The Last Letter

Rotors spun above me in a familiar rhythm as the ground fell away. Havoc sat next to me, her ears back. She could handle helicopter rides, but she still wasn’t a fan. I snapped my helmet and turned on the radio.

“Okay, we’re in. What’s the emergency?” We’d been outside, running a few drills, when the call came in. I heard Wasatch trail, and that was it, and I wasn’t familiar enough with every hiking trail in the county to remember which one that was.

I’d grabbed my gear, thrown in Havoc’s rappelling harness, and taken off at a dead run while they ran the helo up for launch.

“They’ve got a kid off the grid,” Jenkins, the resident medic said through the comms.

“Lost?” A chill ran down my spine. Where were the kids today? Ella had signed that permission slip, and I hadn’t asked.

“Yep. That’s all we know. Report came in about ten minutes ago, said kid went missing.”

I nodded and looked out the open doors as we passed over Bridal Veil Falls and headed up the pass. Absentmindedly, I stroked Havoc’s head as we crept up the mountain.

“I think we can put down right there,” the pilot said, and I looked over to see where he was indicating.

The small clearing intersected with the trail, which looked wide and well-traveled.

“Once we’re on the ground, you two do your thing,” Chief Nelson ordered from the bench next to Jenkins. “County is involved, but they know you’re coming, since their dog can’t ever find shit.”

“Got it.”

A kid. My blood started pumping furiously through my veins, just like it did before every mission I’d ever taken part in. This was that same adrenaline but a hell of a lot more scary.

“How much time went by before the kid was reported missing?”

“They don’t know. Witness is in shock. If the kid slipped off the trail, it’s pretty densely wooded after the cliff.”

Holy shit.

“The kid could have fallen off a cliff?” I scanned the terrain, but we were too close to landing to get the full picture.

“Sounds like it. Wouldn’t surprise me if this turns into a recovery effort.”

My jaw locked. Not on my watch. I wasn’t losing a kid to a freaking hike in Colorado.

“We’ll wait here. Let us know what you need,” the pilot called out as we unhooked and ditched our helmets.

I gave him the thumbs-up when he looked over his shoulder, then took hold of Havoc’s leash, giving her the hand signal that it was time to go. She stayed at my side as I jumped the few feet to the ground and headed toward the team from County.

“The site is about a quarter mile up this trail,” their chief said from the center of the circle. “Teachers and some of the students are still there, so be sensitive.”

Teachers. Students.

I didn’t wait for the rest of the brief, just broke into a dead run up the trail, Havoc perfectly paced with me. It was rocky and even on the path, but the drop-off to the south was anything but friendly. That was rough and rugged, but not too dramatic. Until the face became sheer. This was the cliff.

Shit, there was no way a kid was living through that kind of fall.

I increased my pace, nearly sprinting up the rest of the trail, passing a few uniforms from the sheriff’s department until I rounded the corner.

Then I stopped so fast I skidded a little on the rocks.

Mrs. Rivera stood, shaking her head as she talked to a uniform. She was trembling, tears streaming down her face.

“Mrs. Rivera?” I called out, making myself move forward.

“Mr. Gentry, oh God.” She covered her mouth.

“Where are my kids?” I tried to keep my voice level, but it came out as a strangled bellow.

She glanced over her shoulder, and I bypassed her, looking for the small group of students who sat against the mountain, their lunch bags still out, all startlingly quiet. My eyes raked over the fifty or so of them until—

“Beckett!” Maisie cried, her little body emerging from the crowd. She ran full throttle at me, and I caught her, hugging her tight. She sobbed into my neck, her frame shaking with each cry.

One down. I gulped a breath and let myself feel her heart beat as my hand steadied her back. She was okay. She was here.

“It’s okay, Maisie-girl. I’ve got you,” I said as I looked past her, still scanning the group.

Where the hell was Colt?

I looked again, and my blood ran cold. “Maisie.” I dropped down to my knees so she could stand, and then I peeled her off my neck. “Where is Colt?”

“I don’t know, and they won’t tell us anything until the grown-ups get here.” Tears raced down her cheeks. “There’s another group over there.” She pointed up the trail about forty feet at another assembly of students.

“Okay.” I debated sitting her down with the class for all of two seconds. Screw that. If we already had one kid over the edge, my daughter wasn’t going to be next. “Come with me.”

I hefted her into my arms, bracing her on my forearm as I hiked up the trail. As soon as we were away from the first group, I looked down at Havoc and let her off the leash. If any parents freaked out, they could kiss my ass.

“Seek Colt.”

She sniffed Maisie, no doubt smelling Colt on her, and then put her nose to the ground, heading toward the small grouping of kids. A pair of uniforms addressed no more than ten kids, all in some state of tears except one.

Emma. She stood off to the side, her back to me, looking up the trail.

“Mr. Gentry?” Another teacher stopped talking to the kids and walked over, her lip trembling. “Oh God. We just stopped for lunch, and then when we started again, the trail…it just…” She started sobbing. “We. Got. Separated.”

“Where?” I asked the uniform.

“Trail’s out around the corner, but there’s no sign of the kid. Some of the kids think they saw him on the other side.”

I put Maisie on the ground and placed her hand in Mrs. Rivera’s, who had followed us up. “Please keep her right here. Maisie, give me a couple minutes, okay?”

I forced a smile and stroked her cheek. Stay calm. Don’t let her see the panic. I repeated it to myself as I waited for her to nod. She couldn’t see this, couldn’t experience it, and as much as I wanted her at my side to keep her safe, she needed the protection of distance.

Then I took off, ignoring the teacher and following Havoc to where I’d already known she would lead—right to Emma.

The little girl stood looking up the trail, a good ten feet back from the edge of the drop-off. An officer kneeled at her level, speaking to her, but she wasn’t responding. Her eyes were blank, her mouth closed but lax, and in her hands, she gripped a Telluride Search and Rescue cap that Havoc was currently alerting me to.

No. No. No.

I tried to shove the panic down the way I had countless times in battle, but this was different. This was my worst nightmare.

“She’s not talking.” Every line of the officer’s face was tense.

“Give her some space and let me try.”

He nodded, backing away just far enough to hear but not hover.

“Emma,” I said gently as I dropped to her eye level and turned her toward me. “Emma, where did Colt go? How do you have his hat?”

Her eyes slowly shifted from the cliff to me. “I know you.”

“Yeah, you do. I belong to Colt and Maisie,” I said, trying to keep my voice even and calm, knowing if she slipped into shock any further, I’d lose any chance of getting information. “Can you tell me what happened?”

She nodded, the motions taking three times as long as normal. “We were eating lunch, right there.” She pointed to the group. “And then we finished, so we walked in a line, just like we’re supposed to. We weren’t even close to the edge, I promise!” Her voice broke.

The officer next to us started taking notes.

“I know. It’s okay.” I took her hands in my own with Colt’s cap between us. “What happened then?”

“We turned around to come back, because the other kids were slow eating. Then the ground just disappeared. It was gone so fast.”

“Okay, and what then?”

More uniforms gathered behind us, and I waved them off. She looked up at them and then at Colt’s hat, shutting down.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Mark. “Blanket.”

He took one from the new batch of officers and handed it to me.

“Keep them back. She’s in shock, and they’re making it worse.” He nodded and started barking orders as I put the heavy material around her. “It’s just you and me, Emma. Can you tell me what happened next?”

Her eyes rose to mine. “The ground left, and I started to fall. Colt grabbed my hand and pulled? I think? Or pushed. I was behind him, and then I was in front of him. It was so loud. Like ice cubes in a glass.”

Landslide. It had to be.

“I tried to grab him, but it was done. Then I was at the edge, and he was gone. I had this.” She lifted his hat.

My heart stopped. It ceased beating, and everything around me froze. Then my heart pounded, and the world sprung into life again, but felt twice as fast.

Colt. Oh my God, Colt.

“Some of the kids think they saw him on the other side. Is that what happened? Did you get separated?” Please, say yes. Please.

She shook her head slowly.

“Emma, did he fall?” My voice was high, strained by the giant lump in my throat.

She nodded.

For three heartbeats, I didn’t think I was going to be able to get control. But I sucked air into my lungs and somehow back out.

“Thank you,” I told her. Then I sprinted up the path, whistling for Havoc. She came up on my heels and then right beside me. The trail narrowed as we rounded the corner, and I skidded to a halt, grabbing Havoc’s vest as she slid.

“Careful, it’s a bad drop,” one of the county guys said, leaned up against the hillside. “I don’t see any sign of the kid, though, which is good. He’s probably on the other side of the trail like the teacher thinks. We’re just waiting for the team to come up from the other side.”

Five feet in front of us, the cliff-side portion of the trail had fallen away, and the rest looked ready to go. My heart climbed into my throat. “Stay,” I croaked at Havoc.

Then I inched forward, bracing my hand on the hillside to keep steady. Peering over the edge, I saw a dramatic fall—maybe fifty feet—that ended in a steep, tree-covered slope.

“See? No sign of him. Teacher said he has on a blue fleece.”

“It’s bright blue,” I answered, scanning the terrain below. “With the TSR logo on the back and Gentry labeled on the front.”

It was the one thing he’d begged for before he went back to school, and the only thing he had of mine with my name.

“Oh, okay, then. Well, we don’t see him. What does your dog say?”

I glanced back at Havoc, who was sitting perfectly still. Not alerting. Not anxious to get over the trail. She knew the same thing I did. “She says he’s down there.”

I took one last look at the terrain, trying to commit it to memory.

“Damn. Then it’s about to be a recovery mission, because there’s no way that kid’s alive.”

I spun, shoving my forearm into the guy’s throat as I pinned him against the mountain. “You don’t know that.”

He gurgled.

Hands pulled me back. Mark. He let me go and squeezed my shoulder.

“What the hell is your problem?” The uniform rubbed his throat.

“It’s his kid,” Mark answered.

The guy’s expression fell. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. I mean, there could be a chance—”

I was Colt’s only chance.

Grabbing Havoc, I left, sprinting back down the trail, careful to keep my balance on the rocks. Rolling my ankle could kill Colt.

I grabbed my walkie and pressed the channel. “Nelson, it’s Gentry. That helo still running?”

A static-filled moment passed as I came up on the first class. Maisie sat with Emma, holding her hand at the edge of the group.

“It is,” Nelson answered.

“Keep it that way. Havoc and I are on the way, and we need to get down that cliff fast.”

“Roger.”

Mark caught up as I dropped down to Maisie, who had stopped crying and now looked completely blank, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

I hugged her, curving my body to surround her as much as possible. “I’m taking you down, okay? And then Mark is going to get you to the station, and we’ll call your mom.”

“Beckett, you want me to leave?” Mark asked softly. “Don’t you need my help?”

“I need you to get my little girl off this mountain,” I said as I stood, Maisie shifting in my arms to hold onto my neck. “Hold on, Maisie-girl.”

I jogged, balancing her weight, knowing every second counted, but there was no way I was leaving her up there. Ella’s voice filled my head as I thought about every time she’d felt guilty having to leave one to take care of the other.

We rounded the next bend, and the helo came into view, along with a group of parents who stood behind a line of uniforms.

“Bad news. Travels fast.” Mark’s words came stuttered through heavy breathing.

“Beckett!” Ada called from the front of the group.

“Ada’s here,” I told Maisie. “Mark, change of plans, get on the bird.”

Ada ran to the edge of the crowd, Larry not far behind her. They reached an officer who let them through after I nodded.

There was a general cacophony of shouting from the parents, no doubt wanting news, but the whir of the helicopter behind me blurred any words.

“Is everyone okay?” Ada asked. “Oh God, where’s Colt? Why didn’t you bring Colt back, too?” Her voice shot high in panic, and Larry put his hand on her shoulder.

“I need you to take her,” I told Ada, but Maisie clung to my neck. “Maisie-girl, you have to let me go, okay?”

She pulled back, taking my face in her hands. “He’s hurt. I can feel it.” She touched her belly.

“I’m going to find him right now, but I need you to go to Ada, okay?”

“Okay.” She hugged me, and I gave her a squeeze before handing her over.

“Where’s Ella?” I asked as Maisie transferred into Ada’s arms.

“It’s Colt, isn’t it?” Ada asked.

I couldn’t say it. If I said it, the cellophane walls I had up would stop holding me together, and that wasn’t an option.

“Where’s Ella?” I repeated.

“She’s in the ranger station right back there with a couple other parents.” She motioned behind the crowd. “They’re trying to get news from the county. Want us to get her? Someone has to tell her.” Her face crumpled.

Flashing lights came into view. Good, the ambulance was here.

“No, just stay with her. It’s…it’s not good. She’s going to need you.”

Colt didn’t have the time for me to wait for Ella. I looked at Larry, whose face was drawn and tight.

“What do you want me to tell her?” he asked.

“Tell her I’m going to find our son.” Before I could lose it, I ran to the helicopter, Havoc with me. I deadlifted her into the bird and climbed in. Helmet on. Seat belt latched.

“Fly south,” I told the pilot. “There’s a section of the trail that’s fallen away. We need to be dropped right beneath it.”

“Roger.” The pilot took off, and my stomach lurched as we rose into the air.

I leaned forward and clipped the sections of Havoc’s vest I’d need to keep her safe.

“Slight problem, there’s nowhere to land,” the pilot called back.

“Can you rappel?” I asked Mark.

“In theory,” he answered.

“Get us to where we can rappel,” I told the pilot, then I turned to Mark. “Keep up.”

He nodded.

“I need you to be ready, Jenkins.”

“I’m steady.” He assured me from the bench. “Backboard and litter is ready.”

“You have the new report?”

He nodded.

“What time did it happen?”

He scanned through the clipboard and checked his watch. “Report came in forty-five minutes ago, and they called it in about ten minutes after.”

He’d been down almost an hour. I set the timer on my watch.

“Radio back and get as many hands down here as we can get.”

The helo steadied above the only clear ground visible. We looked to be a short distance from where the rocks would have fallen.

“We’re ready,” the pilot said through the comms.

I removed my helmet as Jenkins secured the line. Then I clipped Havoc into the slider and kept her between my legs as we shuffled for the door. Jenkins passed me the line, and I secured the slider that let me control her rate of descent. “I know you hate this,” I told her as I made sure it was tight where it attached to the line a couple feet above her harness. “But our Colt is down there.”

I gripped the line and her slider, gave her the knee signal she was all too used to, and we stepped out into nothing. She went completely still as I worked us down the line with her dangling between my knees.

We’d done this hundreds of times, but I’d never felt as urgent. Urgent caused mistakes, so I calmed my breathing and lowered us slowly, hand over hand, until we reached the ground.

Then I unhooked the slider and stuck it in Havoc’s pack. Mark started down immediately.

I slipped Havoc a treat from her pack. “Good job. I know that sucks.”

“How do you do that with a dog?” Mark asked after he reached the ground a minute later.

“A lot of experience.” I leaned down to Havoc. “Seek Colt.”

She started sniffing, and we walked in the direction of the slide. “How long will that take her?” Mark asked.

“Not sure. He didn’t walk this way, so she doesn’t have a path to go on. We’ll have to get close enough for her to catch his scent in the air, or anywhere he’s touched.”

We hiked uphill, through patches of knee-high grass and then under tall pine trees. I concentrated on my breathing and my footwork as Havoc walked ahead of us, searching. The less I thought about what we would find, the better.

“Colt!” I called out on the prayer he could hear us…that he was capable of hearing us.

“Colt!” Mark joined in. “Should we have brought Jenkins?”

“No. He needs to stay with the helo. When the other teams show up, he needs to be available, and if he’s with us, and someone else finds Colt…”

“I get the picture.”

“I’m a combat medic, which means I’m qualified to do just about anything besides surgery. Everyone in our…everyone is where I used to work.” It was part of the training before you were selected as a tier-one operator. “Colt!” I tried again.

And again.

And again.

The beep on my watch signaled that it had been an hour and a half, and still no Colt. I looked up the mountain. We were out of the tree line, right beneath the slide zone, and there were plenty of rocks around us that all looked the same. I couldn’t tell what was new and what had always been here.

We’d seen the helo drop a couple teams, and Mark had handled radio coordination, making sure we chose different grids. My grid was wherever Havoc decided to go, and they could all deal with it.

Havoc was sniffing like crazy toward the south, so we followed along the tree line.

“Colt!” I saw the bright patch of blue just as Havoc took off at a dead run.

I covered the ground quickly, jumping rocks, ducking pine tree branches as I ran. Havoc sat next to him, whining.

“Colt,” I called, but he didn’t respond. His upper half was clear, but his lower half was obscured by fallen foliage.

“Good girl,” I told Havoc, handing her a treat from my pocket out of sheer habit before dropping to my knees next to him.

“Colt, come on, bud.” His skin was pale, blood trickling from small cuts on his face. I put my fingers to his neck and waited.

Please, God. I’ll do anything. Please.

He had a pulse, but it was rapid and thready. His skin was cold.

“He’s bleeding somewhere,” I told Mark as he dropped to Colt’s other side. “We need to get these branches off him, but only the lighter ones. If it’s heavy, wait for me.”

Mark nodded and started pulling the smaller branches off Colt. “Rescue 9, this is Gutierrez and Gentry. We’ve found the male. Pulse is present but thready. Please send in medics ASAP.”

Static came through Mark’s radio as I unzipped Colt’s fleece.

“Shit. Gentry.”

I looked back to Colt’s lower half, and bile rose in my throat, but I looked up at the sky and forced it back down. Colt’s right thigh was pinned under a large, jagged rock roughly half the size of a car engine.

“Cut his pants around it. I need to see the skin.” Not good.

“Gutierrez, this is Rescue 9. Please note we are midrefuel. On our way immediately.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Colt, you in there, bud?” I asked, stroking his face. “Can you wake up for me?”

His eyelashes fluttered. “Beckett?”

The sweetest sound I’d ever heard was Colt’s voice at that moment. He was alive and able to speak. Thank you, God.

“Hey!” I hovered over his face, locking his head in place as his eyes opened. His right pupil was slightly larger than his left. Concussion. “Hey, don’t move, okay? I’m here.”

“Where am I?” he asked, his eyes scanning from left to right.

“You had a really bad fall, so you can’t move, okay? You might have hurt your neck. Mark is here with me, and the doc is on his way. Just don’t move your head.”

“Okay.” He winced. “I hurt.”

“I bet you do. Can you tell me where?”

His eyes shifted. “Everywhere.”

“Gotcha.” I looked down to where he was pinned. “Colt, can you wiggle your toes? Just your toes?”

“Yeah,” he said.

I looked up at Mark, who shook his head with a pursed mouth.

Don’t panic.

“Good job, bud. Can you do it again?” I hoped I sounded way calmer than I felt, because I was about to crawl out of my own skin.

“See? Toes are fine. They don’t even hurt,” Colt said with a little smile.

Mark shook his head again, and my soul crumpled into a little ball.

“Your legs don’t hurt?” I asked.

“No, just everything else.” His eyes started to drift shut.

“Colt. Colt!” I gripped his face. “You have to stay with me, okay? Wiggle your fingers.”

All ten wiggled. I can work with that.

“I’m tired. Is Emma okay?”

“She sure is, but she’s worried about you. You did great, Colt. You saved her.” I took his pulse again. Shit, it was faster and lighter.

“We protect smaller people,” he said with a weak smile. “I’m cold, Beckett. Is it cold?”

“Look under that rock. Is there blood?” I ordered Mark. I stripped out of my fleece jacket and draped it across Colt’s chest. “Better?”

Mark crouched down. “I can’t see. I bet we could get it off him.”

“We need to tourniquet it first. There’s every chance he’s got a crush injury. It’s been almost two hours, we can’t just lift it off him. There’s one in Havoc’s pack.”

“Shit, Beckett,” Mark said softly. “Blood.”

I grabbed the tourniquet and knelt next to Mark. Dark red blood oozed out from beneath the rock. “Where the hell is the helo? Tell them to get the basket here.”

“Rescue 9, this is Gutierrez and Gentry. What’s the status on getting that basket?”

“Gutierrez, this is Rescue 9. We’re inbound with a five-minute ETA.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. There was no better word in this moment.

I dug just beneath Colt’s thigh, enough to slip the tourniquet through, and then yanked it tight, securing it right above where the rock had him pinned.

“Don’t move it,” I warned Mark.

Then I knelt at Colt’s other side. His lips were blue, his skin pale, clammy, and cold. His pulse was fast and weak.

“Hey, bud, I got your bleeding stopped. You just gotta hold on for the helicopter, okay?”

He gave me a small smile. “I get to ride in a helicopter? Cool.”

“You do. Plus you’re kind of a hero. Everyone’s going to think you’re cool, but I’ll still think you’re the coolest,” I promised. “Anywhere else hurt?”

“No, nothing hurts.”

I froze. Shock. Bleeding out. We’d stopped the bleeding in his leg, but there had to be a secondary bleed, if not a dozen of them after that fall.

He’s hurt. I can feel it.

Twins. Just like he’d woken up when she had the infected PICC line.

“Okay, just keep talking to me, buddy.” I took my fleece off him and lifted his shirt. Deep purple bruising discolored the entire left side of his chest. His belly was swollen.

I sat back on my heels and put my head in my hands.

Ryan. You gotta help me here. Please.

“Where are we?” Colt asked, his voice soft.

I stood quickly and grabbed onto Mark’s arm. “He’s bleeding out internally. My guess is spleen, which means minutes. Run to the nearest place you can see the sky and pop smoke.”

He was the very picture of anguish as he looked at Colt, but he turned and ran.

I hit my knees beside Colt, and then I lay down next to him, curling my body around him. “I love you so much.”

He turned his head, and I didn’t yell at him about neck injuries. There was no point. “I love you, too, Beckett.” He opened his eyes, and I rested my forehead against his.

“I was thinking maybe we’d add that zip line to the tree house. What do you say?” I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Yeah. I think you should make it go into the lake. That would be cool, and Mom wouldn’t worry about falling so much.”

This was one fall we hadn’t seen coming.

Havoc whined, curling up next to Colt’s other side. She knew.

“You’re absolutely right.” I checked his pulse. So damn weak.

“I think I’m dying,” he whispered.

“You’re really hurt,” I said, my voice choking on the last word. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I didn’t want his last minutes to be spent in terror. There was nothing we could do at this point. I was going to lose him.

Ella. God, she needed to be here.

“It’s okay. Don’t be sad. Tell Mom and Maisie not to be sad, either.” He took several labored breaths. “I get to see Uncle Ryan.”

I couldn’t breathe. My chest only rose and fell with his, my heart syncing to his frail rhythm.

“Just hold on, bud. There’s so much you haven’t done yet. There’s so much to do.”

He looked at me, love shining out of his eyes. “I got to have you. Just like a dad.”

Tears fell from my eyes, running down the side of my face to the earth below. “Oh, Colt. We were going to tell you. We were just waiting for Maisie to be okay, but I adopted you last year. You’ve had a dad for a while. One who loves you more than the moon and stars.”

His breaths came slower and slower, each one a Herculean effort, but he still managed a smile. “You’re my dad.”

“I’m your dad.”

“So this is what it feels like.” He reached over, his hand cold as he laid it against my cheek. “I love having a dad.”

“I love being your dad, Colt. You are the best little boy I could have ever been given. I’m so proud of you.” The words barely came out.

His eyes closed as another breath shuddered through him.

I heard the sound of rotors in the background.

“I’m a Gentry,” Colt said, managing to pry his eyes open again.

“You are. A Gentry and a MacKenzie. Always.”

“Always?” he asked.

“Always. I will always be your dad. No matter what. Nothing will change that.” Even death. My love for him would cross however far God took him.

“Colton Ryan MacKenzie-Gentry. I got everything I ever wanted.” His eyes closed, and his chest rose only half as high. CPR wouldn’t help, not when he didn’t have any blood to circulate.

“Me, too,” I told him, kissing his forehead.

“Tell Mom and Maisie I love them.” His words were slower, punctuated by partial breaths.

“I will. They love you so much. You have a mom, and a dad, and a sister who would do anything for you.”

“I love you, Dad,” he whispered.

“I love you, Colt.”

His chest rattled once more, and then his hand fell from my face as he faded.

“Colt?” I felt for the pulse that wasn’t there. “Colt! No!” I slid under him and sat up, cradling him in front of me, my arms wrapped around him as his head rolled back against my chest.

A primal scream ripped from my throat. Then another, until my body shook with sobs. Beside me, Havoc sat up and started to howl, the sound low and keening.

Take care of him, Ryan.

“Beckett,” Mark said softly. When I looked up, he was kneeling next to me, his eyes full of unshed tears. My eyes rhythmically blurred, then cleared.

“He’s gone.” My arms tightened around his little body.

“I know. You did everything you could.”

“I made him pinwheels this morning,” I said, running my hand over his soft hair. “He wanted extra cheese, and I gave it to him. I made him pinwheels.”

That was hours ago.

Hours.

And now he was gone.

“What do you want to do?” Mark asked.

I realized there were half a dozen guys standing around us. Jenkins kneeled down and did the same checks I had, only to press his mouth in a tight line and stand again.

Want? What did I want to do? I wanted to scream again, to rip everything in this forest to shreds. I wanted to pound the mountain down to rubble with my fists. I wanted to look at my little boy and hear him laugh, see him run on the deck of his tree house. I wanted him to grow up, wanted to meet the man he was supposed to become. But he was beyond my reach.

Want didn’t matter when nothing was in your control.

“I need to take him to his mother.”