Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

“Oh hi,” she said when she saw us, well she’d probably detected our vibes, “I was wondering what had happened to you. I’m getting in touch with my inner bisexual, you know all about that Breeze or have you started liking boys?”

“I’ve started liking boys,” said Breeze, blushing.

“I was wondering if you could do us a favor,” I said crouching down to her level.

“Like sure,” she said and blew some pink gas into my face.

“Oh wow,” said the girl she was kissing who was a nibeyah, “you’re like totally anavim!”

“It would be very useful if you’d tell us where the Grand Vine Grower’s keys are,” I said, “please.”

“Sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Miandri.

“She’s telling the truth,” said Breeze. “What do these keys look like?”

“I hath never seeneth one,” said Miandri, “but I art toldeth they art devices of an ancient design, very small computers. The Grand Vine Grower shouldst hath three of them, one art probably in her house and the other two in different locations where her successor canst findeth them if she’s killed and her house destroyed.”

“You really do have an interesting body,” said Breeze. “Perhaps I could explore my homosexual side with you.”

Breeze gently pushed me and the nibeyah out the way and started running her hands over Miandri’s stomach.

“This isn’t some sort of magis trick is it?” asked Miandri.

“Hey she totally looks like that Vineyard magis,” said the boy Miandri was sitting on.

“Would I do something like that?” said Breeze undoing Miandri’s harness.

“Yes you would,” said Miandri. “Arr!”

Miandri suddenly flopped back and the boy she was sitting on kissed her on the lips.

“Just temporary paralysis,” said Breeze, opening Miandri’s sari to reveal her belly. “Now you’ve got a cluster of protective associates in your intestines, just inside your naval. Let’s see, it opens like this!” She made an opening gesture over Miandri’s naval and it dilated. Then Breeze reached in an removed a small object and closed the naval again. “Is this what you’re looking for?” she said tossing the triangular prism shaped object at Dwendra.

“This is totally not cool!” said Miandri.

“Yuc!” said Dwendra catching the small object in the shape of a triangular prism.

“I’m getting in touch with my magis side,” said Breeze, standing up.

“Wow she like totally took that thing out of your naval,” said the boy Miandri was laying on.

Dwendra used a spell to remove the slime on the object and then fiddled with it. It opened into a flat plate and Dwendra jabbed a finger at it as if pressing buttons on a portable computer. “Oh yes, contact information for all the chapters, this art it! Now we just needeth to maketh sure Garis doth not hath one.”

As we walked away I asked, “Is there one of those in me?”

“Probably,” said Breeze. “You and Miandri were both made chelasses by the same person, probably Yoldasia. It makes sense she’ll hide this key thing that the Grand Vine Grower needs inside the anav priest.”

“So I didst already hath one,” said Dwendra. “But now Miandri doth not.”

Dwendra, Breeze and myself materialized in the alcove near the meeting room just after the battle had ended, so people wouldn’t realize we could be in two places at once, and went into the meeting room.

“... it’s better for women with crunmensia to breastfeed,” Dad was saying.

Everybody looked at us. Well Dad, Zonlaria, Ildias, Windarin and Zonlaria’s lawyer.

“Where’s Garis?” I asked.

“He got a message from Yoldasia and had to rush off just after you did,” said Dad.

“You realize this drama isn’t good for my client,” said Zonlaria’s lawyer, “and bringing a look alike for the Vineyard magis here is a low trick.”

“I’m not a look alike!” said Breeze.

“What are you doing?” I asked Dad.

“Attan agreed to admit to fathering the baby,” said Dad, lying, “so now I’m negotiating the details.”

I looked at the partly filled in contract in front of Dad. It did indeed have Attan and not Clindar written on it. “Shouldn’t he be here for that?”

“Where art Garis?” asked Dwendra.

“I don’t know,” said Dad. “He got a message from Yoldasia, seemed rather shocking. He needed Anden for something and she decided Screld and Attan should go with her but they’re not needed for this.”

“Garis ist most likely hastening unto Drintac,” said Dwendra.

“I can dowse for Mum and Attan,” I said.

We materialized in the backyard of a large house in the suburbs. I felt hot as it was a hot and humid summer day but the altitude was also several meters lower than the temple. The garden had lots of shrubs so nobody would be able to see us or wouldn’t be sure if we’d just stepped into view.

“Dost thou knoweth this place?” asked Dwendra.

“No,” I replied. “They should be in the house.”

We went up to the rear door of the house, which was unlocked, so we went in. We heard a couple of women talking in hushed voices. The exterior door had opened into a mudroom with only one other door so we had to go through that. This led us into a large dining room furnished in an old fashioned style. A very old hipsickah and a younger one were standing, talking and looking worried. There was a prominently positioned idol of Herdreckli, the goddess of death and renewal, in the center of the table, suggesting somebody in the household had died recently. The women turned to look at us with a certain amount of hostility as we entered.

“Excuse me but this is a private home,” said the old woman.

“I believe my mother and brother are here and we urgently need to talk to them,” I said.

“My son needs his rest,” said the older woman, “he already has three visitors.”

“Level three mage upstairs!” said Breeze in Semic.

“Sorry,” I said, “this is an emergency.”

We ran up the stairs before the women could stop us.

“Doesn’t that red haired girl look like the Vineyard magis?” asked the younger woman.

On the upper floor, there was a door open and we could hear voices. I could see Mum in the room, she looked at us and stood up from the chair she was sitting on. There was a bed in the room with some healing machines around it. Attan and Screld were also sitting by the bed.

“Ah, Clindar,” said Mum who was clearly unhappy, “Dwendra, eh, this is a private talk ...”

“This is an emergency,” I said, “where’s Garis?”

“Haven’t you done enough?” asked Mum. “Yoldasia and, I think, a lot of other people are dead. I wasn’t even sure if you were still alive but of course you are. Can’t you just leave things be?”

“We tried to save Yoldasia and the others!” I said.

“Some of my friends were killed,” said Breeze, “and I’m probably only alive because I’m a magis.”

“We were attacked by the same Monsters who attacked the magic conference,” I said, “and destroyed the temples of Strumeg and Denadria. Most the Benai Nibeyim leaders have been killed.”

“Anden,” said a familiar voice. I looked to see Kiard was laying in the bed hooked up to the healing machines. Of course, he’d been badly hurt in the suicide bombing. “Clindar. I’m decontaminating myself of this business. I’ve lost my wife and a number of friends and some of my best students ...”

“The stupid rape gang!” I said.

“... nearly been killed myself and Narblo’s still missing.”

“We need you to lead Benai Nibeyim!” said Mum to Kiard. “You’re the only one with leadership skills! Screld can take over in three years ...”

“No fornicating way!” said Kiard. “You take the fornicating job and train the kid!”

“I hath two of the keys,” said Dwendra, “and art an anavah, a mage and a priest’s wife and wert trained as a Holy Woman before the Cataclysm so I art the rightful choice.”

“Well there you go!” said Kiard.

“Yoldasia didn’t want her to do it!” screeched Mum. “She’s a genetic engineering lab!”

“You’re fornicating problem!” said Kiard.

“I still needeth to findeth Garis,” said Dwendra.

“He’s gone home to Drintac to get his key,” said Breeze.

“My mother’s body isn’t even cold,” screamed Screld, “and you’re already fighting over her position!”

“Where does she keep the other key?” Breeze asked Screld.

“Why the fornication does that fornicating matter?” Screld screamed.

“He doesn’t know,” said Breeze.

We turned to leave.