The Boy I Once Hated: Love & Hate Duet

Seventeen years old

I‘m determined to be a new girl when I return to school the following week. I hold my head high as I walk through the halls, ignoring the whispers around me. None of them are about me ducking out early on Friday. Obviously, you would have to care to notice that. Everyone’s still far more interested in all the rumors floating around about me and my stepbrother.

I walk into English and see Kyle sitting there, doodling on a notepad.

‘Hi,’ I say brightly, or as brightly as I’m capable of. His head shoots up and he stares at me, confused, something I don’t blame him for.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever actually initiated a conversation between the two of us as of late. I’ve always made him talk to me first.

‘Hi,’ he says carefully. ‘How was your weekend?’

‘Not bad,’ I lie. ‘Yours?’

It’s really impressive how bad I am at this—small talk and all of that. But he doesn’t seem to notice that.

He takes a deep breath and leans forward. “There’s a party after my basketball game on Friday. Would you want to come with me… And maybe watch the game beforehand?’

“No,” is on the tip of my tongue, because there’s very little that I would want to do less.

But last Friday’s lessons are buzzing around my head, and I know what my answer has to be.

‘Sounds good,’ I say casually as the teacher stands up to take roll.

Kyle pretends to almost fall out of his seat, catching himself on the edge of his desk. ‘I’m sorry, did you say…yes to me?’ he teases.

I roll my eyes. ‘Don’t push your luck,’ I flirt, butterflies zinging around inside of me not because of any emotions he’s making me feel, but because I’m impressed…with myself.

‘It’s a date.’

The butterflies flare up at the word ‘date’, but if I’m going to go out with anyone, it’s going to be him. For some reason, this handsome, popular guy hasn’t joined the ranks of the students in this school desperate to make my life hell. And he’s actually stuck up for me a few times.

It’s not the worst I could do.

‘It’s a date,’ I repeat, ignoring the huge smile that blossoms on his face.

Friday night’s social event hangs over my head for the rest of the week. Daisy’s absolutely over the moon that I’m going to the game and the after party as she’s already made plans to be there.

Although I’m supposed to be grounded, Daisy convinces our mom that this is what I need, using the ‘bullying story’ to wheedle her into letting me get out of the house, even though my mother’s doing her best to ignore the reality of it. I think her letting me go also has a lot to do with what Daisy accused her of. Guilt has a way of making my mother more lenient it seems.

But while my mother is all too happy to sweep things under the rug, Daisy isn’t as forgiving.

She’s tried numerous times to coax the truth out of what really happened last Friday, but so far I’ve managed to evade her probing questions. So even though it must drive her mad, we still haven’t had the talk on why I just packed up my stuff and got on the first ferry out of Thatcher’s Bay. And if I have it my way, we never will. Admitting to Daisy how low I actually was that day will only serve as a reminder of how dark my thoughts can take me. I don’t ever want to go there again. Not if I can help it.

‘You can sit with me for the game and then go with Kyle to the after party. And I can save you the second you say so,’ Daisy promises, obviously still concerned.

I nod determinedly, keeping my mind away from what happened at the last party I attended. At least I know I’m never going to repeat that particular mistake again.

It’s Friday and Kyle’s followed me down the hallway after class. As we pass Noah, he slips his arm around my shoulder. I stiffen and do my best not to give him the side eye. This is what I want, right?

It’s healthy to have relationships.

But even as I think it, my gaze flicks to Noah who’s leaning back against the lockers, his eyes locked on me as his band of admirers hover around him like flies around spoiling meat.

I tear my gaze from his and turn and flash Kyle a smile.

“So…I may have another request, just because I can’t help but push my luck,” he says, nerves evident in his voice.

It’s that sound that finally allows me to relax.

Assholes don’t get nervous…right?

“What’s that?”

“I have an extra jersey with my number on it…think I could get you to wear it for the game?” he asks hopefully.

It is too much, but I find myself saying yes, especially when Stacy walks by, hitting my shoulder as she passes.

And that’s how I end up here, sitting in the stands with a giant number twenty-two on my jersey while the raucous crowd around me screams and cheers for my date.

“Isn’t this great?” yells Daisy, trying to be heard over the crowd.

“Yeah. Great,” I respond, attempting to not sound too sarcastic.

What is wrong with me?

I mean, I know I’m different. But there just has to be someone else in this school that has the overwhelming desire to stay home and curl up in a comfy armchair with a book instead of being at a high school basketball game, cheering on a bunch of jocks?

The crowd cheers when Kyle makes another basket and this time, he points to where I’m sitting, like he’s dedicating the score to me. Even though it’s a sweet gesture, I can’t help but wish I was anywhere else than here. Still, I plant a fake smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

As the game continues, one thing becomes crystal clear.

The school loves Kyle.

I’ve learned that the school’s basketball team is kind of a big deal. We suck at football, but the basketball team can actually hold its weight against the bigger schools on the mainland. And with Kyle on our team, there is no question that we’re winning tonight.

When the other team gets the ball and makes their way to the other side of the court, I decide now is the perfect time for a little break. .

‘I’m going to go get a Diet Coke,’ I say to Daisy.

She nods, even though I’m not sure she actually heard me, too consumed with watching the game play out. I stand up and start to make my way down the steps, praying that I don’t trip and give the school another thing to talk about.

It’s much quieter in the hallway, and I let out a sigh of relief that I can enjoy some peace and quiet. I decide to go to the bathroom before I find the concession stand, but the line for the main ladies room is thirty people long… And I suddenly really need to pee.

I decide to try the one farther down the hallway, on the other side of the gym, even though the lights aren’t on over there. I can still hear the faint roar of the crowd, but it is a bit creepy walking down the empty dark hallway.

A girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do though.

I walk into the empty bathroom and choose a stall to use. I’ve just begun to pee when I think I hear the main door open, another smart person deciding to avoid the line.

After I flush and open up the door…I realize it’s not another girl that’s come in.

It’s Noah.

He smirks at the obvious shock on my face, but I quickly recover and try to look nonchalant as I walk to the sink to wash my hands.

‘I wasn’t aware that you’re a lady, Noah, although I guess you do have a penchant for visiting our bathrooms.’ I’m referring of course to the memorable bathroom experience with our waitress when our parents got married.

He’s leaning against the wall, his arms crossed in front of his chest, a tendril of golden hair falling in his face. He’s of course not wearing a school T-shirt, because he’s far too cool for that. Instead, his tight black shirt is stretched across a chest that seems to have bulked up over the last year.

He’s gorgeous, and the scowl on his face only adds to the yearning in my chest, because I’m nothing if not a masochist.

I dry my hands and move towards the door, but I’m stopped with a single word from his lips.

‘Skylar,’ he purrs, and it’s amazing how he can make my name sound so dangerous.

I slowly turn towards him, anticipation and dread singing through my veins. It feels like even though he’s hell-bent on destroying me, he’s also giving me life. Evidently, the pain of our interactions is what I need to keep going.

‘Noah,’ I respond breathily.

He moves forward, his movements smooth and almost sensual as he stalks towards me. I can’t help but back up, until I’m pressed against the cold tile wall as he hovers over me.

‘This seems to be a thing for you, pushing me up against walls,’ I say softly, even as my chest rises and falls with a staccato breath.

‘What’s your plan, little stalker?’

‘My plan…?’ I ask, confused.

‘You going to pretend to cheer for him throughout the entire game? Then when you go to his big mansion for the after party, are you going to hang on his arm like you actually give a shit?’

My eyes widen. ‘I—’

‘You what? Are you going to let him take you upstairs to his room?’ he asks, and I realize how close he’s gotten to me. Every time I breathe, my breasts rub against him. He has one hand against the wall above my head, and his other one is by my waist, effectively caging me in.

‘I’m going to leave now,’ I tell him, wishing that the words came out resolute instead of so breathy.

His hand moves from the wall to my waist, slipping under Kyle’s jersey and softly tracing my skin.

‘What are you doing?’ I whisper. His eyes are fastened on my face, his expression almost…puzzled. Like he’s not quite sure what he’s doing right now. His fingers slide past the waistband of my leggings, and then under the top of my underwear.

‘Noah–’

I shiver when his lips brush against my ear, but at least I’ve escaped his far too intense gaze.

‘Are you going to let him touch you like this, to feel how soft and smooth your skin is?’ He says the words as his fingers push farther down, until he’s tracing the crease between my leg and my core.

‘Do you think he’ll know what he’s doing when he gets his hand down here? Or do you think he’ll fumble around like it’s his first time because he’s a selfish prick who’s never bothered to learn what gets a girl off?’

‘Selfish prick,’ I laugh softly, ‘that’s rich coming from you.’

I squeak as his fingertips are suddenly brushing through my embarrassingly wet folds.

‘Do you think you’ll be this wet for him? Or will you have to think of me the whole time and fake getting off?’ His thumb finds my sweet spot and he presses firmly down, pleasure building up inside of me as he does so. It’s not even just his touch that’s doing it, although that’s obviously helping. It’s him. The way he’s completely enveloped my body. It’s the smell of his musk, how every time he talks, the tip of his tongue brushes against my ear.

Like everything about him was designed to make me want him. He’s my foil. The enemy of my story that at the same time feels like my other half.

His thumb is lazy as he takes his time circling my clit, adjusting where and how he presses depending on the sound of my breath.

There’s a sudden scream in the hallway and I jerk, my head banging into the wall behind me. Noah takes his time pulling his hand from my pants. My insides are on fire, everything inside of me begging that he finish the job.

My pride won’t let that happen though. I stare at him in shock as he slips two fingers into his mouth and slowly savors my taste, groaning softly like it’s his favorite thing.

“Have a fun rest of the night,” he says with a wink as he strolls towards the door, whistling a song that will either play in my nightmares…or my darkest fantasies.

I’m a mess as I watch the door swing closed behind him.

I go back to the gym as if I’m in a trance. Daisy searches my face when I sit down. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks, concerned.

“Nothing,” I quickly reply, and she studies my face, looking for the cracks that will tell her what I’m hiding.

I turn to the game, ignoring her eyes boring into the side of my head. I let out a sigh of relief when one of her friends finally manages to pull her attention away from me.

Just like he predicted, it feels like another person who cheers for Kyle for the rest of the game.

It feels like another person who lets Kyle hold her in his arms.

It feels like another person who goes to the party and tries to smile.

And it feels like another person who kisses Kyle in a dark hallway while loud music blares around us.

Because I don’t feel a thing.

Just like he knew I wouldn’t.