The Arrangement

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

The clock on the wall went around and round.

Seconds bled into minutes. Minutes bled into hours. Hours bled into days. Days bled into weeks.

Still, Madeline did not wake up.

She lay on that bed, her skin pale as if all the color had been drained out of her. The only thing that kept Emerson going was the steady beep of her heart. She was alive, his unborn child was healthy.

They told him she was recovering, that she would wake up when she was ready. But that had been weeks ago and she still had not woken up.

Alpha Ronan had left to go tend to his Pack. Sebastian came and went. Madeline’s father and mother had made a temporary home in the Alpha Wing. He didn’t care. He was never there anyway. He was always by his mate’s side, letting his Gamma, now Beta, run the Pack.

Brandon had lost his life during the last battle. When he had heard, he had shifted and ran to the woods, mourning. He didn’t return until two days later. He spoke to no one, just returned to Madeline’s side.

And there he had stayed. He never spoke, never slept, rarely ate or drank water. He hadn’t showered in days and his clothes were wrinkled.

Emerson leaned forward and gently slid his hand into hers. His thumb caressed the back of her hand. He placed his other hand on her belly, where the small bump had formed. His child.

He had only seen his baby once, in a sonogram. They had asked if he wanted to know the gender of the baby but he shook his head. He would wait for his mate. If she wanted to know then he wanted to know. So he would wait until she woke up. He would wait for her.

There was a knock at the door before it opened. The doctor had returned to run her daily tests, to ensure that everything was running smoothly and that there were no problems with the Luna or the heir. When she was satisfied, she told him there were no new changes, though she was almost healed.

Her wounds had been doused in wolfsbane, the reason being why it took her wounds so long to heal. At first, they were worried that it would have harmed the baby, but after extensive observation, they learned the baby was unharmed.

Emerson’s wounds had healed within the first week, not that he noticed. He didn’t notice a lot of things. He barely noticed when someone entered the room, much less what they said. He only picked up what the doctors said about his mate. Anything else he tuned out. He didn’t want to hear it. he didn’t want to hear how it was going to be okay and how Madeline was going to wake up. He didn’t want to hear how he needed to resume his Alpha duties and help care for the Pack. His mate came first. He would do nothing without her by his side. He would do nothing until she woke up and was healed. He needed her.

He looked at her pale face. What used to be a bright face, not was while and sunken. Her once wonderful curves were now skin and bones. Her once smooth skin was now littered with scars, a reminder of his failure.

When she woke up, he wouldn’t blame her if she hated him. He deserved her hatred. He deserved to be banished from the Pack he worked so hard on. He deserved whatever foul things were coming his way.

He let go of mate and leaned back in his chair, leaning his head against the wall. his eyes closed and he let out a sigh. What he wouldn’t do to take everything back. He would go to the end of the world just to reverse time. He would’ve gotten home sooner, saved her, made sure she had never suffered the way she did. If only he could, but he couldn’t.

A soft groan had his eyes flying open.

There before him, his wonderful mate’s eyes were open.

For the first-time months, he saw her beautiful blue eyes.

Emerson stood up so fast, the chair slammed against the wall and left a dent in it. but he didn’t care. All the mattered was the fact that Madeline was awake.

She was awake.

He rushed to her bedside, afraid to touch her. he just looked down at her, his eyes welling with tears.

Madeline shot up. “The baby! Is the baby okay?! He…he…”

He put his hands on her shoulders, gently pushing her down so she was laying down. “Shh, the baby is fine. The baby is healthy.”

He put his hand on her cheek gently.

“B-but…”

“I promise. Our baby is fine. He didn’t touch our baby.”

Madeline nodded and relaxed slightly. “What about the Pack? Are they okay? The children. What about them?”

“The Pack is fine, mourning our losses, but otherwise fine.”

She tried to hold onto him but winced as her arm pulled at the IV needle. He tucked her arms back by her sides. “Don’t do anything to hurt yourself further. Just, stay here, I’ll go get the doctor.”

Emerson hurried away before she could say anything. He fidgeted with his hands as he made his way to the receptionist.

“Madeline, she’s awake.”

With that, she called a doctor who turned and swiftly walked to the Luna’s room, Emerson behind her.

His hands were shaking. He was nervous. How would she react? Would she hate him? He most definitely deserved her hatred. But what if she didn’t? What if she still wanted him? Wanted him to be a part of her and the baby’s life? He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to be a part of their life after all he put them through.

He stayed by the door as the doctor tended to his mate. He watched quietly, growling menacingly whenever she winced in pain. But every time Madeline tried to make eye contact with him, he looked away.

Days passed, and Madeline was finally out of the infirmary. Emerson had been silent but tentative. Anytime she needed something or needed help, he was there, but he barely spoke to her and he never looked at her. He was trying to put off the inevitable for as long as he could.

The day that she was released, he was fidgety, more so than before. He couldn’t stop tapping his foot or fiddling with his fingers. He had never been so nervous in his life.

Emerson carried his mate up the flights of stairs to the Alpha Wing. He ignored her protests. He just clutched her tighter, hoping she would understand why he had to do it. After the third time, she stopped. He could feel her eyes on him but he didn’t turn his head to meet her gaze. Instead, he looked straight ahead.

He opened the door to their wing and stepped inside. Everything was the same from the last time he was there. Everything, except for the fact that he had fewer wine bottles. Casey, that wolf sure knew how to drink. If she wasn’t his mate’s best friends, he would have punished her by making her spend a week in training. That would’ve taught her not to drink his wine. But alas, she was best friends with Madeline, therefore he couldn’t touch her.

Madeline’s parents were there. They had informed both of them that they would be spending the day in the town. Sebastian had already come and gone. He had a Pack to run and he didn’t want to stay away from his mate and pup too long.

Emerson walked the familiar path to their bedroom. He pushed open the door. The bedroom, however, was different. Various clothing, which belonged to him, laid across the bed and floors. It broke his heart knowing why it was there. He wished he hadn’t had to go. He wished he had never left.

He was careful to step over the articles of clothing, not wanting to slip on anything. He set his mate down on the bed and tucked her in. He could tell she wanted to say something, most likely protest on how she had been in a bed for the past week, unable to get up unless it was for the bathroom. But she didn’t. she kept her mouth closed.

Once he was sure she comfortable, he pulled back and took a couple steps back. He started to fidget with his fingers again, his gaze on his shoes.

“I-Is there anything you need?” He asked quietly.

“Come here.” He heard her pat the bed.

Hesitantly, he sat down on the other side of the bed, still staring at his hands in his lap.

“Emerson, look at me.” He did not. “Emerson, please, look at me.”

He still did not. He heard the wrinkling of sheets and felt movement on the bed. He turned his head towards her frantically. She mustn’t be moving. He didn’t want her to hurt herself.

Madeline was kneeling on the bed next to him. She reached out and placed her palm on his cheek.

He looked at her then. Half in wonder of why she wasn’t repulsed by him and half in longing. He looked at her, but he did not move. He didn’t nuzzle her hand or pull her closer, he was too afraid to do so.

“Tell me what’s going through that head of yours,” she said gently. When he did not answer, she spoke again, “Emerson, please. We’re never going to get through this if you don’t tell me what you’re thinking.”

He sat there in silence, just staring at her. He was trying to memorize her face. He didn’t ever want to forget it. in his head, ran all the different possibilities that could happen. Would she kick him out of the Pack? Would she leave? Would they still remain as Alpha and Luna, but be separated? Would she still love him after all that he did, after he failed her? Would she still want him in her and the baby’s life? He didn’t know which outcome was worse, getting what he deserved or getting more than he deserved.

Madeline sighed and lowered her hand. He caught it before she could tuck it back against her body. He slowly raised it back to his cheek. He heard her relieved sigh and a smile so small formed on her face.

His head dipped and he took a breath of courage, then he raised his head and met her gaze. “I’m scared,” he finally said, “I failed you. I should’ve been able to save you, to keep you of his clutches. I should’ve gotten to him faster. I should’ve found him and ended this before he got to you. I should’ve done something. Instead, well, look at what happened to you. I could’ve prevented it, but I didn’t. it’s been a week and you’re still not fully recovered, hell, you just woke up from a coma. All of this pain could have been avoided if only I had been stronger and smarter and faster. I would’ve been able to stop this. I should have stopped this. And…I didn’t. I was too late. He got you, he hurt you, he would’ve killed our pup. All because I’m not good enough. Your pain and suffering is all my fault. It's my fault. I failed you.”

Emerson was in tears by the time he had finished. He couldn’t look at her now. Not now, because she knew now, what he didn’t do. She knew now that he was a failure and that it was his fault, all his fault. He couldn’t bear to look at her, afraid to see hatred in her eyes, but more afraid to see something else in them, something he didn’t deserve.

A second hand slid to his cheek. He felt his mate’s body crawl into his lap. Her forehead pressed to his. He shouldn’t have done it, but he slid his arms around her waist. It just felt so good to have her body pressed against his. It had been months since he had held her. he just wanted to relish this moment, enjoy the feel of her, though he didn’t deserve it.

“Emerson, you are not a failure. You didn’t fail me, you saved me. You came for me when I needed you most. Had you not gotten here when you did, our pup wouldn’t be safe and I would most likely be dead. It’s not your fault any of this happened. You didn’t cause your father to batshit crazy. You didn’t make him do all these horrible things. You didn’t make him raise an army of Rogues and make them attack the Packs. You didn’t force him to take over our Pack. And you cause him to hurt me. He did that all on his own. There’s no way that you could’ve predicted what he was going to do. There was no way of knowing he was going to take our Pack or hurt me. You couldn’t have known. But you showed up when I needed you. You saved me from him. You saved our pup. You rid him of our Pack and now we can all move on. You are not a failure, you’re our savior.”

He was crying. He couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t hate him. She didn’t hate him. She didn’t hate him. She thought him as a hero. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. He didn’t what was real and what wasn’t.

So he just cried.

Madeline’s arms circled around his neck and held onto him fiercely, well, as strong as she could manage. And Emerson, he hugged her tight, perhaps too tight, but she didn’t say a word about it.

His face was buried in her neck, breathing in her familiar scent. It was his happy place. She made him happy. And he knew he would never let her go.