The Book of Azrael (Gods & Monsters 1)

“THIS PLAN IS HORRIFIC,” I said to Drake who sat on one of the nearby couches. We were upstairs in one of Ethan’s old offices. There was a large painting of an elegantly dressed couple over a massive fireplace. Chairs and couches offered plenty of seating options and bookcases lined the walls. His large desk was cluttered with papers and scrolls that we had studied the last few days, looking for something, anything that could help us defeat Kaden.

The room was dimly lit, the only light we had turned on was the small one on the desk. I leaned against the fireplace, calling silvery flames to my hand before smothering them in my fist. The light flickered as I borrowed the energy from it to create the fire. I used to do similar tasks when I was young as a way to calm my nerves. Plus, it was like everything else, a distraction from what I really wanted. 

‘It will work. Trust me.’

I did not turn to him as I made a noise low in my throat.

Drake’s shadow took up the space near me. ‘You really don’t like me, do you?’

‘Should I?’

‘What’s your problem? Besides the fact that you hate all Otherworld creatures.’

‘I do not hate all Otherworld creatures. That is yet another story fabricated in the minds of all who do not know me.’

He scoffed, folding his arms. ‘My apologies, my king, but how many have you slaughtered? How many died before the realms were sealed?’

I could see in the reflection of his eyes that mine had started to glow silver. I was so sick of my history getting thrown back into my face by those who knew nothing of what had happened or what I’d had to become. ‘You know nothing about me.’

‘Oh, so it’s because of Dianna then. Are you threatened by me?’

‘I do not like the way you speak to her at times, but threatened? Never. I have known many men like you.’ I paused and lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug. ‘Gods, I used to be one. A simple flick of your finger and you can have any woman you want, dozens at a time if you ask it.’ 

Drake’s brows rose. ‘Wait, when you say dozens at a time, do you mean—’

I raised my hand, cutting him off. ‘That’s not the point. The point is, she does not deserve to be spoken to like that or treated as just a conquest. She is not an object for you and Kaden to haggle over. So no, I do not like you, nor will I pretend to be your friend in any way. The only reason I have not killed you yet is that I promised Dianna I would be on my best behavior. Even if she hates me at the current moment I will not go back on my word.’

He smiled a slow cocky grin. ‘And you say you’re not in love with her.’

‘I am not, but she still deserves someone in her life that cares about her beyond the physical acts you keep suggesting. Someone that respects her and treats her as an equal, not some pawn. She has no one but her sister.’

His grin slipped as he folded his arms over his chest. ‘I agree. Gabby is her only family, and although we are friends, no one could get close to her. Kaden wouldn’t allow it. He kept her on a tight leash, sometimes literally from what I hear. I also think that Dianna was afraid to get close to anyone because he would use them as weapons against her, just as he did Gabby.’

My teeth ached with how hard I was clenching my jaw. I hated thinking of her living that life for centuries, alone and afraid to form any relationships. She had been surrounded by beings she not only couldn’t trust but that actively sought to hurt her.

When I didn’t say anything and just stared at him he went on. ‘I wasn’t trying to piss you off by asking if you love her, but maybe make you realize the feelings you keep denying. I also wanted to make sure you weren’t another one of him. We both can agree she is strong and beautiful, and that attracts powerful men.’

‘So you are saying you are not in love with her?’ I asked, the doubt clear in my tone.

He reached forward and patted me on the shoulder twice before dropping his hand. ‘I love her, but I am not in love with her. I have loved one woman in my entire existence, and she left a long time ago. I’m through with the whole love thing.’ I saw the loss and regret flash across his features. It was one I recognized, for different reasons. ‘What about you? Have you ever been in love?’

I paused as I stared into the fireplace, focusing on the glow of a single ember in the dying wood. ‘No. I never have. I’ve lusted, cared for others, but never loved. My father told me once that he would rip the known universe apart for my mother. I have never felt that way for anyone. Logan and Neverra have been together for as long as I can remember. They are inseparable, and have put their lives on the line to protect each other. Sure, I care for my friends, my lovers at the time, but never like that. Maybe it’s the godly part of me, but I just do not think I am made that way.’

‘Made what way?’ I did not turn to see Drake’s face, knowing I had let too much of myself slip out.

‘I am a destroyer. The World Ender in every aspect. I am everything you should fear. I mean that with every ounce of my being and not in the egotistical way Dianna assumes. I have burnt worlds to their core, and slain beasts large enough to devour this very castle. I have always been a weapon for my throne, my kingdom, my family. The books have not been wrong on that fact. The Gods War started because of me. My world is gone because of me. How is there any room in me to love?’

It was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if he finally feared me enough to not make jokes or wise quips, but I smelled no fear in the air. I glanced towards him as he stared at the same spot as I. His throat bobbed once before he spoke. His voice was softer, and there was no hint of the trickster that had been with us the last few weeks.

‘Don’t you know? Love is the purest form of destruction there is.’ The corner of his lip lifted. ‘And you don’t have to worry about Dianna and me. We have been friends for centuries. Just friends. We have never, and will never, sleep together. I love her but not the way you think. Ethan had an allegiance with Kaden way before he became king. I was the one who found her begging and crying in that blistering desert. A plague had swept through Eoria, and many died. Kaden and his horde took advantage of it. He was looking for the book even then. We had been there a few days and many of the humans had fled, seeking refuge from the sickness, so blood was scarce. I was out hunting and passed a worn-down home, the female voice from inside was sobbing and praying to anyone who might listen. I moved the ripped fabric covering the makeshift entrance aside and found her sitting with her sister.’

Drake went quiet, obviously lost in the past. I waited, hungry for any information on Dianna and her past. He took a deep breath and seemed to remember I was there.  

‘I thought of killing them both. They were mortal and the illness had ravaged Gabby. She was dying. I could hear her heart stuttering, but Dianna didn’t care. She begged and pleaded, offering anything if I would save her, even herself. I don’t know if it was her eyes, the way she spoke, or the complete and utter pain in her voice that reminded me so much of my lost love, but I couldn’t let her die. So, I took her to Kaden. I didn’t know at the time that there was a possibility his blood would turn her into a beast. He took a piece of her out and replaced it with a piece of himself, darkness I always assumed. It was painful and terrible. She fought for days as she tried to stay mortal and alive. And against all odds, she did. She doesn’t come from some mythic family background. She’s just a girl who survived out of sheer force of will, and that makes her stronger than us. Makes her deadly. He knew it, and the way he looked at her after that I knew I had made a mistake.’

My heart sank at the retelling of what I did not know of her. It explained so much. Why she was the way she was. Why she would never give up on those she held close to her. She’d been a fighter from the very beginning. Incredible. She was incredible. ‘You saved her and her sister that day.’

His eyes held pain as he faced me. ‘Did I? Or did I just create more chaos? Ethan hated me for years for it. I mean he eventually got over it, but he hated me. He believes in the whole balance thing like you. Dianna and her sister were supposed to die that day, but he said I changed fate. He believes everything has a price.’

I nodded slowly. ‘It usually does, yes.’

‘So what’s the price for her living?’ His eyes seemed to beg for answers I did not have.

‘That I do not know. I will say regardless of her hostility and crude comments, her existence is not the worst thing in the world.’  

He forced a smile and wiped the side of his face with the back of his sleeve. ‘I’m nice to her and give her what I can because I know how Kaden is, and I know part of it is my fault. She says we are overprotective, but someone has to be. So, no, you shouldn’t be threatened by me, but you should also stop trying so hard not to feel something for her. She may be the very creature you have been raised to destroy, but she is so much more than that. So much more. Take it from someone who lost their love. Don’t take what you feel for granted, it is worth everything.’

I shuffled my feet, adjusting my posture. ‘It’s not like that with us.’

‘Sure, that’s why the two of you are practically inseparable, why you can’t keep your eyes off of her, why she was so pissed after what she learned about what Ethan and I said, and why you refuse to share her bed with her.’

I ran my hand over the back of my neck. ‘I will admit it has become increasingly difficult to share the same bed with her, but regardless of how I may feel, she deserves better than me and this world she has been forced into. I wish for her the same things she craves so desperately for Gabby. A life outside of monsters, blood, and fighting.’

‘So that’s what it is. Such a martyr. I hope you realize for both of your sakes’ what it is you are risking before he comes for her, and make no mistake, he will come for her. He’s barely let her out of his sight for centuries.’

‘I won’t let him have her.’

‘I hope not because if you do,’ he reached out and patted my shoulder once, ‘you won’t see her again.’

The approach of heavy footsteps interrupted our conversation. The doors were pushed open to reveal Ethan. He paused in the doorway, adjusting the lapels and sleeves of his jacket.

‘Are we ready?’ he asked.

I took one look and sighed. ‘That is a terrible disguise.’

Ethan’s voice dropped to the feminine one I had grown so accustomed to as he placed one hand upon his hip. ‘Oh, come on! I thought it was perfect. I even have the bracelets. How did you know?’

Because I have every part of you memorized and transcribed into my brain.

I shrugged. ‘The posture, the way you carry yourself. Ethan does not walk or recline like that.’

A thick masculine voice flooded into the room from behind Dianna. ‘Touching, World Ender. I didn’t know you cared.’

The real Ethan walked up behind Dianna, the two of them similar but not.

‘What are you two losers talking about, anyway?’ she asked, clearly annoyed at her failed attempt at a disguise.

Drake cleared his throat as he strode toward them, his cool and annoying demeanor returning. ‘Oh, just politics.’

Her nose scrunched and she swatted at him, which was amusing given the form she wore. ‘Boring.’

Drake raised the lapel of the thick black coat she wore, sniffing at it. She pushed him away and he said with a chuckle, ‘It’s a nice look but you may need more cologne. I can still smell that lustful scent of yours.’

The real Ethan rolled his eyes and shook his head. I met Drake’s eyes, and knowing what I did now, I did not have the urge to rip his head off this time. I knew that the comments and joking was a way for him to make her smile. It was a form of penance.  

Dianna walked toward me, a peculiar sight knowing what lay beneath the fake exterior. She pulled out the silver chain bracelet, motioning for me to hold out my arm. I extended it, and she clasped the chain around my wrist. A small rush of air seemed to encompass me before disappearing.

Drake shivered. ‘Damn. Those are strong. All jokes aside, I think it will work. I can’t feel the thick electrifying power in the house right now.’

Ethan, the real Ethan, nodded and said, ‘It will work.’