The Ocean's Daughter (Sequel to Sirene)

Chapter 24

Oceana had marched away from Wesley, removing her jacket as the anger lit a fire in her soul. She was in no mood to return to the house, knowing she would be bombarded with questions she wasn't going to answer. So she just walked forward. How could Wesley speak such horrible words about his own father? Not that she approved of the way Callum had behaved, but she, more than anyone, know how sorry Callum was and how not one day went by without him hating and blaming himself for the tragedy he brought upon his own family. It was over twenty years since Wesley had seen or heard from his father, Callum was a different man now, he had truly changed, why couldn't Wesley understand that? If Oceana believed in anything, she believed in second chances and she knew Callum deserved a second chance, why couldn't Wesley be willing to give him one?

As Oceana walked aimlessly down the cobblestone streets, her built up emotions began to melt a little and the anger began to fade away. As she calmed down, Oceana decided she had to be fair and allowed herself to try and view everything from Wesley's point of view.

Wesley did have reason to be angry at his father. It was thanks to Callum's inability to control his drinking that Wesley had spent just about his entire childhood in a boarding school. No doubt he had gotten very lonely there with no family, just a host of other boys and strict overseers. The love and affection that his mother had showered him with was gone forever and his child mind not able to understand why his father had not come to her rescue. Why had he disappeared? Why had he abandoned them? And why wasn't his father even looking for him? It was probably in this confusion that the bitter and angry feelings toward Callum were formed.

The more Oceana thought about it in this light, the more compassion she felt for Wesley. To be left alone in London, with only a visit so often by the Admiral, it was a very lonely childhood indeed. Hadn't Oceana once lived in a home filled with children who had been left without parents and family? She understood the loneliness Wesley had gone through. Perhaps she had been a little too harsh on him, and had spoken words in blind anger rather than thinking about how best to handle the situation. The thought of going back and apologizing crossed her mind, but then she remembered how Wesley had told her that if she continued to associate with Callum he wanted nothing to do with her.

And so the tug of war began. Callum was Oceana's family. His was the first face she could remember. It had been him, along with Chandler, who had taught her to walk, to speak, to sing. It had been Callum who had taught to read the skies and the tides. All the knowledge she knew about understanding the language of the wind and seas that had so impressed Wesley had been taught to her by his own father. No matter how terrible his past, Oceana knew him to be a good and caring man, who loved her with all his heart. She knew that his one purpose in life was Oceana's happiness. Could she just run off and leave him alone? Of course not.

But then, Oceana wasn't quite ready to lose Wesley. Of all the men she had met no one could be compared to him. Not only was he honest and noble, but he was funny, relaxed and easy to be around. Right from the start he had taken her the way she was, never trying to change or remake her into something that fit the status quo, something even dearest Beth had been guilty of. Despite his rather sad past he was always cheerful. His countentance never spoke of a man who had gone through pain or difficultly. He accepted the storms life tossed at him, braved them as best he could and and tried to come out all the better from them. Oceana knew she was in love with him and the thought that she might never see him again was more than she could bear.

With all these thoughts weighing on her heart and soul, Oceana finally looked up to see just where her feet had taken her. St. Paul's Cathedral loomed in front of her in all it's glory.

Oceana had never been much of a church person. She always felt God's presence a lot closer when by the shore, where the voice of God could almost be heard in the wind and waves. Somehow, sitting in a pew, looking at an altar never had the same effect. But out here, with the cars and cabs surrounding her on every corner, and people rushing about, busy with their own lives, the large cathedral suddenly looked very inviting. Walking quickly up the steps Oceana timidly stepped inside and slipped into one of the back pews. It was very quiet inside the church, her footsteps had echoed loudly when she had walked in. Gazing around at the beautiful stained glass windows and the colored light that shone through them, she felt a warmth creep into her soul. Inside the church, among the saints looking down on her, she felt safe from the confusion that had so suddenly entered her life. Of course everyone had always told her that growing up was not exactly easy, but she had never expected it to be this complicated. Oceana decided to just remain here for awhile, till the clouds in her mind cleared a little bit and she would be able to decide what the best course of action would be.

***

Admiral Chesterton heard the front door slam and looked up from his paper in surprise. Who would dare go about slamming doors in his home? He caught sight of Wesley's figure storm past the parlor. The Admiral frowned and slowily rising from his seat he took his cane and went to find out what was wrong.

“Wesley,” he knocked on the door to Wesley's room.

“Not now, Admiral,” Wesley called from the other side.

Admiral Chesterton contemplated just walking in and trying to get it out of Wesley, but decided against it. He knew his adopted son well enough to know that when he was ready, Wesley would come on his own. Sure enough, about fifteen minutes later, Wesley came into the little parlor and seating himself in a chair took the newspaper from the table.

“Did something happen, my boy?” The Admiral asked, looking over as Wesley pretended to be engrossed in reading the paper.

“McNeil,” Wesley spat word the word out as though it was poison, “the smugger, Callum, his full name is Callum McNeil. All this time Oceana has been living with my father.”

“Ahhh, so she has told you at last,” Admiral Chesterton's words were slow and quiet.

Wesley laid down the paper and gave the Admiral his full attention. “You knew?” He asked in disbelief. “How...when?”

“A few well placed questions to Miss Patterson and I figured the whole thing out.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because I knew you needed to find out from her.”

“Why?”

“Because she is the young woman you are falling in love with and love requires a fair deal of trust. Such details of your personals lives are better discovered from each other. Also, I hoped if you heard it from her it would keep you from overreacting—evidently I was wrong.”

“I'm not overreacting,” Wesley spoke with a low growl.

“No? Your behavior is telling me otherwise, unless you have suddenly decided to make storming around and slamming doors a daily habit.”

Wesley shook his head and gave a frustrated sigh, “I should have guessed, I really should have, with her living in my old village and all, that it was father who was the ex-smuggler, but such a possibility didn't even cross my mind. I mean, the chances to that were a hundred to one! She herself said that Callum is one of the most popular names in Scotland. Besides my father there were three in the village and that was back then, now there could be more. Why Admiral, why of all the people in this world, why of all the Callums in this world, did it have to be him?”

“I certainly don't know, that something only Providence will be able to answer you. In any case, you are asking the wrong question so there is no point in trying to answer it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you shouldn't be asking yourself why, but what. What are you going to do now that you know the full truth.”

“I don't know what I am going to do!” Wesley angrily shot out. “I mean, one moment I am happily making plans for the future and the next I find out that the girl I am in love with is the reason my father abandoned his family. Just think, while he was busy caring for another man's daughter his own was dying of a fever.”

“Wesley, Wesley,” Admiral Chesterton sadly shook his head, his voice filled with sympathetic reproach, “I understand that you are upset, but do not let your anger cloud your reasoning. You will be twenty seven soon, Oceana just turned twenty, this means you have a seven year age difference. When your little sister died, Oceana's existence wasn't even being thought of, so she could not possibly be the reason your father disappeared.”

Wesley bit his lower lip, Admiral Chesterton did have a point there. Oceana had been born three years after his mother's death. His mind flashed back to his accusation earlier and he regretted the words he had so carelessly thrown at her in his anger.

“Wesley, what exactly happened between the two of you?” Admiral Chesterton's voice was filled with concern. If was was all hot air now, how had he behaved with Oceana?

“I met Oceana at the East India Docks and durng the course of our conversation the truth came out and the first thing she did was start defending my father. What was more, she was downright angry at every word I spoke against him.”

“But that is only natural, my dear boy. You only remember him as someone who always smelled of cheap whiskey. He is more of a bad association than a memory, you told me once how you hardly remember anything about him at all. But to Oceana, he is dearer than a father. The gentleness in her voice when she talks about him speaks louder than any words. Chandler and Callum, the two men who saved her and raised her and he is the only one left. He is her family and don't you recall telling me how Oceana is feircly loyal to the people she loves?”

“But how can she have any love or pity for that pathetic drunk of a man? She knows what he did in his past, how can she feel for him? And why does she pity him and not me? She was so angry at me, called me the elder brother in the prodigal said, lectured me about how I should be glad that my father had changed and found his way back to God.” Wesley felt his face go hot as he remembered the words Oceana had thrown at him.

“And what did you tell her in return?”

“What could I tell her. I said that if she remained with him I would have nothing more to do with her. Seeing the state I am in, I think you can guess what choice she made.”

“You said you didn't want to see her anymore just because she felt love and pity for your poor father?” Annoyed disbelief replaced the sympathy in the Admiral's voice.

“Oh don't look at me like that, Admiral, you remember as well as I do that horrible day, the worst day in my life, when all I found of my mother and little Fiona was a tombstone overlooking the sea.” Wesley shuddered as his mind relived the moment. “What would you feel if it had been your father's neglect that killed your family? Of all people surely you understand that my feelings are perfectly justified.”

“You know something, Wesley, if there is anything I have learned from life, and I have been living it for fifty seven years, it is just because you can justify an action, a feeling, or anything else, doesn't necessarily make it the right thing to do or feel. No matter what your feelings toward you father, you did not have to spill them out on Oceana the way you did. If she wants to love your father, she is free to do that. You have no right to dictate to her what she can and cannot feel, and you have no right to make her feel guilty for being a kinder and more forgiving soul than you are. The girl loves you, I could see that plain as day, her eyes light up whenever you come around, and I know that your words must have hurt her. How can you put her through such a choice. What if she were to make you choose between me and her?

"That is different."

"It is not. Your behavior to her this morning was unfair. Look at me Wesley, you are going to go back and apologize.”

“Apologize for what?” Wesley wasn't exactly eager to swallow up his already hurt pride.

“For being rude and judgmental. I did not raise a scoundrel, I raised an honest soldier and a gentleman. I have never been ashamed of you before, Wesley, so don't make me!”

Wesley was silent for a few minutes as he thought over all that Admiral Chesterton had told him. He had been very hard on Oceana, just because he was angry at his father didn't mean he had to spill his bitterness on her, who really had nothing to do with the whole story. She had walked off very upset and agitated. If she had gone home and the story had gotten out to Miss Patterson and Mrs. Blackwood, he would be looked at in the same light at that Burmmington fellow. Maybe he had better apologize. He didn't want to lose Oceana, he wanted to marry her. But...he wasn't quite ready to lower his pride just yet.

“Alright, I'll do it,” he said at last, “tomorrow I'll go over and ask forgiveness for my behavoir.”

“Why not today?”

“Because I've taken enough blows to my pride today, first from her and then from you and I need to recuperate a little. I promise, I'll go tomorrow right after breakfast to Miss Patterson's home.”

“As long as you do it.”

“I will, I give you my word. Now excuse me please.”

“Where are you going?”

“I need to breath some fresh air and try and figure all this out.” Wesley stood up and taking his hat left the house.

***

Oceana had sat in the church for a good several hours. Hands folded, head lifted to the light, she had prayed about what to do. After her prayer she had gone through all the facts again, gone through every word she and Wesley had spoken, gone through the story of Callum and Wesley. And then there had been silence, silence in the church, silence in her mind, silence in her heart. At last, closer to the evening, after spending just about the entire day in the church, Oceana felt she knew what the best course of action would be. And the sooner she got it done, the better it would be for everyone, herself included. Her mind made up and her heart heavy, Oceana left the church and headed back for Miss Patterson's home.