Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

I materialized in a toilet stall, still with stabbing pains in my chest. I struggled to put on my magic detector glasses and looked down. I had a surprisingly small associate bound to my chest, which shouldn’t have been there. Nuharglend must have used an artifact to put it on me as he certainly wasn't a magis! I stood there, bent double and breathing heavily for a few seconds. I supposed I really should rescue Flaannin but how? It was clear Nuharglend was a much more experienced mage than me, with at least one artifact weapon, and the pain inducing associate was something I’d never encountered before. It was unlikely he’d ever fought an anav mage before. He knew anavim were capable of teleportation but clearly didn’t realize we were unable to teleport goyim. I wasn’t supposed to tell people that but I couldn’t think of another way to convince him Dwendra hadn’t brought Nuhar Zorg through the wormhole.

I took the toilet roll off it’s spool, staggered out into the washing room and soaked it in water.

“What are you doing?” asked a man entering the washing room.

“I’ve got a really bad mess to clean up.”

“Perhaps you should call the cleaning staff. Are you OK?”

“It’s an emergency.”

I fell back into the cubical. Then I held the toilet roll in front of me and visioned the cave. This was going to be tricky but I had practiced similar maneuvers.

I materialized just after I’d left. Nuharglend was now standing. I’d materialized behind him with the toilet roll embedded in his neck. The soles of Zorg’s boots and the floor of Miandri’s room were both composed of soft, porous material so they’d basically just fused together. However Nuharglend was mostly composed of water and the toilet roll was soaked in it. Water doesn’t compress and now the water in his neck was at about twice its correct density. There were probably some chemical reactions and maybe a bit of nuclear fusion as well. The result was Nuharglend’s neck exploded, squirting fluid everywhere. His head fell onto the table while his body stood there with blood spurting from the neck before falling over.

“Really,” said Flaannin, “was that the most mature response you could think of?”

“Yes,” I gasped, “he knows too much, he’d probably have killed you two and he was a very experienced mage and put a really painful spell on me, I doubt a knockout spell would have worked on him.”

“This is what comes of fundamentalism!” said Flaannin.

I knew that, while Buxnir was fairly fundamentalist, a lot of the other Rendamar priests were liberals who interpreted scripture much the way my father did. They’d made it hard for him to take a hard line stance, using the need to placate Nuharas as an excuse. The fact Nuharas used Winemaker priests' liberal theology to support anti-Winemakerism arguments, didn’t change this.

“And your submissive approach is working so well!” I said sarcastically.

“I’m sure Sanmino’s dead for sure now!" said Flaanin. "If you keep this up, the Nuharas will slaughter all of us.”

“They are slaughtering us! I don’t know why I’m arguing with you!” I waved my hand and put date rape spells on the two of them. Then I teleported back to the hotel toilet.

I fell out the cubical.

“That was quick. Have you cleaned up the mess?” asked the other man.

“Still working on it!” I said, stumbling out the door as fast as I could.

I took the elevator to the top floor of the hotel and then teleported back to our apartment, well Beit, in Temple View Heights.

I materialized in the living room, having detected that only anavim were present. The others were gathered round the table looking at a map, they were obviously dowsing for Sanmino.

“I guess it didst not goeth well,” said Dwendra.

“Feces bound some painful associate to me. Did you take my bus pass out of my pocket in Zorg’s tent?”

I collapsed onto the couch with the others round me. They’d all got their magic detectors out and were looking very worried.

“Stay with him,” said Egrindreth and she dematerialized.

“I wanted to seeth what sort of man thou wert but it wert unhelpful. It wert fort the year 318!”

“But you didn’t put it back?”

“I must hath fallen asleep meditating upon it and forgotteth about it in the morning but thou wast taughteth to teleporteth, why doth thou’s bus pass matter?”

Egrindreth and Breeze materialized and Breeze started waving her arms at me.

“It was found and now the Nuharas think I know where Nuhar Zorg is. I had to kill the Nuhara mage as he attacked me with an artifact weapon. Have you found Sanmino?”

I felt the pain diminish but still didn’t feel good.

“Yes,” said Egrindreth with an an obvious tone of puzzlement, “she’s in out basement, near the armory.”

“That was a nasty one,” said Breeze, holding up a geodeserine sphere which she must have bound the associate to. “It did some tissue damage but your protective magic should repair it.”

“Thanks,” I said and visioned the corridor outside the armory. There were a number of people there in two groups. I was fairly sure one of the people, in the group in or just outside the armory, was Holmiath.

“They must hath entered through the catacombs,” said Dwendra.

“What?” I asked.

“There art many tunnels running beneath Rendamar. Didst thou not knoweth that?”

“No I didn’t. Perhaps you should have mentioned it earlier.”

“I thought Buxnir’s people wert aware of it and hadst secured any entrance though them.”

“Don’t assume,” said Vrenloa.

“We’d better get down there and deal with this!” I said.