Chapter Heart 98
Chapter 98 [Cordelia]
Atlas sits very still, his hands splayed out, his face open with surprise. I use his shock as an opportunity to move myself out of his grasp, just in case he decides to use his body to change the subject. Every nerve in my body is on fire as the blood rushes into places that make me swoon, but I can't give in to my physical impulses.
I need answers, not distractions.
"I'm not," he says plainly without inflection, clearly stunned by the question. "I never have."
Now I'm the one sitting up suddenly in shock. "But you dated for almost a year before..."
"She wanted to wait until after the wedding," he shrugs, "I didn't want to rush her."
"But now things are different," I persist. "She told me that you were proving your love for her and..."
"But I don't love her," he replies. Leaning forward he reaches for my hand. "To be honest, I'm not sure I ever did. It was always one-sided. Ihad so much affection for her, that I didn't notice how little she
had for me. Even now, she seems more interested in this wedding and the idea of it than actually having relationship." He slowly pulls me nearer. "Not that it matters. I'm already taken."
I resist, pulling away, desperate to keep my head clear
"Well she just spent a lot of money on lingerie and toys! I think she may have changed her mind about waiting for the wedding.
"That's too bad," Atlas tries again to pull me in. "Because I have no intention of being intimate with her in any way. I would never betray our vows.
"Never," I coo as I finally let him draw me in. He grins widely, knowing that he has won our little tug-of-war.
"Never," he confirms as he pulls me into his lap. Kissing my neck, he begins nibbling on my between bites he mumbles, "Never have and I never will."
year as in
I push off of him just enough that I can see his face. His disappointed eyes pout like a child denied a treat. But I want to see his face. I need to know the truth, and I won't know if he's distracting.
"So this whole time we were married, you were never with anyone? Not once? A handsome, powerful man like him would have no shortage of opportunities. It seems hard to believe that there was nobody else the entire time we were married.
"No," he looks stern and more than a little pissed off. "I believe in honoring my promises, and I made a promise to honor you. I keep my promises."
6
6 years. That means he hasn't been with anyone in 6 years.
"But we weren't having sex during our marriage," I remind him. Looking down at my belly I add, "And it took us 5 years to consummate it. You are trying to tell me you weren't even tempted?" I know I shouldn't be upset, but I think it is harder for me to believe he has been celibate this entire time than it is for me to believe anyone could have so much honor.
"Of course, I was tempted," he scoffs. "But I have self-control." He then returns to nibbling my earlobe as
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his fingers work their magic on the small round buttons dotting my spine.
I laugh. "This doesn't feel like you have a lot of control
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Turning my face towards him, he touches my face with the barest caress. This is different." He kisses my lips lightly. "I don't do flings, Cordelia. It isn't who I am, He places a very gentle kiss on my neck as he resumes unbuttoning the back of my dress, kissing his way down my spine. "When I say." Another button is undone. He places another kiss on the base of my neck, "That I want you," his mouth kisses the space between my shoulder blades, "I mean I want all of you.
I gasp as he slips the lace sleeves down my arms, his hands tracing the outlines of my arms,
"Let's not talk about who we've been with," he kisses the hollow of my neck and collarbone.
"But I haven't been with anyone, Atlas," I turn my head away. "You were my first," he pauses, listening That night was my first time."
"Cordelia, something changes in his tone and he stops trying to kiss the dress from my body. "Ever?"
"And I can't even remember it," I don't know why I'm crying. It shouldn't matter that I can't remember that night.
Embarrassed, I stand with my back to him, facing the wall so he won't see how much this conversation affects me. While I love and want my baby with all of my heart, the way he was created leaves me sad and cold. Neither Atlas nor I were in control that night, all because some horrible woman had twisted ideas and drugged us.
"I lost my virginity that night," I cry finally feeling everything I had bottled up this entire time. Holding my belly where our son is growing, I fold it in half. "And now that moment between us is gone, Atlas. What should have been a special moment has been tainted because... In swift movement, he is standing behind me wrapping me from behind with his warmth. "Shhh," he gently. uncurls me, lifting my face to eye level as he turns me towards the dressing mirror. Our gazes meet in the reflection as he rocks us both side to side. It feels so right, leaning against his warmth.
"We'll make new memories," he kisses my hair, showing me the sincerity of his words. "I promise."
"Atlas," my
breath catches as he turns me, my arms wrapped tightly across my bodice to keep the dress
in place.
"Starting now," he pulls my arms up to place them around his neck as the dress puddles around my feet and he leans into me, kissing me as if it was the very first time.
-And in some ways it is.
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Chapter 99