Speak To Me

(Gabriella)

I knocked on my dad's door, my fingers gripping the letter tightly behind my back as I waited on bated breath for him.

This was definitely the most nerve-wracking thing I have ever done. I know my dad has been through the wringer with all of this stuff..and I didn't want to pile on..but I can't hold it in any longer. "Bunny? Is everything okay?" My dad answered, his eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he might've been crying.. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea..

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to come up with the words to say as I felt frozen in place.

"Gabriella..what's wrong?" My dad asked more firmly, and that's when I slowly pulled the letter out from behind my back.

It was either now or never..I can't chicken out.

"I-I w-wrote s-s-something." My stutter came out full force as I tried not to tremble.

My dad's brow furrowed before his gaze landed on my hand, seeing the white envelope.

"A letter?" He asked softly, making me swallow hard before nodding as he gently took it from my hand.

"Why don't you come in and sit down." Dad offered while stepping to the side.

I glanced back towards the kitchen, wondering if I should've had Jamie do this with me when I took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

The silence between my dad and I was almost deafening as I took a seat on the loveseat across from his bed.

My eyes wandered the room carefully. Jamie had a decorator come in to paint the walls since pink probably wasn't the most desired color for a man in his late forties.

They were now a sage green color with cream accents.

I sat on the couch, my fingers folding together as my stomach tied into knots. I'm not sure if it was from the pregnancy or just because I was nervous..but I felt like I could throw up.

"Would you like some water?" Dad asked and I shook my head no.

My father watched me carefully before sitting in a chair across from me and gazing down at the letter. His finger traced the seal as he let out a sigh.

"I haven't gotten one of your letters in a long time." He whispered..and then I felt even worse..this letter was nothing like the ones I would send him.

Those were filled with lies and fantasies..This one was only filled with the harsh reality of what my life really had been like.

My dad tore into the envelope, my heart picking up its pace as he pulled the folded white paper out and opened it up.

Then he started to read it..

My eyes were glued to his face...watching every emotion that passed through him as I felt my heart ache.

I knew when he got to the worst of it because a sharp gasp escaped him..and then his hands gripped the paper so tightly, I thought it might just tear in half.

I didn't go into full detail on some things..wanting to keep what little dignity I had left but what I alluded to was more than enough. Things like being fed spoiled food and getting sick all over myself and having to stay like that for hours.. "That..that's why you can't sleep in the dark? She locked you down there for hours?" My dad finally spoke, my eyes dropping to my hands as I nodded slowly. Why did I feel so embarrassed? It's not like I did it to myself.. "And Regina..she.." He began..and I nodded yes again.

"Katrina..had she hit you too?" My dad asked coldly, making me shake my head no.

"N-not really." I whispered, my voice sounding so weak as my dad suddenly stood, his hand gripped a glass on the table as he threw it at the wall, causing me to jump when it shattered.

Then to my surprise, he came towards me, his hand reaching out as my first instinct was to flinch..I hated that I flinched..

"Gabriella.." He choked out my name.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry." I stuttered, and what my dad did next shocked me.

My father dropped to his knees, his hands trembling as he reached for me.

"How could I have failed you so horribly? How could I have brought you into that type of place when you already suffered so much..." He whispered, placing his palms against my cheeks as I felt tears spilling from my eyes.

"I placed you in the hands of a monster..my little girl..my sweet little girl...what have I done?" He breathed, his hands stroking my face and hair as he stared at me with wide broken eyes.

"I don't deserve to be your father.." He added, making me snap my gaze to his.

"I was just as bad as them..I abandoned you..I left you there and let them do this to you.." He went on, and I didn't know what to do or say..because it was true.

I felt abandoned..I was a small girl who had just witnessed her mother's death..Then my dad dropped me off in this new place and left. I'm not saying he didn't love me..because I know he did..I know he does..but he needed to do more. He needed to care for me..he needed to be there for me and he wasn't. He failed me..

"Can you ever forgive me?" He suddenly asked, panic now replacing that sorrow.

I looked down at my hands, wringing them together as I let out a shuddering breath..I knew I wouldn't be able to say this out loud, so I decided to use sign language instead.

"I think I need some time. I realize now that I was so desperate for any type of love and affection that I didn't care how I got it." I moved my hands smoothly, watching as my dad began absorbing what I signed. "After hearing what you said about Regina, and how you are still defending her. It hurts..so I wanted to tell you everything." I went on to explain as my dad hung his head in defeat.

"I have been so blind..I should've seen the signs..no, no more lies..I shouldn't have ignored the signs. I shouldn't have listened to Regina's lies and went with my gut instead." He said a lot more angrily now.

"What they did to you, it wasn't right..and I'm ashamed..I'm ashamed that your own flesh and blood treated you this way. That Cecelia and Katrina were involved too." He added, surprising me by this.

"The fact that you still care for your sister after all of that.. it makes me realize how much we don't deserve you. I'm sorry Gabriella.." My dad apologized again and I just nodded my head once.

"I-I th-think it's b-best we t-t-take some t-time apart." I managed to get out, seeing my dad fill with hurt as he backed away a little, giving me some space.

"I understand.." My dad whispered.

I felt horrible for doing this..and I never thought I would be able to honestly..but I think my dad needed to stay somewhere else for the time being.

"It's okay sweetheart..I know how hard this must've been for you." He added, making those tears start falling once again as I nodded my head and tried so hard to hold it in.

"I-I-I d-do love y-you d-daddy." I added, causing my dad to rush forward and wrap his arms around me as I let out a sob.

"I know Bunny..I know you do...and I love you too..even if I haven't shown it in the best way..I love you more than anything in this world.." He added, making me cry even harder as we both just held onto one another tightly.

"It will be okay..I promise I will make this up to you...I promise I will become worthy of your love..I will become the father you have always needed. I swear bunny with all that I am.." My dad declared as I just nodded and gripped him tighter.

I hope it's true..because honestly, I thought what he was giving me before was enough..but now that I met Jamie, I realize what true love really is..and I think I deserve more from my dad..and I hope he keeps his word. Because I do love him..but now, I don't need him to survive like before..now I am much stronger all because of Jamie Sinclair, the man who saved me.