The Desolate

When my eyes opened, the sun was glaring through an open window. I heard voices, though it took me just a moment to get my bearings. Millie and Ashe were mid-conversation and I hadn't quite got up to speed with it when they noticed I was awake. But it seemed that some people had apparently tried to burst into the room to question Ashe the second she woke up. They had been fended off by Millie thankfully who was sitting on the end of Ashe’s bed with a rifle in her lap. I sat up slowly, feeling each of my wounds down to the smallest detail. It didn’t hurt too much, but my body was incredibly stiff. When I looked down at the bed, my eyes met Ashe, who grabbed my hand and pulled me down into bed with her, wrapping her arms around me. “Good morning, Jack!” She whispered, kissing my cheek.

“Good morning! How are you feeling?” I asked.

“I’m okay, still sore, but there is no infection according to the doctor.”

Millie made a noise to interrupt our moment and said, “I’m sorry, Jack. But you might want to go find Natalie and organize a meeting with the council. There might be a riot if you push it back much longer.”

I sighed and kissed Ashe once more before slowly standing up, “Pushy, aren’t they?”

Millie rolled her eyes and laughed a little, “You have no idea. You know they were insisting on details on what happened yesterday…I mean I love Luke, he’s my uncle, but I swear to God, he has no idea when it comes to personal boundaries!”

Natalie walked in a moment later, having overheard our conversation, adding, “That’s just Luke, he was like that even before the outbreak. He’s as blunt as a hammer and clueless as a cow, but he means well.”

I walked over to my backpack which was hanging from a hook by the front door of the house, taking out some preserved vegetables and eating a few of them to keep me going.

“You know you can have some decent-tasting food here, Jack,” Natalie said.

I just shrugged in response, explaining, “I have no doubt that if it were just your decision to make, then it would not be a problem. But I’m guessing that it’s not, at least not anymore.”

Natalie nodded, understanding my perspective. “Just come and meet the council and see what you think. I know a few of them can be a bit prickly, but I’m sure we can work something out. At worst, they will ask you to help them with their farms or with gathering things they need.”

“I’m neither against hard work nor helping people out. But I do not want to be stuck relying on others to survive forever.” I sighed, shaking my head, fully expecting it to go completely off the rails. “What did you tell them about yesterday?”

She smiled reassuringly and said, “I was honest with them. I only left out a few of the gorier details. But I assume that is not what concerns you?”

“I don’t mind them knowing the truth about me, Natalie. They have a right to know, I just want to know what to expect.”

Natalie nodded as Ashe squeezed my hand reassuringly, and said, “Just be honest, Jack. Whatever happens, I’ll be by your side.”

I sighed and shook my head, “No you won’t!” I said calmly, “I mean it Ashe, if they allow it, I want you to stay. Even if I can’t.”

Ashe squeezed my hand tighter again, as she leaned up and said in a low voice, her tone serious, “Don’t you dare leave me alone here!”

I sighed, closing my eyes, “Maybe now isn’t the time. We’ll talk about it when we know more.”

“Damn fucking straight we will, Jack! Because unless you can give me a damn good reason, I will go with you back to the old farmhouse. If they don't accept you, then they don't get me either.”

I just shook my head trying to force back a swelling of emotion for Henry and Charlotte, “They’re dead, Ashe, you know as well as I do what those assholes did to them.”

She stared blankly at me as if something had connected in her mind for the first time. And her hand let go of mine. “Do you think more will come?” She asked, sensing the fear in her voice.

“They could!” I answered honestly, “Between Rick’s information, and the McRae’s, I'm sure they'll figure it out. That truck we took from them has a radio in it. It could very easily reach Lakeside with enough of a signal amplifier.”

She looked at me with fear in her eyes, before asking, “I… I thought it was just bounty hunters, and when they lost us, it would be fine…”

“Given the fact that they found us all the way out here…” I said calmly, “They wouldn’t have done that without sanction. New Alice leadership wants a coastal settlement under its control, they've wanted it for years. If they think there is a chance of doing it here, they will spend the resources to build and maintain a connection.”

Natalie squeezed her eyes shut and hissed in a low voice, "Fuck!" adding, “They could easily do it if they got a layout of the trade network from the McRae family. If they managed to link up with some of the settlements north of us first, we wouldn’t stand a chance. Our defenses are primarily designed to deal with zombies, not an army.”

“I agree!” I said, hinting that I’d been making those same assessments, “A small, well-trained group could easily penetrate the outer perimeter. All they'd have to do is starve you out… hell they could poison the water and your people would open the gates and let them in in a few days.”

Natalie sighed and said, “And this is why we need you, especially with your father gone.” She reached over to take my hand, and said, “Come with me, please!”

Ashe started to sit up, gritting her teeth, “Do they want me there too?”

“No, dear. Jack can speak for both of you if you are comfortable with that,” Natalie explained.

Ashe gave a small nod to Natalie, before her eyes turned back to me, “See, all the more reason why you can’t leave me here alone.”

I laughed a little, unable to hide my amusement. I leaned in and kissed her cheek once more, whispering, “I never said I’d go far, and I trust Natalie to keep you safe while I do what has to be done.” Ashe's eyes locked on mine, and I could see a slight smirk on the edge of her lips. I kissed her softly once more, and asked in a whisper, “Do you trust me?”

“Of course…”

Kissing her again, I whispered, “Then follow my lead. I wouldn’t ask you to stay if I didn’t think you’d be safe, or if I didn’t think I would need to do terrible things again to keep you safe. Understand?”

Her eyes locked on mine for a long moment, before offering and small nod, “Just promise you’ll come back to me!”

“I swear it!” I whispered, caressing her cheek.

“Don’t worry, Jack. I’ll make sure she’s okay,” Millie said warmly.

“Thank you!” I said as I stood and followed Natalie outside.

Natalie and I made our way over to an open area near the center of the town with several benches and a small firepit, with a roof constructed over it. A dozen people all of them older were waiting, and I couldn’t help but whisper to Natalie, “Too many minds can be crippling when it comes to decision making!”

I saw a slight smirk on Natalie’s face, before she whispered back, “That’s exactly what I told them before I retired from Luke’s job. But he’s expanded it to include more people that are inclined to agree with his policies and ideas.”

“I see, so Luke is the power now?”

“Not exactly, but he certainly has power. Most of the people here, if pushed are still very loyal to your father.” She glanced up at me, adding, “And through him… me, and Matthew to a lesser extent.” She gestured to one of the men in the council on the far left, and there I noticed my half-brother from the night before seated amongst the group. “Unfortunately, he simply does not have the lived experience that your father had… or you for that matter!” She smiled reassuringly, taking my hand, and squeezing it as we approached the gathered town council.

The meeting went almost as I expected, Ashe was welcomed with open arms of course. She was attractive and of "childbearing age" and like all other settlements they always needed more. So that was hardly a surprise. But if we wanted to stay inside the town walls, we would need to work essentially as slaves for an indefinite period of time. Of course, I did not shy away from the idea of work, but I much preferred the idea of doing it for myself and trading with the community just like most of them did in the New Alice trade network. Instead of joining their community, we would become indentured to a bunch of other people as they needed in hopes they would provide us with a bed to sleep and food to eat. Despite Natalie’s and Matthew’s protests about using my expertise and knowledge to retrain and redesign their defensive capabilities. The risk was not seen to be worth it. It was deemed too expensive and time-consuming by the council, and the risk of a New Alice attack was deemed to be very low, despite my warnings.

“Luke!” I said firmly before he closed the meeting, “There is a very good chance that they know approximately where this place is. They have specialty assault teams that they can deploy again in settlements just like this that are trained and experienced in just this kind of operation. They will come if they think the price is worth it. And believe me, relatively safe access to the coast will be seen as worth it.”

“But is the price worth it?” Luke asked skeptically, “From what I’ve been told young man, you seem like just the sort of person that we should be weary of. If it were just my decision, you would be executed on the spot.”

Then Natalie growled, “And if you do that to my son without a damn good reason, I will kill you myself, Luke. I’ve stayed out of your way these last few months out of respect, but if you ignore these warnings from a man who knows those people intimately, you are a fool.”

The meeting ended with a great deal of tension between two roughly equal-sized factions in the council. But Natalie did manage to secure a short-term compromise for us. The assumption was that Ashe had no useful skills in a ‘civilized society’ other than the fact that she was of childbearing age. Natalie had at least secured that much for us, Ashe would be safe, but as expected more than half of the council saw my presence as too big a risk to allow me to carry a weapon or to trust me with anything other than gardening tools. As such I would be disarmed and assigned as slave labor to whoever needed it.

Natalie objected to the notion of course, but she was outvoted by people that seemed a little too comfortable inside these walls. Her maneuvering within the politics of this place meant that she was able to ‘secure’ my assistance for at least the next twelve weeks while she expanded the fields on her lot to accommodate Ashe and me, whom she welcomed into her home with open arms and at very little expense to either of us. Of course, Luke was very unhappy with the situation, but Natalie was right. She represented the heart and soul of the people in that place and if Luke went against her, it would not end well. She was highly respected even by those who voted against her.

Most of the people were incredibly frustrating to deal with because they genuinely were clueless about the reality of life outside of their community. They had no idea about the economic and military dominance of New Alice, the expansion of the northern tribes through the radiation belt across the north of the content. They were still thinking like it was the early years of the collapse and had no interest in the world outside of their walls and a handful of nearby satellite settlements. They held me back for ‘questioning’ for several hours after the conclusion of the meeting, as their soldiers sought whatever information I had on the New Alice threat. On some level, they knew what was coming, but their leadership refused to see it. I was eventually released at Natalie’s insistence that I be allowed to attend Michael’s funeral that afternoon.

When I returned to Ashe I was seething with rage, I found her drinking coffee with Millie on the front porch of the farmhouse. And when Millie saw my face she asked, "That bad?"

"It's pretty much what I expected!" I sighed, glancing down at Ashe.

“You’re fucking kidding me?” Millie hissed.

“Sadly not. You were right, these people are in desperate need of a kick in the ass,” I sighed as I took a bottle of water from my backpack.

“Fuck!” Millie growled. “So, what’s your plan?”

I looked over at Ashe and said, “For now we stay here and recover, but soon we might have to make a hard choice. Are we willing to be indentured servants inside the walls indefinitely, and essentially help with the upkeep of the farms and shops, or we leave.” I glanced at Ashe and explained, "While I trust Natalie to do right by us, she's not in charge of anything anymore."

“So, they want us as essentially slave labor?” Ashe growled, the fire and anger burning in her eyes. Her memories of a life she had not long ago escaped flashing through her mind.

“Slave labour, and child-bearing potential!” I said, gesturing to Ashe, “We would effectively work for a small share of the food and water, but we will have no right to either grow or gather it for ourselves.”

“You mean we do someone else’s back-breaking labor and hope they are kind enough to feed us and give us a bed? What if they decide they need more children?”

“Then I will kill the mother fucker that tries and we will leave together.”

Natalie approached having overheard much of our conversation, and said, “Ashe is childbearing age, so she will be welcomed with open arms. In part because she is not a threat to anyone. Unfortunately, Luke is too stupid to realize that if she has no partner that she is willing to breed with then it counts for nothing. I will raise a civil war before I let Jericho descend to those kinds of policies.”

“Oh, so we are just here to bread now, fuck that! I am going to give Luke hell for this,” Millie growled before storming outside.

“Jack? What are we going to do?” Ashe said, her expression suddenly fearful.

“You and I are going to stay with Natalie. She has been kind enough to welcome us into her home for the time being, and I’m sure she would let us use her land to grow crops as well. A lot of it is currently not being farmed anyway, so she has arranged with the council that I’ll help her get her land properly developed so it can support more people. And if that doesn’t work out, we will make a life for ourselves somewhere else. Whatever happens, we’ll survive, but for now, we both need to heal.”

Ashe nodded. “So they are at least giving us time to heal up properly?”

“I think they will give us some time, especially if we are in Natalie’s custody. We should be okay. It sounds like she has lost a lot of influence over the group with Michael and John gone. Just remember what I said earlier. If I go without you, it’ll be for a reason. If that happens, you stay close to Natalie and Millie, and protect each other because it means something worse is coming.”

Ashe nodded and said firmly, “Okay then! Let’s get ourselves healed up and properly supplied, and we can make a final decision in a few weeks?”

Natalie smiled apologetically, and said, “I’m so sorry about all this, Jack! You both deserve better.” She checked over the dressing of Ashe’s wounds then did the same for mine. “Anyway,” she changed the subject. “There is a funeral you are invited to this afternoon, and I want to have a family dinner tonight so you can get to meet everyone properly and get you both settled in.”

“Thanks,” I said in a distant tone, my mind distracted.

Natalie smiled warmly and put her hand on my shoulder. “Try not to stress too much about it. Trust me, I have a few ideas to get around Luke’s rules, and no matter what happens I’ll keep Ashe safe; I promise you.”

“Like what?” Ashe asked curiously.

She gave a sideways glance in response and smirked, explaining, “I have several non-existent projects and a workshop in need of a permanent worker as well as a room that has been empty since I moved in that could now be filled for as long as I need the help. I might just need both of your help indefinitely to maintain the place!” She winked at me then leaned in to wrap her arms around my shoulders, whispering, “You are family, Jack. I will always have your back; I understand the difficult decisions you’ve made. And whatever must be done, we will do it together. Okay?”

I nodded, and instinctively wrapped Natalie in my arms, “We'll figure it out.”

Natalie just sighed and shook her head once more, “This place needs new blood… and new leadership. And you are more like your father than you know. He may not have run the day-to-day decision-making in this place, but he held this place together, and everyone who remembers him knows that.”

Late in the afternoon, they buried Michael on a hill just outside the compound, in a cemetery where far too many people had been buried over the years. He was buried only a few meters from a gravestone marked 'John Andrew McAlister' on the headstone. Another headstone sat beside it, though I knew the grave below it was empty, Amy 'Amber' McAlister. But it didn't stop me from sitting down between them while Natalie conducted a small service for Michael just a few meters away, in the next row of graves.

Natalie gave a short speech on behalf of Michael’s distraught wife. But Millie's expression was like stone, and she barely said a word to anyone as she watched on. Then there were several others who offered a few kind words on the man’s behalf. From what I could tell, he was very highly regarded by most of the old-world people in the community and one of John and Natalie’s most reliable allies and closest friends through everything that had happened to them.

I didn’t want to intrude on their moment, so I sat by my father’s grave and just listened, paying my respects. The crowd didn’t stay long after the ceremony ended, leaving Millie standing by the man’s grave with an angry scowl on her face. She seemed like someone who did not tolerate bullshit, she was obviously unimpressed with at least some of the speeches, especially coming from Luke and a few other people that I recognized as council members. When she stormed past, I could hear her low growl, her words reflecting what was probably as true for my father as it was for Michael, “They’re full of platitudes and praise only after he dies for this place!” I watched as she made her way back over to the compound, fighting back tears of rage and sorrow.

Natalie approached John’s grave before quietly kneeling and kissing John’s headstone, before doing the same for Amy's. She smiled warmly at me and said, “I’ll let the guards know you’re still out here. If they cause you any grief, just let me know.”

She turned to walk away, but I stopped her and said, “Thank you,” My mind was a mess of unfamiliar emotions and grief for a father I barely remembered. She stopped looking down at me without saying anything, waiting for me to say something more, “I mean for helping us,” I said finally, “And for keeping Ashe safe. What you guys have built here; I have never seen anything like it. It needs to be protected.”

She sat down next to the grave as we both stared at the headstones, and she reached over and brushed a loose lock of my dark and dirty hair back. “You have your mother’s eyes.” She said, smiling warmly. “And your father’s taciturn nature. There is absolutely no doubting who your parents were, Jack.”

“What kind of man was he? Really? Behind all the myths and legends that seem to follow his name in this place?”

She was silent for a moment before speaking with almost a sense of reverence, and a depth of feeling that I could only compare to what I felt for Ashe. Eventually, she said with a look of love in her eyes for her now departed husband, “John was strong, kind, compassionate, and he loved his family, you and your mother included.”

“So, what does that make us?”

She just shrugged, and said, “To me, you are family, Jack. You are my son every bit as much as you were Amy's son. The three of us were together for a long time, and I still think of you the same way. But I understand how that might be confusing.” I sat silently soaking in her words, trying desperately to clear my mind as a cool breeze brushed over the hillside. “Ashe told me what you did for her. And whatever else you might have done in your life; John really would have been so proud of the man you are. He and Michael were true to their word that the women of the group would have a fair say, your father, above all else, valued that about this place. Neither of them wanted slaves for wives, they wanted partners and companions. Just like you, it seems!”

“I had been out to New Alice many times over the years, and never once did I help anyone besides myself. I hurt a lot of people when they got in my way, and if I am honest, I have probably killed as many people as zombies in my life with little or no remorse. But I haven't hurt anyone who I thought didn't deserve it. I don’t know why Ashe was different. She wasn’t a slave in any way except for the chains they put on her. And she makes me want to…” I hesitated as I poured my heart out. “…to be better… to do better. She made me laugh in a way that I haven’t ever before, and she made me care and feel in a way that I have never known. On top of all of that, I still find her hard to read.”

“How old were you when Amy died?”

“Seven, maybe eight? I’m not completely sure.”

Her jaw dropped in surprise, “I thought when you said that you both got away that she was with you for a few more years at least, Jack. But that would mean maybe a year at most. How long were you alone for?”

I shrugged. “The day’s just kind of blended together. I remember a residential area on the outskirts of Sydney, and I remember a small, ruined house that I had set up in. My mother taught me basically how to read, and so whenever I had time, I would find somewhere quiet and just sit and learn, using a dictionary when I didn’t understand words. Then as the years passed, I started to move further out into the mountains and the forests mostly out of convenience. A lot of the food and water I needed was much easier to come by there, so I found a cabin and settled in for a few more years. But eventually, I got bored, so I just started roaming. I found a bag and kept enough food and water for a few days and just moved from place to place, reading books as I found them, gathering supplies, and teaching myself new skills. Then at about thirteen or fourteen, I made my way out to New Alice, and you know the rest from there.”

Natalie just shook her head, then leaned in and wrapped her arms around me again. “I am so sorry we were not there for you, Jack.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said, sitting quietly for a few moments with Natalie before standing up slowly.

She rose with me and stared intensely as if trying to see something beyond my eyes. “What happened to your mother is not your fault either, Jack, so don’t blame yourself for any of it." A swelling of emotions and Natalie moved forward and took my hand in hers. "Once all the dust settles, we'll know more clearly what to do. If you do end up leaving, I'll help you find somewhere nearby to settle for a while at least so it won’t be too far to travel. We have a bunch of safehouses that Luke doesn't know about. John was smart like that.” She wiped away a few stray tears from her cheek then said, “I have an idea, come with me.”

We returned to the compound, and Natalie led me through the farmhouse/infirmary and upstairs where people were supposedly forbidden. She led me into a small bedroom that seemed to be filled with old-world items and posters as if it hadn't changed at all since the collapse. She sat down on the double bed then opened the dresser drawer pulling out an old-looking map. She laid it out on the bed and pointed to nearly a dozen sites that were marked on it within a day or two on foot. “These were all fortified and stocked up to be safe houses. Only John, Amy, and I knew them all, and I have deliberately kept this map from Luke and the council because I know they would simply go and claim the supplies we left in them...”

“Defeating the purpose of a safe house, to begin with,” I said, finishing her thought.

“Exactly!” She pointed to one of the circles on the map which was about twenty kilometres north on the edge of an old state forest. “John, Amy, Zoe, Michael, and I stayed there for about six months at one point. If it hasn’t been found by anyone else and looted, then it should be well-stocked with preserved food and water. It has a heavy wire fence that John thought would last for years as long as none of the trees surrounding the place fell on it, it would be perfect for the two of you.”

Knowing the location and how the world was changing, the place had likely been overgrown by now, but we could potentially clear it out and repair it. It could work for us as a backup plan. But I didn’t doubt that after twenty years or more, it would be in bad shape, and it would be a surprise if it hadn’t been looted at some point.

Natalie continued, her tone changing from helpful to concerned. “Now, I suspect that Millie might want to go with you guys as well if you are kicked out, but I don't know for sure. Has she said anything?”

I shrugged. “She hasn’t said anything to me, but she has been speaking a lot with Ashe. It’s possible, but I’m sure Ashe would try to talk her out of leaving if she could. Not that I object to her coming along necessarily, but the road is dangerous. Besides, until the dust settles and the risk of a New Alice attack passes, I would rather all of us be here. At least the two girls.”

She nodded. “Millie is a good girl, a bit rough around the edges, but she has a kind and gentle heart under it all. She is a hard worker and one of the few around here who has killed a zombie in recent years. Certain cowards in this group that hid behind, John, Matt, and Michael all these years seem to think that they no longer need protection. But this place needs her a lot more than its supposed leaders seem to think, and it needs you and Ashe for similar reasons.”

“How old is she?” I asked curiously.

“Seventeen!”

I shook my head. “If she comes, I won’t stop her—I also won’t encourage it either, you have my word. It is her decision to make, and if this place suffers because it is managed by cowards, then they will simply be catching up with the rest of the world."

Natalie nodded sadly. “I understand, and I’ll drive the three of you to the safe house if need be. Just…please look after Millie, she has been through a lot compared to most of the people here. Anyway, don’t rush to any decisions right away. Matthew, Sean, and Chloe will come by later to meet you two properly, and I’ll invite Millie as well; I think she needs the company, and I’m pretty sure she is sweet on Matthew.”

I smiled warmly, assuming those were the names of her children. I had met Matt already, and he seemed to be just as keen on Millie, so perhaps that would make Millie more reluctant to leave the security of this place. “How old are the others?”

“Matthew is the oldest…besides you, of course, he is 22, Sean is 18, and Chloe is 14.”

I sighed nervously at the thought of being an older brother to three siblings. The notion that I had a family was still very unsettling, and it only made my paranoia once again rear up. But I quickly pushed it back down and said, “Alright, we’ll be there!”

"Good!" She smiled and tucked the map back into the dresser. “Now, what did you mean that you would deal with the New Alice threat?”

I looked at her, my emotions fading as the familiar cold that I once knew flooded my mind, “I'll hunt them, and I'll kill them all. All the way back to New Alice if I have no choice.”

Natalie’s eyes met mine, as she let out a sigh, “You truly are your father’s son!” She stood up off the bed and said, “If it comes to that, tell me first. I’ll do everything I can to help.”

I nodded and stood with her, “Supplies of food and water for the road and ammunition for my rifle, that’s all I'll need.”

“Okay!” she said, “But we keep that plan between us for now. I’ll gather the resources a little at a time so no one knows, and I’ll set them aside for you. Just make sure Ashe knows what's happening, she deserves that much.”

That night Ashe and I stayed with Natalie in her two-bedroom cabin while Millie joined us for most of the night. However, it was only Matthew that turned up turned up for dinner. It amazed me how close the two girls had become in just a few days, but then they had a lot in common it seemed. In the end, I opened the final bottle of whisky in my bag that had somehow survived the crash. Pouring a glass for Natalie, Matt, and myself as we sat and enjoyed each other’s stories, reminiscing on the past.

Natalie seemed in many ways to have stopped moving forward since John’s death. It had clearly affected her far more than she was willing to admit to herself and her family, but she had managed to keep it together for the most part. But the dogs seemed to help her a lot. I watched as she prepared dinner for them, listening to her ramble on about each of their characters and natures. They really were like children to her.

She took the food out to them and returned a few minutes later with a large black dog wagging its tail. It followed her closely as we went back inside and it sat down next to her on the couch, and getting comfortable at her side. “This is Smoke,” she said to Ashe and me as if introducing an old friend.

I was still a little nervous about the idea of dogs, but he certainly seemed friendly enough. He wandered over to Ashe and me, sniffing my hand cautiously before licking it a little. As if assessing me in a strangely familiar way, he then did the same to Ashe, who simply melted at the sight of the dog as she started giving him a scratch, “Oh, you are beautiful!” The dog wagged his tail appreciatively in response. His body language was surprisingly easy to read for me, certainly much easier than most people. He was very gentle with Ashe, checking her leg carefully as if he understood and was sympathetic to her pain as he soaked up the attention she was giving him.

I had to admit I was impressed by the animal’s intelligence, it was something that I’d never expected. It's easy to see why these things were such valued companions in the old world. It seemed that our evening dinner had been postponed another day or two since Chloe my little sister was apparently not yet back from a trade run with her fiancé Anthony. But Matt had dropped by briefly giving us the chance to get to know each other a little more. He seemed like a good man, with honorable intentions for the town and his family, but he was also very naive to the realities of life outside of Jericho. But it wasn’t my place to set him right.

Instead of a large family gathering that night, it was just Millie who stayed with us for any length of time, getting very drunk on a few bottles of homemade wine that Natalie had set aside for her and Ashe to share. I went to bed relatively early, leaving Ashe with Natalie and Millie while I got some much-needed rest. I was at ease in that place, problem nearly as much as I had been back at the farmhouse so I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow.