The Girl I Once Loved: Love & Hate Duet

“Congratulations, Noah!”

“The Royal Shank blew them all out of the water!”

“Next year you’ll be a shoe-in to win the New Zealand Grand Prix!”

These are the cheered remarks I’m flooded with as I walk down Main Street with my dad and Clara at my side. I just nod and smile, letting complete strangers pat me on the back, because I know today’s win means something to all of them too.

No one expects a kid who was born and raised on the poor side of the island to amount to much. At least nothing that doesn’t involve putting on gray PVC-coated polyester overalls every day. In their eyes, I’ve become the exception to the rule, a source of hope that maybe their own sons and daughters may grow up to have a better life than the one afforded to them.

But while they praise and cheer my accomplishment in winning today’s race, all I can think about is how I’m one step closer to leaving them all behind.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m going to miss Thatcher’s Bay.

I’ve spent so much of my life brooding and lamenting on how I’d be forever shackled to this island, that now that I’m months away from leaving it for good, a sense of melancholy washes over me. All that I’d ever dreamed about doing is within my grasp, and yet I find myself mourning the loss of the life I thought I was destined for.

How crazy is that?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that this island holds my most treasured memories and that is why I’m so reluctant to bid it goodbye.

But in a few months, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

After the Royal Shank wins Derrick’s Labor Day boat race, I’ll have enough money to get it ready for the trip of a lifetime. From here, it will take me thirty days to reach the Panama Canal, then another fifty to sail off to New Zealand for the annual Grand Prix, stopping in Hawaii and Fiji along the way to refuel and restock.

If I want to make it there before March when the race takes place, then I’ll have to leave by the end of October, early November at the latest. Which works just fine, since the southern hemisphere will be enjoying its summer months down there, so it will be smooth sailing all the way.

This opportunity is everything I could have dreamed of when I was a kid, and yet, there is something missing. Something that doesn’t allow me to fully enjoy it.

Who am I trying to fool?

It’s not something. It’s someone.

Because what is a life, if you can’t share it with the person you love?

“Noah? Are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet,” my father asks worriedly beside me. “Is this attention getting too much for you, son? We can go home if you want.”

“It’s fine, Dad. I’m fine. Just tired,” I explain, forcing a smile to my lips to ease his concern.

“I knew this was a bad idea bringing you out tonight. You should be resting. Not strolling through Main Street for everyone to fawn over you.” My father shakes his head.

“And miss the fireworks?” I arch a teasing brow. “No way. Besides, who says I don’t like the attention?”

“Me. Your father, that’s who,” he retorts protectively. “We should go home. You can see the fireworks just fine from our porch without half of Thatcher’s Bay gawking at you like you’re some exotic animal in a zoo.”

“Leave the boy be,” Clara quickly comes to my rescue. “He knows his own mind by now. If Noah says he’s fine, then he is.” She throws me a conspiring wink, knowing the real reason why I was eager to tag along with them tonight instead of staying back at the house.

My father frowns disapprovingly but is smart enough not to say anything since he knows when he’s outnumbered, two to one.

Not that it’s anything new to him. It’s been like this for a while now in our household. When it comes to me, Clara always has my back, making a point of supporting me at every turn, even in the most mundane of decisions. A fact that hasn’t been lost on my father over the years.

Hell, it might even be the reason we’re as close as we are now.

Somewhere along the line, my father and I laid down our weapons of mass destruction and past resentments and started communicating—really talking and listening to one another. Maybe it was being out at sea with him for long spells of time where we couldn’t avoid each other and had to learn to trust each other again to ensure our own survival that shifted something inside us. Made us heal all the grudges we once had. All that pain.

Not that I made it easier on him, or anyone else for that matter.

And though it wasn’t pretty in the beginning, and it took time, somehow we both managed to weather the storm and come out on top anyway. It didn’t hurt that we both had Clara to lean on for support, either. And in those early days where my pain was louder than reason, a sensible shoulder to cry on was exactly what I needed. Instead of giving myself to my grief and anger, as I was prone to do, I found myself leaning on them both for grace and guidance.

I’m not sure I would have survived any other way.

As if sensing where my head is at, Clara hugs my arm and gives it a little squeeze.

“How about we go and find the girls before the fireworks start?” she asks, unable to hide the hope flickering in her eyes.

I give her a clipped nod, since unlike her, hope is a luxury I can’t afford to have. All it will do is fuck with my head, and I do that just fine on my own.

Still, I can’t help but recall our earlier conversation on our front lawn before I left for the boat race this morning. How Clara still holds out hope that fate and destiny might have a few tricks up their sleeves for me—and for her daughter.

“Remember what I told you? If it’s meant to be, life will find a way to bring you back to each other? Maybe this is that chance. A gift to heal all the misery you both had to endure.”

“I know your heart is in the right place and you mean well, Clara, but you’re being delusional right now. Sky has made it very clear she wants nothing to do with me. She hates me.”

“Does she? I’m not so easily convinced that’s how she feels about you.” She sighs, saddened. “One thing is certain, though. My daughter is unhappy. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I doubt she’s experienced one moment of true happiness since we pushed her away. And knowing you’ve been just as miserable… well… I live with that guilt every day.”

“Don’t. You didn’t make her leave—I did.”

“And you did that because I meddled. Because of me, my daughter is a shell of her former self, and my boy has closed his heart to the world for good. Tell me, Noah, how am I able to live with that guilt?”

“You were just looking out for her best interest. We both were,” I try to comfort, but Clara’s eyes begin to water regardless, just proving that I wasn’t the only one in this house who suffered from Skylar’s absence.

“For years, I convinced myself of that same thing, but now…,” she stammers, quickly wiping away the errant tears in her eyes before a stream of them follows. “Now, I’m not so sure. Maybe we were wrong. Maybe the best thing for my Skylar was to stay here in Thatcher’s Bay with us. With her family. And with the boy she loved with all her heart.”

It’s at this moment that Clara wistfully looks up towards Sky’s room, my gaze all too eager to follow her direction.

“No use dwelling on the past. It’s done. Can’t turn back the hands of time anymore than you can erase it,” I mumble, staring at the blank space of her bedroom window, watching as the sweet summer breeze blows its way inside, taunting me with how easy it is for it to get close to her, when I’ve been ordered to stay away.

“You’re right. We can’t change the past,” Clara says, giving my hand a light squeeze, “But that doesn’t mean our future is set in stone. You, more than anyone, know how if we put our mind to something, there isn’t anything we can’t accomplish.”

“And just exactly what do you expect me to do?” I ask outright, feeling my Adam’s apple bob with constricting emotion as I keep staring at Skylar’s window, wishing I could catch just a quick glimpse of her.

“I expect you to do what you always do.” Clara smiles meekly. “Just follow your heart, Noah. The rest will come easily enough.”

Follow my heart.

Ironic that would be her advice to me since following my damn heart is what fucked me over in the first place.

Nevertheless, it’s her counsel that drove me to come here tonight. I may not be able to force Sky to open her heart to me again, but that doesn’t mean I’ll make it easy for her to forget me—forget how I once owned that very heart she keeps bolted up under lock and key and hidden away from prying eyes.

If I have to stalk her just to get my daily fix of Sky, then so fucking be it.

I’ve lived without her light for long enough.

If hate is all she’s able to give me, then I’ll happily drink every last drop of it.

I’ll let her hate fill the gaping hole in my chest, until it no longer feels unbearable to live with.

Love may no longer be in the cards for me, but her hate will do just fine.

“There they are!” Clara waves over to a booth on the other side of the street.

“Here comes Thatcher’s Bay golden boy!” Daisy shrieks, jumping over the counter to hug me. “Derrick hasn’t stopped telling us how you blew everyone away! Three whole minutes ahead of the runner up! That’s amazing! I’m so fucking proud of you!” she exclaims, holding me so tightly my lungs constrict for breath.

“Easy there, petal. Don’t break him just yet. I’m going to need him to win another race for me this summer,” Derrick interjects with an amused chuckle, gently pulling Daisy off me to give me back some breathing room. With a demure smile, he wraps his arms around her waist before greeting our parents. “Mr. Fontaine. Mrs. Fontaine. How are you this fine evening?”

“Derrick,” my father retorts with a clipped tone. “In all honesty, I could be better after hearing how you continue to have your priorities in check. One of them being making a fast buck off my son’s hard labor.”

“Noah has never seemed bothered by our arrangement,” Derrick defends stoically. “But if he ever does, then he knows he can come to me anytime. I won’t let something as silly as money come in the way of family.”

The jab hits my father’s stern demeanor right in the chest, making his jaw clench up with all the words he’d like to say, but can’t, or he’ll bear the wrath of both Daisy and Clara alike.

It’s no secret Derrick isn’t my father’s favorite person. Though most of Thatcher’s Bay would disagree with him, since everyone on both sides of the island regard Derrick as being their favorite son, my father has never quite seen the appeal of him, nor has he fallen for his charms.

I guess I’m a little to blame for that.

Especially since most of the trouble I got in with the law in my teenage years could always be tracked to either a drag race or fight that Derrick had organized. My father’s dislike of the Monroe heir tripled, though, when Daisy announced that the two of them were dating.

I can still remember how that shitshow went down.

Dad thought that Derrick was somehow going to corrupt Daisy, only to leave her heartbroken afterwards. But if he had paid attention to the women living under his roof, then he would see that Daisy was far from being corruptible. In fact, if there was any such debasing being done at all in their relationship, my money was on Daisy.

“Argh. I still can’t believe you’re organizing another race for Labor Day weekend no less,” Daisy pouts, playfully slapping her fiancé’s broad forearm. “That’s the last weekend we’ll have before the wedding. You’re going to be busy with that, while I’ll still be freaking out with all the wedding preparations.”

“We have more than enough time to get everything ready by then. Isn’t that right, Curt?” Clara assures, trying to ease her eldest daughter’s anxiety, while simultaneously trying to pull her husband’s deadlock stare away from Derrick.

“Hmm.” My father groans non-committedly.

But while the four of them are occupied with their own shit, my attention is solely and fully on the girl who remained inside the booth, greeting customers one by one with a wide smile and a light laugh.

Fuck.

Since Sky’s returned home, she’s always dolled up in fancy clothes and makeup that you would expect to find in those girly fashion magazines Daisy likes so much.

But not tonight.

Tonight, my girl is wearing a simple cut off the shoulder t-shirt that rises up every time she has to lean out over the counter to hand out change, completely oblivious that she’s showcasing her flat stomach and tantalizing midriff with the innocent exchange. Paired with jean shorts that fully expose her long legs—the same legs that I once used to lose myself in—and I’m a fucking goner.

If this is her way of fucking with me, then she’s won.

Because as of this moment, she has never looked more beautifully unattainable to me.

So fucking close and still lightyears away from where I need her to be—in my bed and in my arms.

“The fireworks display should be starting any minute now. Do you have to stay here and tend to the booth, or can we all go to the pier together and watch? As a family?” Clara asks, her gaze discreetly searching for her youngest daughter’s approval.

But when Sky doesn’t so much as look her way, Clara lowers her head to hide her pained expression.

“Sounds like a plan to me. Give us two secs,” Derrick says, going back to help Sky with the remaining customers so he can close up shop.

Ten minutes later, the six of us start walking towards the beach, but due to the large crowd that is also heading in the same direction, we split up to walk in pairs. My father and Clara lead us in front, followed by Daisy and Derrick behind them, leaving a disgruntled Sky to walk side by side with me.

Since Sky is determined not to acknowledge my presence, we walk in utter silence, as she pretends to look every which way but at me. Usually that type of stunt would piss me off, but tonight, I’m actually grateful for the reprieve. I’m not sure I could handle striking up a conversation, even one meant only to provoke her, when the back of our hands keep softly brushing against each other, as if they have a mind of their own and desperately need the connection. Every light touch feels like I’m being struck by lightning, making my heart thrum madly in its ribcage, threatening to break every bone in my body just to break free.

I sneak a quick glance over to her, my foolish heart desperate to see if she’s having a similar reaction, only to find her cheeks painted pink and her lips parted for breath. I watch her squint with every light graze, as if my touch is as torturous to her as it is to me.

Instinct, more than bravery kicks in, when I find myself inching closer to her side so that my fingers can lightly caress hers at will. They run up the smooth slope of her arm, and then slowly back down again, leaving a thread of goosebumps in their wake. Eyes hooded, she lets me swirl the pad of my thumb on the inside of her wrist, my own breath hitching at how smooth and perfectly flawless that tiny bit of skin is.

It takes her a few seconds to remember herself.

Remember how she should despise my touch.

Sky’s eyes widen in fabricated appalled shock, her gorgeous lips slinging open, ready to curse me out. But all it takes is for me to lace my fingers through hers and give her a little tug until she’s almost on top of me to shut her up.

“You don’t want to make a scene, now do you, little stalker?” I whisper in her ear, loving how her entire body shudders up against me.

“Let. Me. Go,” she says, low enough for Daisy and Derrick not to hear.

Not that they could. The rambunctious crowd around us is loud enough to keep our little conversation private. A fact I fully intend to exploit.

“And why would I ever do that?” I smile triumphantly.

“I swear to God, Noah, if you don’t let me go this second, I’ll scream,” she threatens through gritted teeth.

But instead of taking her on her word, I snake my arm around her waist, keeping my hand firmly on her hip.

“Then scream,” I whisper, my eyes locked on hers as my thumb grazes the sliver of skin hidden under her shirt.

Her silver gaze turns liquid fire, and if she could, I’m sure she’d happily drown me with it. I’m tempted to lean in closer, just to test its scalding waters. To feel the burn of her hate pull me under into those gray pools she has for eyes. But all too soon that option is taken from me, when some spectator from today’s race grabs me by the shoulder to congratulate me, successfully releasing Sky from my iron grip.

Sky quickly takes advantage of the mishap and all but runs to her sister, latching on to her arm for protection. Derrick takes a step back to give the two girls a moment, eyeing me suspiciously as he falls in step with my strides.

“Little rusty, are we?” He cocks a knowing brow.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Right, sure you don’t.” He chuckles. “Just remember, don’t do anything to fuck up—”

“Your wedding,” I finish for him with a deep-rooted scowl.

“Exactly. Glad to see we’re still in sync.” He grins, patting me on my back.

“Hmm,” I groan, my gaze never leaving the back of Sky’s head.

Okay, maybe once or twice my eyes do leave her head just so I can watch her mouthwatering ass sashay in her shorts as she strolls down the busy street, but give a guy a break. I’m only human.

“Hey,” Derrick mumbles beside me, pulling my attention off the amazing view. “You know that if you ever want to go solo, you don’t need my permission, right? I mean, I’m more than happy to use my name and wallet to open doors for you, but you won’t need any of that once you win the Grand Prix. If after this summer, you want to do your own thing without me, I’m good with that. You know that, right?”

“I see my father has gotten into your head.” I chuckle, happy that I’m not the only one suffering tonight.

“Yeah, well, your dad has a point. At least from his perspective, he does. I get where he’s coming from,” he frowns pensively. “He’s just trying to look out for your best interests.”

“Jesus, what has gotten into you lately? Every time I talk to you, I feel like I’m being pulled into a John Hughes movie.”

“That’s your takeaway from the serious conversation I’m trying to have with you?” He jokes half-heartedly. “That I sound like an old eighties movie? And why the fuck John Hughes? Aren’t there any chick flicks from this decade you could have mentioned?”

“Try growing up with two teenage girls obsessed with everything vintage and you’d understand.” I laugh.

“You forget I grew up with a sister too.”

“Yeah, well, Stacy was more into being Regina George from Mean Girls, than Molly Ringwald from Pretty in Pink.”

“And I’m the one with a testosterone deficiency?” He cackles.

“Fuck off.” I fake punch him in the gut. “Speaking of which, you got my money? I’m due to pay your sister a visit tomorrow at her office in Falmouth.”

“Yeah, I got it,” he says with less humor in his tone, pulling a white envelope from his inside pocket and handing it to me.

“Thanks,” I say, before storing the wad of cash safely in my pocket.

“Don’t thank me. This is all you,” he mutters, still not happy with our original arrangement.

“Baby, come quick! It’s about to start!” Daisy exclaims, making Derrick fly like the wind and push everyone out of his way to be at her side.

With everyone lined up on the beach and pier just to watch the fireworks, I have to push my way towards my family to grab a space for myself. Luckily for me, I find one right next to Sky.

I feel her body stiffen at my proximity, but she doesn’t make a move to switch with anyone else. Mostly because I think she’d rather not have to explain why just standing next to me is unbearable for her. But just as the first spark of color tries to reach the heavens, her annoyance of standing beside me, takes a back seat to the incredible view above.

“I forgot,” Sky mumbles under her breath as she watches in utter awe as the night sky bursts into a rainbow of colors and lights.

“What did you say, honey?” Clara asks beside her.

“Nothing,” Sky replies with a curt tone.

Clara all but shrinks, holding onto my father for support, just so she can pretend her daughter’s icy demeanor doesn’t hurt her in any way.

I wish Sky would lighten up on Clara, but I also understand why she’s unable to. Clara’s guilt has driven a wedge between them, and regrettably, it has only festered with time. I’m not sure how they will ever be able to mend fences without the truth being revealed. If maybe Clara could forgive herself for the part she played, then maybe they could find their way back to each other.

But it’s the lie that’s holding her back.

That one lie that ruined everything.

“What? What did you forget?” I whisper next to Sky after everyone is back gawking at the fireworks.

Her expression morphs into one of such sadness, that it physically hurts to look at her.

“How beautiful it is here,” she whispers back. “How happy I once was. Pick one. They’re both true.”

She then turns her head upwards, a single tear trailing down her cheek as the sky continues to shower her with color.

This time, when I lace my fingers with hers, she doesn’t recoil.

Instead, we just stand there, tightly holding each other’s hands, painfully aware that the kids we used to be no longer exist.

Like a spark, we burned as bright as we could, until we couldn’t.

Until reality set in and forced us to come crumbling down, falling…falling…

And in a blink of an eye, we vanished.

Never to crest the night sky again.

“I saw Skylar in town yesterday. She looks good. Different, yet still the same, if that makes sense,” Stacy says, scanning my face for a reaction.

“Hmm,” I mumble non-committedly as I scribble my name on her ledger before handing the white envelope to her.

“That should be the end of it. We’re square now.”

She nods, defeated, storing the envelope in her desk drawer and locking it.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know? You didn’t have to pay me back. I was happy to help.”

“We had a deal,” I retort. “I’m honoring that deal.”

“You mean the one that destroyed you?” She frowns, running her manicured nail over the name Monroe that’s branded on the leather cover of her ledger.

Since I’ve heard this rant before, I stand up from my seat, ready to leave.

“Noah,” she calls out before I take another step. “Don’t you ever regret what we did?”

“No,” I deadpan. “What I do regret is always having the same conversation with you. It’s done. It’s been done. Why can’t you all just get over it?”

“All?” She arches a curious brow, but I’m quick to stop her in her tracks before she gets carried away.

“Look, Stacy. Can’t we just celebrate the fact that I was able to pay you at all? I mean, I was sure I’d be gutting fish for the rest of my life and still not making a dent in my debt. Can’t I just have this win before you go trudging through shit that should be left in the past?”

“But it’s not the past, Noah. Your past is here. Living back in her old bedroom. In your childhood home. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to find out if there is anything there worth saving?” she presses, concern marring her features.

“Like I said. It’s the past. No use in crying over it now, especially since I don’t regret any of it.”

“You’re lying. If not to me then to yourself,” she accuses, unhappy with my reply.

“I did what I had to.”

“Did you?” she counters, saddened. “I’ve seen what these past years have done to you. I’ve seen you wither away because of that one choice.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I rebuke, turning my back to leave.

“Yes, I do!” She slams her fists to the table, stopping me from moving an inch. “Because I was right there with you. I regret my part in the damage I’ve done. I regret it, Noah. If I knew it would have changed you this much, I would never have gone through with your plan.”

“Just stop, Stacy. Just…stop,” I plead, my shoulders slumping.

“Look at me, Noah,” she orders, her voice barely above a whisper.

I turn around because Stacy deserves that of me. She was there when I needed her.

The least I can do is hear her out now.

She lets out an exhale before pushing herself away from behind her desk, to lean in front of it.

“I’ve spent many nights thinking about what we did. Even to this day, sleep doesn’t come easily to me. I stay awake thinking of my baby boy, Joshua, and how heartbroken I’d be if anyone had done something similar to him. I think of my husband, Micheal, and how lost I’d be without his love if I had been placed in the same position you were and had to make the same decision you made. And then I think of you.” She sighs. “My first love. My childhood best friend. I think of you and how you deserved so much more than the life you gave yourself. Because you do, Noah. You are deserving of happiness. You both are. So please… don’t make the same mistake again. Don’t watch the love of your life leave this island without telling her the truth. You will only regret it if you do.”

“You forget. I don’t do regrets.” I shrug.

“No, dear friend. You do. You do regrets better than anyone I know.”

Sensing that she’s done wreaking havoc on my sanity, I start walking towards the door again, only to stop before I reach her office door.

“You were never a meal ticket for me,” I say, throwing my head over my shoulder and catching her wiping the tears from her eyes.

“What?” she asks, confused.

“That night. You told Sky that you were my meal ticket. I never saw you like that, Stacy. Not once.”

A timid smile crests her lips.

“Thank you for saying that.”

“Hmm.” I nod and leave before she has time to say another word.

As I walk out of her office building, I try not to dwell on Stacy’s words of advice.

I’m not sure why all the women in my life have suddenly decided to bust my balls, but between Sky, Clara, and now Stacy, it’s getting a little tiresome. Daisy is the only one not giving me a hard time, but then again, she’s far too busy with her wedding to bother.

That, and the fact she has no clue what I’ve done.

I could never tell her.

If I did, she would snitch on me to Sky so fast it would make my head spin.

But as I walk onto the ferry that will take me back to Thatcher’s Bay, the memory of the night I forfeited my soul for her happiness comes to me in tumultuous waves.

“Dude, just stop moping around my house and go and talk to your girlfriend already,” Derrick groans frustratedly, kicking me in the shins to drive his point home. “I can’t deal with you being all Debbie Downer and shit when your girl is literally still sleeping right across from your bedroom. It’s really starting to get on my nerves.”

“Thanks, D. I’m glad I can count on your shoulder to cry on,” I mumble, pinching the bridge of my nose, unable to ease the tension there.

“Fuck. Fine.” He grumbles, plopping beside me on the couch and stretching his legs on the coffee table. “You want my advice, then here it is. As I see it, you only have one option here,” he says calmly. “If the girl you love has a chance to go to the college of her dreams, then pack your shit up and go with her.”

I scoff at what he calls advice.

“You forget that I can’t just drop everything and leave Thatcher’s Bay to move all the way to New Hampshire. Unlike you, I don’t have a trust fund to lean on and pay my way. And Dartmouth would laugh in my face if I even tried to apply there, much less try and get a grant.”

“All I’ve been hearing coming out of your mouth these past couple of days is problem after problem. What you should be focusing on is solutions. Not how fucked up your life is,” he says while running his fingers through his dark hair, apparently frustrated with my response.

“That’s just the thing. My life is fucked up, D. I’m either about to lose the love of my life, or selfishly keep her here, only to have her resent me in the future. So how about you give me less attitude and a little bit more understanding, huh?”

“You have no idea if she’ll end up resenting you or not.”

“She will,” I state with such certainty it makes me sick to my stomach.

“You can’t predict the future, man. You’re not that clever,” he teases, giving me a nudge to lighten my foul mood, but it fails to do the job.

“I don’t need to be clairvoyant to know that if Sky stays with me, she’ll be kissing her future goodbye. And she’ll eventually hate me for it.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh, but I do. She might not think so in the beginning. Not while she’s occupied with community college on the mainland. But when she’s finished with that, and is living in a shoebox all alone, working at a menial job just to pay the rent while I’m off at sea for god knows how long, she’ll start wondering… what if. What if she had taken that grant? What would her life look like as a Dartmouth graduate? What if she had chosen her dream of being an author instead of being with me? And when that happens, those what ifs will start to consume her every thought, until only one certainty remains—that she’s made the wrong choice. And it would fucking destroy me watching her fall less in love with me each passing day. In the end, I’m going to lose her either way. And if I have to make a choice, I’d rather lose her now while she still has a chance at becoming someone and being happy, then later down the road when she’s so miserable she won’t even recognize her own reflection.”

“Fuck. That’s… pretty… heavy shit,” Derrick stammers, stretching his arm to grab the whiskey bottle from my hands to take a swig.

“Welcome to my fucking life. It’s never been easy. Why should falling in love be?”

“So what are you going to do?”

“End it.” I choke out the words. “Somehow.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah…shit,” I grumble, laying my head back on the headrest of the sofa.

“Hmm, I don’t know. If Skylar is anything like Daisy, she won’t take you breaking up with her lying down. She’ll fight you on it.”

“Are you speaking from experience?” I arch an inquisitive brow.

“That’s my business,” he retorts evenly, with that tone of his that says stay the fuck out of his business.

“Fair enough. Then tell me. How would you go about it then?”

“Like you said, we’re not the same. I’d follow Daisy anywhere she went. She wouldn’t be able to get rid of me so easily.”

“Well, I don’t have that option.”

“Are you sure?” he presses. “I know you don’t have a lot of money, but you could still follow Skylar to Dartmouth if you wanted to. I mean, the girl is willing to go to community college in Falmouth, for crying out loud. Why wouldn’t you make the same sacrifice for her? Get a part time job to pay your way in New Hampshire and be near her.”

“Not going to lie, I did think about it. Just say fuck it to my old man and leave with her. But I can’t do that to him. My father needs me here. He won’t be able to pay my mom’s health bills on his own. We’re scraping by as it is. Besides, with me in New Hampshire, it would only serve to distract Sky from school. No. She needs to be focused if she’s going to live up to her potential.”

“What about your potential?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Bullshit, Noah,” he curses. “That shit might work on everybody else, but not me. You forget that I know you. I know how you yearn to sail the ocean and make a life at sea. Don’t minimize your own dreams just because reality right now doesn’t give you any hope to accomplish them. Things change. Life is always evolving. You can’t give up on it.”

“What kind of life could I have without Sky?! Huh? What kind of life would you have without Daisy if the roles were reversed? Would you be spouting that shit to me then? Would you be focusing on your future if you knew Daisy wouldn’t be a part of it?”

His expression turns lethal, and I know I’ve hit a chord.

“Daisy is my future,” he says, nostrils flaring.

“Then you got lucky. Because Sky can’t be mine.”

He sits silently beside me for a while, ruminating on everything I’ve just told him. I know I’m being a prick to him, but I’m fucking hurting, and need someone to hurt with me. I just need someone to share in my misery and fuck it if I care who that is.

“I can help you,” he finally says, splitting the silence in half.

“Yeah?” I sneer. “How?”

“I can ask my father to dip into my trust fund to help you pay your mother’s debt.”

I shake my head immediately.

“No. I don’t want a handout.”

“Good, because I’m not giving you one, asshole. I know you’re good for it. Besides, it’s not like I’ve never made money off of you before. Or do you forget how much money you’ve made me all these years with the drag racing and fights?”

“Yeah, well, that shit isn’t going to happen anymore once I start working for my old man. I can’t risk getting myself arrested. So I’m not sure how you expect me to pay you back.”

“Don’t you worry your pretty blond head about it. I’ll find a way for you to make some extra cash.’

“Legally?”

“Legally. Just give me some time to think it over. I’ll come up with something. I always do.” He smiles smugly like the cocky asshole he is.

Still, I have my reservations.

“Hmm, I don’t know, D. I don’t think your dad will be happy that you’re touching your trust fund to save my ass. He’s made it very clear that he doesn’t like me much.”

“The fucker doesn’t like anyone from the other side of the island, so don’t take it personally.”

“Kind of hard not to,” I mumble. “But that only proves my point. Why would he let you help me?”

“Daddy wouldn’t. Not unless I ask him to,” Stacy says strutting into the room, revealing that she’s been listening in on her brother’s and my private conversation. “And before you say anything to the contrary, dear big brother, you know I’m right. Daddy loves telling you no, while with me, that word isn’t even in his vocabulary.”

“Stacy, now is not the time for you to flex how you’re a daddy’s girl. We’re kind of busy here.”

“So I’ve heard,” she muses, eyeing her nails. “You want to help Noah with his money problems, and I want to help him with his girlfriend problems.”

My back snaps to attention, not liking the mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Stacy, I’d be very careful with what you say next. I still haven’t forgiven you for that fucking stunt you did on Sky last year.”

“You didn’t seem so upset when you came to our Christmas party,” she pouts.

“I went because Derrick invited me, and I needed some place to go that wasn’t my house to think shit over. I didn’t go for you,” I explain with a stern tone, so she knows I’m not fucking around.

“Ouch,” she feigns being hurt by placing her hand over her heart, but I can see in her green eyes that what I just said really did hurt her, no matter how hard she’s trying to put on a brave face to hide it.

Derrick must see it too, because his brotherly instincts quickly kick in.

“Maybe you should go back upstairs, Stacy,” he says affectionately.

“Fine, have it your way. I’ll go. But you two numbnuts need me. I can get Daddy to agree to give Noah the money if I ask for it. And I can also make sure that Skylar goes off to college like you want without putting up a fight. But if you two are too damn stubborn and proud to ask for my help, then I guess my time is wasted here.”

But just as she’s about to storm out of the room, I stop her from taking another step.

“Wait!” I blurt out.

Stacy makes a show of slowly turning around, keeping her hands on her hips.

“How?” I finally ask.

“How what?”

“How can I make Sky leave?”

“Are you sure you really want to know? Because it won’t be pretty.”

“I really want to know.”

The smile that crests her face creates knots in my stomach.

“Easy. All you have to do is break her heart in a way that she’ll never be able to forgive you. There is only one thing a woman won’t tolerate and that’s being made a fool of by the one person she trusts most.”

“I don’t like the sound of this,” Derrick mumbles beside me, but I’m too interested in what Stacy has to say to pay him any mind.

“Go on.”

“If we make it so that Sky finds you in bed with me, for instance, she’ll never look your way again.”

“No,” I all but shout. “Fuck that. I’m not touching another woman that isn’t Skylar.”

“Noah,” Derrick reprimands when his sister’s eyes widen to two large saucers at my outburst, but I’m still too angry at her solution to give a shit about her hurt feelings.

I don’t cheat.

Aside from a stolen kiss in Derrick’s bathroom with Sky one year—which I immediately told Stacy about—I’ve never cheated on anyone. Not even throughout all the years Stacy and I were together, did I even think about cheating. And I didn’t even love her.

Like hell, I’d ever do it to the girl I am in love with. Fuck that.

Unsurprisingly, Stacy regains her composure faster than I can.

“I know, okay? I know you would never cheat on Skylar,” she spits out my girlfriend’s name like a curse. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t fool her into believing you have. All you have to do is follow my lead, and I’ll have her thinking the worst. You won’t even have to do much. Maybe kiss me, but that would be the extent of it, if that. Do you think you can get off your high horse and manage to do that at least? For her sake?”

I know nothing Stacy is planning is with Skylar’s best interest at heart. All she cares about is humiliating Skylar, since in her mind, she was the one who stole me from her.

The thing is, I was never Stacy’s to begin with.

And after being with Sky these last few months, I doubt I’ll ever be anyone else’s ever again.

We stare at each other for the longest time, and after a long tense-filled pause, I nod.

“Yeah, I’m out. I don’t want to be here for any of this,” Derrick says, getting up from his seat.

“Where are you going?” I ask, confused as to why he needs to bolt out of the room so fast.

“Anywhere but here. This is a bad idea, Noah. A bad fucking idea. You will never be able to come back from this. I hope you know that.”

I do.

This wouldn’t be breaking Skylar’s heart. It would be eviscerating it.

“It’s your fucking funeral,” Derrick adds when he sees my mind is made up. “The less I know about whatever stunt the two of you are planning, the better. Daisy loves her sister, and no way do I want to be an accomplice to her pain. If you need me to, I’ll front you the money for your family’s debt, but that is as involved as I want to be. Understood?”

Derrick then walks out of the room, leaving me and Stacy to hash out our plan.

The very one that would end up breaking me in ways I’d never fully recover from.