The Strays

Colt gave me a minute to compose myself before posing a final question. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to fight and I want to protect what little family I have left.”

“Does that mean you’ll stay?” He smiled hopefully.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to put a target on your backs and I have to find my brother.”

“We already have our targets. I got mine when I was linked to the E.A.D, same for Leo when they connected him to Liberty and the others became involved the moment they met Leo, even if they didn’t know it. You aren’t responsible for every bad thing that happens in the world, and believe it or not, Ty and the others can look after themselves, so for once stop worrying about everyone else, do what’s best for you.”

“Even if that means I have to leave you guys to find my brother?”

Colt’s sigh was audible as his smile faded. “It’s been nice knowing you, and I really hope our paths cross again.”

I grinned at him. “I don’t know why you’re saying goodbye, you sap, you’re stuck with me now. I know my brother, he can look after himself, I’ll find him again, I know I will, but right now you guys need me more. No more running.”

Colt looked slightly confused and astonished as he took a step back from me. “I’m sorry. What do you mean? I thought you were, you know, going. That’s why I said all that stuff. Why didn’t you stop me?”

“You were being so sweet I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but yeah, I’m sticking around, it’s time I stopped running and started fighting not only for what I believe, but with the people I believe in, it’s what Sean would tell me to do.”

He looked at me with a relieved and thankful smile, my eyes drawn to his as I looked up at him. Then the next thing I knew his lips were pressed against mine, forcing me to pull away.

“I am so sorry. I don’t know what that was. Why did I do that?” Colt profusely apologised, his cheeks bright red.

“It’s okay, shit happens. Can we just move past it?”

“Um, yeah, of course. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, wasn’t it? I mean, it’s not like you like me or anything, we barely know each other.”

“Yeah, no, of course not. I mean you’re you. It’s not like you’re an actual girl or anything, so I don’t know why I’d kiss you like that.” He backtracked, his douchey nature prevailing once again.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t mean to be offensive, but you’re you, girly isn’t really your style, you’re more like one of the guys, you know, you can handle yourself, make jokes, you don’t get all offended or jealous when something happens, like most girls would, and then there’s all the techy stuff, like the traps, or your hoverboard, most girls would be terrified of breaking a nail, let alone their neck.” He explained.

I shook my head. “Thanks. Thank you so much for clearing that up for me.”

Colt just gave me a vacant stare.

“You know what? Forget about it, let’s just rejoin the others.”

“What did I say? Did I say something wrong?” Colt called after me as I walked away from him. “Come on Cae, don’t be like that. It was just a kiss.”

I continued to ignore him as I joined the others back in the kitchen.

“Look who decided to stick around. That’s a first for you isn’t it?” Ty remarked as I entered.

“Back off. Just because you’re pissed at her doesn’t mean you can keep treating her like shit.” Ace snapped, a protective gleam in his eyes.

“That’s rich coming from you. Didn’t you torture her for hours, knowing full well that the two of you were once like family? Then there was the time you had me execute her brother and wasn’t it just the other week you were trying to kill Jeremiah?” Ty rebutted.

“Oh, you want to talk about skeletons? Tell me, does Cae even know about half the shit you’ve done, besides what I’ve told her? I mean everything you just listed she already knew about, so she knows full well that I’ve changed since we were kids, and that I’m fighting my demons my own way, but can you honestly say the same?”

“ENOUGH! How are we going to take down Delilah if we take down each other first? I don’t care who you guys were, or the history you share. The only thing that counts is what happens from this moment going forward, so either shut up and bury the hatchet or leave. That goes for everyone. This is the breaking point. You cross this line, that’s it, there’s no going back, so you’re either in wholeheartedly, or you’re out. Nobody will think any less of you if you choose to walk away now.”

I scanned the room, but nobody moved. “Are you all sure you want to do this?”

Tali placed her hand on my shoulder reassuringly, as Leo and Jeremiah gave me a smile. “We’re all with you on this one, as long as you’re with us.” She sighed.

“What about you two and Colt?” I queried, looking at Ace and Ty.

“You planning on sticking around?” Ty combatively challenged.

I thought about it for a moment, then shrugged my shoulders. “Depends on whether you keep insisting on being a petty asshole.”

“Ignore him Cae, of course we’re in.” Ace sighed.

“And what about you?” I redirected my attention to Colt.

“Whatever you need.” He smiled.

“Then that’s sorted, we leave at 0300 hours, so pack anything you need and get some sleep. I’ll keep watch.”

“What do you mean we leave at 0300 hours? I thought this place was safe.” Ty argued yet again.

“It is safe, it just isn’t permanent. If it was, Linc and the others would be here.”

“Then where are we going?”

“Haven, it’s where the others are and it’s where we can do the most good, if you don’t want to come that’s fine, like I said you are all free to leave, but once we get there, you can’t turn back. Isn’t that right, Jeremiah?”

He nodded his head. “It’s a safety precaution, sorry guys.”

“That doesn’t change anything, Indie, we’re still all in.” Leo reassured me.

I awkwardly rubbed the back of my neck. “About that name Leo, it isn’t mine, and I’d prefer we didn’t use it, just call me Cae or Caelyn. That actually goes for everyone, I’ll explain it to Linc and the others as well, but I’m done hiding. No more fake names or disguises, I’m just going to be me.”

“And I’m going by Colt now, but I think you guys worked that out already.” Colt informed everyone.

“If that’s the case I suppose Cae shouldn’t be the only one who calls me Jeremiah it’s the name anyone outside of the city uses for me, well most actually call me Jer or Jay, but whatever feels natural to you guys, I know it’s not like we’re exactly friends.” Jeremiah explained, making this whole thing feel bizarrely repetitive.

“Doesn’t anyone use their real name anymore? You lot are making my head spin.” Tali smiled, lightening the mood.

“Mine too.” Leo concurred.

“I’m glad to see you’re finally getting comfortable in your own skin.” Ace grinned as he hugged me tightly. All this contact and affection was going to make me soft.

“I’ve taken back my old name, that’s it. Other than that, the old me is gone. She isn’t coming back.”

Ace grabbed me gently by the arm as everybody else dispersed to pack and get some sleep. “Can we talk outside?”

“About what?”

Ace shrugged his shoulders. “Stuff. We haven’t really had a chance to talk, just the two of us, since I found you.”

“Look, if this is about what Ty said, it doesn’t matter, just ignore him.”

“It’s not just about that, it’s about everything.”

“I don’t want to talk about that stuff. It’s in the past, might as well have been another lifetime.”

“It’s still something we need to talk about. I don’t like the way we left things before all of this happened.”

“Well, it ain’t like our dynamic has improved since.”

“Please, can we just go outside?” He pleaded.

I shrugged my shoulders and reluctantly followed Ace outside. He took a seat on the curb and I took a seat beside him.

“Why are we here? Why are you insisting on dredging up our past?”

“I hurt you so badly. I said some awful things the night before the crash, so why are you so comfortable with me sticking around? I let my sister get inside my head before I let her turn me against you. I betrayed Sean, your family, so why have you been so quick to forgive me?” He sighed, kicking rocks across the ground.

“You’re Sean’s best friend, and as angry and upset as I might be about the things you’ve done, you were the closest thing I had to my old life, to my old family these last few weeks. You’ve been trying to be better, just like me, just like Jeremiah. We all did awful things, but you sacrificed your relationship with Delilah, your sister, because you wanted to help make a positive difference.”

“I killed Miles, I tortured you, I betrayed you before all of that, yet you still haven’t told me to fuck off. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“You were only doing what you thought was right, just like I did and while a part of me will always be hurt, I know it was just as much my fault as it was yours, if I hadn’t been hiding in the shadows like a coward, you could’ve found me, you’d have known I was alive and together we could’ve saved him, we’re both to blame, so if I ever want to forgive myself, I’ll have to forgive you first.”

Ace turned to face me. “What do you mean?”

“When I became Indie, it was because I barely knew who Caelyn Lewis was, I’d lost so much, I hated myself, so much of my memory was hazy but I couldn’t erase the pain, the trauma, all the worst parts of me, that’s all I knew. Now here I am, I remember everything, it’s all as clear as day and it only makes me feel worse, I’ve hurt so many people, done so many awful things to survive, the only thing I had to justify those things was that I was helping people, only I wasn’t. Who am I to judge anyone with the scars I bear?”

Ace shook his head and sighed. “I know you think Indie and Cae were completely different, but they weren’t. At your core you will always be trusting and compassionate, it’s who you are, it’s also the thing people abuse. My sister abused you when you were Indie because she saw your compassion as weakness, just like Ratchet, the difference is Indie found the strength to fight through her doubts, when you were Cae you stood up for yourself, you stood up for everyone else, but you never believed you were enough, sure you could handle yourself physically, and you were smart, but that didn’t stop my sister’s mind games. That’s the only thing about you that’s truly changed. Now you know when someone is trying to get inside your head, and you’re strong enough to fight it, which is a change for the better if you ask me.”

“Has that really changed, though? Delilah has always taken everything I loved from me. She. They still are, so surely I’m delusional if I think this time will be different.”

Ace continued to shake his head. “No, this time will be different.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you aren’t running, you aren’t trying to face everything alone, you’re facing this head on and you have real friends that have your back. My sister has an army, but you have a bond with people that’s far stronger, because they don’t fear you. They respect you and with that comes loyalty. This time you aren’t alone, nobody is turning their back on you and you’re learning from the past, just don’t let this fight change you, not at your core anyway, it’s one of your best qualities.” He assured me, slowly getting to his feet.

“Why are you talking like that?”

“Like what?” Ace pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but I knew he did.

“Like you aren’t sticking around, you’re talking like you plan on leaving, and if that’s the case, I’d rather you just be straight with me.”

“I don’t know yet. I was thinking about sticking around in the city, maybe checking out those coordinates Sean left for me on the back of that photo, if it’s a trap I’d rather get caught than put you in harms way, and if it’s him, I can reach out to you on the radio, then we can come find you. The Strays, they don’t need me, they need you, so at least this way I can be of some use, and now that we’ve made peace, I feel comfortable leaving you. I know you’ll be in good hands.”

“You said all that stuff about me not running, and now that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”

“I’m not running. I’m taking accountability. You aren’t the only person I’ve ever hurt and there are a lot of kids in this city that need help.than Jeremiah can’t help them all by himself. I can do a lot more good here than I can in some settlement. You have your medical knowledge and all that stuff, all I have is my wit, plus some strength. We can both help save this place, just in different ways, besides somebody needs to tell Sean you’re alive, let him know where you’ll be and if he wasn’t the one who left the message, at least I’ll know, then I can find a way to warn you, just like Leo did. They need people like you in Haven, there you can really help, and I’m sure with Wraith’s help you’ll find a way to take down my sister, when that time comes I’ll be there, fighting right by your side, no matter what I learn here in the city, but until then I have to stay here.” Ace argued. “You aren’t mad at me, are you?”

I shook my head solemnly. “Surprised yes, angry no. I guess you have to do what’s best for you, and it’s not like we’re parting ways forever, it’s just for a while. If you do find my brother, don’t tell him about Miles. Just tell him I love and even if you don’t find him, stay in touch. The frequency is secure, so please check in.”

Ace nodded his head and hugged me tight. “I really wish I’d found you sooner. I’ve missed having a real kid sister.”

“I know Delilah’s a sociopath, but she’s still your sister.”

Ace rolled his eyes. “Half sister, I get your point, though. I guess I just wish she’d have been more like you. Sean never quite realised how lucky he was to have a family like yours to fall back on.”

“Well, we’re each other’s family now, not by blood, but still, you’ll always have me.”

“And you’ll always have me kid. After all, that ink on your leg is just as permanent as the blood in your veins.” He joked, and I cracked a smile. “If, for whatever reason, I can’t reach you. I’ll let Wraith know how to find me, then he can pass that on.”

I nodded my head. “Stay safe out there.”

“You too.” He smiled as he headed off down the street. I watched him as he disappeared into the night, unsure how to feel about his departure.

“Where’s Ace going?” Jeremiah asked, his voice coming from behind me as he placed a hand on my shoulder and sat down beside me.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t know exactly, he said he had to find Sean, that he wouldn’t let me put myself in harm’s way when it could be a trap. He also said he had some wrongs to right and some kids to save.”

Jeremiah looked unsure, as though he didn’t know quite how to react. “Did he say when he’s coming back?”

I shook my head. “Nope, but he said he’ll keep in touch.”

“Are you going to be okay? I know the two of you were close once upon a time.”

I nodded my head. “I’ll be fine, always am. People come and go from my life like a revolving door. What’s one more?”

“I feel like a total asshole now.” He said bluntly.

How come?”

“Because I have to tell you that I’m not going with you in the morning.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Wait, what? Why? How are we going to find your camp without you?”

“Rocky is asking questions and some friends of mine reached out. She isn’t buying the cover story. Delilah also wants to see me, which can’t be bloody good, so I marked the camp’s location on a map, and I promise I will be there as soon as I can.” Jeremiah explained.

“So much for all of us being in this together.”

“We are in this together, me, you, Ace, we’re all in this, just not in the way you expected.”

“No, we’re not, but I really couldn’t give a fuck.”

I got up off the floor and walked back into the building.

“Cae, wait. Please. I’m not walking out on you, I’m not leaving or abandoning you. This is temporary. I promise you I won’t be in the city for long, but I can’t postpone you and the others leaving because it’s too dangerous. My people will look after you. Please don’t think you’re still fighting this battle alone.” Jeremiah pleaded as he grabbed me by the wrist.

“It’s fine, do whatever you have to do, I’ll just keep trying to hold everything together in the meantime, it’s not like I was given this big speech to persuade me to stay, only for everyone else to take up and leave or anything.”

“You’re still pissed, aren’t you?”

“Whatever gave you that idea. Asshole.”