The Tree of Knowledge

Well, now I need to live.

I need to climb back down without dying. That might be a problem.

Jace keeps yelling up at me. I can’t understand a word through the echoes. He’s totally freaking out. Every time I look down, he’s dragged another mat underneath me. They’re stacked what looks to be eight high now at least. Because when I plummet the remaining ninety feet those are surely going to make a difference.

Down is a lot more difficult to manage then up, not being able to see where you’re going.

You can’t really talk talk in the silos, but practiced commands work. Simple words. Jace starts helping, being my eyes, calling out “left foot” and “right hand” and “Two inches left”.

With ten feet to go I jump, landing on my feet.

Jace yells, “Are you fucking cracked Kit?! What are you doing?!” before throwing his arms around me. I sob into his shoulder, holding him close. I can’t believe he’s really here. Maybe he’s not. Maybe this is Heaven. He looks different with a beard. Older. But he smells just like I remember. Like rosemary and fresh turned soil. My head still fits perfectly in the smooth curve of his clavicle, like I belong there, and his dark, strong arms encircle me protectively.

“I was just climbing.” I say, not very convincingly.

“That’s not climbing, that’s suicide.”

He doesn’t mean it literally, but I sob harder still when he says it and recognition dawns in his dark eyes.

“Is…is that what you were doing?”

I just cry.

“No.” he tells me, pulling me to him again. “No, no, Kit, you can’t do that. You’re too bad ass to give up. Besides, you want people to believe you fell climbing that? That’s a ladder. It’s embarrassing.”

I laugh. He looks me in the eyes.

“Seriously,” he says, “Don’t you leave me, okay?”

“Okay.” I say.

He looks me up and down, taking in my disheveled black dress.

“Who died?” he asks.

We talk for hours, sitting on the stacked up mats. We fill each other in on the last year of our lives.

Jace has spent it married to two of his ex-girlfriends. As a rule, couples usually have a compelling reason to break up. Most of those people probably shouldn’t get back together. Especially if it was someone you dated when you were young and stupid. But The Great Revelation brought all kinds of people together into holy matrimony. Because they had sex. Jace had relieved Lila and Ingrid of their virginities, and they never got around to sleeping with anyone else, so they had to be married now. Never mind that him and Lila had nothing in common, or that Ingrid had cheated on him. Or that Jace was not wildly prepared to support a three person household at sixteen. Married. Till death do they part.

And remember, Jesus love you.

“If we had made love that day, you could have been married to me.” I say.

“Really?” he says. “Gee, that thought has never occurred to me in the last year.”

We laugh. It feels good to laugh.

“In all seriousness,” he says, “I can’t afford to feed the wives I have already. I work three jobs. One of them is McDonalds. Do you have any idea how badly it sucks to work at McDonalds? Add you to the mix and we’d have to live exclusively on Duke’s kibble.”

“Jace, for you, I would totally live exclusively on Duke’s kibble.”

“You’d also have to live with Ingrid.”

“Oh, to hell with you then. That I could never possibly manage. Call off the imaginary wedding!”

We both find this funny, even though it’s a lie. I’d do anything to be married to him instead of Ryan.

“Does it ever feel like it’s all imaginary to you?” he asks. “Like, any minute now, I’ll wake up. And then we’ll ride our bikes to the mall and share a Cinnabon and shop lift cheap jewelry.”

“I used to feel like that.” I say. “Now…now everything is too real. I’m so accustomed to this shit storm. You being here with me, being happy, this is what doesn’t feel real.”

We sit quietly for a few moments. I lean my head on his shoulder.

“So,” I ask. “What brings you to my rock climbing gym?”

“Your rock climbing gym?”

“You see anyone else putting up stakes here?”

“Just the spiders.”

I jump up.

“Where?!”

Jace rolls over laughing at me. I punch him in the shoulder.

“You bastard.”

“Hey!” he objects in mock seriousness, “That’s no way to talk to your imaginary husband!”

“I guess I’m going to imaginary Hell then.”

Jace laughs and looks at his watch. His smile fades.

“Do you have to go?” I ask, trying not to cry again.

“They’ll be expecting me for dinner. What about you? Are you in trouble?”

“No. I’ll be fine.”

I know I won’t be.

Jace takes my hand. “You know we can’t be together, right?”

And now I do cry.

“I know.”

“But…we could see each other again, right? We could meet here. Nobody has to know. That’s not a sin, is it?”

(Not yet)

“No. We could. We should.” I laugh. “I mean, clearly I need supervision, right?”

“Clearly.” He looks at his watch again. “I have to go.”

“I know. I’ll be okay. Go home.”

“I’ll be back in two days, this time. I’ll bring Duke.”

Now that makes me smile.

“Does Duke miss me?”

“Oh, Duke misses you terribly. He pines for you. Asks about you all the time.”

It’s after dark when I finally get home. Ryan is waiting for me outside.

They noticed.

“Where have you been?” he demands. “You missed the entire wake. Don’t you have any decency? Do you even care?”

I look him right in the eye.

“Do you?”