The Beast Within (Book One of the Changes Series)

-Danielle's POV-

It almost felt like a distant dream by the time I made it to my housing tract. I slowed as I turned into my community, driving past the housing sign. Me slowing down was more out of habit than need since all the neighborhood kids were at school. It was an older community, but it held up nicely.

A minute or two later, I parked in my driveway. The panic I felt earlier was mostly gone, and the pull of sleep now tightened its grip over me.

I gazed out of the window at the slightly unruly grass. It looked thick enough to sleep on. I loved when the grass got that tall, but my husband would think differently. He preferred the lawn to be cut low and tight.

Nathan being president of the H.O.A. undoubtedly played a part in his preference. Still, it made sense we would have to lead by example for everyone else. I’d have to call our gardener.

I exited the car, leaving it to warm in the sun. My muscles ached with every stride that led to the front door. The keys jingled as I fumbled to find the house key, dropping them with a clang. My head tilted back as I let out my frustration. The porch light’s dim glow caught my attention before I bent to retrieve my keys. It was left on, again. The last thing I needed was to listen to Nathan’s heavy sighs as he paid the electric bill.

The scent of lavender and a hint of bleach welcomed me as I opened the door. I didn’t know why, but the smell of bleach always convinced me of an area’s cleanliness. Probably some of the nursing crazy I had picked up.

I slipped my feet out of my crocs, feeling instantly better. My goal of relaxation and comfort almost made me forget to turn off the porch light altogether as I absently slid my hand down the switch’s panel.

On my way towards the kitchen, I looked over our formal living room. Everything was in its rightful place, as it always was. My eyes regarded the light crème sofa set adorned with throw pillows. It was so pretty, elegant even, which made me feel a brief twinge of guilt that I had left my shoes out in the foyer. It was nice having beautiful things, but I never actually understood the purpose of a formal sitting area. I preferred to entertain in the family room or backyard. Maybe that was because both areas connected to my favorite spot of the house.

This time last year, Nathan surprised me with a full kitchen remodel. I now had the “Martha Stewart dream kitchen”, as he called it. The stainless steel appliances throughout and the forty-two-inch maple wood cabinets were gorgeous. But that wasn’t the whole reason why it was my favorite area. It was where a lot of our family memories were made. Not to mention it was where the food was held. My stomach gurgled.

I headed straight for the fridge, ignoring the kid’s chocolate cake as I grabbed a container of yogurt. It had become second nature for me to pick the healthy choice, but that hadn’t always been the case. During my pregnancy, I had picked up a nasty cheesecake habit. Now I tried to keep to cheesecake flavored yogurts instead.

I leaned against the island as I ate. My gaze was fixed on the kitchen’s window as it often was. There weren’t many times I would let my brain shut down, but that window served as my meditation portal of sorts. I kept watching as a few birds hopped around, seemingly at random.

The quiet in the house comforted me at first until my thoughts tried to fill the silence with the memory of this morning’s incident. I fought hard against it, hurrying through my breakfast.

I ignored my stomach’s demand for more food, tossing the spoon in the sink before I made my way to the stairs. The fatigue that I barely held at bay started to overshadow any other need I felt as I climbed. My drowsiness made it easier than usual to disregard Cameron’s ransacked room as I passed it by, checking the thermostat. On my way back through the hall, I glanced into Alexis’ room. It was picture-perfect as it always was.

I shook my head, continuing on to my bedroom. It would be nice if Cameron was a cleaner little person, but I also thought Lexi could afford to be a little messier. I swear, in the hopes of balancing your children, I could see how it could be so easy to confuse the heck out of them instead.

Once I closed myself into my own domain, I couldn’t peel off my scrubs fast enough as I left them in a heap by the door. God, I hoped Nathan didn’t get off early today. The trail of mess I left around the house would just confuse him to no end. The expression I imagined he would’ve had almost made me giggle. He wouldn’t have found it funny though.

A sigh escaped my mouth. Nathan needed to know what happened, but the thought of calling him drained me further.

Instead, I walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower. It would’ve been easy enough to fall straight to sleep, but the thought of jumping into bed without a stint in the “rain locker,” as my dad called it, made my skin crawl. My eyelids felt heavy as if my body didn’t agree with my hygienic sensibilities.

That all changed when I placed my hand into the water’s flow. The sensation of the hot stream pouring over my skin made me yearn for more. I took my place under the water, feeling my muscles instantly relax. The soap lathering over my body heightened my relaxation.

Now I felt as if I could spend a lifetime under the shower head, but I cut it short as I had first planned.

My body reacted to the cold as soon as the water was off. I quickly stepped out of the stall, giving myself a once-over in the mirror while reaching for my towel.

Even though I’d never done well with compliments, I’ve been told on more than one occasion that my hazel eyes were striking. Though, at the moment, they were being outshined by the dark, deep circles that seemed to cause the surrounding skin to look slightly sickly.

I kept surveying my body, noting the loose skin around my different body parts. I had tried all the gimmicks known to man after having the twins, but in the end, the old-fashioned way of diet and exercise was what worked. It was nice to have lost eighty pounds in a year, but the weight still found a way to leave its mark. Bodies didn’t always bounce back the way we would want them to. Maybe my episode today had something to do with my weight loss. It could be a hormonal imbalance. Who the hell knows?

As I dried myself, my eyes kept trying to close on their own. I still wasn’t ready to call my husband, but before I let sleep in, I knew I needed to make a doctor’s appointment. Just to be on the safe side.

I walked over to Nathan’s side of the bed, grabbing the phone. When the phone started to ring, I waited for the familiar voice I’d become accustomed to.

“Hello, this is Dr. Emery’s personal assistant. How may I help you?” Rose recited.

“Hi Rose, it’s Danni. How are you doing?”

“Hi Danni, I’m doing great. But if you’re calling for the boys, they’re not in, and Dr. Emery made me promise not to tell you where they were.” She said playfully.

I rolled my eyes because I knew exactly where they were.

“Let me guess, golfing at the Temecula Country Club, right?”

“You didn’t hear it from me. But if you really need either, I can page them if you’d like.”

Dr. Emery and my husband have been pretty close for a few years now. Nathan didn’t work at Dr. Emery’s practice. Still, they belonged to the same committee that brought doctors together to discuss exceptional cases.

I didn’t remember Nathan telling me he was going to be staying close to home today. But that wasn’t too surprising with the morning I had. He could’ve told me he was going to the moon, and I wouldn’t remember it. A shudder went down my spine. This problem might be fixed on its own, and if not, that was why I was making an appointment with Dr. Emery, right?

As a neurologist, Nathan would do everything in his power to help, but I wasn’t ready for him to start probing at me just yet.

“No, don’t bother, let them have their guy time. I just called to make an appointment. I need a checkup, and some lab draws. Are there any openings?”

I waited, listening to the tapping of her nails on the keyboard, “How about this Monday at 2:00. Does that work for you?”

“Great, thanks, Rose.”

“You’re welcome, honey, bye.”

“Bye-bye.”

I disconnected the call and collapsed on the bed. As the cool duvet touched my naked skin, I realized my nudity, but I didn’t care. Instead of finding clothes, I found my pillow. I used my last bit of energy to set the alarm for the kid’s afternoon pick-up.

My eyes closed as my head found the pillow, blindly fumbling my way under the covers before I drifted off.