The Girl I Once Loved: Love & Hate Duet

Even though the rain is pouring down hard when I leave the house to sprint over to my loft, it does very little to cool my feverish skin. Once I get inside, I race over to my bathroom and turn the shower on, in the hopes that it will have better success in cooling me down.

But as my head falls under its cold sprays, my palms spread out against the tile to keep me tethered, it doesn’t stop my mind from wandering back to Sky.

All I can ever think about is Sky.

There was a moment there as we were dancing together with our parents, where her cold façade broke, revealing the face of the girl I fell in love with. The girl who still has her name carved into my chest, the one who branded me hers, unsuitable for any other.

There she was, in all her spectacular glory…happy.

Truly and irrevocably happy.

But the instant we started dancing together, that happiness evaporated like a puff of smoke. She looked up at me with such torment in her silver gaze, such anguish, that it took my very breath away.

I’ve seen that pain in the mirror every day since she left me. I have lived and breathed that misery for so long, that when I saw that it lived inside her too, something in me just snapped, needing to erase all of her pain away.

So I held her close. I let myself pretend that she was mine, and I alone had the power to erase such suffering from within her.

And before I knew what I was doing, I told her the one truth that should have never left my lips. Selfishly, and with no regard for her pain.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, I told Sky that I missed her.

“You fucking idiot,” I curse at myself, turning off the water since it’s doing nothing to ease the knots in my stomach.

I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my midriff, catching my reflection in the mirror. My hands grip the edges of the sink as I take a good hard look at myself, scornful accusation staring back at me.

What the fuck are you doing?

Why can’t I just leave her the fuck alone?

Do I care so little for my sanity? Am I so eager to have my fucking heart broken again?

What?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Between my self-loathing and the rain tapping ferociously at my window, it’s a wonder I even hear the light knock at my door, pulling me away from my troubled thoughts.

It’s probably Clara wanting to check up on me to see if I’m alright. She saw how close to the edge I was. How easily I was about to shatter in her daughter’s arms. And then again with how my face fell when Sky pulled away from me to run back to the safety of her room.

Fuck.

I’m not in the right frame of mind for another lecture. Or worse. Clara whispering words of hope in my ear, when we both know there is none to be had.

Determined to send her away, I walk over to the door and open it, shocked to find a drenched Sky waiting there for me. Rain pours down on her face and body as she just stands there, silently waiting for me to invite her in or ask why she’s here. Not wanting her to catch pneumonia waiting for my brain to catch up with my mouth, I swing the door fully open and pull her quickly inside.

“What—”

“No.” She shakes her head, pressing a finger to my lips to shut me up. “I don’t want to talk.”

My throat dries instantly at the intensity in her eyes.

Ever so gently, I brush her finger away, only to lace my hand with hers.

“Then what do you want?” I ask gruffly, feeling every inch of me burn with desire.

“You.” The word has barely left her lips when I feel them pressing against mine.

I don’t think. I just react, letting her take whatever she wants from me. Like Sky, her kiss is demanding, breaking through any resistance I could possibly have. All my previous worries and concerns fly out the window as she wraps her arms around my neck and walks me across the room, over to my bed.

“Sky,” I beg when I feel like I’m losing it.

“No talking,” she orders in between kisses. “No words. Just this. Just us.”

I groan into her mouth as she presses her hot core into my hardened length. I bite and nibble at her fat bottom lip, as her arms fall away from my neck so she can run her hands over my bare chest. Every light touch she makes with her fingertips feels like a torch to my insides. I let her burn me alive, hissing when she snaps my towel from my waist and drops it on the floor. She then pushes me onto the bed, leaving me wanting and crazed for her next move.

I hold myself up by the elbows, as her eyes scan every inch of my hardened body, my cock bobbing away with just one hungry look. My chest tightens as she grabs the hem of her soaked t-shirt and pulls it over her head, her eyes always locked with mine. My hands fist the duvet at my side to keep me in place as she kicks off her sneakers and begins to taunt me by slowly shimmying her shorts down those fucking long legs of hers. Left in only a pink bra and lace panties, my restraint starts slipping at rapid speed, as does my resolve for letting her take the lead in what’s about to happen next.

“Sky, you have exactly ten seconds to take those off and sit on my lap. Any longer and I’ll fucking rip them off you.”

I know I just broke her sacred rule of not talking, but like hell I’m going to keep quiet now.

The little brat just cocks a mischievous brow at me, making no move to abide by my demand.

“Ten,” she mocks, running her hands seductively up and down her body to torment. “Nine,” she whispers, cupping her breasts in her palms, giving them a good hard squeeze. “Eight,” she continues to taunt, leaving a hand firmly attached to one breast, while the other begins to travel south…until it’s right there…stroking the lace of her panties.

“One,” I belt out, lifting off the bed just enough to pull her by the hem of her panties so she’s trapped in between my thighs.

“You cheated,” she pants, running her fingers through my wet hair. “You said until ten.”

“Fucking sue me, Sky.”

Ten seconds was too long to wait anyway.

I’m surprised I survived to the count of eight with the show she was giving me.

I start peppering the flat of her stomach with butterfly kisses, as my arm stretches at her back to unhook her bra, inhaling her arousal like its fucking oxygen. Once I help slip off the straps, I perch my chin on her belly button to look up at her face, completely in awe of how beautiful she looks.

Her eyes are two fine lines, hooded with the same desperate need that is currently taking over all my senses. Never leaving her sight, I lean down and run my nose up and down her slit, the sound of a gasp leaving her parted lips becoming the sweetest song I could ever hope to hear. I lick my lips hungrily, as in one quick pull, I rip her panties at their sides, revealing a shaven mound for my mouth to devour.

“Grab my shoulders,” is all I have the fortitude to say before my mouth latches onto her pussy.

Obediently, Sky does what she’s told, holding onto my shoulders for dear life, her nails sinking into my flesh with each long stroke of the tongue.

Fucking heaven.

Every lick feels like I’m finally coming home, as if this is where I should have always been—in between her thighs, licking her clean until I have her body withering and shuddering from an orgasm only my tongue can provide.

My girl must have been suffering from the same ache inside me because it doesn’t take her long to reach the precipice, eager to fly off it. So when I order her to cum with my tongue on her apex, she does with beautiful abandon. Just like the good, obedient girl she is.

Before she’s able to fully come down from her nirvana, I grab her by her fine ass and pull her onto my bed, her warm body molding itself perfectly underneath me. My lips find hers again, as my fingers play with one nipple, her soaked pussy pressed up against my cock, making it that much more difficult to slow this down.

I need her now.

“Do you have a condom?” she rasps, just as eager, kissing my neck, burning me alive. “Do you?” she insists when I take too long to reply.

I grab her chin.

“Fuck that. You want me? Then you’ll have all of me.”

The hesitation in her eyes kills something inside me. No way do I want any more barriers between us than the ones we already created for ourselves. It would also be futile trying to explain to her that I haven’t been with anyone since she left me.

What would be the point?

She wouldn’t believe me anyway, and admitting to her that just the thought of touching someone that wasn’t her physically made me want to hurl, would just open Pandora’s box, and you don’t need to be a genius to tell that Sky isn’t ready for that…yet.

“I’m clean,” I finally say, the only truth I can muster admitting to, without opening that can of worms.

Thankfully, my admission must be enough for her, since she hooks her legs around me, her heels pushing me to where she needs me more.

“So fucking greedy,” I groan, biting down on her neck as I position my crown at her center. The heat of her core has me losing my god damn mind, so much so that in one hard thrust, I’m inside her.

FUCK!

This.

This right here.

This is what I’ve been dreaming about for years on end, and yet, no fantasy could ever compare to the reality of it.

“Look at me,” she pleads on bated breath, the small sheen of sweat to her brow making her look even more sinful.

Like I’d want to look anywhere else but at her beautiful face as I’m loving her.

Ever so slowly, I drive myself inside her, our sights deadlocked on the other. My heart drums madly in my chest as Sky begins to whimper, her wet pussy strangling my cock in the most spectacular of ways.

“I gotta move, baby. You with me?” I choke out when the slow tempo begins to be too much to bear.

“Yes,” she says on a soft wail, her fingers tugging at my hair.

My thrusts pick up speed, pounding into her pussy like a man on a mission. Like someone who wants to erase all the memories of her former lovers. Every touch. Every kiss. All of them purged from her brain until all that is left is me.

“Noah—” she starts to beg, but my name spilling from her cupid-shaped lips only drives me more insane.

“Oh, God! Oh, God!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Her little wails of supplication, the way her body is withering underneath me, paired with how her pussy is swallowing my cock like it was always hers to begin with, is too fucking much for me to take. Like this… fucking the love of my life raw as she looks at me with nothing but love in her eyes, is too much for any red-blooded man to withstand.

“Come, Sky. Please, baby. I can’t—”

But just as I find myself pleading for mercy, Sky’s eyes roll to the back of her head as she shouts out my name, her pussy squeezing my cock with her orgasm, and I have no choice but to follow her over the cliff.

Not that I’m surprised.

I’d follow Sky anywhere given the chance.

I let my head fall to her chest, leaving my cock inside her, even as I feel my cum starting to drip down her thighs and onto my bedsheets. Her rapid heartbeat matches my own, and for a few seconds I just lay there, feeling the sting of hot tears threatening to come out.

Because in this very second—I’m whole.

I’m not broken or lost.

I’m not living with half a heart.

I’m complete—because of her—my Sky.

“Noah?” she whispers after both of us have caught our breath.

I lift my chin up and instantly frown when I see the wheels in her head have begun to turn, second guessing herself, and most likely, regretting her impulse—regretting what we’ve just done.

“No,” I demand. “Don’t. Don’t do that. Not now.”

She turns her head to the side, tears starting to swell at the corner of her eyes.

Gently, I grip her chin and pull her to look at me.

“No words. Just this. Just us,” I choke out, using the same words she did when she stepped into my loft.

“No words,” she whispers back hesitantly.

“No words,” I repeat softly. “Don’t overthink this.”

Her jaw goes agape for a split second but then closes into a fine line.

“I said stop.”

“You can’t order me around, you know?” she counters, making my tense muscles relax instantly when I hear the familiar hint of our old ways.

This type of banter is good. Means that she doesn’t regret what we just did.

And if I play my cards right, she never will.

“Are you sure about that?” I arch a teasing brow.

“Very,” she quips.

“Hmm. A challenge.” I grin, sliding down her body ready for our second round since our first went faster than I would have wanted it to.

This time, I’m going to take my time. I’m going to run my tongue over every inch of her skin, nibble her flesh with my teeth and mark her as mine.

I start to kiss a trail down her chest, but before my mouth can latch onto her pink nipple, Sky grabs me by the scruff of my chin and pulls my gaze onto hers.

“No words. Just us. Just this,” she says steadfastly, making sure I understand the true meaning behind her chosen phrase.

In other words, her body might be on the table—but not her heart.

That remains off limits to me, and most likely, always will be.

I’m just an itch she needs to scratch.

To her, fucking me is like a proverbial walk down memory lane, instead of the earthshattering thing it really is.

And the masochist in me is all too happy to accept her terms.

Because while we stay in this limbo, we can play pretend. Pretend that every touch isn’t an I love you. That every kiss isn’t laced with a pain that we both need to heal, knowing that can only be done by sharing our bodies, even if our hearts aren’t ready to do the same.

Even if this ends in tears and heartbreak, I’d rather hold onto this small piece of paradise while in her loving arms, than have nothing at all.