The Heart of the Ocean

“The worst nightmares are

experienced with eyes wide awake.”

-midara

There are moments in life you want to forget. Situations that you desperately want to delete from your brain and pretend never happened. Somehow, the mind works differently though -constantly reminding you of moments full of awkwardness and pain. Like a broken record, they flash behind your eyes again and again. It makes you feel even more miserable, no matter how many years ago they happened.

The more you think about them, the more questions you have. Did I say the right thing? Did I handle the situation right? Did I overreact? What else was I supposed to say? What else could I possibly do? The truth is that we are insecure. We second guess our choices -we don’t trust ourselves. When we are finally calm and the storm is over, we understand that we did the right thing. We had an understandable reaction while being in a fragile emotional state. We were hurt by people we trusted -people we didn’t want to lose and yet, we lost anyway.

Aide didn’t comprehend this in the beginning. It took her three years in order to realize that she didn’t do anything wrong. Her seventeen-year-old self was naive -she was in love with someone more beast than a man. Evander had saved her twice -he seemed like the perfect prince charming that came to her rescue. He was so loving and protective that she had completely forgotten that he was a predator.

Her twenty-year-old self was aware of what merpeople were capable of. She knew that the sense of safety she felt around him was an illusion. She had seen him kill a man ruthlessly and mercilessly. He had hit his head before digging his nails and teeth in his flesh. She could clearly remember the water of their pond turning scarlet, shattering her dreams and forcing her to face reality.

“Aide”, he had whispered her name like a prayer.

And yet, she couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t think. She could only stare at the results of his violence, knowing she couldn’t stay around him any longer. She didn’t feel safe anymore -she didn’t recognize the man she had fallen in love within the person who was staring at her pleadingly. Her heart was hurting -she felt betrayed.

“Aide...“, his eyes were tearful, “...please.”

A tear glided down her rosy cheek as she forced herself to breathe. Her head was spinning -she felt dizzy. The powerful stench of iron was upsetting her stomach. She shook her head slowly -a hand rubbing her chest as if to alleviate the pain.

“I don’t recognize you anymore”, she had whispered.

Evander let a mournful hiss at her words. His purple eyes were widened in panic -he knew his actions had pushed her away. He couldn’t believe what was happening -his heart was tearing apart. He was losing his soulmate and there was nothing he could do to fix this.

“I would never hurt you, cor meum”, he murmured hoarsely.

Aide took a step behind.

“That’s a lie”, she smiled sadly.

Evander whined painfully.

“You are my beloved”, his voice was full of emotion, “I could never harm my beloved.”

He stretched his hand towards her, only for her to take another step back.

“Another lie”, she whispered.

He had lied to her before. Why should she believe anything that came out of his mouth? He had hidden his true nature from her. He had made her believe she was safe around him. He had made her fall in love with him. What if he only wanted to play with his food? What if he wanted to have some fun before he killed her? She was a fool to be in love with a beast and her heart had already paid the price.

“Aide”, his voice trembled, “Please, don’t leave me.”

Her shaking fingers gripped the seashell resting between her breast. Tightening their hold around it, she broke the chain of the necklace. A tear fell from her eyes as she admired its blue shade for the last time.

“You’ll never see me again.”

As she threw the broken necklace in the scarlet pond, an excruciating roar tore her heart even more. She didn’t stay, no matter how many times he had begged her to. She turned her back to the pond and walked away from the man she loved. Each step was more painful than the one before -she wanted to turn back and disappear in the warmth of his arms. She didn’t allow herself to succumb to her heart’s wishes. The silent tears that caressed her cheeks were the only proof of her broken heart.

The old Aide was dead.

She was weak and extremely sensitive. She ruled with her heart and ignored her mind. She got herself hurt more times than she could handle. She wanted to make everyone happy and allowed herself to be miserable. Not anymore. The new Aide was different. She protected those she loved, but she also made herself a priority. She took bullshit from nobody -she wasn’t afraid to kick some ass. She trusted her mind more than her heart -at least, logic was more efficient than that fragile beating organ.

She trusted the heart no more.

“Aide, have you heard anything I’ve said to you?”

The brunette was shaken out of her thoughts at Nana Alexandra’s voice. She took in her grandmother’s appearance. Her grey hair was up in a strict bun. Her chocolate eyes were hidden behind her presbyopia glasses. Her eyebrows were furrowed in worry and her mouth was set in a thin line.

“Sorry, Nana”, Aide finally said, “Can you repeat that?”

“The Festival of Honor is tomorrow night”, the elder explained yet again, “I need you to go to the market for a couple of things. Aileen and Petra promised to come over this afternoon and help with the deserts.”

Aide groaned internally. She had forgotten that the festival was tomorrow. It was a huge celebration for the village of Seaworth. As a seaside village, it was only appropriate to honor those who worked at sea. The sea was the greatest source of food and money for them -most of the villagers were sailors or fishermen. Aide didn’t want to go but she didn’t have much of a choice. Everyone would attend the celebrations -it had become a tradition that everyone took part in.

“Alright”, she sighed deeply, “What do you need?”

When she was met with silence, she glanced at her grandmother who seemed to have frozen in surprise. Aide rubbed her eyes tiredly -she wasn’t in the mood for her Nana’s games.

“What?“, she asked annoyed.

“You’re going to the market willingly?“, Alexandra raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Would you rather me curse at you?“, Aide mumbled as she changed her clothes, “Or perhaps, not go at all?”

“That sounds more like you”, Alexandra agreed.

Aide rolled her eyes before grabbing the shopping list her grandmother had prepared. Scanning quickly over the objects, she nodded to herself before making her way towards the door.

“Are you alright, dear?“, Alexandra asked worriedly.

“I’m fine, Nana”, she dismissed her quickly.

“You didn’t sleep well yesterday”, the elder pressured, “I heard you murmuring and gasping from my room.”

Aide rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“It was just a nightmare”, she said as she put her shoes on, “You have nothing to worry about.”

“The same nightmare?”

Chocolate eyes found worried familiar ones.

“The same nightmare”, she confirmed.

Alexandra nodded her head in acknowledgment, not knowing how to approach the subject.

“Would you like to talk about it?“, she finally said.

“For the millionth time”, Aide let a breath escape her, “No.”

She didn’t want her Nana to know anything about her merman. She didn’t want her to know about the bloody pond she was drowning in every night. She didn’t want to describe the talons and teeth of the beast that was attacking her. Or about the familiar pair of purple eyes. Only this time those eyes didn’t come to her rescue, but to her doom. They weren’t a bringer of hope -they just shuttered every good memory she had of him.

Aide had come to the conclusion that she was afraid of him. Afraid of the emotions he was invoking in her. Afraid of the sense of comfort she felt around him. Afraid of his impact on her -her heart was still crying for him, even though her mind knew she should move on. She had to forget about him. Their memories brought her only nostalgia and pain -it wasn’t fair to hurt herself any longer.

“Aide-”

“Your granddaughter is a strong woman, Nana”, Aide stated firmly, “She can handle anything.”

Alexandra let a laugh escape her.

“I never said you were weak, my child. You take after your Nana -do I look weak to you?“, the elder placed her hands on her waist.

Aide gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re the strongest person I know, Nana”, she gave her a bright smile.

“Of course, I am”, Alexandra rolled her eyes in exasperation, “However, I want you to remember something. Just because you are a strong person doesn’t mean you have to face everything alone. I’ll be here when you decide you’re ready to talk.”

Aide nodded in agreement, hugging tightly the elder until she patted her back.

“Now now, off to the market you go!“, the elder ushered her quickly outside.

“Nana!“, Aide’s eyes widened in disbelief, “We were having a moment.

“Yes, yes! Now you go buy me some good apples before Gloria buys them all for herself. That bitch tries to sabotage me every year! She can’t cook for her life, but she buys them anyway just so I can’t make my famous apple pie.”

“Nana!“, Aide laughed at her antics, “Language!”

“Aide!“, the elder mocked her, “Apples!”

And she closed the door on her face before she could utter another word. Aide shook her head, before making her way to the market. It was going to be a full productive day -at least, she hoped so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End of chapter 15!!

Latin Translations:

1. Cor meum: my heart

A/N: This is a summary of the previous chapter for those who couldn’t read it. Evander is on the way to meet Aide, when he is attacked by a Tenebris (=rogue). In his attempt to kill it, he guides it to the underwater caves beneath the pond. Aide watches his true form and the violent way he kills it.

A/N. 2: Exams are coming in September and studying is in order. There is a possibility I won’t be able to update every week.

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Until next time!!