Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

We were gathered round the kitchen table while Dad was out. By we I mean, Mum, Attan, Dwendra, Jebna and Preldin. Attan was looking very unhappy and Mum was looking at Dwendra with hatred.

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with this family or Benai Nibeyim?” I asked Attan.

“Don’t ask!” said Attan.

“Our Mum said we should come,” said Jebna, “and I thought it would at least be a good way to meet teenage nibeyim.”

“Typical,” said Preldin. “Winemakerism doesn’t say you’ve got to marry a nibey!”

“I know,” said Jebna.

“What exactly is the point of this?” asked Preldin

“Benai Nibeyim didst suffereth a decapitation attack ...” said Dwendra.

“I know, protocols,” said Mum. “I’m sure Kiard will come round when he gets better. In the meantime I guess I’m leading this chapter ...”

“No,” said Dwendra. “According unto the protocols, the leader ist Jebna.”

“What?” asked Jebna.

“I’m the oldest,” said Mum, “shouldn’t we have an election?”

“We art using decapitation attack rules,” said Dwendra. “We art also obeying the constitution. No more raping anybody! I hath ex-communicated Kiard for multiple offenses and he shalt be lucky if that ist all I doeth unto him. I hath yet to decideth upon other punishments.”

“Like having his wife and a bunch of his friends killed and getting blown up isn’t enough,” said Attan.

“Oh, these protocols are reverse korbarist?” asked Jebna.

“Do we even have anything to do if you’re looking after Clindar personally?” asked Mum.

“The Prophesied Ruination art upon us,” said Dwendra. “There ist a new Vineyard magis, the Astrigis relic hath been moved unto the Minris Vineyard, avatars hath appeared ...”

“And been killed,” said Mum.

“There might be-eth others,” said Dwendra. “The Mysterious Monsters hath also appeared and thee hath an anav priest and Sixteen hath returned and married him.”

“You mean you’re like some cosmic fulfillment of prophecy?” asked Attan, cynically. “I thought Yoho’s avatar was the anav priest.”

“I’m an anav priest,” I said, “I know I’m not Yoho’s avatar but I belong to the order of Faldreth and he doesn’t.”

“As a Winemaker can I say I don’t believe in the avatars?” asked Preldin.

“The avatars claimed to merely have the personalities and memories of members of the crew of the starship that brought humans to Midbar,” I said. “They were Yohoists but as they didn’t know the Book of Scholars, they converted to Winemakerism. Therefore we should support them and as the Monsters are against them, we should believe the Monsters are evil.”

“Why does this all have to be so fornicating complicated!” shouted Attan. “Monsters this, Yohoist that! It’s like a Jarrinno story! Religion should be about making people feel good, not prophecies, monsters and special powers!”

Jarrinno was a legendary warrior mage who’d apparently lived around the time humans were developing space travel. His far-fetched adventures often featured in books and internet shows.

“And yet the scriptures art full of prophecies, monsters and special powers,” said Dwendra. She got out a small computer and put it on the table. “This ist the records of babies produced by Yoldasia’s fertility clinic. It’s likely some art psychic, some probably anavim. They shouldst be tracked down and their situations assessed then we shalt decideth what to doeth with them.”

“It’s unlikely they’re all in Laraget,” said Mum.

“Do what thee canst,” said Dwendra. “If they art not in the Laraget area, we shalt hath others investigateth them. There art also the matters of the Prophesied Ruination and the Monsters. Thee shouldst watcheth for strange events and possibly investigate them.”

“Isn’t the Prophesied Ruination over now the avatars are dead?” asked Mum.

“The avatars were the good people,” I said. “The Monsters are evil!”

“I heard the Monsters were protecting us from the Prophesied Ruination” said Mum.

“Where did you hear that?” I asked.

“Somebody mentioned it to me.”

“Can you be more specific?”

“It’s just what people are saying.”

“What people?” asked Dwendra.

“Nobody’s going to accept Dwendra as the new leader of Benai Nibeyim,” said Mum. “You should just let the other person with a key be leader.”

“What other person?” I asked.

“Somebody just mentioned it to me.”

The Targrath merchants’ chapter included most the Paxian government. Because government wasn’t currently in session and some of them had been killed in the leadership meeting, only about half of the members had been able to make the meeting, held in the basement of the parliament building, Beit Ha-Am. This was carved from strangely patterned, metamorphic rock, which had been crushed and melted by the asteroid impact that had created the Great Basin. It was wedge shaped with seating facing the point, with a deep pit between the stage, in the point, and the seating. The attendees were mostly older people with more men than women and all were hipsickim. They looked at us as if we were something unpleasant on the bottom of their shoes and emitted similar smug vibes to the Grand Merchant at the leadership meeting. They listened to our explanation but clearly didn’t seem interested.

“These are the problems with what you say,” said Guldrin, sneering. “Firstly you’re just kids, you haven’t really done anything with your lives. You don’t have the skills to lead anybody. You say we should follow you to avoid conflict within the organization ...”

“Most the Shepherd, Fig Grower, Vinegrower and priestly chapters accepteth us,” said Dwendra.

We hadn’t had time to contact many but this was true of those we had.

“So you’re causing exactly the sort of division you say you’re trying to avoid,” said another man I didn’t recognize.

“The protocols weret putteth in place to provideth a clear leader in this sort of situation,” said Dwendra.

“Do you have another candidate?” I asked.

They looked at each other. It was clear that they had one but didn’t wish to tell us.

“You’re also saying that we should have a closer relationship with ... Haprihagfen,” said Guldrin, his left eye twitching, “but you want to fight a war with Aramator.”

“We doth not wanteth a war!” said Dwendra. “Nuhara art taking over Pax. Thou canst not maketh peace with Nuharas. Lieing art part of their religion, as ist violence and breaking agreements, following the example of their false prophet. We already art at war with Nuhara, we needest to fight back or they wilt wineth!”