The Experiment of Tony Blair

Evila worked quickly and suited up the naked human in Professor Denvil’s science academy uniform. The suit was very baggy over Tony’s lean frame, but seemed to hold up all in all. Humans were most certainly an interesting species compared to their race. They almost had the same muscle structure and bone formation. The only flaws that Evila could see were that the humans had one too many toes on their feet, and their ears were too round. Evila didn’t like round ears.

“Don’t worry, Tony, I’ll fix your ugly human foibles back at my dorm room. You’ll thank me for it later, and the science world will thank me for proving my formula works. I’ll be a hero!”

Tony was lying on the ground beside the Pharnter. His eyes were closed and his body seemed limp. Evila grabbed the unconscious human by the broad shoulders and nearly threw him through the roof as she lifted. He wasn’t as heavy as she thought he would be. His limp frame felt light and soft in her hands. Evila was startled by this weird discovery. The human had no density at all in his body. At least not like their race. He felt as light as a sheet of paper.

“Why are you so light?” whispered Evila as she examined him more closely, “Did your maternal unit forget to feed you as you developed? I must run tests on this new dis-covery when I get back to the dorm! I must know what you are made of.”

Evila held him out in front of her like a thin garment. She squeezed his shoulders lightly and took in the texture. She was surprised to find that he was very spongy in some areas and extra soft in others. He might have been just as tall as her, but he was far from her density and complexion. His skin was not tight and smooth like hers was. Tony was different in so many ways. He was weird.

“I can see why that snake ate you so fast. You’re practically as soft as a Zucon jellyroll. I bet over half of your body is made up of H2O.” She pulled him in close and sniffed his head. The odor he gave off was interesting. It smelled like a million different elements rolled into one.

“You smell nice, Tony!”

Evila grabbed his left arm and threw it around her slender shoulders. With her right hand she gripped his abdomen and propped him up against her hip. They were standing side by side now.

I bet we look like a weird couple!

“Look alive, Tony! We’re about to venture out to Deck -A-, which is one of the most social parts of this space academy. It’s full of people studying, talking, and playing games. I don’t want you giving us away. At least not until I’m done with the experiment-ing. So don’t wake up until we are safely at my dorm room.”

His limp body pulled down on her lightly as she walked over to the silver door at the far end of the lab. Evila grabbed a blue medical towel and threw it over Tony’s head, to hide his humanness. The last thing she needed was for everyone to see that she had stolen a human from the cloning lab.

Evila punched in the code to open the door. Once it was open she poked her head outside and looked down the long corridor for any signs of students. Nothing could be seen as she emerged slowly into the hall. She held Tony tighter to her frame. Her hearts were pounding as she walked briskly to the elevators.

Here we go! There’s no turning back!

She climbed into the lift and punched in Deck -A-. The doors closed and the thing began to move slowly upward. Music was blaring from the speakers; she bit her bottom lip nervously. She breathed out a deep breath and threw her bangs out of her face with her free hand. Her pulse was quickening.

“Please don’t stop, please don’t stop, please don’t stop” whispered Evila.

Her green eyes studied the progress panel over the elevator doors. It was moving slowly through all the floors, when it stopped suddenly on Deck -B-. Evila cursed in her native tongue as the lift opened up. She looked down at the ground and stepped back. She tried to look as nonchalant as possible. A love-struck couple walked into the elevator and stood beside her. They were wrapped in each other’s arms, talking and laughing about everything and nothing. Evila recognized the boy from her analytic calculus and shapes class. He had asked her out three days ago, and she had declined. Now he was in the elevator with some other girl. Just great!

“Evila, is that you?”

Evila looked up and smiled uneasily. “Yes, Rie it’s me!”

“What are you up to nowadays?”

Evila shifted on her feet, she felt like saying: Oh, I don’t know, Rie, how about stealing humans to prove my theory once and for all… Oh, and I have decided to let my hair down. All I ever do is study and experiment. He knows that.

Evila hated casual talk. It was so redundant and boring. People should never pretend to be interested in someone else when they really didn’t care. “Nothing much, Rie, just work and school. How about you?”

Rie shrugged his shoulders. “You know the same old same old.” He paused for a bit and looked over to the man she was holding in her arms. He looked kind of wimpy and small. He hated seeing Evila together with another man.

“Who’s your friend?”

Evila could detect a bit of jealousy in his voice. She wanted to laugh at that moment. Rie had had a crush on her ever since they met in the cafeteria twenty years ago. He had been trying to take her out on a date since then, and she had rejected every last one of his offers. She could tell that he was envious now. He wanted to be the one that stole her hearts away, and yet, he never would be the one for her. She didn’t like him like that. Rie was more like a friend.

“Oh, it’s just a friend of mine, Rie. We were out drinking Eystivas and he got really hammered, so I’m taking him back to his dorm.” She swallowed the knot forming in her throat, “Who’s your lady friend there?”

Rie looked at the girl at his side and smiled real big, “Sorry, how insensitive of me. This is Clivo’a. We met in the lunar gym three cycles ago. She was stuck on the plasma net and I rescued her; well, sort of!”

Clivo’a cut in quickly. “Oh, don’t be so modest, Big R, you did rescue me! Who would have thought that a neodymium net would have been so sticky?” She pulled him in close and kissed him on the lips. Evila was shocked at this spontaneous gesture. The only species that did mouth to mouth pleasantries were the humans. You would have to be pretty wild to mimic that gesture.

Evila wanted to throw up. The little space tramp “Clivo’a” was trying to make her jealous, she could feel it. Well, it wasn’t going to work. She knew how to play the dating game. She knew the simple psychology of ditsy girls, and she was not going to be another statistic in this matter.

“Get a room, you two!” said Evila.

Clivo’a stopped kissing Rie and looked over to her. She bared her sharp teeth as she smiled devilishly, “Oh sorry, Evila. Sometimes I forget that we have an audience. I can be so bad some times.” She winked at her.

Evila wanted to smack her across the face.

“Yeah, you’ll have to forgive her, Evila. She can be so wild sometimes. It’s almost like I’m dating a primate or a human!” said Rie jokingly.

Clivo’a hit him on the arm. “How dare you compare me to one of those creatures. I’m not that wild and ferocious; well, at least not in public among my peers!” She giggled and smacked him on the butt. Rie got rigid and looked over to the wild woman. She was tossing her hair back and forth and looking at him seductively.

Evila laughed out loud and shifted on her feet. Rie looked over to her with a sheepish smile. His green face was turning a darker shade of green. The elevator got awkward for a second. The silence was almost too much to bear.

Rie finally spoke up. His voice was all shaky, “So, Evila, how are you coming with Professor Denvil’s genetic assignment? Making any new breakthroughs with the human strain? Did you solve all of our problems?”

Evila got stiff as he asked this. Suddenly the human to her right seemed like a giant whale. She held Tony closer to her body. “Ahh, well, yes, I am.”

“That’s great news! So have you found the problem yet?”

She looked over at him. “Yeah, the problem was that the old scientists were using the wrong catalyst. The human genetics would have never accepted the change under that formula they were using. But I have made a new formula and catalyst, which will cause the genetic change to metastasize much better throughout the whole human body. Human’s should be the answer to all our problems.”

Rie’s eyes got wide, “So you have done it then!”

Evila nodded her head proudly.

“Yes sir, I have!”

Clivo’a was getting bored with the subject. She wanted to talk about something more interesting. She wanted to talk about the new skimpy synthetic dress she had bought for the upcoming dance. She was about to speak up when the elevator stopped. A loud ding was heard as the doors slid open.

“Well, this is my stop,” said Evila. “It was nice talking to you all.”

She quickly stepped out of the lift, being careful not to bump Tony on the wall as she did this. She was about to head for her dorm room when Rie called out after her. His voice sounded firm let soft.

“Did you need any help taking your friend to his dorm room?”

Evila turned around and looked over to the weird couple standing in the open elevator. Rie was keeping the doors from closing with his hand.

“What was that?” asked Evila.

Rie stepped out a bit. “I said would you like help hauling your friend to his room? I know how heavy we males can get, especially when we’re wasted. It’s like we become lead or tungsten or something.”

Evila shook her head emphatically. “No, that won’t be needed! This male is really light; I think he was under-nourished as he grew up.”

“Are you sure? Here, let me help!”

Rie started walking over to her. Evila’s hearts were pounding rapidly in her chest now. She didn’t know what to do; she was trapped. She was about to turn and run down the hallway when Clivo’a grabbed Rie’s arm and pulled him back. He turned and looked back at the stellar woman.

“Come on, Rie, let the nerd girl go. I’m sure she will be fine on her own. The dorms are not that far from here. Plus you promised to show me your trophy collection back at your dorm.” She bit her bottom lip and winked at him, “Come on!”

Rie sighed heavily. He knew that if he helped Evila, he wouldn’t hear the end of Clivo’a’s nagging. He turned.

“Okay! We’ll go!”

“It’s okay, really it is. I’ve got it from here, I am a tough girl. I’ll manage.” Evila lifted an arm and flexed her muscles. Rie nodded his head and walked back over to the elevator. Within seconds he and the space tramp were out of sight. Evila shook her head and straightened up. She lifted Tony a bit.

“He always finds the wrong chick to socialize with.” She paused for a second and thought; who am I to judge? I’m hanging out with an unconscious human. I could get ex-pelled from the academy if anyone found out what I have done. She chuckled lightly as she looked at the blue towel resting on Tony’s head.

“Shall we go, friend?” asked Evila rhetorically.

She turned around and walked down the hall. When she got to the main lobby of

-A- Deck she looked out over all the students chatting and talking. Some were seated at tables while others where leaning against walls. She moved past them hoping that no one would stop her on her way to her room.

-No one did