The Beast Within (Book One of the Changes Series)

-Danielle’s POV-

The smell of burnt bacon and eggs invaded my nostrils as I regained consciousness. When I opened my eyes, I was greeted with breakfast. As I thought, the bacon was half burnt over an equally singed piece of toast and two sloppy eggs. I didn’t know what to make of it until I saw two proud little faces at the side of my bed, still in their pajamas. I hid my confusion the best I could. What the hell was going on now?

“I told you she wouldn’t like it,” Alexis said as she looked at her brother knowingly.

“Shut up, Lexi. I did my best.”

Cameron was the more sensitive of the two, and Lexi knew how to push her brother’s buttons. I wasn’t sure how I had gotten in bed, but instead of thinking about that nightmare, I kept listening to my kids bicker. That was the only way I could come up with to keep it together.

Hoping my body wouldn’t betray me, I opened my mouth to speak, “Wow, you guys made me breakfast in bed.”

I looked at the plate, trying my best to look excited. I don’t think Lexi was buying it, but Cameron was sold.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve kids like you guys, thank you.”

Lexi rolled her eyes as Cameron looked over his shoulder, sticking out his tongue. He focused back on me with a big cheesy grin plastered across his face.

“I made the bacon and toast. Lexi made the eggs, don’t worry, Dad helped us.”

By the look of it, Nathan was just as lost in the kitchen as our kids. I picked up the fork and took a piece of my runny eggs. As soon as I started chewing, the amount of salt they used threatened to dry my mouth out. Though, I tried my best not to let my spectators know.

“These are some grade-A eggs. Did you bring mommy some orange juice too?”

They both looked at each other and raced downstairs, probably to fight on who would get my juice. Cameron yelled back at me to try the bacon.

I heard Nathan on the stairs telling the kids to give me some time to enjoy my meal. Breathing a sigh of relief, I placed the plate beside me, waiting for Nathan. When he came into view, I found he was still in his nightwear, holding a glass of orange juice in one hand and a bowl of cereal in the other. He used his foot to shut the door behind him.

Nathan walked to my side of the bed, “I thought you might want this. The eggs may have come out a little too salty,” he said, holding out his offerings.

If I had gotten breakfast in bed over a month ago, I would’ve been elated, but all I felt now was sadness. I took my gifts out of Nathan’s hands, placing them on my nightstand.

I moved over in the bed and motioned for him to join me. He sat down, looking at me with evident concern.

“What’s wrong honey?” he asked.

I was confused by his question; the last thing I remembered was passing out against the wall. So he had to be the one to find me and put me in bed.

I decided to enter the conversation airing on the side of caution.

“What time did you get home from work?”

“Around one-thirty in the morning, why?”

“When you came home, where did you find me?”

I eyed him closely to find a crack in his resolve, but there wasn’t one, just a heavier look of bewilderment.

“I found you in bed sleeping. Were you supposed to be somewhere else in the middle of the night?”

I was shocked by his answer and started to search around for clues to support what I was about to tell him next. I couldn’t find any.

“So you’re trying to tell me you didn’t find me on the ground or against the wall, and you didn’t dress me in this gown and place me in bed?”

“What are you talking about? No. You were fast asleep in our bed when I came in. Around three o’clock, you woke me by squirming a little more than usual, but I thought you had a bad dream. I woke you out of it, and you went straight back to sleep.”

I didn’t know what to believe. To think what had happened was a dream seemed ridiculous. It felt too real.

“No Nathan, something happened last night when you left. The presence I told you about attacked me!”

“Shush, okay, tell me what you think you saw.”

I became instantly irritated by his comment. I knew what I experienced.

“I tried to rid myself of that thing in my head, and it worked, at first. The voices and entity were gone, but they came back. And I must have made it angry because it attacked me. The next thing I knew, I couldn’t breathe, and then I passed out.”

Nathan didn’t seem to find the urgency in anything I was saying.

“Honey, doesn’t that story sound familiar to you?”

I didn’t have any idea of what he was talking about. I never experienced anything like that before in my life.

“The dream on your dad’s ranch, you fought something there, right?”

I still wasn’t convinced, but I kept listening.

“The medications you’re on could cause vivid dreams. Do you feel the presence or hear anything right now?”

I was so occupied with the kids and Nathan; I didn’t take the time to notice. I concentrated and listened for the slightest sound or movement, but I realized the only entities in my room were my husband and me. Nathan might be right, but I still had questions.

“Do you think I could wean myself off of these pills so the dreams can go away?”

“A person’s subconscious is a tricky thing. I feel it’s best to keep you on your medications, find another psychiatrist, and slowly reintroduce you into our normal routines. So, no running off to work or firing the nanny just yet, okay?”

I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I was genuinely getting better.

“Deal.”

He jumped off the bed and disappeared around the corner, soon I heard the blast of the shower. After locking our bedroom door, I followed him, taking off my clothes as I went.

He didn’t seem shocked to see me, but I did notice hunger in his gaze as he eyed my body. Nathan’s broad shoulders, rock-hard abs, and muscular legs were nothing to scoff at either. The only imperfection he had was a scar that covered the whole back of his right shoulder. When I asked what had happened, he would only say it was fate. I never broached the subject again, knowing how he felt about certain parts of his past.

I stepped in and closed the shower door behind me. I moved him out of the water’s reach, taking his place, letting the water cascade over me.

“So, you must like what you see.” I teased.

“I definitely can’t complain. I do like how bountiful your breasts are.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Bountiful? That’s what they’re calling breasts now?”

“No, that is my word for them, and I thought it up all by myself.”

I never knew he had a nickname for my naughty bits. I didn’t want to spoil the mood, but I had to see if he noticed anything other than his “bounty.”

“Look at my body; it looks like I live at the gym. Don’t you think it’s weird?”

“It’s probably genetics; maybe your dad has buns of steel under those tight cowboy pants. We both started laughing again at the thought.

I playfully hit his arm. “Really Nathan, don’t you think it’s strange?”

“All jokes aside, it’s a little strange, but I know a world full of women that would love to have the body issue your worrying about.”

Maybe he was right. Perhaps it was some freak of nature thing that I should just accept as a gift.

The presence was gone, but Nathan’s intoxicating scent was still irresistible. I moved out of the water’s path, letting him take a turn while I lathered. I took deep breaths of him as he washed, and to my delight, the water that rained over him only made his scent stronger. We bathed in a comfortable silence as we watched each other soap every crevice.

Nathan’s arousal was hard to miss as I felt my body react to it. Enjoying the sexual tension, neither of us moved to close the gap between us. I broke the trance as I washed the soap off and left him to finish alone.

Tonight we would be on our own, away from everything, just him and me. He was worth the wait.

I was dressed by the time he came out of the shower.

“So, where are we going tonight?” I playfully asked.

“I had to talk to you about that. I thought about it at work, and I think it might be too soon.”

I was shocked.

“So you don’t want to make love to me; is that what you’re saying?” I tried to hide the hurt from my voice and failed miserably.

“No, that’s not even close to what I’m saying. I can’t wait to have all of you again. Didn’t you notice how bad I wanted you in the shower? I know I should have told you then, but it took all the willpower I had not to take you right then and there.”

The desire in his eyes told me he wasn’t lying. It looked as if he was barely holding on to his resolve.

“So why do you want to wait then?” I quietly asked.

He walked up to me, taking my hands into his, “I just want to give it more than a day or two before we start putting extra emotional pressure on you. I think everything should be slowly placed back into your life, so if a relapse happened, we would have a better chance of narrowing down the problem.”

I understood, and I appreciated the thought, but I didn’t like it at all. I’d already lost over a month of my life, and I wasn’t feeling great about giving up any more of it.

My eyes rolled, “How long were you thinking we should abstain from sex?”

I felt like a teenaged virgin waiting for marriage with my goody-two-shoes boyfriend, but I wasn’t. I was a grown woman with two children and a husband that couldn’t have sex with me for the fear that my brain would explode.

“Well, I’m off today, and we can go out and do something with the kids. Then maybe you could go out with Porsha next weekend and see how you feel afterward. If nothing happens, we could use our timeshare in Newport Beach and barricade ourselves in the room for a long weekend.”

“So where would the kids be, here with the nanny?”

“No, Tuesday is their last day of school, and I made arrangements for them to spend the first two weeks of their vacation at camp, remember?”

I vaguely remembered the conversation about the kids going to camp. Even if I didn’t remember, I wouldn’t have been shocked about Nathan’s decision. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to subject the kids to a depressing vacation, watching their mother deteriorating. My miraculous recovery was a surprise to all of us. Still, the thought of my children going off to somewhere without me made me uncomfortable.

“Do you think it’s a good idea for the kids to go? They’ve never been away from home for long. Don’t you think they’re still too young?”

Nathan went to the sink, retrieving his razor. I could tell he was trying to think of a gentle way to broach my concerns.

He turned back to face me, sitting against the sink.

“I checked out the camp thoroughly. I think at first they will be a little apprehensive, but after the first day at the lake and horseback riding, they may not want to ever come home. A lot of parents start their kids in camp at seven. I know we wouldn’t have been one of them, but I think it’s the smart thing to do.”

He was right. I didn’t think I would ever be capable of hurting my kids. Still, I guess in a way, I already had emotionally. I could only hope they wouldn’t have any lasting memories of this part of their childhood.

“Does this camp have a name?”

“Camp Bear Paw, one of the best camps in Big Bear. Everyone I know that sends their kids there raves about it.”

I had heard about the camp, too, and it did have a positive buzz surrounding it. This just wasn’t the way I imagined their first camp experience.

“Okay, but if the kids call us and want to come home early, they’re coming home,” I said sternly.

“I’m okay with that,” he smiled at me. “I was thinking the kids would love that new movie out with the crazy bunny. What do you think?”

I couldn’t think of anything else I wanted to do besides spend time with my family, watching a crazy bunny.