Strains

I spent all that time trying to replace my pencils, all to use them in class for nothing more than doodles. Midterms are in two weeks, and I don’t have anything to study. And with the library off-limits, I’m definitely going to fail them.

I grab a quick lunch, get my athletic gear on, and begin the walk towards the field. It’s early, but I don’t mind spending the extra time with Hercules. I’ll get a preview of what today’s assignment will be, and that will increase my likelihood of survival.

I come to the bridge and take a moment to listen to the water flow underneath it. The spot is one of my favorites. I can see all the way down the river, between the trees, and see where the flowing water meets the sky.

A red camellia floats past me and I watch as it bobs through the water. It’s on a long journey from the garden to the valley below. Wait.

I turn to the garden. The camellia bushes are nowhere near the river. And the blossom was too fresh and perfect to have gotten there by accident. I jump into the grass and pull the rod iron gate to the garden open.

This isn’t off campus, it’s a gray area. Matthew can’t get upset. Right? I pass the bench by the rose bushes. There, at the camellia bushes next to the wisteria tree, is Caiden draped in layers of cloth.

He looks at me, a freshly cut flower in his hand. I run over to him, but stop short of hugging him, even though I want to so badly.

“Hey,” I say awkwardly.

“Hey,” he says, returning the awkward. He walks over and drops the camellia into the stream.

“So, how have you been?” He asks.

“Good and bad, same as usual. You?”

“Same.”

We watch the camellia chase the flow of the stream.

“I missed you,” he finally says.

I drop to my knees beside him.

“I missed you too. I wish I could’ve seen you, but Matthew, he didn’t want me to leave campus anymore.”

He pulls back his hood and smiles at me.

“I had figured, what prompted that?”

“Well…it was a few things actually.”

He looks at me puzzled. After being away for so long, I can’t help but tell him everything that’s been happening. The rumors, my new core class, and even the Spark that’s been stalking me.

“Seems like Matthew has lost control of the campus entirely. I’m sorry you’ve had to suffer because of it,” Caiden says, placing a kind hand on my shoulder. I lean into him. His hand pulls me in closer and I savor the comfort.

“Do you always come here for the camellias?” I ask.

“Every day, as a tribute to a friend I lost.”

“What happened?”

“We went to the living world before the portal was closed, to take care of some things. I was gathering some books and Catherine, my friend, went off somewhere. Time was running out, so I came back, and she…stayed.”

He looks out towards the stream and kicks a rock into it.

“Maybe she wanted to stay. To live the rest of her life,” I say. I can’t blame anyone who would. It’s an attractive proposition, something I’d be tempted to take too. Caiden shifts uncomfortably.

“No. She wouldn’t have. Something had to have happened to make her stay. I know you don’t understand this Elizabeth, but I can tell. I can still feel her out there, somewhere. And it’s been stronger, ever since you appeared.”

What is he getting at? His hand drifts over mine, and I look down, half tempted to loop my fingers into his. Wait, is that the time? I pull myself to my feet.

“Sorry Caiden, I have to go to class. Will you be here at the same time tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I wish I could go to the library to see you, but I don’t want to piss off Matthew. Do you mind if I meet you here?”

“Of course. And I expect you’d like me to bring you books?”

I smile at that. “If you have anything that’ll help me study for midterms or could distract me from them.”

“I’ll do what I can,” he stands and goes back to the camelia bush. “See you tomorrow.”

“Okay, see ya.”

***

Hercules absolutely kicks my ass when I finally make it to his class, literally. But he doesn’t kill me, so I’ll just have to heal while I sleep. No time for it now, I just get to stumble my way over to Matthew’s for my last class of the day. Luckily my injuries aren’t too bad, and the walk doesn’t take long.

I knock on the door before entering.

“Careful, you may walk in on something you don’t want to see,” Matthew says as I take off my shoes.

“Noted,” I say, and I mean it, I don’t want to interrupt whatever he’s doing in here. Hypocrite or not.

I follow Matthew into the study and sit in my chair. Matthew takes his seat behind his desk.

“Fill me in,” he says.

“On what?”

“Everything.”

I internalize a groan but outline my entire day to him (minus the Caiden bits). When I’m finished, Matthew nods and a smile spreads across his face.

“So, my sacrifice is not in vain. Good.”

My jaw drops. More like April’s sacrifice. The level of audacity of this man never ceases to amaze me. How could he think that playing with someone’s emotions is something noble?

“I’m giving her exactly what she wants. Nothing more, nothing less. It hardly makes me a monster.”

“So, you’re reading her mind? How is that okay?”

“April is no different than any other young woman I’ve been with. She appreciates my ability to give her what she wants without asking for it. The novelty will wear off eventually and we’ll go our separate ways. No harm done. Have you never been in a relationship before?”

He stares at me, expecting me to vocalize an answer.

“Not one like that. It seems disingenuous.”

He shrugs. “It’s what I have to offer, and it’s working, so let’s move on.”

That can’t be true.

“It’s the reality of all psychics. Nothing to get upset over.”

Does he really think psychics are incapable of relationships without relying on their strains? Caiden doesn’t seem that way, he seems genuine.

Matthew chuckles. “You’ve been seeing the librarian again?”

I don’t say anything. He already knows.

“I’d be careful with that one. I might just hear minds, but he can manipulate feelings. And need I remind you that you're forbidden to leave campus?”

“The garden isn’t off campus,” I mumble.

“Trust me. Leave that lovesick puppy alone with his flowers or you’ll regret it.”

I stand up. “He’s just mourning the loss of a friend; you don’t have to be a jerk about it!”

Matthew narrows his eyes at me, and I’m tempted to shrink back into my seat, but I stand firm for my friend.

“Do you have feelings for him?”

I take a small step back. “What? No! He’s just a friend.”

He groans. “Do you think it’s healthy to obsess over someone who likely died a century ago? He sits all day in that dark as hell library trying to use his strain to ‘feel’ her in the living world. As if that’s possible.”

“Why do you hate him so much?”

Matthew runs his hands through his hair.

“I don’t hate him; I just don’t trust him. Especially with you. My abilities don’t work on him, so I don’t know his intentions. You need to focus your energy on accepting a life here, not get caught up in his made-up drama.”

“So, I can’t hang out with him anymore?”

“There isn’t a rule in the handbook that forbids it; so, ‘hang out’ with anyone you want, but be careful.”

He gets up, tosses me a purple marker, and walks past me. Time to train, even though my mind is in a spiral.

According to him, we’re fighting for our existence, so to an extent, I get it. He feels the stress of the situation more than I do. It’s hard to imagine the council as this nefarious agency bent on getting rid of anyone the slight bit different. Especially me. I don’t have any power here, supernatural or otherwise. Meanwhile, there is a predator skulking about the campus and no one seems to bat an eye. I don’t want to accuse Matthew of being paranoid, but it feels like our energy is being focused on the wrong thing.

“Elizabeth, pay attention! That’s three lethal blows you’ve already sustained,” Matthew screams into the darkness.

“Sorry, I just…”

Pressure hits my shoulder and I fall backward. He’s never used his hands during our sparing before, only the marker. I try to pull myself up, but his hand finds my collar and forces me back down.

My heart jumps into my throat and I can feel it reverberate under his hand. What is he doing? He’s never done this before.

“Why aren’t you doing anything?”

“What?”

His hand eases and I feel him pull away. It takes me a second to gather my nerve and get to my feet. Once I’m vertical, I’m sent forward again. I land on my knees this time, pain quaking through my legs. Matthew sends his knee into my back and flattens me against the floor.

Light slowly begins to fill the space in front of me.

“How much longer do you expect me to keep wasting my time on you?” He shoves me with his foot. “Get up!”

I sit up. “What do you expect? You’re the one who suddenly changed the rules.”

“I didn’t change anything,” he fumes. “Your assignment is the same, land a lethal blow. If the student who attacks you uses a knife instead of a strain you won’t have the luxury of calling foul, will you?”

“No…” I reluctantly concede.

“You need to be your own savior, Princess. So, take this seriously.”

“Okay, but some instruction would be nice.”

His sigh echoes in the small space.

“You’re not weak, or even remarkably slow, you’re getting in your own way by thinking too much. You’ve done well in Hercules’ class, where your circumstances change too quickly to allow for thought. You have instincts, trust them.”

“Okay,” I agree, but I’m not convinced.

“Just fight me like you would your stalker. And No. Running is not an option,” he says. The room goes dark.

Alright, here we go. I grip my marker and place the cap in my pocket. I try to slow down my breathing and focus. Why is this so hard? I can’t imagine not thinking, I’ve never not thought before. Wait. Maybe I have. Last night, when I was awake in my room, I ran out of things to think about. It was just me in the dark space. I could hear only breath dissipate in the air and the gentle thump of my heart as my body slowly healed like a clock rewinding.

Was that what it was like to not think? How could something like that be remotely useful?

Matthew shoves me forward and I stumble, but don’t fall. I slice at the air behind me and hear the shuffle of feet. I keep on him until I strike the wall and receive a push on my right side in response.

“Better,” he says. I lunge at the voice, but do nothing but throw myself off balance. Matthew uses the opportunity to kick my leg from under me and I crumble to the ground. My butt and shoulders are still sore from Hercules’ class.

“Giving up?”

I don’t answer. I have to catch my breath. The familiar touch of Matthew’s hand brushes against my neck and settles on my shirt collar. I lift my hand to strike him with my marker, but he knocks it free and I hear it roll away.

“Looks like you’re unarmed,” he whispers in my ear. Too close. I grasp at his hands, but he doesn’t relent. I open my hand and swing it, catching his cheek and the edge of his ear.

Holy crap. Did I just slap him?

Matthew drops me. “Indeed, you did. Class is over, head back to your room and get ready for dinner.”

***

As he did yesterday, Matthew has April take my seat at dinner, leaving me with the lower staff and too many dishes.

I’m finishing the head staff dishes when I run out of soap. I’ve never run out of soap before, but after a final shake and pitiful squirt, the bottle disappears into nothing. Definitely empty.

I go over to the closet where I get fresh towels but there aren’t any spare bottles. What the hell do I do now? I still have all of the lower staff dishes to clean. I could wait to take whatever the other students leave behind, but that would take up valuable time. The last thing I want is to miss curfew again. Or be stuck here alone.

I look over to the station next to me, where the Aquas are working. Piper and that blond kid got their asses handed to them in class today too, so they’re on drying duty. I step over to them.

“Hi, um, excuse me?”

Piper looks over at me first. Surprised, but with a lot less salt behind her eyes.

“Yeah?”

Now the blond is looking over too.

“I was just wondering if you knew where I could find more soap. If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Sure, shouldn’t be an issue. Keiji, go get some.”

The blond, or Keiji apparently, grunts and hobbles off. I can’t tell if he still doesn’t like me or if his shins are still cracked from class earlier. Leave it to Hercules to find a way to break us with only a handful of skipping rocks.

“Sucks how much work you have now,” Piper says as we wait. Wow, is that empathy I hear?

“It really does.”

“So…Matthew,” she begins quietly. “He’s dating April now?”

I nod. “Apparently.” Then I realize how cold I sound. “Sorry,” I quickly add.

“Do you think he loves her?”

Not even a bit, but I can’t tell her that. What can I tell her?

My shoulders are mid-shrug when she blurts out, “You’re a psychic, aren’t you?”

Crap. Now what? I’d hate this to turn into an issue when Keiji still isn’t back with the soap I need. I also don’t love the idea of lying.

“Psychic abilities don’t really work on him.” Perfect response. It isn’t a lie, as far as I know anyway. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s serious.”

That seems to reinflate her just enough to offer me a slight smile. Crisis averted. Keiji is finally back and hands me a fresh soap bottle.

“Thanks.”

“It’s cool. For future reference, the extra supplies are in the drawers next to the wine cellar.”

“Are there spare hands in there? I’m going to need them if I ever plan on getting out of here before curfew,” I say sarcastically.

Piper looks at me, stunned.

“It really takes you that long?”

I nod.

“Shit,” Keiji says. “Mr. Matthew really screwed you.”

“Yeah. Sometimes I wonder if he’s just setting me up to get the Cesar treatment,” I say, then instantly regret it. I’m not supposed to be complaining about my facilitator to everyone. Then again, with these two, it might actually repair my reputation.

Keiji begins unbuttoning his uniform, revealing a black tee shirt underneath. After he shrugs off the sleeves, he tosses the jacket to the chair.

“Alright. Let’s get it done,” he says.

I look over to him, stupefied.

“Are you…offering to help…me?”

“No, I’m saying I’m going to help you. The others don’t need two people to dry and I’m tired of sitting.”

We walk away from Piper and go to my station. It’s a disaster. I have 75% of the dishes left to go through and while I’m so grateful for the help, I feel guilty. It’s a lot of work, even for two people.

“You don’t have to,” I say as I pull my sleeves up.

“No, but now that I’m here, I’m definitely going to. Piper is looking pretty jealous right now.”

Oh, you poor misguided young man. His infatuation with her is endearing, too bad he’s fallen for a girl with bad taste. He pushes a set of dirty dishes into the wash basin, pushing the food-filled water to nearly overflow. He sticks his arms elbow-deep into the water and closes his eyes. The food on the plates loosens and begins to rise to the surface.

How can he remain so calm with all the ick floating around his arms? Then, I notice it. The water slowly becomes clearer, until there are no food particles left.

“Start stacking,” he says as he opens his eyes.

I nod my head and begin taking the plates from the water. I can’t believe he was able to get them so clean so quickly. This must be what Matthew meant by Aquas being the house of purification.

“Your strain is amazing.”

He scoffs. “Only for cleaning dishes.”

“No, I’m sure it has other uses.”

He side-eyes me. “Like?”

“I’ll need time to think about it.”

“Fair enough.”

With the last batch of clean dishes sitting in crystal clear water, Keiji begins drying his hands.

“Think you can handle the rest?”

“Of course. Thanks a lot, Keiji, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help.”

“It’s no big deal. Everyone else in our house is quicker than I am, so I usually end up drying anyway. It’s nice to actually get to use my strain.”

“Well feel free to use it over here anytime,” I say, praying that he’ll take me up on it. He’s saved me hours of work.

“Looks like my house is leaving. See you in class tomorrow.”

“See you.”

***

I finish the dishes with over two hours to spare before any of the enforcers come out and before the Spark stalker could attack me again. Still, I run from the kitchen straight to my room.

One shoulder throws at my door and I’m inside and staring at a figure shrouded in black. My heart drops.

“You’re earlier than I expected.”

“I didn’t expect you at all, Teacher.”

He slides a book into his coat. “I can see that.” He motions to my hands. Hands I didn’t realize were shaking. “How did you manage to finish so quickly?”

“An Aqua helped me.” I walk in and begin to take my shoes off. It’s difficult, my fingers are still jittery.

“So, you’re finally making friends. My plan must be working then. You’re welcome.”

Must he always be so arrogant?

“Stop looking at me like that, you know I’m right. Who was it that helped you?”

I step out of my shoes and walk past him to sit on my bed. He eyes me closely and slowly returns to sit at my desk.

“Fine. You were right. And his name is Keiji.”

I lay back on my bed and try to calm my nerves.

“Please tell me he has more romantic potential than the librarian. I’ll accept a weak-ass Aqua at this point.”

I scoff. “Sorry to disappoint you, but he is head over heels for someone else.” What is he, my dad?

Matthew doesn’t say anything, but he makes no move to leave either.

“Are you here to tell me something?”

“You catch on quick. No. I’m here to give you something.” He waves an envelope in the air, something I didn’t even notice he was holding. “This should be enough to cover what you owe on my account with Flynn, and a little extra.”

An actual allowance! I shamelessly reach for the envelope, but he pulls it away.

“You have to promise me you won’t spoil your appetite with whatever you buy. I expect you to eat all your meals in the dining hall, got it?”

“I’m not a child, Teacher.”

I lunge forward again, and when he leans back further, I relent.

“Okay, I promise.”

He puts the money on the desk. “There’s something else, “he says as he reaches into his cloak, pulls out a black pouch, and tosses it onto my lap.

I dig into the leather and pull out a small dagger.

“What is this?”

“You know what. Protection until I can figure out who is after you.”

I drop it in my lap. What am I, a ninja? I can’t use this, not effectively. I’ll probably stab myself.

“You’re doing better in our training; it may be enough for you to get away. I want you to hide it under your dress and keep it with you at night.”

At least he isn’t upset with me slapping him earlier.

“Wouldn’t it make sense to have it with me at all times?”

“That is a weapon given exclusively to academy enforcers.”

“So, keep it secret. Okay.”

“It’s just temporary.”

His genuine concern isn’t something I see often. His worry is etched into his furrowed eyebrows, and I can make out his hands rubbing together under his robes.

“Thank you, Teacher.”

“Save your thanks for after I catch the bastard that touched you.”

He says it with so much venom that it actually makes me recoil. He brings his hand to his forehead.

“Sorry for that. It just pisses me off that something like this could be happening under my watch. Even more that it hasn’t stopped even after I threatened the Spark facilitator.”

I sit up.

“You did what?”

He rests his head on his fist. “Going to judge me for doing my job now?”

So that’s what he calls intimidating people?

“Like I thought. I’ve already told you this before, I put on these clothes not just for you, but for all the students on campus,” he says while tugging on his cloak. “Theron deserved a good scolding for not keeping his students in check, and a council reprimand if I find that pervert assaulting any of the other students.”

“You’d report him to the council?”

He slams his hand down on my desk.

“Only facilitators can punish their students, and it is their duty to uphold the integrity of the handbook. So, while I would like to do something myself, I can’t. And unless the guy we’re looking for attacks someone else, my hands are completely tied,” he grumbles.

Because he can’t make it obvious that he’s protecting me. That’s just twisted.

I focus my eyes on him, but trying to see through him is like trying to dissect watercolors. Stern facilitator, committed enforcer and, dare I say, reluctant psychic all mixed together in a murky cocktail that even Hercules wouldn’t drink.

“Don’t start feeling sorry for me, Princess. You’re the one needing saving,” he glances down at his watch. “Looks like it’s almost hunting time. Come lock the door behind me.”

I get up and follow him to the door.

“Goodnight, Teacher.” I’m tempted to say more because it feels like he isn’t going out just to work. But I guess now isn’t the time.

“Yeah, you too.”