The Indifferent Luna 1 - Austan wolf

The first thing I let out was a tired groan, as I shielded my eyes from the light. I wasn’t feeling a splitting headache or immense tiredness or whatever I was supposed to feel from a hangover, but my eyes were hurting, hurting badly obviously because of light that was coming into the room.

“Silveen! You’re awake!” I heard Lady Freya’s voice say with relief and I frowned.

Shouldn’t I be yet? Only God knows how long I had slept.

I rolled to my side to shield my face from the light of the sun and looked at her as she came to hold my hand on the bed, putting the other over my forehead to check if I had a fever probably.

“Uggh! Close the windows!” I groaned and she immediately went to do so, as my eyes adjusted to the environment. I was still in my room, but the time looked similar to the time we went out.

I frowned. Did I overcome the hangover quickly? I thought I would not be awake until the next day. The…. Next…… day….. was my Luna crowning ceremony!

I jumped up to a seating position with my eyes wide.

“Today is not the day, right?!” lady Freya only looked at me lost of words.

I frowned and was about to speak again,

“Lady Silveen! You’re awake!” I turned to the excited Cecilia, who rushed to place a tray of soup on the table, then ran to me crying and laughing at the same time.

What was going on? Why are they acting weird? I asked myself as she hugged me.

I will worry about that later.

“ How long have I been out?!

“Two days!” Cecilia blurted out and my eyes widened as I saw her cover her mouth with her hand and look at lady Freya alarmed.

“What! The ceremony!” I exclaimed as I threw away the covers and jumped out of bed, then out the room before they could stop me. I ran down the stairs, not sure why I was going out and not looking for Eric first.

Where was Eric? Did he postpone the ceremony because I was drunk? Oh, what did the guest say? They must be repulsed at the undisciplined Luna, who doesn’t know how to control her drinking habit.

I slowed down in the hallway as I realized that the house was awfully silent. Ever since the ceremony had been announced, the house had been burbling with life as maids rushed in and out. Now it was silent. Dead silent. Except for the sounds of footsteps running down the stairs.

Cecil and Lady Freya. They must be coming to find me.

I hurried out of the house and my frown deepened when the streets also looked empty. I walked down the marble stairs and then the streets, looking around,

“Where is everyone?” I asked no one in particular as panic began to rise within me. Had Layla and her father brought war to our doorsteps? Have I been sleeping while my pack went out to fight in the war?

I asked myself as I broke into a run for the square, stopping short when I saw it filled with people. My heart skipped.

Eric.

I ran into the midst of the people, pushing my way towards the front to have a better view, as I realized someone was talking, addressing them.

Eric.

Relief washed over me as I listened.

“Do you, Layla, accept the role and responsibility of the Luna of the Kirjan pack? Do you promise to protect the people with your life and love them above all things?.....”

I frowned, what was I hearing? Why was I hearing Eric’s voice say those words to Layla?

Layla? Layla was here? My eyes widened again and I began to push my way to the front again. When I got there, my breath caught in my throat.

Layla was standing on the platform dressed in a purple gown, Eric was dressed in a tuxedo, and he was reading the oath to her.

What is going on?

I looked at the people all around me, who were silently watching them. They were dressed in festive attire, I was witnessing.....

“The Luna crowning ceremony.” I whispered as my eyes met those of Luna Misheal who was standing at one corner of the platform beaming, her smile froze when she saw me.

“I do.” I heard Layla reply after all the oath had been read to her by Eric.

My Eric.

Who had promised me the world, who had said he would choose me even if there was a war. He was reading the oath to Layla?

”People of Kirjan....” Eric started taking Layla’s hand and turning to the crowd, moving forward, his face expressionless. “I present to you, your Luna......”

Our eyes met and he stopped short, tears were spilling down mine already, but what I saw in his eyes I could not explain, what was it? relief?

There was no remorse there. He was relieved that she was his Luna instead of me? He had tricked me?

Layla followed his gaze and saw me. She smiled and squeezed his hands slightly.

“Layla!” he finished his gaze, returning briefly to his people who now cheered happily as Layla moved forward waving to them, then hugged him before kissing his lips.

He didn’t push her away. He was kissing another woman in front of me and didn’t feel any remorse, a sharp pain cut through my heart and I held onto my chest, feeling myself suffocating as the pain spread to my left arm.

I think I’m having a heart attack. I thought to myself as I bent to my knees amidst the cheers, feeling my tears falling freely not from this betrayal anymore, but from the intense pain in my chest. His eyes drifted back to mine and I could have sworn I saw concern and pity pass through them before I fell unconscious.

But it could have just been my imagination.

She had made good on her promise, Layla had made good on her promise to me.

......................................................................................................................................................................

The beeping sound of the hospital monitor and the intense smell of the antiseptic filled my nose, stinging my eyes as I woke up staring at the ceiling, which was pure white. I broke into a sob almost immediately as I realized what had happened. Eric had made another woman his Luna!

But why? Because I had been drunk? Did my careless act of getting drunk make him realize how useless I was to him? But still? Why didn’t he end things with me? Why did he have to humiliate me like that? Why did I have to stumble on him crowning another?

Right, I was unconscious. But still!

I thought as I sat up abruptly on the bed.

Still...... he should have told me. I thought I held his heart. I know he never said he loved me, but I thought he did. I mean he defended me and........

I looked up as the door opened and Maria rushed to me on seeing I was awake.

“Luna! You’re awake! Thank God!”

“Don’t call me that!” I hissed bitterly and she kept her mouth shut as she perched on my bed, looking at me pitifully. I pulled my knees up and rested my chin on them.

“Why do they always do this to me?” I asked no one in particular.

“Why do the people I love always do this to me? Is it that hard to love me? Am I so unlovable? Why did Eric do that to me?” I asked, looking at Maria waiting for an answer, but she only shook her head and hugged me while I cried.

“Don’t think about it too much Lu...Silveen, so that the pain in your heart won’t return.”

“Let it!” I said, pushing her away and getting off the bed.

“Let it return! In fact, I want to die! Since I am so useless and cursed and unworthy of anyone’s love. I deserve to die.”

“Don’t say that!“:

“I want to die!” I said again, stubbornly looking into her sad eyes as if daring her to do her worse. Just the other day, we had been having a makeover together as friends anticipating my day of joy together. If I hadn’t taken her advice. If I hadn’t drunk that stupid whisky, then maybe....

“This is all your fault!” I said to her without remorse. “You convinced me to drink that stupid wine! If I hadn’t, then maybe I would have been with Eric now. Maybe Eric wouldn’t have had second thoughts about me!”

Maria bowed her head and began to cry, shocking me. That was not what I expected. I expected her to lash back at me and tell me he didn’t reject me because I was drunk but because I was cursed by the moon goddess to never be happy.

Oh the moon goddess, she must be smiling right now. She must be laughing at me right now and mocking me. I, even though I was not one of her children, had dared to live happily, I had dared to think that I would be happy from here on. How dare I... how dare I forget my fate.

I allowed myself to cry more, sitting on the bare floor of the hospital room as I watched Maria cry too. I pitied her. She was just trying to be a good friend, I was the one with the bad luck. I was the one whose presence had called forth thunder on my eighteenth birthday instead of a wolf. I was the curse. She didn’t even know all this yet I blamed her. I blamed her when she had no fault in this.

“I’m sorry,” I said with a teary voice. “I’m sorry for blaming you.”

“No, you are right. It is my fault. I should have known, I should have been suspicious of her the moment she served you wine instead of tea like the rest of us.”

I looked up at her confused, “What do you mean?”

She shook her head, still crying. “Never mind Luna.”

“Don’t call me that,” I said in a small voice, “Your Luna is someone else now.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again, and I nodded.

“Just take me home, please.”

She looked up at me, “but the doctor said....”

“Please, Maria!”

She immediately nodded and wiped away her tears, walking up to me and lifting me up to my feet. I stood there exhausted as she brought me a tissue to clean my eyes.

“Lady Freya’s home?” she asked in a small voice and I nodded.

She got it right. Lady Freya’s home was my only home now, it had always been. It was the shadows, the only place where I was safe, where I couldn’t be humiliated or hurt. It was my safe haven.

I was foolish to leave there.