The Alpha & I

She took her time on the way home, it wasn’t like anyone was waiting for her. Taking a few detours, she took a slow pace through the greenery of the forest slowly making her way home. She knew she was alright on this side of the forest as she couldn’t smell any violence, no blood in the air. As the sun began to set, she decided to finally make her way back to the little hut she had been calling her home for the last five years.

Walking along the well-worn path she turned to the presence deep within herself.

You still won’t talk to me? Or come out, huh? She asked the sleeping animal.

She got a slight grunt in response; her animal always did that. Making sure to at least let her know that she was still there.

It’s okay you know, we could be running free together, wouldn’t you like that? She received a huff in response.

She was being told to leave her inner self alone. One day, maybe they would be together again, but Sirena didn’t blame her animal for not wanting to come out. It did after all blame itself for what happened that day many years ago.

That fated day, she was both destroyed and saved. On her 15th birthday, she’d gone into heat for the first time, it was young for both species, wolves and snow leopards. And given that the snow leopard shifters were becoming extinct, the pack that was keeping her as ‘breeding stock’ took the opportunity to try to impregnate her.

Something about the cubs being stillborn for so long that they gave up on trying to breed within their own ranks and branched out. She had learnt that only shifters could breed with other shifters and produce offspring. Though it wasn’t unheard of for humans to have shifter offspring, it was extremely rare that they would be able to shift at all.

But that day, her beast had lashed out and even managed to kill some of their attackers after somewhat transforming. All in an attempt to save them both. Thanks to her animal side she wasn't taken without a fight, luckily she had not fallen with child.

Once the men stopped and had their fill... or had been killed, her beast had then locked itself away. It had been a protective measure, so she would never have heat. So the men around her wouldn't go into a frenzy again. Scared and afraid it was then that Cedric had found her.

Sirena didn’t mind not having her heat and even enjoyed the freedom, but she missed the other side of herself. It was like a piece of herself was missing. So close but just out of reach, leaving an emptiness that couldn't be filled.

“I should really name you, but you won’t talk to me, so I find it hard to give you one, you know!” she spoke to herself, her animal could still hear her, it was after all, always there inside her.

She wasn’t far from the hut now; she could see it in the distance but her nose started to tingle. She wriggled it as she tried to figure out what the scent was and where it was coming from. It was mixed with a bunch of other smells she didn’t know, but she could definitely make out something or someone she did recognize.

Blood, she realized. “Cedric!” She exclaimed and broke out into a run.

She vaulted around the back of the small hut and found him in a heap. He had been utterly torn to pieces, his skin was gaping open and blood had sprayed everywhere. His eyes were dull and the life had long left them. She felt her animal stir with anger, grief and shock. The feelings overwhelmed them both.

“NO!” She screamed as she lugged forward only to slip on the blood-soaked muddy ground.

Crawling her way over to his body, her hands were shaking as she grabbed onto his barely attached arm. She needed to confirm if this was real. The sickening sound of flesh tearing and the limp arm dropping to the ground confirmed it for her, he was gone.

She felt tears well up, her emotions going into overdrive. Her surroundings had shown her that he had taken out quite a number of the attackers before he had gone down. Dead men she had never seen before lay scattered around.

Unable to hold back anymore she raised her head to the sky and howled, the sound was not her own and came from deep within her.

She felt parts of her body change. Her fingers elongated to claws, half her face peeled away as canines protruded from one side, her brow filled out and changed shape. She felt her shoulders hunch and become trapped in a half-transformed state. Sirena was trying desperately to shift, to run after the lingering scents that were leading away from the hut.

I’m sorry, I can’t. I don’t want to come out. A whipper came from inside her. At that moment her animal went into a deep slumber inside her, blocking their connection and shutting her out completely. Not wanting to face the reality that was before them both, and most of all not risking Sirena’s safety. It was darker than it had ever been inside herself, she felt alone, disconnected. She clenched her hand over her heart as she felt herself breaking, bones shifting and settling in an unnatural formation.

Within minutes Cedric's pack arrived, drawn by her howl. She heard the gasps and someone barked that she was responsible and to kill her. She almost wished they would, she had nothing left.

“No! That’s Sirena, I met her today I recognize the scent.” A familiar voice sounded, a figure standing between her and the advancing pack. He was shielding her.

She'd only met him once and he was defending her, had he know Cedric well?

“Gail?” She questioned as the tears finally flowed down her face. “This can’t be happening...”

She trailed off before pulling her hood up and over the half of her face that was now deformed, her claw-like hands clinging to the material. Gail spun around and knelt next to her, his hand resting on her back. “Are you hurt?” He questioned.

She shook her head. “Cedric...” She whispered.

"I know little. It's okay, we will look after you now." His voice was fading as her mind couldn't focus.

At some point, she was taken back to the pack’s den. She was accepted without question and given a room of her own. All the while she couldn't think, couldn't speak. She just let her body move, going through the motions, but she wasn't there.

Things moved so fast the next couple of days as they held several funerals for the fallen, Cedric’s included. She didn’t pay much attention to the people who introduced themselves, not many people wanted much to do with her given her current condition anyway. Maybe it was hard to look at, maybe they felt sorry for her. She didn't care.

Time began to pass and she grew used to living in the pack. She was mostly useless, so she did her best to help with the everyday chores, cleaning, washing, and food prep. Anything really so she wouldn’t be kicked out, that fear always nagged at her, every day. The last thing she wanted was for the snow leopards to find her, at least here she was safe. It’s what Cedric would have wanted as well. She kept her head down, did what others asked her to do and retired to her room every night.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, before she knew it she was waking up one morning to find it was her birthday. A small note had been slid under her door, opening it she saw it was from Gail. He’d been kind to her and basically taken her under his wing. Inside it read ‘Happy 21st birthday, there’s a small get-together tonight to celebrate! 7 pm sharp in the meeting hall be there!! xo Gail.’

She frowned, a party for her? Living in a pack really wasn’t as bad as she once thought it could be. Pulling on her hooded jacket she covered her face and went about her daily chores.

The kitchen was first on her list, but the cook kicked her out as they were making her birthday cake. She laughed nervously as she was pushed out the door, was this really happening? She normally kept to herself and people were fussing over her. It felt strange.

Next, she thought she would try the laundry room, most of the pack washed their own clothes, but often things were dropped off for repair and stain removal since blood was a pain to get out yourself. Thankfully she wasn’t kicked out of there, so she sat and began mending some dresses.

“Oh wow, is that a new dress?” She heard one woman say to another who was outside the room.

“Oh no, it’s an old one, I asked Sirena if she could liven it up for me, that girl is an absolute gem, a little quiet though.” Sirena ignored the banter not really caring if they were talking good or bad about her, she just minded her own business.

“The girl really has a talent, she should charge, that’s amazing!” The voices continued but Sirena only heard mumbles.

“I know, I suggested as much but she just kind of zoned out, I don’t think she’d quite all there.”

“Oh, the poor thing, I can’t imagine. She’s such a sweet thing too, hopefully, tonight we can all show her how grateful we are to have her here.”

The women’s voices faded as they moved away, Sirena enjoyed the peace and quiet it brought. But soon she was done and had to wander off to find something else to occupy her hands and mind.

She started cleaning rooms that had their doors open, it was a system the pack had developed for her. She had asked when the best time to clean rooms would be and not everyone could give an exact time. She’d make the bed, sweep the floor and tidy the bathrooms.

Before long she was done for the day, but it was only lunchtime... Damn, I was hoping it was later. Returning to her room she picked up her book she was currently reading. She grabbed a couple of sandwiches from outside the kitchen since she still wasn’t allowed in and made her way to the stream just outside the pack’s den. She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t notice someone sitting next to her until he spoke.

“That interesting, huh?” His voice was deep and husky, if she’d been interested in men she’d have found it irresistible for sure.

“Getting lost in a book helps me forget the world.” She retorted without letting her eyes leave the page.

“And you have a lot to escape from?” He asked in a curious tone, not mocking unlike many of the others.

“There is no escape, I accept that. It’s more of a distraction.” She was conversing with a pack member rather easily she realized. No one really tried to hold a conversation with her before... or is that because her replies were normally short? Or maybe she wasn’t paying enough attention?

“And what do you need to be distracted from my dear?” His way of speaking was reminding her of the way Cedric used to speak to her. He must be older, probably a friend of Gail's checking in on her at his request.

“The harshness of life, living, whatever you can think of along those lines.” Her gaze was still skimming the pages paying him little to no mind. But she did adjust her hood slightly so he could only see the hair falling out from under the fabric, hiding the deformity from sight.

“Ah, life can be hard sometimes, I agree. I find it best to set a purpose or goal for the day and that can make it a little less... well harsh. Even if it is as simple as going outside without the hood on.” He incurred.

She snort laughed. “Easy for you to say, bet you're as handsome as one can be.”

She felt him lean closer. “You won’t know unless you lo-”

“ALPHA!” He was cut off by a male’s shout in the distance.

She felt him sigh, he was that close. He got up and headed toward the voice. “What is it?” He asked.

Her eyes shot up, Alpha? The Alpha was just with her? She felt chills run down her spine. The Alpha was back? She honestly didn't remember him. She knew she'd met him once, but she wasn't herself. She had been sworn into the pack the night Cedric had died, pledging her loyalty to him, but she couldn't even recall his face. She spun around searching but couldn’t see anyone anywhere, she was once again alone.

What just happened? What had she done? She'd been so disrespectful! Fear set in as her mind raced.