. That’s the only thing that has kept her sane.” The words continue to pour out of my mouth and even I begin to discredit the experience.

Dr. Hall can sense that I feel foolish. He decides to continue to hear me out, trying to be interested. “I’m not just here to discredit everything you tell me. I’m also here to listen. Tell me some more, I won’t interrupt until you’re finished, okay?”

I continue. “In the dream I can manifest reality too. I’m not as good at it as her though. She’s exactly the same as how I left her. Or when she left me.” I go further into detail about how she feels trapped there. I tell him all about how we can manifest reality by simply thinking what we need. Dr. Hall asks why Camila doesn’t just create friends to talk with using her abilities. I respond by telling him how the imaginator needs to script every word that comes from the person they’ve created, thus defeating the point of having someone to talk to.

“That’s a hell of a dream”, the Doctor admits. “But just a dream. These will pass Brett.”

“What about the burn on my hand?”

“I’m no doctor. Well I am, but not a physician.” He chuckles. “All I can say is that you may have burned yourself before you went to bed or during the day before. Your mind just plays tricks like that, it happens to us all. Even me!”

I concede. How could I really expect him to understand. There’s nobody that could really comprehend my experience. “That’s a great picture of you and your family Dr. Those youngsters fully grown yet or what?” I point to his family photo behind him on the shelf.

“They are actually. 22, 17, and 13 now”. He points at each of his children. “They grow fast. You have any kids?” He chokes as he tries to take the words back. “I’m so sorry Brett I for-”

“Don’t worry about it Doc.”, I tell him. His face begins to blush. “I think I’ll probably head out now. This was… well this was a little more helpful than I thought it would be. I’ll give you that.”

“I appreciate that Brett. Now you come back and see me as soon as you feel the need to”

~~~

I begin to think about everything once I get back to my apartment. Maybe I am just going a little nuts with everything going on. I sit in my recliner and listen to David’s mockery of children on the PlayStation. I get up and look at my calendar.

“I guess I return to work in about two weeks”, I tell David.

“Dope”, he quickly replies.

It was just a little hiccup I tell myself. Either way I’m on the right track to getting back to normal.

“Aye”, David yells out, having just finished a match with a 1.07KD ratio.

“Yeah?”, I reply as I make my way over to the living room.

“Jessica’s been calling you man. Says you haven’t been answering.”

“I’ve just been busy is all. A week ago you don’t want me getting too close to her, now you want me all over her all the time?”

“No man, I understand. Just she’s a real sweet girl and she really likes you is all. Maybe give her a call or something. Try not to leave her hanging like that. I want you both to work out. In a healthy way.”

“Sure man”, I tell him. “I’ll call her up first thing tomorrow alright?”

“Oof”, he grunts. The next match of Search and Destroy has begun.

I make my way to my bedroom. I see the bracelet sitting on my end table. The night before I had been looking at it, but decided to leave it on the end table. I decide to wrap it around my wrist as I crawl into bed to get some shuddye.