The Boy I Once Hated: Love & Hate Duet

Eighteen years old

Sunlight streams in from the window. I open my eyes blearily, pausing when I feel something heavy laying across my waist. It takes a moment for everything to come back. The reality of what happened last night.

I gave my virginity to my stepbrother.

Turning my head, I stare at Noah who’s sharing my pillow. His breath is coming out in gentle puffs.

It’s amazing how he resembles a sleeping angel; none of the chaos and angst that follows him during the day can be seen.

I feel a little bit like a creeper as I watch him sleep. I think a part of me was sure that he would be gone this morning. Just as he’s done any other time we’ve gotten close.

I’m glad he’s here though, because I think his absence would have broken my heart far worse than all the other times he disappeared on me.

A part of me still dreads when he wakes up though. Will he open his eyes and immediately regret everything that happened?

I analyze myself, trying to see if I feel any regret, but there’s none to be found. My insides are a little bit achy, but I feel…alive. I think some of the wildness in Noah leaked out and has seeped inside of me.

Noah’s eyes slowly blink open, and he stiffens for a moment when our eyes connect. But then I watch as he relaxes, a small smile spreading across his lips.

‘You are a little stalker, aren’t you?’ he rasps in a sexy voice.

I roll my eyes and flush.

‘You were watching me sleep, weren’t you?’ he teases.

I wrinkle my nose at him and I get a little lost in the chaotic blue of his eyes.

His arm that was wrapped around me pulls me closer to him until I’m pressed up against his chest and I can feel his hardening length. ‘That’s okay, Sky, I watched you sleep last night for hours.’

His words give me butterflies, not that they’re anything special. I’m just feeling so much relief that he’s not running, that I think he could say anything at the moment and I would like it.

‘How are you feeling?’ he suddenly asks in a more serious voice.

I flush deeper, just thinking about everything he did to me, three times, last night.

‘A little sore,’ I admit, and he reaches up his other hand between us and softly runs it across my collarbone, goosebumps emanating from his touch.

‘That’s too bad. Now that I’ve gotten a taste, I just want more.’ He presses against me more and slides a soft kiss across my lips.

Suddenly there’s a loud bang coming from down the hall. We both stiffen, and that’s enough of a reminder of the fact that other people live in the house to get me jumping out of the bed, pulling on some clothes.

Noah looks completely unworried. He puts a hand under his head and props himself up as he watches me get dressed.

“You don’t think Mom and Dad will approve of what we got up to last night?’ he teases.

‘Don’t call them that,’ I say, wrinkling my nose again. ‘At least not when you’re naked in bed and they’re down the hall.’

Noah gives me his trademark lazy smile, and like every time I’m with him, I wish I was a photographer and could actually take a good picture. And he wouldn’t think I was weird if I spent all my time taking his picture.

I’m sure if I grabbed my phone right now, and started snapping, he’d run from the room.

‘We need to get out of here,’ Noah says when we hear a pot slamming.

‘Got any plans today?’ he asks, finally sliding out of bed and grabbing his briefs to pull on.

I don’t have any plans, other than writing. This was interesting territory to maneuver. Normally, I wouldn’t want anyone to hear that I planned on spending the weekend alone in my room, but considering that Noah has been living with me for these last couple of years, he’s already quite aware of my hermit habits.

Just as I had that thought, his grin widens. ‘You were going to spend the day in your room, weren’t you?’

“No?’ I squeak, although it ends up coming out more as a question than a response.

He steps forward and pulls me against him, his hands sliding up to cradle my face in the way that I love, his thumb softly stroking my cheeks.

‘Do you think I can convince you to leave your room today, and instead spend the day with me?’

What Noah doesn’t know is that I’m already at the point where I think I’d do anything for him. A dangerous place to be for sure with a boy like Noah, with heartbreak written all over him.

Even if Noah wasn’t my stepbrother, I would be scared of the strength of my feelings for him.

But I can’t help it.

‘What do you have in mind?’ I asked roughly.

‘It’s a surprise,” he drawls, moving away and grabbing the pants and shirt he’d discarded last night.

It’s amazing that he almost looks as sexy getting dressed as he did getting undressed.

It’s also ridiculous how much I miss the heat of his touch. I’d agree to go with him today just so we don’t have to worry about prying eyes. I may be sore, but I can’t wait to be with him again.

‘Meet me out there for breakfast in a few minutes,’ he tells me as he silently opens my door and peeks out into the hallway. The coast must be clear because he slides out of the room a second later, disappearing from sight. Staring around his room, it’s amazing how empty it feels without him in here. I usually like to be alone, but that doesn’t extend to Noah. I’m not sure that I could ever get tired of being with him.

‘You’re a stupid girl,’ I whisper to myself.

A couple of minutes later though, I leave the room, ignoring the feeling inside of me that I’m heading down a road I’m going to regret. Noah is already in the kitchen, munching away on a piece of toast while my exhausted looking mother tries to ask him some questions. She’ll need to sleep for a few hours after having the night shift, but growing up, she would always try to spend at least thirty minutes with us in the morning after a shift before she went to bed.

‘Good morning, sweetheart,’ she says with a soft smile when I enter the kitchen. A small flicker of guilt splashes around in my chest at what we’d done while she was gone, but I push it away.

‘How was your shift?’ I ask, proud that my voice sounds so light.

I’m really glad that Daisy isn’t here right now. Fooling my mother is easy since she’s never been one to look too far below the surface. Fooling Daisy though? Not so much. Daisy would’ve taken one look at me and most likely immediately known what we’d done last night.

‘It wasn’t too bad. A couple of emergencies came in the door, but nothing too crazy.’ She lets out a long drained sigh, and takes another sip of the water in her hand before setting it down. ‘I’m sorry, Sky. I’m exhausted. I’m going to have to hit the hay.’ She walks towards me and brushes a kiss against my forehead as my eyes meet Noah’s over her shoulder. ‘Any big plans today?’ she asks.

‘Mmmh, I’m not sure yet. I may hang out with Noah for a little while.’ My mother rears back at that, trying to hide the surprise on her face.

‘That’ll be nice,’ she says. ‘The two of you don’t spend that much time together.”

I nod, hoping I look nonchalant. She searches my face for a minute, and fear churns in my veins that maybe she’ll see right through me.

But again, she doesn’t look that close, and she just brushes another kiss across my forehead before walking upstairs to her bedroom.

Noah slides the plate next to him towards me. There’s a perfectly buttered piece of toast there, with cinnamon sugar sprinkled on it. It’s my favorite thing to eat in the morning. It shouldn’t make the butterflies grow, him making me toast how I like it, but it speaks to the fact that maybe he’s been watching me all these years, just as closely as I’ve been watching him.

Noah grins knowingly, like he can read the thoughts going through my head right then.

‘Eat your breakfast, little stalker. And then we’ll get going.’

I pick up the toast and bite into it, feeling like a lovestruck fool because I swear it tastes better just knowing he made it for me.

After I swallow, I set it down and ask, ‘Are you going to tell me yet what we’re doing today?’

‘Nope, it’s still a surprise.’

We finish breakfast in companionable silence, and I go back to my room to get a quick shower and get dressed for today’s outing. Before I leave, I grab some sunscreen and my phone, because those are the only things he’s told me to get.

Looking freshly showered himself, Noah has on a beat up hat backwards covering his head when I walk back in the living room. He’s lounging in a chair, playing some video game on his phone.

He glances up when I walk in. ‘Ready to go?’ he asks.

I nod, feeling shy for some reason. I find myself wishing that he’d taken my hand. Instead of wallowing in that though, I just follow him outside where his most prized possession is propped in the driveway. I look around for his father’s truck, thinking we’ll be borrowing it, but the Noah surprises me by walking over to the bike instead. He grabs the helmets seated on top, two helmets where I’ve only ever seen him with one.

‘Are we riding that?’ I ask, a slight tremble in my voice.

“I would have thought my intention obvious.” He smirks.

I bite my lower lip, looking at the deathtrap he wants me to mount.

‘Come on, Sky, live a little,’ he mocks.

‘Remind me again why I gave you my virginity last night?’ I gripe as I head towards the bike. “It’s obvious you want to kill me today.”

He pulls the helmet onto my head and leans forward, close enough that I’m looking to the side of me, sure that someone we know is going to pop out of the woodwork at any moment and catch us.

“No one is dying today,” he assures. ‘And you slept with me because you knew I’m a god in the sack, baby,” he teases playfully.

“Modest, too.” I scoff, but don’t say the contrary.

Not that I have a lot of experience…but, I’m thinking as far as first times go, I’m a very lucky girl.

He hops onto the bike and pats his seat behind him. ‘Come on, little stalker. Don’t get scared on me now.’

Taking a deep breath, I slide onto the bike behind him. In my books, the heroines are always fearless and brave, but I’m pretty sure I write them that way because they’re the exact opposite of me. Living vicariously through them is all the bravery I can muster.

My dad had a motorcycle while we were growing up. But he never let us ride on it with him. Not that we really ever wanted to. His bike came to symbolize something bad for my sister and me. It was what took him out to the bars whenever he and Mom would get in a fight. It was also what he drove back home in the morning, smelling of cheap perfume and whiskey.

I try to push some of the memories out of my head as I wrap my arms loosely around Noah’s waist.

‘You have to hold on tighter than that,’ he yells to me as he starts the bike, and I squeeze him tighter, pressing my body against his and feeling the vibration of the bike between my legs.

Hmmm… Maybe it won’t be so hard to replace those bad memories after all.