The Hero + Vegas = No Regrets

The smell of something butter and vanilla wafts into my bedroom as I pull on my jeans. If Oliver’s trying to cook, he’s going to burn down the entire building. I grab a sweater and head out.

I poke my head into the kitchen and find Noah over the stove.

“I’m making pancakes,” he says.

“You are?” I ask. “I don’t have ingredients for pancakes.”

“But you have a store on the corner that does.”

“I do?” I start to laugh, and Noah grins.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever been to your apartment before,” he says.

“You live in Cincinnati,” I say.

“It’s nice,” he adds.

I can’t remember the last time I spent time with Noah without Mom around. She was always the central point that we’d all circle.

“Thanks. It’s a rental. And Jules is still paying rent. At some point, I guess I’ll have to find something else.” Then I think about Worth. He’d have us living together. It’s weird, because if I’d just started dating someone and we liked each other a whole lot, I might consider moving in together if my lease was up or something. But with Worth it feels different somehow. Like it would be a lifetime commitment instead of it being about sharing utilities.

“Maybe you could get another roommate,” he says. “What about that guy you came to Cincinnati with on Thanksgiving?”

“Not sure he’d want to room with me here.” But if I asked him to, he probably would. “Where’s Oliver?” I ask, keen to change the subject from Worth.

“Running. He’ll be back in a minute.”

“So what are we going to do today? Go to a museum or something?”

Noah shrugs. “Hang out. Watch a movie. Take a walk.”

“And, just so I can brace myself, when am I getting The Talk?”

“The Talk?” he asks.

“The one where you tell me Dad’s still our dad and I should make an effort because he’s sorry or whatever.”

Noah slides a pancake onto the plate resting on the side of the stove. “Oliver might have that planned—it was his idea to come and visit—but that kind of talk isn’t on my agenda.”

“So, out of the blue, the two of you just came to hang out?”

Noah flips two pancakes in the pan and I watch, willing him to do it without breaking them. “It’s not out of the blue,” he says. “Dad’s second family bombshell has… well, it’s been a lot.”

I grab plates from the cupboard and flatware from the drawer.

“Understatement of the year, but yeah,” I say.

“To say that I’m pissed off with Dad doesn’t even come close,” he says. “But you know, I’m also pissed with Mom.”

My heart lifts and squeezes in my chest. I thought he and Oliver were so blasé about the situation. It’s comforting to know Noah isn’t just taking it all in stride, although I wish he wasn’t hurting. “I know what you mean,” I reply.

“Mom was trying to protect us, and she didn’t want to have three kids on her own—I get it. But it feels like our entire childhood was a lie.”

“Exactly,” I say, relieved he gets it.

Oliver comes in from his run and his gaze volleys between us. “What happened?”

“We were just talking about Mom and Dad,” Noah says.

Oliver scrapes his hand through his hair. “I don’t know how to feel,” he says. “I’m mad at them but I love them. I want things to go back to normal but that can’t ever happen.”

“Right,” Noah says. “I can’t imagine not having Dad in my life, but I can barely look at him at the moment. I used to think he was the kind of man I wanted to be. But now… he’s exactly the opposite of the man I want to be. I’d never want to hurt my family, my kids, the way he’s hurt us.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so connected to my brothers than I do in this moment. The three of us are all going through the exact same thing—and no one else in the world can relate in precisely the same way. It’s just the three of us on this island.

“I’ve been selfish,” I say. “I thought you two were happy to go along with things. I had no idea you felt this way.”

“It’s been hard,” Oliver says. “On all of us.”

“Normally I’d talk to Mom if something massive happened in my life, but I can’t talk to her about this,” Noah says. “Because she’s part of the problem. If I criticize Dad, she’s so unfazed by it, because she’s had twenty-five years to get used to it, that it just makes me feel angrier. It doesn’t help at all.”

“Yeah, I think Mom just wants us to be over it already,” Oliver says.

“She’s ready to live her life—and that’s the other thing. I feel intense guilt that I was the reason Mom hasn’t lived the life she’s wanted to all these years,” Noah says, pressing his fingers into his eyebrows. I’ve never heard him sound so bereft before. Noah’s always so measured and even. It’s hard seeing him so upset.

I slide my arm around his waist. “We’ve got each other,” I say, trying to be reassuring. I’m so pleased they’re here. I should have invited them sooner.

“Let’s agree that we always tell each other the truth,” Noah says, slipping two more pancakes onto the plate and turning to face us. “The three of us can be a family within a family. Nothing should come between us.”

Oliver agrees, but I can’t do anything but wince. I haven’t told them I’m married.

“There’s something you should know,” I say.

“Fucking hell,” Noah says. “You don’t have a secret family, do you?”

“No,” I say, but then I stop. Do I? “Not really,” I amend.

Two bulbous pairs of eyes stare at me.

“Let’s eat,” I say, pulling the stack of pancakes from the counter and slipping out of the kitchen. “Bring the plates and silverware and whatever toppings you bought, because I know I didn’t have anything in my pantry.”

“What pantry?” Noah asks.

“Exactly.”

I sit and serve up two pancakes on each plate. I’m going to need the carbs to energize me through this conversation.

“Spit it out, Sophia,” Oliver says.

“You know that guy that you met at the hospital?” I ask.

They both stare silently at me.

“Well, funny story, but he’s Jules’ husband’s bestie. We were all in Vegas for their wedding a few weeks ago. It was only the second time I’d met him and we just kinda ended up… sorta getting married.”

Noah drops his flatware and sits back in his chair. Oliver goes completely still.

“It’s not like we got married to be together or anything. It was kind of a joke and… now we’re dating because it turns out we like each other.”

“Jesus Christ,” Oliver says. “Can I just say for the record that my life is an open book? No wife stashed in a closet in my bedroom. No children, at least none that I know about. I’m not even really dating since Debbie moved to Florida. There’s nothing big in my life that you don’t know.”

Noah sighs and shakes his head. “Fuck, Sophia. Is he a good guy?”

“He’s talking to his lawyers about an annulment or divorce or something. It’s not like we’re going to be hosting Thanksgiving next year. But we’re dating, so conversations about getting divorced are weird… but yeah, he’s a good guy.”

“Can we meet him? Like properly?” Noah asks. “I don’t want to feel like I don’t know what’s going on in your life.”

I squeezed his arm. “You know what’s going on. I just think I was pissed at the institution of marriage and wanted to do something wild.”

“But you’re still seeing him,” Oliver says. “So can we meet him?”

My skin feels awkwardly tight and my head begins to hurt. “Maybe,” I say. “I just don’t want to give him the wrong signal by introducing him to my family.”

“He likes you more than you like him?”

I shake my head, because that’s not it. “No, more like… he’s in a place where he’s ready for his future. I just don’t think I am. I’m trying to come to terms with all these big feelings about my past, about our parents. And that’s where my energy is. It’s not at all that I don’t like him. I absolutely do. More than I’ve liked anyone. Ever. I like him so much that I can’t tell him anything but the truth. I can’t pretend I’m ready to move forward with him when I’m not.”

Oliver rubs my back, trying to comfort me. It’s the first time I’ve fully realized that Worth and I might not work out. It hurts.

“If he likes you, he’ll wait,” Oliver says. “Things will even out with Mom and Dad. We’ll come to a new normal at some point.”

“You think?” I say. “I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Did you ever know anything?” Noah asks with a wink.

“Only just slightly more than you.” I elbow him in the side.

“We’ll figure it out,” Oliver says, stuffing half a pancake in his mouth.

I’m glad he thinks so. The problem is, the foundation of our lives has been upturned. I’m not sure that’s something we can “figure out.” Any new normal that comes after what’s happened is going to be full of suspicion and bitterness. That’s what I’m most afraid of—that I’ll be suspicious of everyone, think everyone is lying, believe every man in my life is concocting a series of fairy tales for me to believe in, so they can manipulate situations to their benefit.

I’m done being lied to.

I’m done being manipulated.

I didn’t grow up the way I thought I did, and I’m just not sure how to deal with that.

“I know I’m not the guy who should be giving relationship advice,” Oliver says.

“That’s for sure,” Noah says. “You are horrible with women.”

“He’s horrible to women,” I correct him. “There’s a difference.”

“I’m not horrible to women,” Oliver says. “They just think I’m a liar. So when I tell them I only want something casual, they think I actually mean I want to get married and have babies.”

I laugh. “Words are one thing. Actions are entirely another. You act like husband material—that’s your problem.” In contrast, Worth’s words and actions are completely aligned.

“Yes,” Noah says. “You need to act like a dick. Then you’ll be fine.”

I smile, gaze roving from Noah inhaling pancakes to Oliver, who’s sweaty and eye-rolling Noah.

I’m really pleased they came to visit.