The Metatronic Chronicles: A Minor Inconvenience

Sunday mornings in the Wilder household were always the same. Everyone got up at seven o’clock for breakfast of ham, eggs, pancakes and coffee, got dressed for ten o’clock Mass and if going to communion, a one hour fast beforehand, which let the big breakfast settle.

Mass was at St. Mary’s Catholic Church, a giant antique structure just two miles from the family’s rambling Victorian house. Built in the late 19th century, the dirty yellow brick church was a landmark in the community. Nearly 600 families belonged to its congregation, guided by Father James O’Casey for most of the boys’ lives. It was Father O’Casey who Daniel especially had looked up to for vocational and moral guidance but he had retired recently and the new priest, Father Thomas was young but somewhat inexperienced. The two boys intimidated him with their size, bulk and energy, so the weekly visits their family had enjoyed over the years from Father O’Casey had ceased and Father Thomas had yet to make an appearance at the house. Only an occasional letter from Father O’Casey kept Daniel’s interest up now.

As they did nearly every Sunday the family was the last to pile into the back pew before the service started, bringing frowns from many other parishioners. On the other hand, the muscular good looks of the two Wilder boys and even their handsome father James was enough to follow up the frowns with friendly smiles from the younger female members

But this Sunday was a little different. After two days as fresh new angels, the brothers Wilder were unsure of what to expect. Would God know the difference? Would it matter? Would they be plunged down to Hell for their sinful human ways or would they be drawn up into heaven to join the legions of angels they had learned about in their catechism and Neumann classes? Neither of them had a clue.

Michael was dressed and ready too but both boys seemed glued to the floor when Mary and James brought the car out of its rickety old garage. James finally rolled down the window and shouted at them to get in the car. This is how they went to church, the undercarriage of the auto nearly scraping the pavement under their combined weights.

Once seated, their usual custom was to talk telepathically all the way through Mass, pausing only long enough to take communion. The usual subjects were the size of certain girls’ breasts, upcoming sporting events or how bored they were. But today there was only silence from both boys as they entered the church.

Daniel felt himself struck by how different the cavernous old church felt. Why should it feel different? Did someone know about the change? His eyes scanned the large congregation and no one appeared to be doing anything out of the ordinary. Most just took their seats after genuflection and prayer to wait for Mass to start. He looked around the church itself and felt his eyes drawn to the large Tiffany window that looked down onto the congregation from the wall beneath the bell tower. A large figure constructed of blue, gold and purple stained glass stood in its center, an imposing being with giant wings, a sword and wearing shining silver armor. It was St. Michael.

“I’ve never noticed how fierce old St. Michael looks before,” Daniel finally telepathed to his brother. “Do you suppose they had him cleaned or something?”

Michael took a long look at the figure in the window. “Yeah…they must have. He looks…meaner.” Mary suddenly elbowed Michael in the ribs and he stopped communicating for a moment. After giving his mom a brief glare, he started again. “I swear she knows what we’re doing sometimes.”

Daniel just smiled at no one in particular. “She’s a mom. She has eyes in back of her head and spies everywhere.” His gaze fell on the large crucifix hanging behind the altar. To his surprise, he felt nothing. If he were an angel, wouldn’t he feel something seeing that?

Another piece of statuary caught his eye, that of Mary the virgin mother of Jesus. She reminded him of his own mother Mary in the way she looked out over the congregation. That felt weird and he mentally shook it off. No way was his tough mother with the butt-sized boots anything like Jesus’ mother.

’Michael,” he summoned his brother again. “Was Jesus real?”

“Do you want the true answer?” Michael returned silently.

Despite his boredom in church, Daniel was more religious than his brother, so much more that at one time after a summer of playing volleyball on the same team as Father O’Casey, he considered becoming a priest. That didn’t last too long however when he remembered that priests were supposed to be celibate. That left Daniel out but he had still entertained thoughts of attending a seminary after high school, something he had discussed with Father O’Casey before the priest had retired. After that, Daniel had let the idea drop. “Yes,” he finally answered. “I want the truth.”

“Jesus was a good man, a prophet and a great spiritual leader…”

“But…”

“But he wasn’t the Messiah. This whole business of Christianity… religion in general…doesn’t mean much in the larger picture.”

That sounded too much like his brother and not much like an angel. Michael Wilder was an agnostic who would believe in religion and God when it was proven beyond a doubt to him. Attendance at church and religious education classes was simply to make his parents happy. He and Daniel had some long arguments over the existence of God, angels and saints. With recent events, it seemed that now he should be rethinking his philosophy on religion, but apparently was not. “You’re full of shit!” Daniel responded.

“Maybe,” he heard Michael say. “What is that?”

“What?” Daniel looked around but didn’t see anything. “You’re seeing things.”

“I am not. Look up above the altar. Don’t you see it?”

Daniel followed his brother’s gaze and saw what appeared to be a small black object hanging in the air over the altar. “What the hell is that?” It appeared to be about the size of a basketball and hovered shakily about fifteen feet up in the air, directly over the Father Thomas’s head. No one else in the church appeared to notice it.

Michael just stared intently at the object for a moment, and then Daniel saw it rapidly shrink and disappear. “What was it?” Daniel repeated.

“I don’t know for sure but when I sent a bit of energy at it, it seemed to recoil. That’s why it disappeared.” Michael kept an eye on the area and soon the shape reappeared.

“Is it a demon?” Daniel was growing concerned.

“Not a biblical demon. Maybe one of those little boogalies you read about in ghost books,” Michael shrugged. “Whatever, it doesn’t seem to like us.”

The object moved toward them a bit, then floated back. He suddenly grinned and vocally said “awesome!” Getting another jab from his mom and glares from surrounding attendees. “Sorry,” he whispered.

After a few moments more of hovering, the thing shrank down to nothingness and disappeared again.

“Whatever it was, it’s gone now,” Daniel said silently. “Maybe it’s just something that has always hung around here but we just couldn’t see it before.”

“Maybe.” Michael’s mind was already going back to other things. With his teenage counterpart beginning to re-emerge, the angel was having problems keeping things sorted out in his mind. Having to play teenager just complicated things, especially where his brother was concerned. The youth was not entirely mute and it was unclear which of them was speaking at any given time. Daniel would be thrilled to find his brother back to a degree but Michael the angel hoped that his confusion would not cause his brother any harm in the long run.

Father Thomas reached the portion of the Mass where the congregation began to recite the Nicene Creed. Everyone stood up. Daniel started to recite the prayer along with the rest but something suddenly stabbed him painfully in the gut. “Oof!” He said sharply in a low tone.

As the prayer continued, the pain grew stronger until he was in agony, sweat beading on his forehead. Gritting his teeth, he leaned down to his mother. With a strained whisper, he told her that he didn’t feel well and was leaving the church. Then stifling a groan, he made his way out, thankful that they were sitting in the last pew and exited out toward the parking lot. As soon as he stepped outside, the pain went away.

Back inside the church, Michael looked after his brother’s exit curiously. “What’s wrong?” He asked him telepathically. “Are you all right?”

Presently Daniel answered. “Man I had a big pain in my gut like someone stabbed me! It started as soon as the Father Thomas began reciting the Nicene Creed! But I’m ok now. It stopped when I stepped outside the church!”

Michael glanced up at the altar, where that part of the service had concluded and the Father Thomas was moving on with the liturgy. “I didn’t feel anything! If it was the prayer, I should have been affected too.”

“Well maybe whatever it was just likes you better than me!” Daniel shot back. “Whatever it is, it is gone. I’m coming back in.”

He started back into the church, but as soon as he stepped from the entry into the nave, the pain came back even worse and he nearly collapsed. Struggling, he left the church again, this time with an alarmed usher behind him.

“Sorry, it’s just an ulcer attack,” he said, waving the fellow off. “It will pass!” Sure enough, as soon as he stepped outside, the pain left. “What’s up with this?” he complained to Michael. “It happened again! I can’t come back into the church!”

Instead of a response from Michael, he saw the door open and his mother come out. “Are you all right?” She asked, her face full of worry. She looked him over and reached up to brush a thick lock of hair away from his face. “You’re pale as a ghost!”

“I’m okay, mom,” he responded, a bit embarrassed by the attention. “You didn’t have to come out here. I just had a problem with my stomach but I’m fine now.”

“Well then, come back in.” Mary took his hand and led him inside, but sure enough as soon as he went through the entry and set foot in the nave, the pain came back. His face went even paler and he doubled over.

“I can’t!” He whispered to her, ignoring the looks of nearby parishioners. “I’ll be outside!” He spotted Michael and waved to him. His brother instantly exited the pew and they both quietly left again.

Sure enough, as soon as he stepped outside, the pain went away again. “What is going on?” He asked of his brother. “Am I being attacked? Is that thing floating around inside attacking me?”

“I don’t know!” Michael tried to scan him with his new abilities but without much practice, he wasn’t getting anywhere. Daniel was just a big blank to him. “I can’t get anything from you or that thing. Why would it attack you and not me? Besides, we could see that thing before but whatever is going on is invisible!”

“It feels like I’m being stabbed with a knife! You’re more angelic than I am! Can’t you figure it out?”

Michael took a deep breath. “I am trying but I’m being hampered.”

“By what?”

“Your brother is coming back more strongly and I’m getting confused. The only way to fix it is for us to become completely integrated into one being but that will take some time. For now, I’m nearly as limited as you are in the use of our abilities.”

Daniel stared at him for a moment. “Michael is back?”

A warm smile came over Michael’s face and his voice seemed to change, becoming younger and lighter. “Yeah little brother, I’m here. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Daniel felt tears stinging his eyes as he wrapped his arms around his brother in a big hug. “My God…” he whispered vocally. “I thought we had lost you!”

“Well not really, because us two Michaels are really the same guy, but we have a lot of reassembling to do. When we are done, there will be only one of us, a combination of two separate entities. Then you’ll really be confused!” Michael laughed. “But we can’t let whatever this is keep you out of the church. We need some help.”

“Help from…?” Daniel asked. “God? Other angels? Who?”

“You are right,” Michael answered obliquely as he came to the fore again, but quickly retreated into the background, leaving his human side in charge once more. Daniel sighed, realizing that sorting the two out was going to be a challenge.

A rumble from inside told them that Mass was over and the congregation was leaving. The two stepped aside and waited, watching Father Thomas greet parishioners until James and Mary came out.

James approached Daniel quickly. “You all right boy? Your mother said you were but you looked pretty bad. Maybe we should call Doctor Gannon.”

Doc Gannon was their family pediatrician and also the father of one of their band mates, bassist Rick Gannon. Daniel shook his head—if Rick got wind of his ailments, even though he went to a different school, the news would spread back to Roseville High School very quickly. “No, I’m fine. Honest. It was just a bit of gas or something I ate. It’s ok.”

James looked at him for a moment, and then nodded. “If it comes back, we go to see Doc Gannon, got that?”

“Got it!” Daniel nodded back. “I think I’m going to walk home. That might help.”

“That’s over two miles!” Mary objected. “What if you get an attack again?”

“I’ll walk with him,” Michael volunteered. “I’ll get him home all right.”

Still not sure, Mary finally assented and a moment later, drove off with James at the wheel of their car, her eyes on her two sons until they were out of sight.

As soon as they were out of sight, Daniel turned back to the church. The last of the parishioners was leaving and Father Thomas was heading back toward the sacristy to change out of his vestments and prepare to go on sick calls. He would be busy for a while.

“I want to try it again,” he said to his brother. “I want to see if it was the Mass, the building or what was affecting me.”

Michael watched his Daniel enter the church again and just as quickly exit, pale and sweating in pain. “It’s not the Mass then?” He asked.

“Apparently not,” Daniel answered, color returning to his face. “And it gets worse each time.”

Michael glanced down the street at the neighboring church, an equally old structure that housed the local Methodists. “Let’s try it there. Maybe it’s churches in general.”

A few moments later, Daniel emerged from the Methodist church. “Other than running into Mrs. Whitman the choir director, I’m fine,” he stated. “Nothing happened but now she thinks I’m converting to Methodism.”

“Okay…” Michael nodded. “Now we’re getting somewhere. There are two more churches on the way home—St. Paul’s Lutheran and Grace Episcopal. Let’s try them!”

An hour later both boys arrived home, Daniel having survived both churches without pain.

“Okay, it is St. Mary’s, or something in it,” Michael had to admit as they came into the house. “Maybe next week it will be better. Maybe whatever it is will be gone.”

“Right,” Daniel didn’t believe that. “I have to change clothes and then I promised mom I would work in the garden for awhile then I have some homework to do. But tonight, after mom and dad are in bed, I want to go back to St. Mary’s in wings.”

“In wings, you have no clothes,” Michael cautioned. “If we’re caught in there, who knows what could happen? Someone could be hurt or we could damage the structure trying to get out of there.”

“I don’t mind being naked,” Daniel remarked, surprising himself. He was normally fairly shy except when having sex. Then he didn’t care who saw him, but flying around naked was something they had only done twice so far. It had been a bit dodgy getting up into the sky and coming back without being seen.

On the other hand, Daniel the angel was very well equipped and nearly always ready for sex, something he found surprising. If he ever gave himself over completely to the big angel, he wasn’t sure if he could control him. “Maybe we can make something that we can wear—a kilt or toga or whatever?”

“A toga?” Michael found that idea repugnant but a kilt seemed do-able. With a thought, the angel inside him set about assembling pieces and threads out of nothingness to form a pure white kilt for each of them. How these would last under hard use was anyone’s guess.

It didn’t take long to make them and even normally rushed Daniel looked at them suspiciously when Michael brought them to his room less than fifteen minutes later. “How did you do that? You can’t even thread a needle.”

“I don’t know,” Michael answered. “I just did.”

He tossed Daniel’s over to him and then held up his own to the front of his blue jeans. “These seem natural to me somehow. But I don’t know what the fabric is.”

“You just made the fabric?” Daniel sniffed the cloth. “It smells sweet, like lavender or lilac, something flowery.” He examined the hem, which was not sewn but finished off within the fabric itself. It felt like very light linen, but smooth and quite pleasant to the touch. There was no waistband or closure, it just wrapped around. “So how do we hold it up?”

Michael slipped out of his jeans and drew the garment on. As soon as he did so, a golden belt of fine chain link appeared around his waist and attached itself to the cloth. “Whoa!” Michael jumped slightly in surprise. “I guess old Michael the angel knows how to hold it up.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” Daniel tried his on too and sure enough, the golden chain appeared around his waist too. “Very…um…Greek. Nice. But won’t these show off the family jewels when we’re flying?”

“I suppose so, but by then we’ll be moving so fast, who can tell?”

“I can tell!” Daniel retorted. “Old Daniel the angel has the schlong of an army mule! It’ll wave like the damned flag as we’re flying around!”

“So ask him for help then.”

“I can’t. He won’t speak to me yet. He’s not like you two buddy-buddies. He’s hanging in the background waiting for me to screw up and then he’s going to toss me out.” Daniel’s tone implied that he was frightened.

Suddenly the angel Michael came back and sat down in front of him. “He won’t toss you out,” his deeper voice was smooth as butter. “He needs you like I need your brother. Don’t let him fool you—he may be a battle-hardened warrior without much patience, but he understands the relationship. You will join together as Michael and I am doing and exist as one being, a combination of both. Don’t be frightened of him.”

“Will he help me with this then?” Daniel was still fearful.

“Your shyness will disappear as the joining grows more complete but Daniel will help you, I’m sure of it. Just relax and let him do it.”

Daniel looked at him nervously for a moment, then sighed and tried to relax. It took a few minutes, but he was soon lying back on his bed, eyes partially closed and becoming open to the experience.

After a few minutes, he was surprised to see one of his hands rise into the air. A slight glow enveloped it. Then his mouth opened and a stream of material seemed to rise from it and assemble itself on his hand. A small garment appeared, as tough and light as the kilt—an angelic pair of Speedos!

The glow disappeared, the angel retreated and the teenager was left coughing and sputtering. “You made them out of SPIT!” He stated, totally grossed out. “Eeew man…that’s disgusting.”

“No worse than you making a mud ball out of your turds when you were nine and I was eight!” Michael shot back. “At least these are clean.”

Daniel found himself laughing over the old member. “Oh yeah, that’s right. That was when I was afraid that if I flushed the toilet, my soul would wash away with my shit. I think I must have read about that somewhere in National Geographic and it scared me.”

“Daniel, no one’s soul is in their shit, I know this for a fact,” Michael said. “Now let’s just forget all this until tonight.”