Straight Up Love (The Boys of Jackson Harbor Book 2)

I unlock the front door of Jackson Brews and pull it open for Molly. “You’re early.”

She grins as she steps inside. “I wanted a chance to talk to you before Brayden joined us.”

I tense, but I suppose this was unavoidable. If I was enough of an idiot to get drunk and screw Molly five years ago, I have to be willing to talk about it now—and be willing to own up to the mistake to Ava. It feels more important than I want it to, but yesterday she let me kiss her in front of her ex-husband and a couple dozen people who were a part of her married life. I don’t know if it felt significant to her, but the significance of the moment wasn’t lost on me.

“Yeah, I need to talk to you too.” I wave to one of the tables and shut and lock the door behind her. The bar won’t open to the public for two hours, so Brayden and I will have plenty of time to give Molly the rundown on what we’d need in a regional sales rep.

Molly puts her purse down on one chair and pulls out another to sit. “I want to talk about you and Ava,” she says.

“If you’re going to give the ‘hurt my sister and die’ speech, you should know Colton already beat you to it.” I rub my shoulder, still a little sore from where his fist connected when he saw me at the bar last night. That whole conversation would have gone a lot better if I could have been honest with him instead of rolling with the whole “trying to help my best friend get pregnant” story. But the truth? That I want Ava to give us a chance? That I’m going all in for one last shot at making her love me back? I kept that story to myself. I don’t want Ava knowing what this is about for me. Not yet. I can’t risk her freaking out.

“What exactly is going on between you two?” Molly asks.

“It’s complicated.”

“Complicated because you’re still in love with her and she still doesn’t feel the same about you, or complicated because you’re going to let her use you for a baby?”

Her words are a punch to the gut, and I wince. “Jesus. Don’t say it like that. It’s not like I don’t know what I’m getting myself into here.”

She turns to look out the window. The street outside is quiet, with only a few people walking by on their way to work or their Monday morning yoga class down the block. “Has anyone told you this is a terrible idea?”

Colton, Levi, Carter, Ellie—pretty much everyone who knows what I offered Ava has taken a moment to inform me that I’m a fucking idiot. “It’s come up a time or two.”

She keeps her eyes on the window. A woman walks past carrying a rolled-up yoga mat. “Good.”

I feel like a jerk. The night we hooked up, Molly admitted she’d had feelings for me for a long time, but I never would have guessed that she’d been holding on to those feelings since. “Is this about us?” I ask. “Because, Moll, we haven’t seen each other in almost five years.”

She tugs on a lock of her hair. “I know.”

“I’m really sorry I let that happen. I should have never—”

“Don’t. Please. I don’t want your regrets.” She shakes her head and lowers her voice. “Not when I have none of my own.”

I could offer excuses. Platitudes. Bullshit. But that all feels wrong and insulting. “This thing with Ava . . . You’re right. I’m still in love with her. Maybe I’m an idiot, but I’m taking a chance to see if maybe, if she lets herself, she can feel something in return.”

“What are you going to do if it works?”

“I’m going to fucking rejoice.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t mean if your plan works. I don’t mean what happens if you end up together. I mean what happens if you don’t end up together, but you have a baby. Are you just going to carry on with your life knowing you have a kid out there? Pretend you aren’t a father?”

“I would never walk away from my child.” I swallow. I’ve kissed Ava a couple of times and made some promises, but she hasn’t pushed me about when we’re going to follow through. I imagine that’s because she’s nervous about it. I am too. Nervous that she might only want the child I offered. Nervous that she might feel like I’ve changed the terms of our deal when she finds out this all comes back to how I feel about her. “I’m taking it slow, and she’s okay with that. So I’m hoping things will shift between us as we move forward, and she’ll . . .”

Molly smiles softly. “You’re hoping she’ll catch feelings?”

“Something like that.”

She traces an invisible figure eight on the wooden tabletop. “I guess this is a bad time to tell you I’ve never forgotten about you. I know what happened between us might not have seemed like a big deal to you. Everyone knows Molly McKinley’s an easy lay—”

“I never said that.”

She shrugs. “Maybe you didn’t, but enough people did. I just wanted you to know you weren’t just a warm body on a lonely night. You’ve always been special to me.”

“I’m sorry, Molly.” I hate that she has feelings for me that I can’t return, but more than that, I hate that I fed those feelings on any level—even if I told myself it was only physical, even if it was just one night.

She shakes her head and traces the same pattern over and over. “Not as sorry as I am.”

“About what happened that night . . .” I feel like an insensitive prick for bringing this up right now, but I don’t have a choice. “I know we agreed not to tell Ava, but considering how things have changed, I need to tell her now.”

“Don’t,” she says. She shakes her head and locks her pleading eyes on mine. “Jake, please don’t. It’s a bad idea.”

“Why?”

“It was one night. You were drunk, and she was engaged to Harrison.”

“If it doesn’t matter, then why can’t I tell her?”

“You know she won’t like it.”

“I can’t argue with that.” More than not like it—I’m afraid that my mistake will make Ava obsess again about this idea that Molly is everything she isn’t and was supposed to be. I’ll explain how it happened and why. I’ll tell her that it didn’t mean anything. But I have this rotting feeling in my gut that none of that will matter to Ava. What if this is how I lose her? “I don’t like this hanging over us. I don’t like keeping secrets from Ava.” I hesitate for a beat. “I don’t like making you my dirty secret. It’s not fair to any of us.”

Molly rubs the locket on her necklace and then squeezes it in a clenched fist before taking a breath and nodding. “Just let me think about it, okay? Let me think of a way to . . .”

I mentally finish that sentence. To soften the blow? To protect your relationship after Ava learns the truth? “You’re as afraid of losing her as I am,” I say.

Her eyes water. “We can’t tell her yet. Things are so new and fragile between you two.”

“And you as well?” I ask.

She nods. “Please, Jake, I’m begging you not to tell her yet.”

There’s a knock on the glass, and I look over my shoulder to see Brayden at the door, reaching for his keys.

“I don’t like the secret,” I say, quickly now, because his key’s in the lock.

“And I don’t like that you picked her over me even when she took herself out of the running.” She shrugs as Brayden pushes into the bar. “Sometimes we have to deal with things we don’t like.”

Ava

Molly’s at the table, papers spread out in front of her, tears rolling down her cheeks. I immediately think of the weeks after my husband left me when I was confronted with not only the worst heartache of my life but with the reality of the debt he’d gladly handed over. I felt stupid for the assumptions I made and guilty for embracing a pointlessly lavish lifestyle.

“Molly, are you okay?”

She startles and sweeps all the papers into a pile. “You’re home early.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” I turn away, understanding that she doesn’t want me to see whatever she was studying.

“It’s your house. You can be here any time you want. I just thought you had children’s theater auditions or something tonight?”

I shake my head, and when I turn back to her, she’s sliding the stack of folded papers into her purse. “I’m meeting Jake’s niece to help her with her audition piece, but I’m not heading over there for a couple of hours. Are you okay?”

She gives a shaky smile. “I’m fine. Great, actually. I met with Jake and Brayden today, and they’re going to hire me as their new northeast regional sales rep. It’s totally different than anything I’ve done before, but I’m actually pretty excited about it.” She blows out a breath. “I’m just indulging in a little pity party that my life didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I thought I’d be juggling social engagements, and instead I’m juggling bills.”

“This is why adulting became a verb.”

She laughs. “Oh my God, you’re an English teacher. You’re supposed to hate that.”

“Not at all. In fact, I don’t know why it hasn’t been a verb for centuries. Our parents had to deal with this shit too, didn’t they?”

“Yes, but they’d tell you they weren’t as coddled as children as we were, and that’s why adulthood wasn’t a brutal a wakeup call for them.”

“Whatever,” I mutter. “They weren’t saddled with student loan debt before they even got started.”

“Preach!”

We laugh, and something tugs in my chest—grief for a missed opportunity. Molly and I could have been friends, but I let my own insecurities form a wall between us. I wish I could say it’s the only time in my life I’ve done that, but it seems to be a habit of mine. When I feel unworthy, I push people away. In a way, that’s what I’ve been doing with Jake for years. Maybe I didn’t push him out of my life, but I always put limits on what I believed our relationship could be.

Her phone clatters against the kitchen table as it buzzes, and she grabs it and swipes the screen. “Hello?”

Maybe I should leave the room, but worry creases her features, so I stay.

“How high is it?” She squeezes the locket on her necklace and looks at the ceiling. “Dammit. No, don’t apologize. I understand.” She cuts her gaze to me and then looks at the clock on the stove. “I’m supposed to fly home in the morning, but I’ll see if I can get a red-eye tonight.” She shakes her head. “Don’t. You know I didn’t want to come anyway. The sooner I leave, the better.” She flashes me an apologetic smile, then lowers her voice. “Um . . . I can’t right now? Yeah. I’ll call back when I know something. Yes. You too. Thank you.” She pulls the phone from her ear and ends the call.

“Is everything okay?”

She taps on her phone and nods as she stares at the screen. “My friend’s son is sick, and she has to work. Daycare won’t take him with a fever.” She taps the screen and puts the phone to her ear. “I need to get back.”

I frown. She’s going to get an earlier flight to take care of a friend’s sick kid? “You two must be really close.”

She nods, then turns away as her call connects. “Hello, I need to speak with someone about changing my flight?”

My own phone buzzes in my purse, and I pull it out to see a new text message from Nic.

Nic: Lilly and I are at the store. She wants to know if you prefer your hot chocolate with rainbow marshmallows or jumbo marshmallows.

I grin. Nic is dating Lilly’s dad, and it’s the best thing that ever happened to both the kid and the father. I’ve loved having her in my life too.

Me: Rainbow, obviously.

Nic: Obviously. See you in a couple of hours.

When I slide my phone back into my purse, Molly’s wrapping up her call and some of the tension has left her eyes.

“I’m going to fly home tonight,” she says. “I can’t thank you enough for letting me stay here. One of the reasons I can’t stand coming home is because Dad gets to me. It was a relief to be here and not have to have him judging my every move.”

I grimace. “I always thought you two had such a great relationship. Actually, I was . . . I was always kind of jealous, because he seemed to love you so much more than me.”

Her eyes go wide. “Are you kidding? I could never measure up to his sweet Ava. You were reliable and thoughtful, and most importantly, you didn’t spread your legs for every guy who came around.”

“He said that?”

“Almost verbatim.” She draws in a long breath and exhales slowly. “Anyway, it was a relief not to have to deal with that so much this trip, and with any luck, before I come home again next time, Mom will wake up and leave his drunk ass.”

Maybe it makes me a disloyal daughter, but I hope she’s right. Jill deserves better. “Next time being in another five years or so?”

Laughing, she shrugs. “Maybe. What’s here for me?” She crosses the kitchen and wraps me in a hug. “Thanks again. Good luck with the whole pregnancy thing.”

I give her a quick squeeze and then step back. “Be honest. Do you think I’m crazy?”

“For using your best friend to get a baby you plan to raise on your own? Yeah. I think you’re nuts.” Her expression softens. “But you’re steady, reliable Ava. I’m sure you’ve thought this through.”

“I have. I really have.”

She hoists her purse onto her shoulder. “See? It doesn’t matter what I think.”

I swallow hard. She’s right. It doesn’t matter, but it would feel nice to have a couple more people on my team. “Do you need a ride to the airport?”

“No, I’m going to call Mom and have her drive me. She’ll want a little time with me anyway.”

“Good luck with the new job and everything. Can I call you when Jake and I are in the city this summer?”

She beams. “I’d love that.”

She goes to the guest bedroom to pack, and I feel like I’ve made some steps toward building a relationship with my sister.