Tales of Midbar: Secret Priest

My father and Attan were staying in an old hotel on the edge of Targrath. We found them in a grand dining room that had a semicircular shape. The curved side was all window giving a great view of the lower parts of newer buildings. The room was half empty. Dad, Attan and Miandri were sitting at a table near the center of the window. I was disappointed to see Miandri had got a gas ball from somewhere and was sucking on it. I’d hoped if she stayed off the things for long enough, she’d regain her sanity, or as much sanity as a katcheyah could have. Dad was facing us but looking at a computer as he ate. Attan had his back to us.

“Hey!” said Miandri as we reached the table. “You’re like totally still alive. Sorry but I’ve got Utnarata back, seems she wasn’t totally dead after all.”

“Clindar!” said Dad, standing up and reaching his hand out. He glanced at Dwendra but seemed unsure how to react to her. “I’m glad you made it. Where’s your mother?”

“I think she’s still driving here from Minris,” I said.

“Then how did you get here?” asked Dad.

“Teleportation,” I said, pulling the table’s empty chair out for Dwendra. “Mum can’t be teleported.”

“What?” asked Dad.

“During the battle it turned out Haprihagfen have this teleportation thing but it only works on certain people.”

“Is that how you got out the safe house?” asked Dad, sitting back down.

“That’s like totally awesome!” said Miandri.

I got a chair for myself from the empty next table.

“Apparently I was right,” said Attan. “It was Dwendra who was targeting us but the police have dealt with her.”

“I merely didst persuade ...” Dwendra started to say, sitting in the chair I’d pulled out for her.

“Yaa!” shouted Attan, nearly falling off his chair and looking at Dwendra as if she was the most terrifying thing he’d ever seen.

“... Benai Nibeyim that I wast the real Sixteen and wilt ensureth Clindar marries a psychic virgin.”

“I’m sure he’s really happy about that,” said Attan, sarcastically.

“That’s like totally awesome!” said Miandri. “When are you going to do it?”

“We art still clarifying certain things,” said Dwendra.

“Are you just going to totally freak out the Trulists?” asked Miandri.

“I canst not seeth why they believeth same sex marriages and same korbar marriages art acceptable for hipsickim but psychics must only hath heterokobarsexual marriages,” said Dwendra, “but we’ve foundeth a way Clindar canst legally converteth and I canst claim I hath always been a Winemaker. I doth not officially existeth anyway and Haprihagfen discourageth anavim from having mixed korbar households.”

“Dad!” said Attan.

“Or you could like marry hipsickim?” asked Miandri.

“Dad!” said Attan.

“No!” said Dwendra.

“No, I mean like officially marry two hipsickim but really you two are totally fornicating each other.”

“Dad!” said Attan.

“What?” asked Dad.

“Miandri and Dwendra are saying stupid things,” said Attan.

“I mean what did you say about marrying hipsickim?” asked Dad.

“You know like some Trulist psychics marry hipsickim but they’re really fornicating other psychics and the hipsickim are fornicating each other,” said Miandri.

“You mean people actually do that?” asked Dad.

“Yeah, Benai Nibeyim and underground Winemakers like totally do it all the time.”

“Really?” said Dad, looking totally shocked.

“Yeah, totally! I thought you didn’t like believe in korbarim?”

“I think they’re symbolic, that’s not exactly the same.”

Dwendra and myself ordered a drink each as we’d already had a very nice breakfast at the Vineyard. Attan sat there sulking and Miandri smiled at us stupidly while Dad worked on his computer. Miandri asked what had happened when we’d been away and we gave her a somewhat edited account.

Suddenly Dad jolted back into the real world and looked around. “Sorry, I’ve got to get all this legal stuff straight. I know there’s another lawyer representing us, well technically Clindar, but I like to keep track of these things. Can you try not to drop any shocking revelations on me for a while, I think you managed about three or four of them a while back and it’s distracting? I’ll deal with the revelations when we’ve got this sorted out.”

“Can you just do something about Dwendra?” asked Attan.

“Stop being so totally korbarist,” said Miandri.

“I’m not korbarist,” said Attan, “I don’t even believe in korbarim!”

“All right, let’s get this out the way,” said Dad. “What exactly is the situation with Dwendra?”

“Benai Nibeyim have agreed to stop messing with us and have a meeting in about a ten cycle because they have to elect some new leaders,” I said.

“And?” asked Dad.

Dwendra and myself looked at each other.

“They’re like totally betrothed,” said Miandri, excitedly.

“Can you not do anything about that before I get a chance to consider it?” said Dad.

“What!” exclaimed Attan. “I thought she was going to make sure he married a psychic virgin!”

“Which psychic virgin didst thou thinketh I meanteth?” asked Dwendra. “But we needeth to resolveth certain things first.”

“Is there some law against this?” asked Attan.

“That’s a complicated question Attan,” said Dad. “I have mixed feelings about this and I’m not going to deal with it until after this next trial. Now on that subject, this is asking the key question of whether the girls having sex with all the boys except Clindar constitutes bullying. To complicate things, we’re trying to keep the whole Benai Nibeyim conspiracy thing out of it, because that would complicate things even more and sound ridiculous to many people. Judges are selected randomly for these things. Unfortunately we’ve got Cudelda, who’s a hundred and eighty three, never married and thought to be either a virgin with serious sexual hang ups or a rape victim with serious sexual hang ups. She probably should have retired decades ago. She can be brilliant but she can also be, well let’s say, ‘questionable’. Clindar’s always taken the stance that there are ways to provide him with sex without raping a girl and that will hopefully help us with this. Oh yes, you’re not supposed to know this Attan, but she’s also a nibeyah, and is very hostile towards korbarism, that should also be in our favor.”

“Why am I the only one who’s not supposed to know that?” asked Attan.

“Why do they always take so long?” asked Attan as we waited for the girls to come out the toilet.

“I think they have to have a long discussion in there,” I said.

“I’m not really comfortable with you marrying Dwendra,” said Dad. “At least not yet. You could just have sex with her.”

“That’s against her religion,” I said. “In fact it’s also against my religion, at least normally.”

“Do I still have to be nice to her?” asked Attan. “She’s the creepiest girl I know.”

“You just don’t like her because she’s a psychic,” said Dad. “There are really problems with you two marrying apart from your age but I think you know that.”

“Oh good,” said Attan. “I’d be willing to have sex with her if ..!”

“No!” I said. Then I said to Dad, “I was hoping you could find a way round that.”

“Well Miandri certainly came up with an interesting solution,” said Dad. “I’m not sure there isn’t something better. We’re going to see your lawyer now, it’s likely you’ll have to testify today and we need to have you ready. It didn’t help you disappearing the way you did.”

“Well we had to go to Minris to talk to Benai Nibeyim.”

“What was that battle about anyway?” asked Attan.

“I don’t know. Apparently something about the avatars but I think we only have the word of one of the attackers for that.”

“Is that the thing they said was a magic accident?” asked Dad.

“Yes.”

“That’s the third fatal magic accident we’ve had lately,” said Attan. “And they’ve all happened around you.”

“What were the other two?” I asked, realizing that one was the rapists in the park.

“A bunch of people, who apparently were all friends of Mum, dying in the temple,” said Attan.

“My secretary was one of them,” said Dad, sadly.