The Dawning of Fate

The new development between Zan and me is a bit overwhelming if I’m being honest. The connection is more intense than anything I’ve ever felt and it’s only going to get stronger as we complete the last two rituals. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between which feelings are mine and which ones are his. Zan’s feelings are earnest and all-consuming. It would be so easy to drown myself in them but I can’t.

My mind is all over the place. Each emotion I feel, I have to analyze and determine whether it’s mine or his. Though for all its complexities, the bond has brought me closer to Zan in ways I would have never imagined. I never thought I could feel so deeply for one person. And so as I sit alone in the garden, I take this time to study our bond. Zan’s emotions are intense, but there is more than just Zan’s. I feel a pull towards something deeper within him. These emotions are powerful, a force to be reckoned with.

I follow the thickened coil back to the wall of fire from before. This time the flames travel further up my arm, allowing me a bit more access. The barrier remains in place but it is like as we complete each ritual, Zan is allowing me access to all parts of himself and vice versa. I can feel the presence of something more beyond this barrier, something dark and dynamic. It yearns for me and I find myself saddened by the separation. I rest my hand against the wall.

I feel you.

Suddenly the wall shakes and my body is being lifted from the ground.

“Echo, what are you doing?” Amondis asks worriedly as he runs out behind Zan. I look at the man holding me and his eyes are almost feral.

I rest my hand against his chest where it rumbles. Slowly, they fade back to blackness and Zan puts me down.

“He wants to be set free,” I whisper to Zan.

He rests his forehead against mine. “I don’t even know what he is.” His voice sounds strained. I nod because I understand. Everything is so new for both of us and we’re trying to piece things together before it comes crashing down.

“Not to ruin the moment here, but what the vrat just happened? One minute we’re having a conversation and the next you’re going completely mad,” Amondis chides.

“After each ritual, the bond grows stronger. I was testing it,” I supply him and he seems complacent with that answer. Zan gives me a thankful look. I’ll leave it up to him to tell his brother about the force raging inside him.

“We have to complete the spirit ritual today since we took a day off after the last,” Zan tells me, stroking my cheek.

“You seem reluctant. Are you having second thoughts?” He shakes his head.

“Never. You and I are in this together, Echo. Forever, this life and the next,” he says devotedly. “My mind is a dark place and I don’t want you to be frightened by what you see.”

“That’s the whole point though, isn’t it? To face our fears.” He nods. “So, how exactly do we enter the spirit world?”

Amondis starts walking back toward the house and we follow him. “You must drink the tincture made from the kaqai root. I will keep watch of your bodies while you traverse,” he explains as we head toward the library. Once we’re inside, Zan secures the doors and I look to him in question.

“Our minds will be elsewhere when we enter the spirit world thus leaving our bodies vulnerable,” he clarifies. “It is just a precaution.”

Amondis hands Zan a bowl of milky white liquid and he drinks some first before handing it to me. I look at Zan and he nods, assuring me it’s okay. I hesitantly take a sip and almost throw up.

“This is the foulest thing I’ve ever tasted. It tastes like dirt and old milk.” Amondis chuckles.

“You have to drink more little Terran.” I groan in response before tossing the rest back like it’s a shot of liquor. To be fair, liquor might taste better than that monstrosity. My stomach churns. Zan hands the bowl to his brother and guides me to sit with him on the couch.

“Remember, regardless of what happens in there, both of you must come out together,” Amondis reminds us.

“So, what is supposed to happen?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, a wave of dizziness settles over me. My eyelids get heavy. It feels like I took some strong drugs. Distantly, I hear Amondis laughing. Oh god, this stuff works fast. I lose the battle and my eyes fall closed.

When they open again, I’m laying on the ground in the meadow from my dreams. Unlike the last time I was here, the lightning cackles cross the sky, and heavy rains pound against the earth. I’m wearing a white dress instead of my yoga pants and it’s soaked, clinging to me like a second skin. The ground shakes unsteadily and a force of wind whooshes in from behind me. I turn around and I’m not shocked by the creature before me. Majestic and beautifully colored, he dips his head and waits. What for? I have no idea.

“What do you want me to do?”

Golden irises look to the sky then back at me. He wants me to climb on.

“Seriously?” A warm gust of air leaves his nostrils in response. Hesitantly, I walk forward and he watches my every step. Oh my god, I’m really about to do this. When I’m standing right beside its lowered head, I stare into his large eyeball. He just waits. It takes a few tries but once I get a good grip on the enormous horns, I haul myself up.

My breathing is erratic as I settle onto his neck between the spikes that line his spine. When he stretches his tucked wings, my hands grip the spike in front of me.

“Slowly, okay?” He huffs and begins beating his wings.

My eyes close of their own volition. I’m really riding a dragon. A freaking dragon! The icy wind cuts across my skin as we take to the skies. I hold on for my dear life. A tentative peek results in a gasp as I gaze upon the clouds. Tears fill my eyes. I’ve never experienced something so impossibly beautiful. Seas of white with swirls of teal. But suddenly I’m not in the clouds anymore. I’m falling. The scream is stolen as air rushes into my lungs. My arms are reaching up but the dragon is gone.

When I land, it’s on the sand. I’m not dead? Confused, I get to my feet and look around. Tall, thick walls enclose the rectangular area. It was like a giant sandbox. The lights were dim and the air was silent. Shadows danced in the corners. My eyes settle on a figure in the distance and I move towards it.

“Zan?” The figure flinches and draws into itself. Wings wrapped around his body, Zan pulls his knees to his chest and ducks his head. My heart cracks.

“Zan, it’s me,” I try to move closer but he flinches again. I drop onto the sand and stare at the shell of a man I once knew.

“Go away. I can’t take anymore,” he mumbles.

“What do you mean?”

He shakes his head feverishly and starts repeating ‘no’ over and over again.

“Zan?”

“No, no, no, no…”

“Zan?!” He looks like he’s having a mental breakdown. Tears roll down my face. “Zan, please. It’s me, Echo,” I beg.

Upon hearing my name, he lunges at me and as soon as my hand comes in contact with his chest, everything around me changes. I’m still in the sand but it looks more like an arena now. Shouting and cheering fills my ears, cries for blood and murder. Faceless figures beat against the top of the wall. Their heads are all facing one way and when I face that direction, I see something that makes my knees buckle.

Bodies litter the sand and at their center is Zan, bloodied and battle-scarred. Twin swords drip with blood, turning the beige sand crimson. Predatory eyes land on me as I approach and once I’m close enough, I see that the bodies are all versions of me. I stumble backward and trip on a mangled arm. Bile rises in my throat.

“Zan,” I choke. “What is this?”

“Stop,” he rasps slowly.

“Stop!” He repeats louder with a growl at the figures above us. But they aren’t there anymore. He turns back to me with a haunted look in his eyes.

“Babe, it’s me,” I try. He roars and throws his swords. I curl into a ball.

Heavy breaths fan across my skin. Hesitantly, I look up and find him standing above me.

“You look so real,” he whispers.

“I am real.” At this, he growls and flashes his fangs but I don’t flinch. “I’m me.”

He shakes his head, forehead creasing in frustration. “I want you to be real, more than anything. But you’re just another one of them. Another sadistic ruse created to mock me, remind me of all that I am and all that I can’t have. So tell me, what will it be this time? Tell me how I will take the life of the woman I love this time. Will I steal your breath when my lips touch yours? Will my claws sink into your soft flesh until you bleed out? Will you attack me until I’m forced to kill you? Or my personal favorite, will my fist rip the heart from your chest?” His voice cracks. “You are an echo, not my Echo,” he says, walking away.

My chest contracts at the pain in his voice. This is his fear. I get to my feet and try to follow him. “I am not another one of these things Zan. I am your Echo. You have to believe me, trust me.”

“Enough!” He roars, whipping around to face me. Tears fall from my eyes but I refuse to give up. I step forward and smash my lips into his. He trembles and growls, fighting it but I hold on.

“See me Azandum. You are not a monster and you will not hurt me. You said we’re in this together so I’m not going anywhere.” Large hands lift my face so that my eyes meet his. The rumbling purr starts in his chest; I smile.

“Echo,” he groans in solace before pulling me into a bone-crushing embrace. But it didn’t last long. The ground opens beneath me and I try to hold onto Zan, but he lets me go.

“Zan!” I scream, grasping at him. He walks away without a hint of remorse in his eyes. As I’m falling, the hole above me closes. I land on a cold floor. There’s complete darkness, no person in sight. I walk around in the vast space.

No light, no way out, no one to call on. I can’t even see my hand in front of me.

“Zan?” I call out anyway. The darkness swallows up my voice, leaving me with my thoughts. Not even my footfalls on the hard floor can be heard. Panic sets in and I find myself running in the darkness, desperately searching for something, anything.

But there is nothing. Endless darkness.

My breathing grows erratic as the reality of my situation sets in. I’m alone. Zan let me go. I can’t get stuck here! We were supposed to leave together. He was right there!

My knees connect with the floor. This cold, my only solid in the shadows. You’d think I’d be used to being alone, but no. This is different. This is a desolate, bleak emptiness. There is no life. A void of nothingness that sucks the esse out of all that you are. So, how long will I survive? Because there is no living here. The hole I fell through feels ages ago. Does time pass differently here too? No, there is no time. No past, no present, no future.

Perhaps I could rest here for a while? No pain, no suffering, no sorrow. The absence of life, light, and love. I can not mourn the man I loved once because there is no grief in this nullity.

I loved Zan.

The thought floats across my mind like a distant cloud. I remember clouds; they were pretty. Interestingly enough, it took the lack of anything for me to accept it. But that was another life, another me. I would say I hope she appreciates all that she has but hope does not exist in oblivion. My eyes drift closed as cold despondency takes up residence in my heart.