The Book of Azrael (Gods & Monsters 1)

WE SAT IN THE CAR IN THE UNPAVED PARKING LOT. . The festival was a lot larger than I thought it would be. Music filtered in through the windows, and purple, gold, and red lights strobed through the darkness. Rides moved and shifted, and we could hear the screams of those that had dared the rollercoaster and the more exciting attractions.  

People walked past the car, couples holding hands, families leaving with exhausted children asleep in their parent’s arms. We watched as a group of teenagers ran past, whooping and laughing as they pointed at the rides. ‘Are you okay?’ I asked Liam for the third time. 

He hadn’t moved to open the door. Instead, he just sat and stared at the chaos of the festival. ‘Are they always screaming?’ 

‘Does it bother you?’

‘No.’ He glanced at me, then back as another set of screams filled the air. ‘Yes.’ 

I knew it bothered him, and I knew why. I had seen some of the battles he had fought and was aware of the scars he carried. 

‘These are happy screams, not calls to war or death cries.’

He took a deep breath, his body vibrating with tension. I had made him perform his little trick again and change his clothes, wanting him to fit better into the crowd. The denim jacket strained over his biceps as he folded his arms. His anxiety was another presence in the car, and I had learned enough about him to know it wasn’t out of fear for himself but what he could do if he lost control. 

‘I can go in alone.’

‘No,’ he snapped and then cringed at the pitch of his own voice. ‘No. You promised you would not leave me. It’s just…’

I shifted in my seat so I could face him. ‘Talk to me.’

Liam hesitated and held my gaze as if trying to peer into my soul. It was not suggestive but calculating. I could tell he was feeling vulnerable and exposed. I held my breath, almost desperate for him to trust me. Until last night, I would have said that was so I could gather information and use what I learned against him. The monster in me urged me to do just that, but the part of me that had reveled in the intimacy of last night knew I would take his secrets to my grave. That was the part of me that existed only because Gabby existed, and it terrified me.

His fists tightened as he seemed to come to a decision, and he took another deep breath before saying, ‘The screams just remind me of before. It’s as if my dreams become reality, and I’m back on Rashearim. I know it’s not the same, but every time I hear the screams, I can smell the blood and feel the ground shake. I can see the monstrous beasts rip through the sky, and I’m right back there. It feels like my chest will surely burst.’ 

I reached forward, placing my hand atop his and squeezing once. He glanced down at my hand before meeting my gaze again. He was so wrapped in sadness that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before. When I’d first met him, the shell of what I thought a god would be, I’d only seen arrogance, hatred, and contempt in his gaze. But there was so much more than that. I’d thought maybe it was a result of containing too much power. Or maybe he had just grown tired of living, but when I looked at him through the lens of last night, I saw grief, sadness, anxiety, and pain. He was in so much pure, raw pain.  

‘Hey, I am the only beast you have to worry about, and I promise not to rip apart the sky.’ 

The corner of his mouth twisted as he glanced at me. ‘You are not a beast.’

‘I mean, I have my moments.’ I shrugged, squeezing his hand once more. ‘We can leave? I can try to find another way to get us to Zarall.’ 

‘No, if this is our best chance, we have to take it.’ His jaw clenched as he pulled away from my touch. I could see him slamming up those shields he had so expertly built over the centuries. His face went blank again as he opened the door and stepped out. The cool night air greeted me as I jumped out of the car. I hurried to his side as he slid his hands into his pockets. Maybe I had overstepped trying to comfort him, but I couldn’t stop the compulsion. Damn mortal heart. It was all Gabby’s fault.

‘Look. We will go in together, and I won’t leave your side, okay?’

He nodded once before adjusting his jacket. I’d forced him to change his outfit almost six times. Everything he made caused him to stand out too much, but then again, that might be just because it was Liam. He could have worn a trash bag, and people would have still broken their necks to look at him. Not that I blamed them, but I needed us to blend in. He still stuck out, but I hoped it would be enough. He took another deep breath and looked past me. I saw his jaw tick again as he held tight to his composure. 

‘Just don’t destroy this place or electrocute anyone or disintegrate the rides or—’ 

‘Dianna.’

‘Sorry.’ I held up my hands.

I tilted my head toward the entrance, beckoning him to follow me. He nodded and started walking. His footsteps were light next to mine, and I kept glancing up at him, watching the multitude of lights cast colorful shadows across his face. The muscles in his shoulders flexed every few seconds, coinciding with the laughter, yelling, and roars of the rollercoaster as it sped through another loop. ‘I think I know why your nightmares are so bad. You haven’t processed anything that’s happened. You buried it, buried yourself, and now that you have been thrown back into everything, it’s too much.’

Liam didn’t look at me as we got into line to buy tickets, his gaze scanning the crowd. ‘Is that so?’ 

‘Yes, although I was not the mastermind behind that deduction. It was actually Gabby. I blame the psychology classes she took in school. It seems some of it stuck with her.’

He finally looked down at me, confusion edging his features. ‘You spoke to your sister about this? About me?’ 

‘Well, no, not really. I was just complaining because you have been a complete ass. Then Gabby said it’s probably because of all you have been through. She thought maybe you just needed someone to talk to.’ I shrugged, happy that he was focused on me and not the anxiety of being in this place, but unsure of how he would react to my revelation.

He didn’t respond, just stared at me, which unnerved me more. Then he made that small grunt noise he often did before nodding and turning his attention back to our surroundings. 

‘You need a friend, and lucky for you, I’m here.’ I playfully shoved him with my shoulder, lightening the mood and keeping him distracted. 

He looked at me. ‘Lucky me, huh?’

That strange sensation of being anchored in him overtook me as I stared up at him. Something had changed last night. It didn’t make sense, but I knew once this was over, I wouldn’t leave. I wouldn’t try to flee or avoid my inevitable punishment. 

I wanted to believe it was because of Gabby. It would be the height of selfishness to run and drag Gabby with me, hiding from yet another powerful man. Especially since I knew she would be protected and truly happy with The Hand as she worked alongside the celestials. Maybe it was how Liam spoke about his friends or what he had sacrificed to give them the life they now led, but I believed him when he promised her a normal life. So I wouldn’t run, and I wouldn’t fight anymore. I would deal with my sentence, whatever it may be, and I almost believed that Gabby was the only reason. 

‘Besides, maybe this will earn me a lesser sentence once we’re done here,’ I said with a shrug, curling my fingers against my palm and the scar that ran across it.

The line moved forward, and so did we. 

‘Perhaps.’

That gave me a spark of hope and the courage to ask, ‘And maybe Gabby can visit me sometimes? I mean, even mortal convicts get visitation rights.’

The young mother in front of me glanced back and pulled her children in front of her. I smiled at her, but Liam didn’t seem to notice, continuing to stare at me. He narrowed his eyes and said, ‘Perhaps.’ 

My grin nearly reached my ears, and I placed my hands behind my back, swaying slightly. ‘Well, you didn’t say no.’ 

We had been at the park for at least two hours, and the only message I’d received from our contact was that he was running late. I stopped at one of the booths to buy a large, fluffy purple cloud of cotton candy and was stuffing my face when Liam complained again. 

‘What is taking so long? All of your friends are terrible and unreliable.’

I sighed as I picked another small piece of sugary deliciousness and placed it in my mouth. I spun, walking backward as I eyed Liam. A group of young girls giggled as they passed, and a buzzer went off to the accompaniment of cheers when someone won a prize at one of the games. ‘What? Are you not having fun? I thought you liked the cool shooting game and the bumper cars.’ 

His lip curled in disgust as we continued to walk. ‘The small cars are violent, and they let small children drive.  Do they not care for the small ones? It’s ridiculous. Mortal lifetimes are fleeting, yet they build contraptions that could end them in moments.’ 

I tipped my head back and laughed, the sound unfettered and full. When I finally got control of myself again, I wiped the tears from my eyes with my free hand and grinned at him. He was watching me with the oddest expression on his face.

‘I have never heard you laugh like that,’ he said, a smile tugging at his lips.

My shoulders shook as I ran my finger under my eye, still giggling. I fell in step with him, walking at his side. ‘You’re funny.’  I bumped his shoulder with mine. ‘Sometimes.’

‘Sometimes?’ His brow lifted as I stuffed my face with more purple spun sugar. 

‘Yeah, you know, when you’re not being an ass.’ 

He grunted, the sound filled with more humor than irritation. We walked side-by-side, silence falling between us. It wasn’t the awkward kind. It was never awkward with him, just a comfortable quiet. Well, as quiet as it could be with the laugh, squeals, and giggles that floated in every direction here. 

‘What was with the small box with flashing lights?’

I took another bite of my cotton candy as I thought about his question. ‘The photo booth?’

‘Yes.’

I shrugged. ‘I just wanted proof that the all -powerful World Ender had fun for once.’

He stopped, causing me to nearly trip over my own feet. ‘I do not like that name.’

‘Sorry,’ I said, grimacing. I reached out and touched his hand. ‘I won’t say it again.’

He nodded. ‘I would appreciate it.’ 

‘How did you get that title? I have heard it so many times in your memories.’

He was quiet once again, all traces of humor long gone. ‘It’s not something I wish to speak about if we do not have to.’ 

‘Got it, boss.’ I shoved another bite of candy into my mouth.

‘Don’t call me that, either.’ 

‘What, you don’t like that?’

‘No.’

His favorite word.

‘Okay, what about your majesty? Your Highness? Oh, I got it,’ I turned slightly toward him, pointing, ‘my lord?’ 

He frowned, looking down at me. ‘Never any of those. Please.’ 

I giggled but stopped as a trio of women walked past us. They stared at Liam, interest apparent in their eyes. It was the same wherever we went. Not only was Liam devastatingly handsome, but the air of power he exuded made him nearly irresistible to both men and women alike.  I didn’t think he even noticed.

Liam watched the crowd carefully, but I could tell he didn’t actually see the people. His head swung toward the sound of a crack followed by a bell ringing, and I noticed a vein throb in his neck. He rubbed his temples but dropped his hand when he noticed me watching him. It had been like this all evening. He was trying so hard to keep whatever demons nipped at his heels at bay, but his jaw was clenched so tight I worried he would break his teeth. I wished there was some way to hurry this up, but it was out of my control. So, for the time being, I would distract him with games, overly surgery treats, and photo booths, anything to keep him from self-destructing.

‘How is your throat? I assume I did not hurt you too much?’

I choked on the piece of cotton candy I had just stuffed into my mouth. My hand went to my chest as I coughed, trying to clear my airway. His comment and my little fit got us a few looks and whispers from the crowd of nearby teens.

Liam stopped abruptly, reaching out to make sure I wasn’t dying. He placed his hands on my shoulder and back, supporting me as I cleared my throat and caught my breath. ‘Did I say something wrong?’

I waved him off, indicating that I was fine, and he stood straight, dropping his hands. I ignored the fact that I immediately felt bereft at the loss of his touch. ‘No, well, yes, but no. We really have to work on your phrasing.’ 

I didn’t say anything else as I spotted an empty table between some of the less popular and quieter rides. I led Liam to it and hopped up on the table, resting my feet on the bench. Liam straddled the bench and rested his elbow on the table, watching the frenetic activity of the festival. 

I lowered my cotton candy close to Liam. ‘Want some?’

He turned up his nose, about to refuse, when he looked at me again. 

‘Trust me. This is amazing.’

He eyed me cautiously and took it from me as if he was handling a dead animal. I watched as he tore off a piece and reluctantly placed it in his mouth. His face scrunched at the sweet taste, his eyes closing for a moment before he opened them. He shook his head as a chuckle escaped me.

‘It’s, umm…’

‘Sweet?’

He nodded but took another bite. He seemed more prepared for the second taste, and the tension in his features eased. ‘Yes, but it is enjoyable.’ 

I leaned back on the table, using my hands as support. ‘Good.’

Liam said something else, but I didn’t hear it. A shiver caressed my spine, and goosebumps littered my arms. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as I sat up and turned to look behind me. The Ig’Morruthen in me had gone on high alert, ready to attack or defend. It was the same thing I had felt in the cafe and Ophanium. Was another celestial here? I peered into the deep shadows, but nothing stood out. 

‘Dianna, your eyes.’

Liam was standing in front of me, blocking me from sight. I shook my head and closed my eyes, willing them to return to normal before blinking them open.

‘What’s wrong?’ 

‘Nothing.’ I looked behind me again. As quick as the feeling had come, it was gone.

‘You said the same thing at the cafe.’ He looked behind me as if he could find what I couldn’t. ‘What is it?’

‘I don’t know. I thought I felt something.’ 

Liam stared into the darkness for a few moments before returning his gaze to me. ‘I do not see, nor sense, anything.’ 

I wrapped my arms around myself tightly. ‘Maybe I’m just cold.’ 

‘Ig’Morruthens do not get cold unless they are in harsh climates like the planet Fvorin. You should not be cold.’ He reached out, stroking his fingers along my forehead. ‘Is this a side effect of the poison your friends so kindly gave you?’ 

I swatted his hand away. ‘It’s not the poison. At least, I don’t think so. I feel fine. I just thought I felt someone or something.’ 

It knew it couldn’t be Kaden. He wouldn’t show up anywhere near Liam. I had seen the fear on his face when Zekiel died. He feared Liam, whether he wanted to admit it or not. If it had been a celestial, they would have approached to fawn over Liam as they all did. I looked behind me once more. Maybe Tobias? No, he was more Kaden’s bitch than I was. My thoughts derailed as Liam placed his jacket over my shoulders and pulled it closed over my chest. It draped me like a denim blanket, and I looked up at him in surprise.

‘I saw someone do this before you forced me into those tiny, aggressive cars.’ 

I grinned. Liam had been quietly watching everyone around us the entire time. I thought he had been monitoring for potential threats or fighting the demons scratching at his subconscious. Instead, he had been observing and learning mortal behavior. Although he didn’t realize how intimate the gesture was, it was nice.

‘Thank you,’ I replied, the corner of my lips turning up as I wrapped his jacket around me. I dipped my chin, burying my face against the collar. I surreptitiously inhaled deeply, taking in his clean, masculine scent. His white t-shirt hugged his torso and was a nice contrast to his tanned skin and muscled arms. The sight of him drew attention, and he turned as he heard the whispered comments from a group of women. He didn’t say anything as he sat beside me, but I could tell his mood had soured. 

‘Don’t like the attention?’

Liam rubbed his hands together and lowered his head. ‘I am not comfortable being out in public. I detest large crowds and would much rather be by myself. I used to enjoy gatherings, which I am sure you are aware of, having seen so much of my past. Now I hate it when they stare at me.’ He rested his chin on his hand, watching as people passed. They would glance at him, then avert their gaze, some not as sneaky as they thought. 

‘Want me to set them on fire?’ I nudged him once more, this time with my knee.

‘Absolutely not,’ he mumbled, not lifting his head.

‘I just hate it. Hate is the right word, yes?’ He asked, tipping his head to look at me without taking his chin off of his hand.

I nodded. ‘Why? What’s the real reason?’

Liam sighed and faced forward again. It’s not important.’

‘If it bothers you, it is. Besides, we have time to kill. Enlighten me.’

An upbeat melody filled the air as the ride closest to us started up again. Liam was silent for a moment, and I wondered if he had heard me through all the noise.

‘I do not know. I suppose I feel as if they can see everything I have done. Every mistake, every wrong decision, and they blame me for it.’ 

My brow furrowed. ‘You know that’s not true.’

‘I told you it’s not important,’ he said, his harsh tone returning.

‘Hey.’ I pushed at his shoulder, not hard enough to hurt but enough to get his attention. He sat up and looked at me. ‘It is, but not for the reason you think. It’s important because that’s something else you’ll have to work on. You’re projecting what you feel. They don’t know you just like we don’t know them.’ I wrapped his jacket around me tighter and leaned closer to whisper, ‘And I’ll let you in on a little secret. They’re not staring because they know you as an ancient warrior king or for the battles you’ve fought or the ones you’ve lost. That’s all in your head. They’re staring because they think you’re gorgeous.’

He pulled back and blinked at me in surprise. ‘Gorgeous?’ He said the word as if it was the most disturbing thing he could imagine.

‘That’s the part you heard out of everything I said?’ I rolled my eyes and placed another piece of cotton candy in my mouth. ‘Is this the part where we pretend you’re not?’ 

He shook his head, his gaze snagging on my lips as I swept my tongue across them.

I sighed, giving in. ‘Yeah, you know. Attractive, good looking, desirable.’ That seemed to click in his godly brain because the corner of his mouth twitched. ‘Especially when you smile.’

He shook his head and chuckled, the sound a velvet caress along my skin. Liam was lethal in more ways than one. ‘You call me one thing, then another. Your opinion changes like the wind.’

‘Oh, trust me, my opinion has not changed. I mean, you did look terrible for a while there. Plus, I still think you are a complete ass at times, and you have an ego the size of the moon, but I’m not blind.’ His smile drooped, which only broadened mine. ‘Hey, at least I am honest.’ 

‘That you are.’

I continued to smile, taking the last bits of cotton candy and popping them into my mouth. ‘Since I have pried your deep, dark secrets out of you, I guess I could let you in on one of mine.’

That got his attention, curiosity edging his features. ‘It seems fair, yes.’ 

‘Okay,’ I said, pointing my cotton candy stick at him. ‘Don’t laugh, but as lame as it sounds, I do want what Gabby worships in her silly cheesy movies. Well, I did. I tried to get serious with Kaden once. He pulled away from me then. He has been different ever since. Definitely more of an open relationship type of guy. Or a monster, I guess.’

His eyes bore into mine a fraction of a second too long. ‘Pity. I wouldn’t share.’

Heat filled my cheeks, his comment catching me off guard. I rolled my eyes, swatting him with the empty cotton candy stick. ‘Liar. I’ve seen you share plenty of times.’

Liam grinned as he dodged my failed attempts at assault.

‘Is that a normal, godly thing? The whole giant parties and raging orgies.’

Liam’s laugh made my knees go weak.

‘No,’ he said, glancing at me before scanning the crowd again. ‘It’s a way to pass the time, I suppose. And not all gods are like that. Not when they find their amata.’

‘What’s that?’

He shrugged, shaking his head ever so slightly. ‘In your mortal tongue, it means beloved one. It is what Logan and Neverra have.’

‘Oh.’ I nodded slowly. ‘The mark of Dhihsin?’

He turned to me, his forehead creasing as he tried to find the right words. ‘Yes, but more. It’s the reflection of your soul. I don’t know if that’s a proper translation. The mark of Dhihsin just shows the world the bond you two have already established.’

‘So basically, your other half.’

‘In simple terms, I suppose, but it is much more than that. It’s deeper. It is a connection that words cannot fully convey.’

‘Does everyone have one? Do you have one?’ I didn’t know why I suddenly cared so much, but I did. The images I had gotten from Liam’s subconscious told me he didn’t. But what if he’d had a mate and had lost them? I could see him being in so much pain that he shut the memories out. 

‘No. Despite your stories and legends, the universe is not that kind.’ Sadness crept into his storm –colored eyes. Maybe Gabby was right. Maybe the powerful, terrifying World Ender was lonely. 

I leaned into him, jarring him from whatever cruel thoughts plagued his head. 

‘If you did have one, what would they be? If you had to choose.’

He pursed his lips, thinking for a moment. It was a distraction, sure, but it was also fun to talk to actually talk to him. 

‘If I had the choice, and I had to choose. I would want an equal. A partner in every aspect of my life, like what my father and mother shared.’ I meant for the conversation to make him venture farther from the ghosts that haunted him, but it seemed he couldn’t escape no matter how he tried. So me being me, I did what I did best. Counteract with humor. 

‘I don’t know.’ I sighed loudly to draw his gaze back to me. ‘Seems nearly impossible. You would need someone who could handle your massive ego on a regular basis and respond to your every beck and call. Not to mention—’

‘Quiet you.’ He snorted, this time nudging me with his shoulder.

My back pocket buzzed, interrupting our verbal sparring. I pulled out my phone, reading the text that flashed across the screen. Ferris Wheel. Now.

I showed Liam and nodded toward the large spinning wheel. He stood and helped me from the table, our moods sobering as we headed to the back of the carnival.