The Way of the Warrior-Wizard

Duncan twiddled his thumbs nervously as he and his father, Dean Andrews, and Professor Jerry Donaldson met in the Dean’s office.

“Now then, Professor Donaldson,” Hamish MacGregor addressed the man, “Did ye see Duncan and the other bairns begin the fight by attacking these laddies, as you told us?”

“Well, I didn’t see who actually began the fight,” Donaldson admitted, “but I know that Duncan was actively engaged in the brawl when I happened upon the scene. I think they may have killed each other if I hadn’t intervened!”

“Come now, Jerry, let’s not exaggerate this incident,” Dean Andrews chastised him, “after all, if what Duncan says is true, he was defending his family members from the attack of five bullies.”

“Surely the hallowed History Professor, a lecturer at this very prestigious University, could figure out a better way to handle bullies than with his fists!” Donaldson exclaimed disdainfully, “Certainly, he cannot be allowed to teach with that big blue shiner under his eye...it sends the wrong message to the students about how to handle disagreements.”

“Professor Donaldson,” Hamish retorted, taking care to use Standard English so that the Professor would understand him, “I know of no better way to settle bullies than to use one’s fists on them. I have indeed taught Duncan a few things about how to defend himself, and I have no doubt that he would have used them only in the event that he was forced to do so. He is not a natural fighter, but rather a peaceful sort. My children have informed me as to exactly what took place, and they have all been raised to tell the truth.”

“Oh, come on, Mr. MacGregor,” Donaldson chided the elderly man, “you can’t expect mere children to tell the truth about something like that.”

“Excuse me, Sir!” Hamish replied heatedly, “But are ye callin’ ma wee bairns liars?”

“No,” Donaldson answered peevishly, “I am saying that in these situations, children are naturally going to stretch the truth a bit.”

“I dinna ken in whit manner yer ain weans behave, Donaldson, but mine ayeweys tell the truith!” Hamish growled, his Scots brogue bursting to the forefront as he struggled to control his anger.

“I haven’t got a clue what you’re saying,” Donaldson sniffed, "but I think it's got something to do with your kids 'always' telling the truth...and, like I've said, I don't think there are any kids who always tell the truth, Mr. MacGregor...mine or anyone else's. That is precisely why a kid like Duncan should not be teaching at a University, in my humble opinion."

“Jerry doesn’t have any kids of his own, Hamish,” Dean Andrews added hastily on Donaldson’s behalf, "so perhaps his 'opinion' should be taken with a grain of salt...sorry, Jerry."

“Aye, I thocht as much,” Hamish muttered under his breath, “they’re a’ great generals wha have nae an army tae command.”

“My Father has said that ‘they’re all great generals, those who have no army to command’,” Duncan translated dutifully on behalf of his father.

“Yes, yes!” Donaldson snapped, “I understood what he meant, and I don’t think I need to be an Army General to know what’s happening here. Old Man MacGregor is obviously biased in favor of his son.”

“And it would seem, Jerry, that you’re biased against him,” Dean Andrews argued, “I think we’ve all spoken enough about what we believe. Duncan, I would like you to work with Professor Donaldson for the next week. You can assist him by tutoring his graduate students and helping them to develop their theses.”

“What?!” cried Professor Donaldson, “John, you can’t be serious! Just who are you trying to punish here?”

“Since you were so concerned about Duncan’s maturational development, Jerry,” explained the Dean, “I want you to be a role model to him for the next week. I’ll have another Professor take his classes while you’re engaged in that process.”

Donaldson’s mouth fell open, aghast at the utterly unexpected assignment given to him by the Dean.

“Aye, John Andrews, ye’re a guid man,” Hamish responded approvingly as he threw a victorious glance in Donaldson's direction.

Duncan looked at Donaldson, equally aghast at the Dean's proposal.

“I...uh...I look forward to working with you next week, Professor Donaldson,” he faltered nervously.

Donaldson responded by glowering at him.