The Girl I Once Loved: Love & Hate Duet

I once knew a girl with such fire running through her veins that I was positive she could scorch me to ash with just one word uttered by her luscious lips. The arduous passion and fight in her voice had the power to turn me into a weak and foolish mess.

For she knew the truth that lived and breathed inside me.

Those smoldering silver eyes could stare right into the confinements of my deformed soul and see my every hidden secret, challenging them to come into the light. She was the only one who ever truly saw my ugliness, my darkness, and was never scared that it had the potential to swallow her whole. She bated me at every turn and goaded my deviant monster to do its worst with a mocking grin to her lips.

And more times than not, her resilience and strength were the only things that kept my head above water.

Knowing she would always be there to coax me into feeling something, no matter how vile and awful that feeling could be, served as a reminder that I was still capable of emotion. That I hadn’t given in to the numbness completely, even if my soul bared its hideous teeth marks. With her taunting me, my melancholy never stood a chance.

I won’t lie to you.

Before her, my life was empty and void of all feeling.

She found me at a time where death would have been a merciful blessing. Ironic how the bane of my existence became my sole reason for living. The thing that made me want to wake up in the morning and not give in to the abyss that called out my name. Instead of giving in, I sought out her light knowing it would show me the way out of the deep black pit that summoned me.

I fed on her anger.

I relished in her fury.

Until I found I was no longer satiated with her fight but craved something else so much more.

Her heart.

Like a lovesick fool, I gave into temptation and eagerly took everything she was willing to give me, letting that be my reason for being above all things. And for a while, life didn’t feel so suffocatingly cruel. Not when I had her in my arms, looking at me like I hung the stars in the sky just for her.

And God, for her I would, if I could.

There was nothing I would deny her.

Not when she had taken my cold dead heart in her hands and breathed life into it with just one kiss.

Stupidly, I thought I could keep her, that somehow she was my karmic reward for all of my suffering. I had lost so much that I thought her a miracle. That the heavens had opened their gates to give her to me just to make up for all the pain and misery I had endured.

What a fucking idiot I was to think I deserved her.

I didn’t.

No one does.

And I curse the man who tries to keep her in the end.

He will be an even bigger fool than I ever was.

Because the asshole will never know that the girl I once loved will never be his entirely.

A piece of her will always be mine.

Just as my heart will always be hers.