The Alpha's Daydream

“Where are we going?”

“Didn’t you hear the Alpha?” Knight sneers, his grip tightening on my arm.

My hand has gone numb, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He doesn’t even care that I stumble and trip over the uneven snow-covered ground. He just keeps pulling me along with his wide strides, yanking me periodically as I lose traction and fall behind. Deeper into the forest. Deeper into the darkness as the sun sets and shadows fall swiftly over the territory.

“On the other side of the border is where rats like you belong.”

“How dare you!” I pull away from him and level my gaze on him. With a fiery intensity, I clench my free fist and pound it on his chest, but he doesn’t budge. It doesn’t affect him. “Would you really leave me out here in the forest? There are rogues everywhere!” I hate the desperate tremor in my voice, but with the cold pressing in and the heat inside wanting out, I am a chattering mess that can only think of one thing.

Survival.

“Oh darling, the rogues are the least of your worries,” he replies casually.

I realise where we are heading, and understand with sinking clarity what he means. We aren’t at the eastern border that is close to my parents’ place. We are further north, in the mountainous foothills where the terrain alone is a formidable enemy. I won’t last the night out here, with my delicate clothing and my fragile sanity.

Malachi’s rejection keeps pounding in my ears, reverberating through my body and rattling my core. My very soul is cracking, threatening to tear in two and I don’t know how much longer I can last.

Not many wolves survive rejection. If they felt nothing for each other, a severation of their bond is minor, especially if they hadn’t marked or mated. But though my bond with the young Alpha seems superficial, with not much in the way of physical claims tying us together, my heart has forged a connection that is stronger than I realised.

This pain I now feel is terrifying, consuming, ravaging.

My body shakes like a fallen leaf, afloat on the currents of a blizzard, and I can’t stop the shivers that the cold winds induce. Night hedges closer around us, and I feel the border approaching. Soon I will step off the territory, and the breaking bond with shatter even further. The link with Malachi will grow weaker, and I will feel even more adrift, detached, and helpless.

I hate this feeling. With everything within me, I wrench my arm free and shove against Knight. He counters my move, pushing me back until I flail, my arms waving in futility as my rear falls to the ground.

“Just give it up, Ariella. You’re never going to win,” he scolds, crossing his arms and staring down at me coldly.

My dignity stings, and I hastily push myself up and brush the leaves from my clothes and hair. “The Alphas of ForgedHearts know who you really are. They’ll come after you. You won’t get away with this, be sure of it, friend.” I put as much fire behind my voice as I can in my weakened state, but I know it falls horribly short of what I intended when Knight just laughs. He takes a step closer and I take a step back.

“You won’t tell your Alphas about this. You won’t even tell your parents. You know how I know this? Because I know you know what’s really going on. And if you care anything for your family, you won’t want them anywhere near what is going to happen tonight,” he leans close, smiling wickedly.

My stomach falls away, cold dread curling down my spine and settling like a snake in my gut.

Demons. Surely that’s what he means. He has a plan, and I don’t know what it is. But by involving my parents in any of this, I might only be sentencing them to death.

“Then I’ll have to fight you myself,” I growl, leaping at him and baring my teeth.

He blocks me easily, his brute strength overpowering my feeble body. Shoving me back, I fall to the ground again. And as I look over my shoulder, I see a cliff drop away behind me. The sound of rushing water growls louder over the howl of the wind, and I smell the fresh sweetness of Falcon River.

Knight leans down and grips the neck of my dress, yanking me up a few inches. “If you ever come back, I will finish you,” he threatens in a low growl.

I feel paralysed for a moment, but then my senses kick into function and I swing my fist, hitting him across the cheek. It barely affects him, but his rage increases. With a savage growl, he lifts me and throws me easily from the edge of the small cliff, and I find myself falling towards the swirling cold waters of the river below.

I feel a scream bubble in my throat, but I have the sense to take a breath instead of releasing it in terror. The cold water, smacking against my body and sucking me under, shocks me into numbing pain, distracting me from my shattering heart. I’ve crossed the border, and I’m no longer on the territory I would be Luna of. With nothing but a rejected claim on my neck, I am officially packless.

I continue to hold my breath as I watch swirls of bubbles rush past me as I sink. Where I fell is a deep section of the river, so I am not smashed against the rocks.

Though I wouldn’t care if I was.

A memory of Malachi flashes in my mind, of being held encased in his arms as he presses his lips to mine. He once gave me his very air to breathe. Now this time, he sucked it from my lungs in the most painful way possible.

Struggling to the shore with stiff limbs takes a few minutes, but I eventually make it and climb up onto the leaf covered bank on the opposite side. Mud and bracken clings to my limbs, cold and grimy, scratching my skin and bruising my tender flesh.

Once I’ve caught my breath, I struggle to a sitting position and turn, wrapping my arms around my freezing body. Glancing up at the cliff, I meet the dark and relentless stare of the man I once called friend. His glittering emerald eyes are trained on me, forbidding and merciless, then he disappears and I am left to wonder just what I was left alive for.

I have no direction. No reason to press on. But I do that anyway. Struggling to my feet, I look around to try and find the way to my parents’ cottage. I tilt my head back and search the stars, recognising the constellations before I decide to head south. I don’t get far before a searing pain replaces the throb in my chest. I sink to my knees and clutch my chest, gritting my teeth against the scream that crawls up my throat. I need to remain silent, as I don’t want to alert anyone or anything that I’m here alone in the deserted forest.

Doubled over, I take short breaths, the pain wracking my body in undulating waves. I can’t go on. I can barely even breathe. I can only pray that the frigid air takes me swiftly, but I doubt that is possible with the heat that continues to radiate from inside me. I clench my fists and mumble curses against the pull of the full moon, then close my eyes against its unremorseful stare from above me.

The thought of cursing Malachi crosses my mind, of just giving in and accepting his rejection. But could I live with myself if I gave up on him now? Am I alive now anyway? All the time we had together, I thought I was living. But my life just seemed to be placed on hold. He’d let me in to his heart for a moment, before pushing me away again with tightly pressed lips and a sealed mind, keeping the innermost parts of himself under lock and key.

He said he cares about me, but has he done much to prove he wants me as mate?

A fresh stab of pain begins in my chest and travels outwards. Biting my bottom lip to withhold a choked sob, I am reminded of what he did this afternoon. Of when he turned his back on me. Of when he couldn’t look me in the eye and say he loves me.

His actions spoke louder than words.

His silence has finally killed me.

My mind is adrift, unable to think anymore, lost in a haze of numbness as my body fights the toxin of the rejection.

Soon, clouds shift over the taunting face of the moon, blocking the silvery light and bringing with them cold mists of rain that fall and wash my skin clean. Goosebumps replace the leaves and bracken, leaving me shivering and burning at once.

“Girl, you are one pitiful mess.”

The familiar voice startles me, and I turn my head to see Luci kneeling beside me. I can’t speak, and don’t know what I would say anyway. I just implore her with my eyes to leave me alone.

Ignoring me, she smiles knowingly, “Good thing I specialise in rescuing lost puppies.” She lays a hand on my forehead and gasps. “As cold as ice! Let’s get you someplace warm.”

My mind and thoughts are fuzzy as she helps me to my feet, my limbs unresponsive to her gentle prodding. I try telling her my story, that I’d rather die a dramatic death in the snow, but my lips can barely form anything beyond incoherent chattering.

“Save your breath, darling,” Luci pats my waist, her arm securely around me as she leads me to my parents’ place. I’m not sure I want to face them right now, but I have no strength to protest. It isn’t long before I see the cottage through the trees, and wonder why each window is dark.

“My parents…?”

“Are out with Alpha Kaiden and his command, searching for Caleb Scumbag Knight. Been hunting for him ever since Alpha Chesca gave birth to baby Hunter and told everyone how he nearly killed them both. They haven’t had any luck finding him though. That vermin seems to have dropped off the face of the earth,” Luci rants, her fingers digging almost painfully into my side as her fists clench in anger.

“He is at DoubleEdge, working as advisor to Seneca and Malachi. He just pushed me off a cliff, over the border. We have to stop him,” I mutter though my jaw is numb from the cold.

“That slimy piece of garbage! We’ll get him, don’t worry. I’ll let your parents know,” Luci assures.

“No!” I gasp.

“No?”

“Yes, no. He...he threatened them. I can’t let them get hurt.”

“It will be the whole force of Alpha Kaiden’s warriors. They can handle him.”

I continue to shake my head against Luci’s arguments. She would never understand my fears of the dark forces at Seneca’s command. The Luna may claim to only want peace and live a quiet life, but I can’t fight the impression that there’s more to her story.

“Whatever, Girl,” Luci sighs. “They’re gonna find him soon. I know he used to be your friend, but you can’t protect him forever.”

We reach my old home and I see Gabby rush forward to greet us. “Ari! What happened to you? Luci told me you were in trouble. Come on, let’s get you inside.”

I nearly faint as my friends help me upstairs, and I’m not sure whether to cry in gratitude to them, or cry tears of humiliation at my pathetic situation. I can’t bear to face the truth.

“Malachi rejected me,” I fall face first onto my bed and mumble into the soft quilt.

“Well, isn’t he an idiot,” Luci growls expectedly, but it does nothing to assuage the pain I feel. “He never did treat you right. Good riddance, I say.”

“It’s not like that! I care for him, and he felt the same. We were meant to be together. Forever,” I sit up and hug my pillow to my chest, wincing at the pain it causes. Sobs wrack my body and Gabby sits beside me, gently rubbing my back. “He said he cared for me.” I whisper. I don’t understand it. I feel the mark on my neck, my fingers brushing over it and causing a fresh sting to radiate through my body. My internal temperature is spiking, and I take shallow breaths to minimise the pressure building in my lungs.

“Actions speak louder than words, hon. Just get over him already,” Luci rolls her eyes and examines her nails as she sits at my old desk.

I shiver at her choice of words.

“Don’t be so harsh. You have no idea how close they’ve probably grown these last few weeks,” Gabby scolds her, still patting me gently. “Ariella, I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling, but I’m going to help you get through it.”

I lean against her shoulder and thank God for giving me at least one understanding friend. “Thanks, Gabby. But...I don’t want to get through it, as you say. I want to make it right. I can’t accept he would just do something like this to me. I can’t stop feeling that there’s more to it. A reason why he rejected me… A reason beyond his control.”

Luci snorts. “He’s an Alpha. He’s in control of everything.”

I glare at her, willing her to shut her mouth.

“Did he say the words himself?” she prods.

I wince.

You’re a damn traitor, Ariella. Do you need any more reason as to why I’m rejecting you?

“Yes.”

“And was anyone holding a gun to his head?”

“Luci!” Gabby gasps, but I meet the cool eyes of my raven-haired friend and answer steadily though it cuts my tongue in two.

“No.”

“Ha! Then it was his choice. Just accept his rejection and be done with it.”

“I won’t! Call me crazy, but I can’t let go of him. Not when I feel he needs me.”

“He needs you? The mighty Alpha of DoubleEdge needs you? What he needs is a good kick up his backside, and maybe a slice to the neck,” she gestures wildly, her hands charading the actions. “You’d be an imbecile to keep holding out for an amendment to his rejection. What are you expecting him to do? Show up on your doorstep again, confess he lied and loves you more than breath itself, and whisk you away to a happily ever after? He doesn’t want you! Just get that into your head. The sooner the better.”

I can’t stop the tears that leak from eyes as I listen to Luci’s reasoning. It’s true, all of it. If I just accept that he let me go, this heat would stop. The pain would be unbearable for a while, but it too would go away. I could go back to normal. Only without a beating heart. All I can see is a dark, endless hole of despair if I were to just turn my back on the mate God made for me.

“I won’t.” I straighten and wipe my eyes. “Maybe I am insane. But isn’t love an insanity? Isn’t the mate bond meant to drive us to do extraordinary things to protect our other half?”

“It’s not meant to get you killed! If you don’t even want your parents going back over there, then there’s no way you should be.”

“What?” Gabby asks, confused.

“Long story. Caleb Knight and rogues, and I think it’s all going down tonight,” I mutter, wiping my eyes furiously to clear my vision. “That’s why I need to go back. For Malachi’s sake. And for his pack.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Luci just shakes her head.

“I agree with Ariella. She’s still connected to Malachi, and if she thinks he needs her, he probably does. Whether he wants to admit it or not. The bond will continue to strengthen her. She was born to be Luna, and that still counts for something no matter how many times he rejects her. Until she’s accepted it and it’s final, she will still sense the connection.

“She still bears his mark, which is a powerful thing. Ari, you have to think carefully and make the best decision now.”

“I’m trying, honestly I am,” I say as I rub my aching forehead. Sweat beads on my skin and I feel it trickling down my back. It’s getting hot in here, too hot, and I’m not sure I can think clearly anymore.

“Do you love him?” Gabby asks as she pats my shoulder, stroking my hair back from my face and handing me a tissue for my tears. Her motherly instincts and actions are just what I need right now.

“I think I do. I mean, he’s my mate. Of course I love him. I just want to be with him and spend time with him, feel his arms around me. Hold him at night and never let go.” Yes, I never want to be apart from him. With him is the only place I truly feel at home.

“Sure, but do you love him?”

I take a moment to reply, as I really think about her question. “What even is love?” I ask quietly yet still manage to hear a snort from Luci as if I asked the most stupid question. Maybe I did.

Gabby shoots Luci one of her famous glares then answers me gently. “Love is not just a feeling, Ariella. It is action. It is being patient with someone even if they’re the most trying person. It is being kind to them even when they mistreat you. I don’t mean you should go back to him if he’s abusing you, but you should try and understand where he’s coming from. Love is considering his thoughts and feelings with your own. You show your love for him by wanting the best for him even if he doesn’t deserve it.”

“Well, I want Malachi to be happy—“

“Happy,” Luci chokes on the word. “No one can make up their mind on what really makes them happy nowadays. The definition of the word keeps changing every generation. Parents just sit back and let their children ruin their lives in this pursuit of happiness. It’s so much fun to watch!” She claps her hands excitedly, and I determine then that Luci is certifiably crazy.

I ignore her and think back to the coldness in his eyes as he rejected me today. “If he’s happy without me, then I guess I could live with that. I could live without him if he hates being around me so much,” I sniff, nearly choking on the lies and scrunching the tissue in my fist. “If he dislikes me so much, then fine. He can have his solitude, peace, and quiet without me.” A part of me knows this isn’t true, but maybe I’m just dreaming that he does actually care for me.

“Yeah, he deserves to rot in that massive mansion-prison all by himself for how he treated you,” Luci adds, a dark frown on her face.

I sit up and look at her, “No, I didn’t mean that—”

“Don’t you want him to suffer, Ariella? Don’t you want him to feel pain, and maybe get a little taste of what you’re going through?” Luci twists her eyebrows in a show of cynicism, motioning to the pathetic mess I am right now.

I swallow hard, the meaning of both their words confusing me, but making one thing clear. “No. No, I don’t want him to hurt at all. I’ve seen the pain he lives with, the darkness in his soul. I don’t want him to suffer anymore. I would take it all away if I could. I would fill his days with sunshine and joy, make his home bright and cheerful, and take away all his worries just so he can smile again. So he can breathe without so much weight on his shoulders. I care so much for him, it hurts,” I clutch my hands to my chest, right over the physical pain in my heart, and turn pleading eyes to Gabby. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You love him,” she responds simply. “I know he has hurt you, Ariella, but you’re stronger than either of you believe. He might not see your worth or understand what it means to love you as a mate, but I know you do. You can see the heart that lies buried within him, the heart yearning for a chance. And only you can give him that. Maybe only you can save him.”

“But he rejected her!” Luci points out, continuing to pace back and forth in frenzied steps. She is a body of energy, tightly wound and set to spring any moment. I’d hate to be the target for her vengeful fury. “Is she just meant to waltz back to him, her heart still broken and bleeding, and forgive him for stabbing her like that?”

“He has a fragile soul already, Luci,” I defend him. “He doesn’t know what he wants. I’m willing to place all my faith in the fact that somewhere, somehow inside him there is a flicker of hope. Hope that he does want me, and—”

“You’re dreaming, Ari. Malachi is a jerk and a sick wolf for just pushing you away like that. He’s been pushing you away ever since you met him. I wouldn’t waste anymore time on him. Just accept the fact he’s finally rejected you, so you can make a clean break and get over him once and for all.”

“I could never get over him. I love him too much. I would give my life for him,” I climb from my bed and wipe back tears so I can see clearly out the window, staring in the direction of his territory. The clouds have cleared, and the moon has once again cast silvery light over the landscape. But I sense a shift in the atmosphere, a heaviness that isn’t only in my soul. I feel it pressing in all around me.

“By walking back to him, you would be giving your life for him. Throwing it away like you don’t care for the breath that fills your lungs or the beat in your heart. You could do so much more with your life—”

“He is my life!” I turn and yell at Luci, clenching my jaw after the outburst. But I can see clearly now what I am meant to do. “He is my destiny, and I know that together we can accomplish far more than anything individually. We were made for each other, and one foolish moment of heated words from him isn’t ever going to change that. He may not recognise what we mean to each other, but I do. I won’t give up on him!” I pound my fist into my hand and stamp my foot. The action infuses strength back into my weary body. Glaring at Luci, I wait for her equally heated retort, but she is staring out the window behind me.

“What—“ she begins with a puzzled expression on her face.

I turn around and see the dark world beyond the window, the shadows and trees branches playing tag on the front lawn. But instead of silver light shed by the moon, everything has taken on an orange hue. A crimson glow taints the usually bright scene. I gasp and peer up, watching as the moon is eaten with a shadow of its own.

“The lunar eclipse is tonight!” Gabby explains and slaps her forehead as if it’s something none of us should have forgotten.

“The what?”

“Lunar eclipse. It’s where the earth passes between the sun and moon, causing the shadow—“

“I know what an eclipse is!” I growl frustratedly at Luci. “But what’s so important about it?”

“Well,” Luci fidgets, hesitation in her voice that is highly unusual. “Gabby had a theory…” she looks to our blonde friend to elaborate.

Gabby grabs my hands in hers. “Remember that poem by Francis Ainsworth? The one about the moon turning to blood…”

“About souls being cursed? But that was all figurative…” I don’t see where she’s going with this. Francis may have had some predictions come true, but she wrote lots of poetry that was just that. Poetry.

“Shh!” Luci holds up a hand to hush me, her other balancing a book before she flips a few more pages. I recognise it as the one we found in Alpha Chesca’s library. “Here it is!” She clears her throat and quotes solemnly.

“When the Moon turns to blood, night shall be free. Cursed forever are the souls bound to me. Mortal souls shall die; engulfed by Night. Forever to roam beyond mortal sight.”

I can’t explain why, but the words cause a full body shudder to ripple through me. “Cursed forever. Seneca mentioned how she and her brothers and sisters were cursed after a rebellion against the King. Malachi is her son, but he’s not a demon by birth. He’s a wolf.”

“A mortal soul. But what if that could change? Remember reading about a transformation ritual?” Gabby taps her lower lip with her index finger, thinking deeply.

“Mortal souls shall die. Forever to roam beyond mortal sight. The Interealm. That has to be it!” I say, piecing the riddle together. “I’ve seen a beast within Malachi. What if he is slowly turning into a demon, and tonight is the time of his full transformation? He’ll be forever cursed and bound to the Interealm.”

I’m already climbing out the window to run as fast as I can to Malachi, but something stops me.

I’m tugged back and land hard on the carpet. Luci glares down at me.

“You might want to take this,” she says seriously while holding out a knife. It is the ancient dagger that the Steelheart forefathers collected from another dynasty. The dagger with the mysterious swirls and designs etched into the handle. The one I used to kill a rogue.

“Why would I want that?!” I slap her hand away, and pull myself up again.

Mu raven-haired friend smirks, her full lips dangerously close to the blade as she inspects it. “If I was crawling into bed with a demon, I’d want protection.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Luci!” Gabby berates her.

“Hey, Ari was the one who just wanted to die a dramatic death in the snow all by herself.”

I gasp. “I never said that!”

“But you were thinking it.”

“Oh yeah, and you can read my thoughts now.”

Luci justs gives me another of her signature smirks, but this time it leaves me feeling unsettled.

“Just take it,” she says while slipping the dagger down the front of my white dress. It rests snugly between my skin and the waistband, the cool steel blade causing shivers to erupt all over me. More and more snakes of anxiety writhe in my stomach, but I take a deep breath to still them.

I make no move to remove the dagger. It feels secure, like I have something to protect myself with should anything go wrong. But I can’t be afraid. Malachi is my mate, and he would never hurt me.

But then I remember the cold stone in my chest where my heart should be. The ache is fading, the numbness setting in. I am already dead. He has already killed me.

So what do I have to lose? At least by going back and trying to reason with him, I have a chance of saving him from whatever darkness he is consumed by. I may be able to save him even though I am already too far gone. Malachi has done this to me, but maybe I can do something good for him. Despite the faith Gabby has in me, I don’t believe for a second that I have the strength to save both Malachi and me.

“I’m not planning on fighting anyone, but thanks for the safety gear,“ I pat my chest and glare at Luci once more before smiling at Gabby. Her blue eyes twinkle with genuine concern, then she pulls me in for a reassuring hug. “Thanks, sis,” I squeeze her tightly, then wipe my eyes dry. “I will go now. My mind is made up.” I climb out the window again and leap to the tree. My friends follow carefully behind. We could’ve taken the stairs and gone out the front door, but honestly this is the fastest route out.

As I creep along the shadowed paths towards DoubleEdge territory, I am reminded of a night not too long ago, when we crept out to investigate the dark calling on the wind, the dark haze and mystery that was my mate.

Now, like then, I don’t know what I’m walking towards. I don’t know him.

The eclipse progresses, the shadow consuming the face of the moon and drawing it further into darkness. A dark blood red tint is etched on every surface around us like an eerie vale.

Each one of my senses is telling me to stop.

Turn around.

Run in the opposite direction towards everything familiar and safe.

But my instinct keeps telling me to go on, press forward, and answer the screaming in my mind. I need to answer the unspoken plea from my Alpha mate.

I need to fight to save him, even if it destroys me.