The Brightest Light of Sunshine

Having Cal stay at my childhood home, in the city I grew up in, and hanging out with my dads feels like a fever dream. In the best way possible, of course, but it’s still weird.

On the morning of New Year’s Eve, we drive downtown to show Cal some of the most popular tourist spots, and after lunch we browse every toy and book shop we can find.

Even though Cal has already given Maddie her Christmas presents—that enormous doll house she wanted so badly, some dolls to go with it, and her first pair of roller-skates—and I bought a couple of things for her as well, we spot the most adorable princess costume in one of the shops and we simply can’t not get it.

My dads don’t even try to hide their amusement as they watch Cal and I bicker back and forth over the princess costume at the quaint shop and I, for a moment, even forget we aren’t alone.

“She likes pink, we should get it in pink,” I tell Cal after the charming old lady helping us with our gift comes out of the back with not just one dress, but three. In different colors.

Cal frowns as he looks at the pink dress I hold in front of me, and then back at the purple one in his hands. The costume is tiny already, but in his massive paws it looks comically microscopic. “She has too much pink stuff, Grace. She’ll like the purple one just the same.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “The other day she said pink is her favorite color because it makes her feel like a princess. Do you want to be a shit brother, Cal?”

His lips twitch at that, and when one of my fathers coughs behind us, stifling a laugh, is when I remember we have an audience.

“I’m just saying, a purple dress won’t kill her,” he argues, eyeing the remaining dress neither of us even bothered to pick up. “What about the yellow one?”

“Does she like yellow?” I ask.

“I think she likes every color.”

“But she likes pink the most.”

“And I like my sanity the most, so let’s just agree on one and leave.”

Another laugh behind us. I sigh perhaps a tad too dramatically and turn to my dads, “You choose the damn dress.”

Daddy smirks. “I like blue. Don’t they have a blue one?” he asks, knowing damn well blue isn’t a choice.

I groan and turn back to my boyfriend. “All right, enough. Close your eyes.” When he does, I hold all three dresses in my arms. “No peeking. Reach out with your hand and we’ll buy the one you touch. No backing down.”

“Works for me.” He wraps his fingers around one of the dresses. “Which one is it?”

I look down. “Yellow.”

He opens his eyes again and we look at each other with a mixture of amusement and doubt. “Do you think she’ll hate us forever if we don’t get her the pink one?” I whisper, lips twitching.

“Nah, let’s go for this one. It’s a very… sunshiny color.” He smirks, grabbing the yellow dress and placing it on the counter.

Once the lady with the patience of a saint comes back—we’ve been looking at those dresses for nearly twenty minutes—, she folds our yellow costume neatly and wraps it in the cutest wrapping paper with little penguins on it. As Cal takes the bag and we say goodbye, the woman’s parting words make me want to crawl into a hole and die.

“Thank you for your purchase! Your daughter will look adorable in that dress!”

Again?!

That is the second time someone mistakes Maddie for our daughter, and while I don’t care that much about it, the fact that it happens right in front of my dads is absolutely mortifying even if they don’t comment on it.

Now, a few hours later and back at home, they are getting ready to go to their friends’ house for a New Year’s party. Although they insist we can tag along if we want, I tell them we already have plans. Plans Cal has no idea about.

“We’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Daddy kisses my cheek while Dad waits at the door, bottle of wine in hand. “Have fun, and Happy New Year.”

The moment the front door closes behind my dads, Cal throws me over a shoulder and smacks my butt. “God, I’ve been waiting to do that for so long.”

I burst out laughing as he lets himself fall on the couch and pulls me onto his lap. “Did you have fun today? I’m sorry they tagged along, I haven’t seen them in a while and…”

“Hey, don’t apologize.” He kisses my forehead. “I didn’t mind at all. Your dads are dope. I think they might like me and everything.”

I roll my eyes. “Please, they adore you. I swear they talked to you more than they talked to me.” I chuckle, thinking about their super serious, super long conversation about lawyers and tattoos in the car earlier. “And Dad likes you too, believe me. He’s just more reserved.”

He looks doubtful. “You think?”

“Absolutely.” I reassure him with a kiss just for good measure. Glancing at the clock in the kitchen wall, I tell him, “Time to get ready for my surprise. And you’d better look sexy or else.”

“Or else…”

“I won’t eat you for dessert.”

Cal buries his face in my neck and starts blowing raspberries on my skin. I squeal loudly, trying to get out of his grip, but he doesn’t bulge. He lays me on my back and climbs on top of me, now tickling my sides, and suddenly I can barely breathe.

And it’s not from laughter.

The walls start closing in on me. His weight, always so warm and welcoming, now feels like a crushing rock. I stop laughing and squealing, my hands anchoring my body to his arms when my mind starts drifting far away.

“Grace?”

I’m not sure if that’s his voice or just a product of my imagination.

My eyes are wide open, yet I can’t see a thing.

Nothing beyond the feeling of feeling trapped, of someone much stronger overpowering me, submitting me, while I just lay there unable to save myself.

“Grace.”

Two heavy hands are holding my head now, and my eyes are looking right into dark irises. But my brain doesn’t respond, and my throat is dry, incapable of uttering a single word—

“Hey, it’s all right. You’re safe. Come back to me, my love.”

I blink once, twice, and the walls go back to their usual spot.

“C-Cal?”

When my sight finally focuses, I’m met with my boyfriend’s distraught face. “Where did you go, sunshine?” I blink again and a single tear falls. “Talk to me, please.”

“I got overwhelmed,” I blurt out as another tear rolls down my cheek, and then another. “I’m s-sorry.”

“I’m sorry. Was it because I tickled you?” He looks so distressed, his whole face masked in panic, that I almost don’t tell him.

But this is Cal. He’s my best friend, my boyfriend, my future, and I can’t keep this stuff from him. So, slowly, I manage to nod. “I couldn’t breathe properly and… and your body crushed me and… I’m sorry Cal, this has nothing to do with you. I don’t want you to feel bad.”

He sits back on the couch with pursed lips before he says, “Of course it has to do with me, I was the one causing you distress.”

“No, hey, look at me.” I shift closer and grab his hand in mine. “No matter who had done that to me, I would’ve freaked out. Aaron, Em, you… It wouldn’t have made a difference, okay? I love you, Cal. I promise I’m okay. It was just a momentary thing.”

I don’t want to ruin our trip over this, over something I know is not his fault. “I didn’t even know tickles triggered me,” I admit. “But now that I do, we’ll work on it like we do with everything else. Okay?”

It takes him a few seconds, but eventually he gives me the tiniest of nods. “Okay. I love you too.”

I wrap my arms around him and give the rose on his neck a kiss “Come on, handsome, let’s get ready.”

***

An hour later, I think most of the tension has dissipated from Cal’s body. The remaining one… Well, I hope I can make it go away with my surprise.

It’s nothing special, but I think he’ll like it anyway.

Once I finish curling my hair, I emerge from the bathroom and go back to my room where Cal is waiting for me. He’s sitting on the bed, looking at something on his phone, but when his eyes move up to me and he takes in what I’m wearing his mouth literally falls open.

Ever since my assault, I’ve avoided wearing tight, revealing clothes that would make me look sexy for fear of being sexualized. And while I know clothes aren’t to blame for something like what happened to me, I just couldn’t stand drawing men’s attention in any way.

With Cal, though, everything’s different.

When I put on this short, thin-strapped red dress that hugs all my curves I didn’t feel like a piece of meat—I felt sexy, yes, but also confident and excited about the ways he was going to worship my body while taking it off later.

Judging by the way he’s devouring me with his eyes, I know my fantasies aren’t far-fetched at all.

“Fucking hell, sunshine. You look breathtaking.”

I lick my lips. “So do you.”

And he does, all right. He’s wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his tattooed forearms, and my core clenches involuntarily. With his dress pants and fancy shoes, he really is a sight to behold.

I almost feel bad for what I’m about to tell him.

“I, um.” I walk towards him until his hands are on my hips and I’m standing between his legs. “I called a few restaurants after I scheduled our flight, but they were all booked, so… We aren’t going out tonight.”

His thumbs move in circles against my ribs. “Why the fancy outfits, then?”

I bite my lip, guilt written all over my face. “I kind of wanted to see you looking like a walking Armani ad.”

Cal blinks, and then he throws his head back and explodes with laughter. “Are you for real right now?”

“Yeah?” My hand finds the rose tattoo on his neck and caresses it softly. “I mean, I also wanted this to be kind of a fancy date even though we’ll stay at home.”

He smiles. “It’s all worth it, since I get to see you looking like an angel.”

“My dress is red, though. Don’t you think it makes me look a little devilish instead?”

His grip on my hips tightens and he pulls me closer. “You’re right. You look like my favorite sin tonight.”

I never thought I would want to climb a man like a tree and put him in my mouth, in my childhood bedroom of all places, but now I need that more than my next breath.

Nope. You can do that later, you filthy animal.

Forcing myself to snap out of my lust-filled craze, I take a step back. “Don’t make me ruin my lipstick before the night even starts.” He laughs. “Let’s go downstairs.”

In the kitchen, we grab some of Dad’s famous meat pie, a couple of slices of carrot cake and some baked along with two bottles of water and napkins.

After that, I take him to the small terrace in the attic where my dads keep a small table and two chairs. Luckily, they aren’t wet from the storm. Our terrace isn’t too big, but it couldn’t be cozier and overlooks the garden.

Once the food and drinks are safely on the table, I go back inside to grab some blankets. We both have our coats on, but my legs are bare, and I know how rough winter nights can get around here.

I glance at the time on my phone—less than an hour until midnight. Perfect.

“We’ll see the fireworks from here,” I tell Cal as we start our dinner.

“Wow.” His eyes widen as he bites into the meat pie. “This is good. Is it homemade?”

“Yep.” I grin proudly. “Dad made all of this. He’s quite the chef.”

“I can see that. Holy shit.”

“I’m glad you like it.” I hesitate as I take another bite of my own slice of pie. My heart races just thinking about it, but my lips move before I give myself enough time to think this through. “These are my comfort dishes, all three of them. They were all I would eat after my assault. I rarely had an appetite, but when Dad made any of these I just couldn’t resist.”

Cal kisses the side of my temple and I keep talking. “I would sit right here for hours and just read or watch movies, and I would always eat these three things. It was kind of a ritual, I guess. It felt safe and cozy. And I didn’t want to go outside, so being here allowed me to get some fresh air too.”

He’s moved his chair closer to mine, and I don’t notice until his arm comes around my shoulders. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” He kisses me again. “I love you, sunshine, but I also admire you more than you’ll ever know.”

His sweet words squeeze my heart and refuse to let it go. “I love and admire you too, you know? You’re the best big brother in the world, and the best boyfriend too.”

“I try.”

The sad way in which he says it has me turning my head and searching for his gaze. “Well, you are. You’re my rock, Cal, and Maddie looks at you like you could hand her the entire world on a silver platter, and I know you would. What’s going on in that worrisome head of yours, love?”

A tired sigh escapes his lips. “Same old, same old. I worry I’m not doing enough for my sister. That I can’t help you in the way you need.”

I put my food on the table, and he does the same. I place my hand against his freshly shaved cheek and turn his head towards me. “There will be hard times ahead, Cal, that’s just part of life. But you’re the most incredible, selfless, and caring man I could ever share mine with. I love you, and so does Maddie. That will never change no matter what happens.”

Boom.

A firework goes off in the distance, tinting the sky red. Cal’s eyes never once leave mine, looking right into my soul with a such a raw intensity it should feel overwhelming.

But all I feel is undying love for the man in front of me.

Another firework booms over our heads, its blue light illuminating Cal’s tanned skin. He swallows, I swallow, my words hanging between us until he speaks again and my world shifts.

“Marry me.”

Boom.

Was that another firework, or my heart?

My whole body starts shaking, and it’s not from the cold. “W-What? Now?”

His gentle hand cradles my face and I lean into his touch, seeking its comfort. “Now, next year, in five years… Whenever you wish, sunshine. Whether you want a big wedding or just the two of us, I don’t care. All I need is to know that one day you’ll be my wife and I’ll be your husband, because I can’t stomach the thought of a life without you, Grace. I want it all with you, everything, and I will wait an eternity for you if that’s what it takes to get our happy ending.”

Oh my god.

I’m not aware I’m crying until his thumb wipes away one of my tears. He presses a soft kiss to my lips before continuing. “I don’t have a ring on me right now,” he says almost sheepishly. I’m about to say I don’t care about that when he cuts me off with a knowing smirk. “You don’t care about that, I know. But I do. I want to make this right and I will one day. I’ll get on one knee and pop the question…”

“Yes.”

He blinks. “Yes?”

“I will marry you, Cal.”

“But I haven’t even gotten down on one knee…”

“I don’t care. When you do, my answer will be yes. A million times yes. Nothing would make me happier.”

Before I can take my next breath, Cal’s lips are on mine. Judging by the way he was looking at me, I expected him to devour me—instead, he holds me gently as his tongue meets mine, stroking it so softly it shatters all my inhibitions. Suddenly I’m sitting sideways on his lap, his hands firmly planted on the small of my back as I circle his neck with my arms, never wanting to let go.

More fireworks explode above our heads, mirroring what I’m feeling inside, but all my senses are focused on the raw emotions he’s drawing out from me. Pleasure, comfort, safety, love. It hits me then, like a brutal tidal wave, that the man holding and kissing me so tenderly right now is my future husband.

Holy shit.

A warm feeling blooms inside my chest, spreading a calm sense of pure bliss all over me. It feels like homecoming, like this is exactly where I’m meant to be. In Cal’s arms, now and always. In the arms of my future husband.

It’s not a realization I’m going to get used to quickly, that’s for sure.

To be honest, I’ve never cared that much about marriage. Unlike other little girls, I never dreamed of a fairytale wedding, nor did I have the perfect bridal dress designed to a tee in my mind.

Perhaps I never saw the point in such a thing because my dads hadn’t been able to get legally married until I was older, despite having been together for years. And when they finally tied the knot, it was just us three and our immediate family and closest friends. The ceremony was nothing too extravagant because they didn’t care about that.

It was my dads who taught me that marriage wasn’t the ultimate goal. Because when true love is right there, right at your fingertips and wrapping you in its sweet embrace, only your two souls matter. Only that unique, genuine, and everlasting connection.

But I want to marry Cal. Damn right, I do.

Not anytime soon, obviously, since this thing between us is still new although it feels like I’ve known him forever, but it feels right to have the reassurance that it will happen one day. That, someday, I’ll be able to call him my husband and I’ll be his wife.

And how crazy is that?

We pull away after what feels like hours, yet Cal’s lips don’t roam too far. He trails the goosebumps on my neck with open-mouthed, lazy kisses, and I throw my head back against his shoulder so he has better access. As I bask in the feeling of his hot mouth against my skin, the question is out of my lips before I can stop myself. “You said you wanted everything with me. What do you mean by that?”

He doesn’t answer right away. One of his big hands plays with the hem of my short dress under the blanket, driving me insane, and he continues to kiss my neck as if I’m not about to pass out from sheer desire until he finally says, “It means I’ll give you whatever you want, whenever you want, because I’ll do anything to protect the happiness shining on your face right now, sunshine.”

“What about what you want?” I ask quietly, the sweetness of his words clogging up my throat with raw emotions I’m not sure I’m even able to process right now.

“I want to marry you,” he says, giving me a single kiss behind my ear. “I want us to move in together after you finish college.” Another kiss as my breath hitches at his confession. “And some day, I would love to be a father.”

Yep, it’s official. I’m not breathing anymore.

How could I, when he’s doing wicked things to me while being such a sweetheart?

My mouth opens, but no words come out. I don’t even know where to start.

“Y-You want us to move in together?” Admittedly, the thought had crossed my mind more than once in the past few days, but knowing he shares the sentiment sends a hard jolt of electricity and hope through me.

He presses a kiss to my jaw. “I do. I’d love nothing else than to come home from work and find you there. You’re my safe haven, sunshine.”

“And you’re mine,” I whisper against his lips, tears threatening to spill. “I’ll need a new place to live after I graduate, so…”

Cal smiles against my neck. “We’ll talk about it again when the time comes, yeah?”

I nod, but I can’t get the second half of his confession out of my mind. My voice comes out in a shy whisper, “You want us to have a baby someday?”

He chuckles in such a low, manly way it makes my thighs clench. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

A deep blush spreads on my cheeks, and I’m grateful for the darkness that manages to conceal it. “I’m not surprised, I’m just… I don’t know, excited?”

He blinks. “Really?”

“Who sounds surprised now, huh?” I tease him.

He squeezes my hip. “Are you truly excited about having a baby with me?” There’s genuine amazement in his voice, making him sound vulnerable.

“Yes, really.” I press a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “You would be the most amazing dad, just like you’re the most amazing brother.”

“I love you.” His whisper sends a shiver down my spine. “You’re my everything, sunshine, and I can’t wait for the rest of our lives.”

He kisses me again, and our food ends up forgotten on the table. Fireworks go off outside, my quiet childhood street suddenly bustling with neighbors welcoming the New Year as I welcome each of his slow, passionate thrusts inside of me. Each gentle kiss, each deep moan.

And after our bodies tremble with pleasure and we come down our high together, Cal cocoons me in his big arms and a sense of safety and pure love wraps around me in a way that makes nothing else matter.

Looking back on that sweet moment, I realize there’s nothing that could’ve possibly prepared me for what would happen days later.