The Boy I Once Hated: Love & Hate Duet

Eighteen years old

My fingers run through Sky’s long brown hair as she lays her head on my lap and takes in the rays of sun shining down on her heart-shaped face. It’s one of those warm May afternoons, hinting that summer is fast approaching us. Instead of being excited that graduation is just around the corner, I wish I could freeze time and just stay with her like this. Just me and Sky, sprawled out onto a blanket near the old lighthouse on old man Winter’s land, situated on the highest cliff of the island, the sea breeze lightly kissing our cheeks and fanning our hair.

It’s been six months to the day that we’ve been together, and each day feels even more precious to me than the one before. But soon, lazy days like this one will all be over. I’ll have to start working on my father’s boat, and Sky will be busy with her community college classes, only coming home at night.

That’s okay.

At least the nights and weekends will be ours.

Working with my father doesn’t seem so bad to me anymore if I can come home to her.

Speaking of home, we should start packing up and getting back. The parentals still don’t know about us, but if we keep coming home around the same time after school, then they’ll start to connect the dots fast. And I’m not ready for my father to put a damper on our relationship. It’s perfect just the way it is.

“We should head back, little stalker. Pretty soon my dad will pick your mom up from the hospital, and we need to be home before they arrive.”

“I don’t want to,” she mumbles sluggishly, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Why don’t we stay here forever? We can live in the lighthouse and fish for our supper. We can just disappear and make a life here.”

I chuckle at how she snuggles into me, not wanting to end this perfect afternoon.

“As much as I would love nothing more than to shack up with you here, I think we could do a little better than a rickety old, abandoned lighthouse.”

Her eyelids slowly open to look up at me.

“Have you…have you thought about things like that? Us living together, I mean?” she asks nervously.

I nod with a smile, swiping the errant stands of her hair off her face.

“And what would that look like? Our home?” she asks expectantly, the silver hue in her eyes twinkling brightly.

“At first, we would probably live in a little apartment in town since we would only have my income to live off of. But after you graduated from college, and got a publishing deal, then we could buy something nicer. Maybe a house right at the beach so your office could face the ocean. It would feel like you were watching over me when I was off at sea.”

She closes her eyes, her smile stretching on her beautiful face.

“Tell me more,” she whispers, picturing the life we’re about to have.

“You’d write your heart out, creating magical worlds in that office, while I earned enough to buy the sailboat I always wanted. Once we could afford it, then we would pick up our things and sail the seven seas. I’m going to show you the world, little stalker. All of it. It will be our own little adventure. Something to help inspire your muse.”

She opens her eyes, the sadness coating them instantly making me frown.

“What’s wrong, baby? Don’t you like our life?”

“No. It’s not that.” She shakes her head. “I love it. All of it. But you know I’m scared of the water. No, not scared. I’m terrified of it.”

“Look at me, Sky,” I plead, raising her chin with my hand. “I’ll be there to protect you. No harm will ever come to you. Not as long as there is breath in my body. I promise you. I’ll keep you safe.”

She rises from my lap, only to push me down onto the blanket, her body covering mine. She stares into my eyes, and there is so much love in them, it takes all the air out of my lungs. I cup her cheeks as she continues to lovingly look at me.

“I can’t wait for our life to start,” she says whimsically.

“Ah, little stalker, it already has.”

The beaming smile that crests her face has my heart working double time. Never in a million years did I ever think I could love someone this much. That anyone would ever love me this much. As if sensing that I need to hear the words fall from her lips, she leans down until our mouths are just a hair’s breadth away from each other.

“I love you, Noah. I love you so much that sometimes I feel like my heart is going to fly away.”

I press my temple to hers and breathe her in.

“I’ll never let that happen. Your heart belongs to me now.”

“Promise?”

“Always. You have all my forevers, remember?”

She smiles and presses a kiss to my lips. Her sun-kissed lips are warm against mine, and all too soon I am swept away, needing to deepen our kiss. Unfortunately for me, Sky stops it, pulling away before I take her right here and now.

“Nuh-uh. We have to go home, remember? If we start fooling around now, then we’ll never make it back in time.”

“Fuck it,” I growl, pulling her back down to me so I can bite her long neck and then pepper it with kisses. “They’ll have to find out sooner or later. Might as well be today. That is after I’ve had my way with you.”

She laughs and then moans when my fingers start to play with her nipple.

“No, not yet. We planned to tell them after graduation, remember?” she says on a whisper, grinding her hot pussy on my already hard shaft.

“Nope. I don’t remember a damn thing. Not while that dripping cunt is begging me to fuck it.”

“Noah,” she sobs, rising just high enough to place her flat palms on my chest as she continues to rub herself against me.

My hands go to her thighs and raise her skirt, helping her keep to the languid tempo.

“Put me in your hand, baby,” I growl. “I need to feel you.”

She doesn’t even hesitate, pulling my zipper down and releasing my monstrous cock from its restraint. But instead of her letting me sink myself inside her like I want, the little vixen shimmies down my body and wraps those full lips around my cock.

“Fuck, baby. Just like that,” I praise, threading my fingers through her luscious hair.

Her tongue laps at the angry vein on the outside of my cock, before swallowing me whole again. She relaxes her throat, taking me all the way in, and when I feel the crown of my cock hitting her tonsils, I fucking lose my mind. I pull her up by the hair, making her release my cock. Her stunned expression lasts for a second before my hands grip her waist to seat her right where I want her.

“If I’m coming, it will be inside your greedy pussy, Sky,” I grunt, pushing her panties to the side and sinking my cock inside her in one violent thrust.

“Argh!” she wails, her head falling back, her hard nipples taunting me.

I slap her ass hard, waking her up from her momentary stupor.

“Ride me, Sky,” I order, my voice dropping an octave.

She snaps her head back, a wicked smile to her lips. And like the good girl she is, she starts to ride my cock to oblivion. Like this, fucking my girl raw, I never last too long. Ever since she’s gotten on the pill, condoms have become a thing of the past. There’s just something about having no barriers between us that heightens everything. It’s as close to heaven as I’ll ever get.

Sky continues to drop that perfect pussy on me like she’s been doing it all her life, clenching around my cock like she wants to keep it for herself.

Fuck. I’d give it to her with a damn bow on it if I could.

She already has my heart.

My soul.

My forevers.

My body doesn’t seem to compare in the mix of things I’ve already gift wrapped for her.

“Noah!” she cries, already at her precipice.

“I got you, baby. I got you,” I grunt, my fingers snaking away from her hip to fondle her clit.

On cue, Sky bursts into flames, screaming my name as she comes beautifully on top of me. Unable to hold on much longer, I thrust into her channel and come inside her while telling her how much I love her. How she is the only person I can’t live without. How she is the only thing that gives meaning to my life. After we’ve both touched nirvana with our fingertips, Sky falls limply on top of me, my arms instantly wrapping themselves around her.

But as this wondrous moment subsides, fear starts to creep up my skin, its ugly nails sinking into my heart, causing panic to chill my bones. The feeling is so overwhelming that Sky immediately picks up on it.

“Noah? What’s wrong?”

I stare at her flushed cheeks, how her silver eyes are still hooded from our lovemaking.

“Nothing, baby. Everything is perfect.”

Content with my answer, she snuggles back down to me and lets out an exhale.

“It really is, isn’t it?” She sighs, nestling her face into the crook of my neck.

I tighten my hold on her, unwilling to let her go.

Because if there is something I’ve learned in my young life, it’s that sometimes love isn’t enough to keep the ones you love most in your life.

They end up leaving, whether they want to or not.

Luckily, when we get home, neither my dad nor Sky’s mom have arrived yet. Not to raise any suspicion, Sky runs into the house while I go to the garage, pretending to fiddle with my bike, as if this is where I’ve been holed up all afternoon. With Daisy working at The Scarlet Letter Café, it’s been a lot easier for no one to keep tabs on me and Sky.

Still, we’ve been careful.

Like Sky, I’m not exactly excited about telling our parents that we’re in a relationship. Not that their disapproval will have us ending it, but I know how much Sky hates disappointing her mother. And dating her stepbrother will definitely be a fucking disappointment to Clara.

But then again, it’s not like Clara has much morality to say anything about it. She was fucking my dad when he was still married to my mom, after all. Not only that, but she was also my mom’s nurse, for Christ’s sake. She watched my mom slip away while secretly sneaking off with my father to do God knows what.

Yeah.

Clara and my dad can fuck off if they have anything negative to say about Sky and me being together. We love each other and like hell I’ll let two hypocrites like them taint our happiness in any way.

When I hear my father’s truck pull into the driveaway, I’m in such a foul mood, reminiscing on the past, that I don’t even acknowledge their arrival. Thankfully, my father doesn’t pop his head into the garage, preferring to go inside the house to get ready for dinner.

But to my dismay, Clara doesn’t follow him in. Instead, she walks into the garage, nervously looking around before she gets the courage to say why she came in here in the first place. Clara never comes into the garage when I’m here. She knows this is my sanctuary. My safe space. And her coming in here uninvited only serves to piss me off more.

When it’s obvious she won’t say anything before I do, I bite the bullet.

“Can I help you?” I ask, rubbing my hands on an old oil-stained rag.

Like Sky, Clara stalls for a bit until she finds her words.

“Has Sky or Daisy ever talked to you about their dad?”

My brow furrows at the question.

“Only that he’s a deadbeat and a waste of a human being.”

“Hmm,” she mumbles. “He wasn’t always like that. We were high school sweethearts. Did they ever tell you that?”

I shake my head.

“We were.” She thins her lips as if the memory holds no joy for her. “There was a time when Grant was the most charming man I had ever met. He still is in a way. Daisy takes a lot after him. They both have this way about them. They pull you in with their charisma and joie de vivre. When you’re young, that type of personality is exciting, thrilling even. You just want to bathe in their light.”

“Okay,” I grumble, wondering where she is going with this.

“But then life happens, and that same carefree attitude starts to wear you down. Especially when you have to put food on the table and have two infant girls needing you twenty-four seven. Grant didn’t take to fatherhood as well as he took to his late nights and parties. One of us had to be the adult, and we both started to resent each other for it.”

I let her go off on her tangent, not really understanding why she’s telling me all of this.

“It was one thing that drew me to your father. How he, too, had been high school sweethearts with your mom. But unlike Grant was with me, Curt was devoted to Annabelle. There was nothing he wouldn’t have done for her.”

The hair on the nape of my neck stands on end, hating how she has the nerve to speak about my mother. She lets out a trebling exhale but continues on with her rant.

“I know what you think of me. I know that you hate me just because you think I stole your father away from her. But I can tell you that was never the case. Cancer stole your mother from both of you,” she explains, her shoulders slumping. “I watched how your father would come to visit her every chance he got. How it broke him every time he saw her slip further from his fingers. He would come out of that hospital room looking like he had left a part of his heart inside of it. It still hurts him to think of her. There isn’t a day that he doesn’t suffer from the guilt that he could redo his life, when she wasn’t afforded the same luxury.”

I fist the rag in my hand, twisting it hard with each word she says.

“Sometimes when your mother was just too frail to have visitors, your father would stand outside her room and just watch her sleep. I would walk over to him and spark up a conversation, just so he wouldn’t feel so lost. Our friendship grew from there. And although it was never my intention, I found myself falling in love with him.”

My molars instantly grind at her admission.

“Yes, I know how it all sounds. Here I was falling head over heels for a man whose wife was still trying to hold on to the life she had. I live with the shame of it every day. Worse still is that I know there is a part of your father’s heart that will never be mine. It will always belong to Annabelle. But maybe it’s because I know he loved her so fiercely that I was able to fall in love with him too. Maybe it even made me love him more.” She shrugs sheepishly. “I always thought my feelings were one-sided, though. I never acted on them. But then a few months went by after your mother passed and I honestly thought that would be the end of it. That I would never see your father again and he would never know that I had fallen for him. Imagine my surprise when Curt showed up at the hospital, asking me if it would be okay if he could take me out for coffee. Maybe I should have said no and waited for him to mourn your mom longer, but then again, he’d been mourning her since the cancer sneaked its way into your lives years prior to that.”

Her crestfallen expression has my head lowering away from her, unable to see the deep-seated turmoil and guilt in her gaze.

“So I accepted his offer for a coffee date, and well, coffee led to lunch dates, then dinner dates, and eventually marriage, as you well know.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” I mumble through gritted teeth.

“Because I need you to understand that sometimes we can’t help but to fall in love with the last person we should. That even though the odds were stacked up against us, your father and I did fall in love. Deeply and wholeheartedly in love.” The sad smile that tugs at her lips has me paralyzed to the spot as she slowly breaches the gap between us. “And because, Noah, I believe you love my daughter just as much.”

When my eyes widen in alarm, she raises her hands in a white flag gesture and takes a step closer to me.

“I’m not here to chastise you for it. Or reprimand you for keeping such a secret from us. In fact, I’m praying that your feelings for Sky are as true as they appear to be.”

My jaw tics but I refuse to say anything in return. When she realizes she won’t get a confession out of me that easily, she inches even closer to me, a timid smile to her face.

“I can’t blame you for falling in love with her. My Skylar is special. So very special. It hurts me sometimes that she doesn’t see just how special she is,” she laments. “But something tells me that you see it. You see all the potential my baby girl has. Don’t you, Noah?”

On reflex, I nod.

How could I not?

Sky is everything to me.

I’ve never met a girl like her, and I doubt I ever will.

“That’s what I thought.” She smiles, but it’s the sadness in her tone that raises my hackles. My heart drums madly, my hands wringing the cloth in between them as I wait for Clara just to come out and say what she came here to say.

“But we aren’t the only ones who know how amazing our girl is. Did you know Sky got accepted to start Dartmouth in the fall? That she got a full ride to attend their creative writing program, one that covers her full tuition and board?”

My heart drops.

When I shake my head, Clara sighs.

“Don’t be upset with her. She didn’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t have found out about it either if the school hadn’t reached out to me directly. Apparently, they had been trying to convince her to defer her grant for a year, instead of turning them down completely.”

“She told me she didn’t get in. That she had to go to the community college in Falmouth because we didn’t have the money to send her to a good college,” I croak out, trying to assimilate this bombshell.

“It’s true,” Clara explains calmly. “We could never afford to send her to a fancy university like that. You, above everyone in this house, know our financial circumstances. But, Noah, didn’t it ever occur to you that Sky had the grades and potential to go to Dartmouth on her own merit?”

I try to recollect all the classes we had together in the past and remember that Sky never so much as got a grade lower than an A. Fuck! Why did I accept her story about not getting a grant so easily?

Because you wanted to believe it.

Because it was easier to live in your bubble and cast out anything that could take her from you.

My head snaps toward Clara when she places a light hand on my trembling shoulder.

“None of this is your fault, Noah. None of it. My daughter made her decision. One ruled by love. Please don’t be cross with her.” My forehead creases further in confusion when she pulls her hand away, hope plastered all over her face. “She’s made her choice, Noah. But now I think it’s time you made yours.”

“I don’t understand. What do you want me to do?”

Her sad eyes pierce a hole right through my heart.

“Do you love my daughter?” she asks outright.

“More than my own life,” I retort without missing a beat.

“Then give her the future she deserves. Give her the opportunity to be the woman she was always meant to be.”

My eyes start to sting at the corners, my heart shriveling inside me, finally understanding the underlying meaning of this unexpected heart to heart.

“What if I can’t?”

Clara looks me in the eye, her own tears starting to shine through.

“Like I tried to explain earlier, love is never easy, Noah. It’s complicated and messy. I’m so sorry, sweetheart, that you even have to make such a decision. It hurts me to know that my baby girl will suffer immensely if you do. That you will suffer, too. But love isn’t selfish, Noah. But most importantly, true love will always find a way. Have faith that if it’s meant to be between you two, then it will. Unfortunately, that’s the only comfort I can give you. I know it’s not much of one, but I’ll be here with you. I’ll be right here with you.”

I don’t know why I do it, but I fall into her embrace, Clara’s body shaking as profusely as mine.

“I can’t give her up. I just can’t,” I cry into her shoulder.

“Shh, sweet boy. Shh.” She sobs, running her fingers through my hair. “You have grown up to be this amazing young man. I’m so proud of you, Noah. I know whatever decision you make will be the right one. I truly believe that.”

I pull away from her grasp and wipe my tears with my forearm.

“How?” I hiccup. “She’ll never go if I ask her to. Sky is stubborn. So fucking stubborn.”

Clara’s eyes are red with grief, mimicking how I feel inside.

“You’ll find a way to convince her. She’ll listen to you. She’ll listen to her heart.”

I lean my head on her shoulder again, playing Clara’s words in my mind in a vicious loop.

There’s only one way to ensure that Sky will listen to her heart.

And that is if it’s broken.