The Lightning Fart: A Parody of The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson & the Olympians, Book 1)

We wandered through the woods on the edge of the highway, hoping to find a restaurant or hotel where we could grab a bite and plan our next move. After walking for a while, we finally saw some lights up ahead. Unfortunately it turned out to be neither a hotel nor a restaurant. Instead, it was a tourist attraction: Madame M’s Wax Museum. It seemed odd that there’d be a wax museum in the middle of nowhere, but we decided to stop in, because it couldn’t be less boring than walking in the woods.

As we looked at the wax statues of celebrities, I began to notice something odd: all of the statues were of celebrities who had suddenly disappeared from the public eye, such as Paris Hilton, Zac Efron, and the two other Jonas Brothers besides Nick.

“This place is creepy,” said Grover.

“Zac Efron is creepy,” I said.

A door opened behind the statues and a Middle Eastern woman appeared. At least I assumed she was Middle Eastern, because she wore a long black burka that covered everything but her eyes. Her burka had a nametag that said Madame M.

“I’m sorry, but the museum will be closing in five minutes,” said the woman. “Would you like me to take a picture of you before you leave?”

“Sure!” said Annabeth. “Let’s take one with the cast of Jersey Shore!”

We headed over to the wax statues of Snooki, The Situation, and the rest. Annabeth handed her phone to the Middle Eastern woman to take the picture, but the woman waved her off.

“No need,” said the woman. “I’ll just take it myself and then email it to you. Ok, now everyone smile!”

We noticed that she hadn’t taken out a camera.

“How’s she gonna take the picture?” whispered Grover.

“No talking during the photo!” said the woman. “I need you to stand stone-still.” Then she reached up and started undoing the head-wrap that covered her face.

“DON’T LOOK AT HER!” screamed Annabeth, and she threw us to the ground.

“If you wanted to fix your hair before taking the pic you could’ve just said something,” I said.

“She’s Medusa!” said Annabeth. “If you look at her you’ll turn to stone!”

I didn’t really buy that some woman could turn me to stone, but Annabeth had her arms around me so I wasn’t going to argue.

 “I’ve got a plan,” said Annabeth. “Stay here and keep your eyes closed.” She put on her cap and became invisible, and I closed my eyes. A few seconds later I felt something massaging my neck. Ooooo, she was really good at that. I was a little weirded out she was doing this in front of Grover, but whatevs.

Suddenly I heard Annabeth scream, “Die, Monster!” and heard a sickening slice, followed by the thump of something hitting the ground.

“Ok, you can look now,” said Annabeth.

I turned and saw the wax museum owner facedown on the floor.

“You killed the museum owner?” I said.

“You mean Medusa,” said Annabeth. “I knew you were the one she was really after, so I snuck up behind her when she was right next to you and then used the sword Chiron gave you.”

“Holy moly, you killed the museum owner!” I said. “Do you know how much trouble we’re in? Well actually, you’re in. ‘Cause I’m telling the police I had nothing to do with it.”

“Percy, Annabeth’s right,” said Grover. “That was really Medusa.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’ll satisfy a jury,” I said. “Sorry we killed that Middle Eastern woman. We thought she was Medusa.”

But then I noticed that the hair on the woman’s head was still moving. And when I looked closer, I saw why: her hair was made of snakes.

“Are those what was touching my neck?” I said.

“Yup, poisonous cobras,” said Grover. “You’re lucky they weren’t hungry.”

I didn’t feel so bad anymore about Annabeth killing the museum owner. If the woman was gonna illegally keep poisonous snakes at her workplace, customers had every right to defend themselves.

“Thanks for protecting me,” I said to Annabeth. “I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” said Annabeth. “But if you really want to pay me back, how ‘bout taking a picture of me and Pauly D?”